How about we share marriage proposal stories? The idea was sparked by the How I met my spouse or SO.

This is very romantic...and corny.

I had my own apartment at the time. I'd worked all day and knew Ross was going to be there making our dinner. After eating, Ross went in the kitchen and then reappeared by my side with a cake. I thought it was kinda cool that he baked me a cake, but I didn't know what was written on it. When he knelt down, the cake said:

Will you please marry me?

Tada. That's my sweet story. Now let's hear yours.

Awww, Dots... did you tear up?

Nothing romantic or exciting with me and mine...
We had been going steady for a little over five years and mutually decided it was time. His older brother had wed a few months prior and their life looked so 'settled,' for the lack of a better word. I think it had always been in my stars to be a wife, even though sometimes [nowadays] I feel I'd like to be free, intermittently anyway. Maybe 'change' is to me, as it is to Kathy... a need being realized.

gims, we also dated for a long time; four years. It had always bee in my stars to be a wife and mother too.

IS there a way to be intermittently free? Maybe a weekend away?

First proposal: On the phone. We "phoned dated" for about 11 days before our first date.

Second proposal: In the tire aisle of Sam's Club! (Ah, each time I go there I walk in that area and smell sweet aromas!! LOL!)

Third, and final proposal was here...at Elephant Butte Dam in NM near where I loved.

On our THIRD date, we got married. First date was Aug 25...married Sept 26, 1996.

This proposal was VERY romantic...he was on bended knee. No engagement ring (just did not need/want one since we both had past marriages and, to me, a "diamond" never made a marriage last longer!), but the events that ensued were so....storybook!!

Di, why the tire aisle? Now that's different.

I like the style of your current hubby best!

I love these charming stories!

don't know, dots, but it sounds good... I don't mean free from being married, but free to roam (as in jump in the car and go somewhere without telling someone where I'm going - a respectful must for married people) when an urge to 'fly' hits....

Gims, I get that urge so often, which is why I relish those little getaways. My hubby and I have always been open about this, and I think he understands my need to have time to go and do what I want.

Now, his proposal - kind of funny. We had been living together for 7 years, and were on a little weekend getaway in Big Bear. I had won it in a contest at work for most ad sales, otherwise we couldn't afford to take trips like that.

We had a nice dinner, then he walked me out onto the pier overlooking the lake in the moonlight. He was really quiet for a bit, and then he looked me in my eyes and asked me to marry him. Well, I'm sorry, but it had been so long of living together that I was shocked, and I laughed and said "Are you kidding?". But he was sincere - and the poor guy never does anything romantic, so I guess I messed it up for him.

We went shopping later for our rings; must have cost about $350 for my set and his band. We're not into diamonds or jewels at all. In fact, I get upset if he spends lots of money on jewelry for me, so he has learned to get me other gifts. Diamonds do NOT make a marriage, as you can see by our 7 years of being together, followed by 25 years of marriage.

Gims, where do you live? We should plan a little girls getaway!

Kathy

Great little story, Dotsie.

In response to gims remarks...sure, one of us just jumps on their bike and the person is gone for the rest of the day. Believe me, you can see alot on bike for 10 hrs. ...and cafe visits on your own for replenishment.

and we don't have cellphones nor do we phone one another during the time apart when this happens. so really, I don't have a clear idea on certain days, where he is in the city nor does he about me. it's no sweat and it really is freedom.

he would be supportive of me if I chose to go off for few days with gals. In fact, I have this feeling, he would support it because he knows it would get me out of hermit-tendencies. Or even cycling by myself. Though he might worry about my less-than-good wayfinding skills...

We got married at sunset in the autumn on a bluff overlooking Lake Tahoe. I could have worn hiking boots. Just me, him, minister. He had tears in his eyes during the ceremony ( not the minister) and when I mentioned it, he said the sun was in his eyes. I did not bring to his attention that the sun was setting behind him! the proposal? He said, "You're right. It's inevitable. We should get married." Not so romantic. Yet it has been 20 years. We decided not to have children (by the time I was emotionally mature enough it was biologically too late) but I am my most content when at home. Gims and me have a hermitage. Which I will inhabit for a while longer whilst I get myself together. See you all later!

