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#164474 - 11/03/08 09:22 PM Educating about the childless...
Di Offline

Registered: 11/15/05
Posts: 2798
Loc: NM, transplant from NJ
...a continuing journey.

Realizing there are so many new members, I thought I'd "revitalize" this topic.

As one can see in my signature, I am co-founder of an online Support Group for those who are unable to have their own children. You may visit our website for further detailed info!

With holidays coming up, this time of year is very difficult for many of us. With so many events and focus on children, we are left out....of conversations, Christmas pageants watching little "Johnny" be a lamb, creating memories, purchasing gifts for children, grandchildren, sons-and daughters-in-laws etc. Granted, several have step-children, but it is NOT the same.

If, in the event, you meet a stranger and share some conversations, it is inevitable that THE topic will come up..."Do you have any children?" That is a VERY hard question for us to answer. We usually get the third degree.

However, in the event the answer is "I/we are/were unable", PLEASE do not reply with invasive questions as to the whys, what fors, whens, what if, have you thought about etc. The correct answer is "I'm sorry". Period. We already hurt and have already thought of every which way to have our own baby. Even adoption is something very personal. Some are unable to adopt.

Thank you if you have read so far. I feel the Lord has called me to educate about those in my shoes and I am thankful for this BWS website for allowing me to do that!

Edited by Di (11/03/08 09:25 PM)

#164506 - 11/04/08 03:37 AM Re: Educating about the childless... [Re: Di]
Princess Lenora Offline

Registered: 11/11/04
Posts: 3503
Loc: Colorado
Di, I hear the question as "how many children to you have?" not so much "do you have any children." The "how many" wording assumes that one does have children. I also hear "how many grand children?" assuming that by now in middle age one has grand children. Just saying.

#164518 - 11/04/08 10:14 AM Re: Educating about the childless... [Re: Princess Lenora]
Di Offline

Registered: 11/15/05
Posts: 2798
Loc: NM, transplant from NJ
Right, PL. Everyone "assumes" that, because we are women, we are mothers.

We should try to focus on the person themselves. Then allow THEM to bring up a subject such as children. The ancillary interests or characteristics, such as art or crocheting or writing or children/grandchildren, should come after you know someone a bit longer.

#164528 - 11/04/08 03:18 PM Re: Educating about the childless... [Re: Di]
Dotsie Offline

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Di, I have been very aware of this when conversing with the younger generations about having children. I know one woman in particular who really wants to have children but nothing is happening. I wouldn't think of asking or saying anything about them beginning a family.
Founder Emeritus of Boomer Women Speak and the National Association of Baby Boomer Women.

#164554 - 11/04/08 07:45 PM Re: Educating about the childless... [Re: Dotsie]
Di Offline

Registered: 11/15/05
Posts: 2798
Loc: NM, transplant from NJ
Thank you, Dotsie. So many ridiculous "how to's" get spoken and it just digs the knife in deeper.

Another good thing would be to offer a listening ear. NOT advise, unless they ask. But someone who will take the time to listen to our "woes".....especially a so comforting.

Again, it's all about EDUCATION! AWARENESS! One person at a time.

Edited by Di (11/04/08 08:45 PM)

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