Oh!! LOL! You thought that was from THREE husbands?? LOL!

All the same husband!

And the tire aisle......I guess he was just so "in love" he just had to ask me right then and there!!

The first time my hubby asked me to marry him was about 20 hours into our first date. Yup, a 20 hour first date! We met for dinner and had an amazing time, then went to my place...and both decided to call in "sick" to work so we could spend the day together. About 4 in the afternoon we were all snuggled up and out of the blue, he looks at me and says "will you marry me this summer"! I was stunned into silence (something that doesn't happen often I assure you) and then started grilling him on what marriage meant to him, why he wanted to marry so soon, why he meant by "husband", what he expected of a "wife", etc. He said the look on my face was pure inquisitor! I waited a whole 4 days before saying "yes" (yup, I was as smitten as he was!).

Why the inquistor? 'Cuz I had been married twice before and wasn't really sure if I ever wanted the title "wife" again!

A few months later we split up for a while and when we got back together I told him his proposal didn't count...we were starting over and if he still wanted to get married, he could ask again. Within a few weeks he started dropping hints about how much he disliked separating for the week (we only saw each other on the weekend), how he missed me when I was gone, etc. This went on for several weeks until, one weekend, he needed to complete a "who to notify" form for a class he was attending. He put down my name and in the space for "relationship", he put fiancee and then showed it to me. I said, in no uncertain terms, I wasn't his fiancee and he looked at me with this adorable little pleading look. I stuck to my guns and cracked up when he later said "we could always go to the Justice of the Peace" downtown!

Now how romatic is that...grin! I reminded him that this wasn't a proposal. He tried several other sneaky ways to say he wanted to get married...and each time I reminded him that wasn't a proposal. After several tries, he finally got the hint and asked again!

Guess my stubborn was coming out, eh?

Mama, great story. Did you two meet online? If not, how did you meet?

He came to my place of work, from the north of Sweden. I was recently divorced from my husband of 32yrs. He had split up from the mother of his child..about 3 yrs before. He was not married to her. We started messaging on our cell phones about all sorts of silly things and serious things. We both love Metallica. And he could see no reason heavy enough for war...And then about 4 months later..a cold dark January nite..about 8yrs ago..about 2:30 am (we are both night owls)..he suddely wrote: (in Swedish) I think I love you. It caught me totally off guard..and it took me the rest of the nite, before I answered him. The following summer, I found my apartment..had been living in a friend´s son´s apartment..he was a national hockey player..and my partner moved in with me. And here we are..together still..but not married. This is quite normal here in Sweden. I had been married. Done that. Didn´t want to do it again.

Freedom..? The freedom he gives me is total. I can be myself..he loves me for the mistakes I make along the way..because this makes me more human and loveable. He is a man from the north of Sweden..and they keep alot to themselves..or so they say here. I don´t really have to travel to find prime time for myself..it´s totally accepted here at home. If we go for latte at our favorite cafe.he will talk about everything and anything. He is well read and keeps up with current news. We make our latte at home often,too. It´s a process starting with grinding our own coffee beans. And ending with whipping up the special milk for this purpose.

He is endowed with a very positive and balanced outlook on life..so he helps put my 2 feet on the ground when life gets to be too much..and I start loosing it. I have 4 kids in this life (and 1 more in the other)..and 4 grandkids..so there is alot in my life to tip the scales for me now and again.

He is 35 and I am 61..and I have ever experienced the freedom that I know with him and the love..just for being me.

I bless the day he found me. And we live life together one day at a time..well..mostly he does. I am the neurotic in our relationship..but, as I said..that´s ok

It´s been fun remembering..makes me warm all over

PS..and we still message to one another during our day..since then we have both changed jobs..and now we work at different places..he with school children and me, with preschoolers.

I think my husband asked me after two weeks of dating. I told him I hardly know him. He then took me to Yugoslavia for a two week vacation.

Our vacation was as romantic as it gets. Dancing every night by the ocean. candle light dinners, and ancient romantic towns to explore.. We had also met fun couples at the resort, with whom we still are in contact with. They were all single, and they all got married within a few months.

On the last vacation day he asked me again. We were on a boat ride, viewing the choppy water splash against the cliffs.. I was very much in love and I said yes, not knowing I was already pregnant. A month later we got married.

That was 33 years ago.

Oh..I do like this thread! I get "that loving feeling" when I read everyone´s post!

Proposals, hummm? I had three but guess I am waiting for number four to be made. I never say never because one never knows whats around the corner, and I ain't dead yet!

Hi Dotsie

Yes, we actually did meet online (through match.com)...in fact, we had so much fun with the story of how we met that we incorporated a "reinactment" as part of our wedding ceremony.

God knows you ain´t dead yet, lady!!!!

AMEN TO THAT!!!!

I was thinking of joining E-Harmony but have you seen their questionaire? My truthful answers would scare most men away!

Hey Chatty

I'm widya on that one! That site wasn't a particular hit with me when I was dating. I got some of the weirdest "matches" there and several friends had the same experience. However, another friend had some really kewl dates (weird ones too, of course, that is part of the gig!).

I joined E-Harmony for three months several years ago. After filling out their extensive questionnaire, they matched me with men I had nothing in common with and way outside the distance I specified. I found myself wondering why anyone would want to fill out an extensive questionnaire if it did not produce the matches specified. Still don't know, but didn't sign up again after the 3 months. I'm just getting out there and doing the things I love -- hiking, cycling, volunteering -- and if I meet a kindred soul that would be great. If not, I'm having a heck of a time.

That could be AND I've heard of several folks who got the "nobody matches you" gig. Geez, who DO they match? And I, for the first time in my life, chose not to change my requirements or my standards. I either got what I was looking for or kept going on my own way. Boy, was that ever liberating!

Now I have a man I adore and whom I love more than anyone I've known in my life...which is what made the almost breakup so blasted hard to handle! I was frustrated, I'll admit that, and I had NEVER stopped loving him. I'm glad he is here for the moment and will keep on keepin' on!

My dh and I laugh when we see the commercials for eharmony. He'll say "That doesn't work, does it?" That's how we met!

Almost five years ago I signed up for eharmony. I had the same as the OP, no matches. I thought, "Well, that's just great. Even in cyberland there's no one?!" Dh, on the other hand, was receiving matches from hundreds of miles away (he had specified a 50 mile radius)with absolutely nothing in common.

So, New Years Eve of 2003 I'm home alone watching chick flick videos (Harry Met Sally, of course) and I get this match email. Wryly thinking, "NOW? Why couldn't this of come before so I could be on a date New Year's Eve?!" The rest is history: after email, phone, meeting in January, got married in June 2004.

It certainly doesn't work for everyone. I have several friends of varying ages that have tried eharmony and have had no luck.

Before I met dh, I also tried match.com. It can be fun if you play it very safe and weed the wackos out early on! One thing I remember about match.com was all the men my age looking for women half their age!

They can look but they can't find!!! Dream on old farts!

Joan, we have several other women here who met their hubbies online. Glad to hear it worked for you.

Anne, if I was single, I think I'd prefer meeting someone through a friend too. And that comes from a gal who's met several women online, and then in person. I even had one women I met online, come stay at our home. Do you know who that was? It was Georgia/The Queen.

I know why men want women half their own age, yet why do young women want men their father's age?

I think they want a daddy to take care of them?

too funny! Got that right!

I answered this post in length yesterday and somehow erased it and was so ticked off, I just moved on. Okay here I go again.

Dotsie, I have to disagree completely with the needing a daddy answer you gave. My first husband was three years older than me, and it was great, except I always felt like I had to almost mother him. I was older mentally and emotionally than he was and it showed.

After he passed a couple years later, I met and married a man nineteen years older than me.

I already had a daddy who loved me, and certainly didn't think in any way, shape, or form, of Chet as a daddy.

OH MY GOD! I lusted after this man in everyway, everyday. He was handsome, smart, accomplished, sexy, tough, fun, and we were inseperable for fourteen years. I was crazy about him and he me. He took care of me for a change, he took care of everything. With dear husband number one, I had to do it all or call my dad and he'd take care of whatever it was. But with Chet, either he took care of it or hired someone to do it without ever bothering me at all. I was his Princess and walloowed in that happily.

Being with an older man is definitely different in some ways than with a young man and to me it is all positive. If I had it to do over again I'd pick an older man every time. And not as my DADDY either!!!!! I suppose it is if you haven't tried it, don't knock it!

thats a good explinasion chattie. I gess it will work if you pick the right type of man but some never grow up (second hand experinses of course)

chatty, glad to hear your thoughts on older men. I was thinking of a few people I know who have gone for older men, and they were very needy. I love your description of your relationship with Chet. He must have been a real winner.

He was a gentleman in every way, everyday! I miss Ed my first husband sometimes too, BUT Chet was my true love, my soulmate, the one I still cry for many more nights than I care to admit.
He is always somewhere in my mind.

Dotsie, he was so young at heart, playful and full of life and had such hopes and dreams for our future. I never felt so loved and cherished ever by anyone.

The age difference when you love a man much older than you is something that has no meaning to you, no place in the relationship, it is about as important as a freeckle on his nose, get it? It is NOT a factor when one loves and marries for the right reasons.

As far as your friends are concerned, each man and woman is different, as is each relationship. I can speak only of the one I enjoyed for fourteen years.

I like younger guys. But, hey, that's just me. The important
thing is that you're happy. A person's age, looks, abilities or
disabilities fade, when you really love them. I guess the ole
saying, "love is blind," must be true to a certain extent.

Well I had both, the young one first, my age and then the older man later on, 19 years my senior and I said it before and will say it again, the older man is and was my true soul mate.

Now understand he was 44 and I was 26, so he wasn't exactly ancient or over the hill by any means. And my eyesight is as good or better than anyones here.

Chatty,
There are some good looking older men out there. All I'm saying
is each to their own.

Anne327,
Stay away from jerks: Nice guys like to read!

What about joining a book club, Anne?

Anne, you got to hang out at golf clubs. Just stop at the bar, juggle a couple of golf balls, and presto;...a bunch of divorced guys will offer you a drink....(at least I hope they are divorced.)

Good grief hun....then I'm surprised you've found time at all to date. Have you ever thought about getting a pen pal from another country? Just a thought. And not to "date" in that sense, but to have as a friend...and who knows what could come from that? Just a thought and not trying to get into your personal life, but I always think of you when I read something or see an article I think you might like to read.

The NABBW is having a great teleseminar in February on finding your true love. Are you a member? If so, you could listen in on that!

Sounds omninus to me Anne, but I will say this only once and can hardly believe it is coming from my man hating mouth, BUT you can't or at least shouldn't lump all men together because so many are rotten. There is a good one in the pile somewhere but they are harder to find than a 'eat all and whatever you want diet' that really works...

Anne, sorry to hear something's happened that caused you to throw in the towel.

What do you enjoy doing? Is it possible you could join a group of others who have the same interests, then maybe meet soemone new and interesting?

Ouch, Anne, it sounds like you've been hurt or betrayed in some way. Invading privacy, hmm, that is betrayal. I'm sorry to hear this.

Chatty, I thought about your posts while I was walking today. Specifically, about the age differences in dating/marriage. I am sorry that you have endured multiple losses. It seems, though, that you also celebrate the good years. The movie "Benjamin Button" causes the viewer to think about age differences in relationships. There are soul mates on every age level, some younger, some older, some fated to be together for a life-time, some passing through to make a difference to each other in a moment in time. And, soul mate does not necessarily mean "lovers" in our romantic sense of the word. While it's true that I married an older man (chronologically speaking, otherwise he had the intelligence of a gnat, and so did I at the time) I don't think every age difference relationship is about neurotic needs. Just a note...

Sometimes Anne and everyone, being the nice girl, giving of yourself anf trying not to be hateful comes back and bites us right in the behind.

I have painted myself into one hell of a mess regarding my ex. Trying to be kind and Christian, I allowed him back into my home for a time, when he was ill. Since then he has lost yet another good job and is not only under foot constantly but he is doing it on my dime. He is on a meager unemployment for now and able to contribute, but I am in fear of when that isn't viable anymore and he has nothing to contribute.

I am on my last nerve. I have never been so mad at myself for being stupid. I feel like I adopted, instead of married this loser...I confess at being one of those foolish women who didn't learn from my previous experience.

Chatty: Do you think he will leave if you ask him if time arises that he can no longer contribute to the household financially?

Anne thats the truth! Orchid, it is a discussion I am blue in the face having with him, and his answer is always the same: "But where can I go with no money and without a job who would rent me a place anyway?" I'm praying he finds work before his unemployment runs out.

I have to admit he is correct in his assumption that no one will rent to him without a job even if he had money. He has no family left, all dead. He apparently has no friends either.

I stupidly, insanely, did a good deed taking him in when he needed help so badly and unfortunately now I seem to be stuck with him here.

It does not make for a comfortable or nonstressful situation. I am on edge every second he is around.

I could use some prayers ladies that this loser finds a job, and soon. Geesh!!!

OK, so maybe this sounds cold...and since when did his inability become your problem Ms Amazing Chatty?

I don't mean to sound hateful or cold AND he is not your responsibility. HE is his responsibility.

I am all for caring and generosity AND I believe there is a balance that must be struck between tearing oneself to shreds for the sake of another and insisting on the other person standing responsible for themselves.

If he were your partner, husband, child or some other such relationship...or even a friend whom you chose to help...I would think differently.

Chatty...I know you have a big heart...we've all been the recipient of it and are so lucky to have you in our lives...and I hope that you know we love you, too, and in doing so I feel the need now to hyperally kick your bootie!!!

Have you lost your mind? This man knew he could play you and knew how from years of being married to you. He knew you'd cave in and you did. I'd be willing to bet that you put up with his unreasonable behavior and excuses for a very long time before you got the courage to change things. So, why, now...would you want to go back to that? Chatty...read what I'm about to type several times...

NO ONE CAN TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU WITHOUT YOUR PERMISSION
NO ONE CAN TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU WITHOUT YOUR PERMISSION
NO ONE CAN TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU WITHOUT YOUR PERMISSION
(REPEAT IT OVER UNTIL THIS SINKS IN).

Now, go bang your head against the wall until the crap that this man continues to feed you falls out.

When you come to your senses...throw his stuff out on the curb, close the door and don't look back.

YOU are not his problem.
YOU did not cause this.
YOU did not deserve this.
YOU are not responsible for 'raising' your ex.
YOU hopefully will stop being an enabler for this man to continue using you as a crutch for his doing nothing.

Okay...I'm pretty certain you're not going to speak to me for quite some time (if ever) but geez lueez, woman!!!! Wake up!!! I care so much about you and have read how you've come through so much in your life...to hear now that you're jumpy every second in YOUR OWN HOME...what's wrong with this picture? Your EX is there....that's what's wrong. Boot his butt out and let him figure it out...that's what being an adult means. What...he expect you to come up with all the answers? You're not his mama...you're not even his wife...you're CHATTY!!! A woman with a backbone, not a doormat...don't be this man's doorman again...he knew you would be and expected it and yep...there you are...Chatty Chatty CHATTY!!!!

Now...IF you're not too mad at me, then close your eyes...put your arms around yourself, hug really hard and know that's from me...someone who cares a lot about you and who doesn't want to see you do this to yourself. Again...no one can take advantage of you without your permission...stop giving him permission and he'll go away and find someone else to feel guilty about his situation.

Go Dee...you wrote what I was too chicken to write!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chatty...know we're doing this because we da*** well don't like seeing you taken advantage of!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mama Red...chatty knows I love her...and that I speak from my heart...and size 7 1/2 foot. I would expect her to do the same for me, too.

That is what I meant...if I didn't make that clear!

On the other hand, whatch ya gonna do? Put the guy on the street?

I can understand Chatty's dilemma. I don't think I could bring myself to do that either. I would need Dee and Mamared to give me a shove as well...but I don't think I would be able to live with myself. I would do everything possible to help him get a new job, and I would help him find a new place. But I couldn't just shove him out the door. So Chatty, - do whatever you feel comfortable with, and help him to help himself.
It's hard to be a softy. I know.

You ladies, Dee, MamaRed, have said to me here the exact same thing I have said to myself over and over again while banging my head against the wall. I love you ladies and the honesty you always speak with. I could never get mad at any of you for telling me the truth, not ever!

I would be saying the same exact words to any other woman who had put herself in the mess I have put myself in. Nothing would give me greater pleasure than seeing the back of his balding head leaving my home forever. Once this mess has ended, he will never darken my door again, even if he is standing there holding a limb that has been severed in his hands. That sounds cruel and it would be but there comes a time when we must think of ourselves.

I ordered NutriSystem again for diabetics, and that will be the only food I am allowed to eat. I will not be shopping at the store for food, or cooking, so he is going to be on his own as far as eating goes and I told him he can't use my washer/dryer anymore because it needs to be repaired.

My mother, bless her heart, said to me last week, "no one would want to leave your home, delicious meals furnished and laundry service. Think girl, make it so he can't wait to get away from you."

Yep Edelweiss it is hard (and dumb) to be a softy.

Chatty...thanks for not being mad...Edelweiss...I guess I don't have an ex-husband that I'd care enough about to allow back in my house for any reason...

I know it's not that easy...throwing the guy out...but, one has to wonder his motives for coming back to you, Chatty...he knows you'll take care of him despite everything?

It's not dumb to be soft...it's what keeps us human...I think I've been hit so hard so many times that I don't have the compassion that you and Edelweiss have...I guess it would depend on the guy and the circumstance.

You'll do what you need to do when you need to do it. That's all that matters.

Hang in there girlfriend.

Hugs hugs hugs

Chatty...I know it is ever so easy to be on the outside looking in and saying "do this or do that". It is ALWAYS that way, eh? (Grin).

Regardless of your choice, you are loved, you are loving and you are lovable...and that is what counts.

There is a difference between soft and being walked on or taken advantage of, that's for sure. And no, it isn't "dumb" to be a softy! Far from it.

When I hear how this person has taken advantage of you and brought you to the point where you are with regards to other men, my heart hurts, literally!

As Dee says, you'll do what you need to do when you need to and we are here!

Oh Chatty, what do you think about a do or die ultimatum? Such as, I want you out of my house by 2/14/09. He'll say, but what if I don't have a job? And you say, I want you out of my house by 2/14/09. He'll say, but what if I don't have an apartment? And you say, I want you out of my house by 2/14/09. Of course, you know you have to be prepared to make it so. In the meantime, you will be making your list of what YOU need to do for YOU to get him out of your house. I would not want to assist him in finding a job and a place to live. He is a grown-up, right? Chatty, you have new adventures awaiting you, and I pray that no one can stand in the way of your rightful destiny. Hey, here's an affirmation: "I release (name of loser) to his destiny. I am now able to claim and complete my own." Works wonders, really.

Go Princess Lenora! One of the things pointed out to me is that when I carry others, they can't learn how to do for themselves and I am cheating them out of the lessons they need to learn (now whether they *want* to learn them is another thing altogether!).

Anne, sorry to hear about this boundary issue. You know, it sounds serious... reading between the lines... that this guy is immature and selfish. The last place I would go for meet and greet is a bar. Which I frequented frequently in my lost youth. I guess I learned something while getting intoxicated... that is not the place. You sound like you have a lot of integrity. You should be met by such integrity, and nothing less will do. PL

Chatty,
I have an ex husband. I can't stand the sight of him. You are too good hearted girl. Think of yourself first. Take care of yourself, first. If you don't watch out for you, nobody else will. You're kind and helpful. And you should be proud of your Christianity. But Dee is right; as I read her posts I heared your words saying the same thing to someone else. Chatty, if ex won't leave via verbal request, legally evict him. Ask yourself if he would've done for you, what did for him???? I doubt it. Guys, I know, generally are narrow minded: They think only of their own comforts. As long as they're happy, nothing and no one else matters.

Anne you can find an occasional, nice man out there. But I don't think they hang out in bars. What about area country clubs or charities or volunteer community organizations, such as the firehall or wherever they feed the homeless? I don't know. My adoptive dad was good man. My 2nd husband is a good man;
neither boozed it up or chased women or abused anybody!

help, my post is multiplying itself

Of course if the X is someone hatefull, then eeeee....don't let him in! But I know more peacefull divorced couples then the other way around. My brother and his x wife, get along better now, then when they were married. So, it's all about the relationship. An X doesn't have to be a number one enemy.

Princess made some excellent suggestions. Yes, giving him a moving date is good.

Okey,...I'm going to start a list on how to gross your x...to MOVE out!

1. Spread itching powder in his bed...(hee hee hee)
Any other suggestions?

what the heck is going on?

does he like dogs? if not, let them sleep in his room .

can your church assist? i.e., resources for another home? if he collects unemployment, perhaps he could room with another and sign a contract for rent/utilities?

chatty, although your decision, wish you could rid yourself from this person forever.

Chatty,
Is this person gone? I hope so. The curb is where he belongs.

Dancer

Chatty -- how but getting him into the "system" like a temporary homeless shelter? Contact a social work agency?
Just me being my practical self.

i was just thinking the same, i know the benifits systems are diffrent in uk and usa but still their are homless shelters everyweer and since they are so uncomphortable (heer anyway, hay it got that good for me and L twice) that it sure as hell help move him on. Id may have advised someone to get them to move on before as we all know the answeres looking at someone elses circumstanses. Id never have put some one out on street but i would now, or at lest iv finalie learned not to let them in in the first place.

i feel reallie torn for you chattie and what a delema, as he is their now perhapps all round easier not to have let him in but their now. I get suckered just the same way, time and time and time again and still i wondered when i would learn. I also hear ya when you say your trying to do the good loving christion thingie, i make same mistake onlie its the good loving spiritual thingie. either way it can hurt and i know what its like to over worrie for someone just i could't relive some people of their responcibilitie for themselfs anymore but hay looks like i doing it. A couple weeks before christmass i heared of an imposible circumstanses then was approched to solve it and i took all my guts in hand and said said NO! can;t help you heer, end of storie. Otherwise id be in same circumstanse your in now.

i am not sure what talkings left to be done for you and im just chipping in my two pence worth and emphasing with ya as i currentlie skirting around the same delema and it aint prettie. So my harts hurting for you and for me.

I also think i know you enough to imagine how hard it was to wright and show yourself in this way as you always are a coper and a doer, thats why people like this come running to people like us (and the rest of you reading this, weer it applies lol)

I did read in one of your last posts that you was asking for preyers and overand above chatting then thats about all that can be done for you from this far away, so take it as given and preyers are on their way. I hope a solusion presents itself soon, take care and gods love to you.

These are all good thoughts. Maybe the best way to assist him is to help him get assistance. It sounds like he should be able to do so.

chatty, is there any part of you that likes the company? Just wondering because I know you're a people person. Is there anything you can muster up that makes it okay in your mind for him to be there? If so, it might make you feel a little lighter and better to focus on that while he's there.

It's a new year. Maybe you can use that as an excuse for making changes...

Well Dotsie a part of me likes his company and his being here about as much as I would like an eight pound ugly tumor growing in the middle of my forehead. I think I had to do so much understsanding and accepting his excuses for literally every lie he told me and things he did that my acceptance is so all gone it isn't even an option.

I will take all your suggestions to heart and this subject will ot be brought up again by me anyway, until there has been a resolution one way or another. Not now but in the past we've had some women state a problem and get good advice and then state the same problem over and ovewr again until we were sick to death of them and their problems. You long time posters probably remember some of them. I will 'NOT' become one of them and will go with the flow until I can change it. I appreciate all of your suggestions.

One of you, or two, asked me why I ever took him in again to begin with. Well one morning a cab pulled up and he got out, the cab driver helped him to my porch. He had almost his entire face bandaged. He had had a mini stroke behind one eye. It was full of blood to the extent the eyeball couldn't even be seen plus there was a lot of blood in the other eye. He couldn't see, he couldn't drive, couldn't do hardly anything for himself but the VA (their all heart) sent him away because they were space limited. He was very dissoriented and begged me to allow him to stay. He was so pitiful looking, like a dog having been thrown from a moving car so I did.

Then when he went back to work weeks later, he found out he had been downsized along with 14 other people.

And so the saga, "as the stomach turns," continues...

Oh! Well, good luck in whatever you decide to do! We're all with
you, behind you, and praying for you! Blessings,

Chatty...you're not a whiner..and so what if you were? This is the place to unload our troubles, frustrations and vent. So, if you need to come back everyday to vent, then do so. It's easy for us to give advice...we're on the outside looking in...but, when you're in the middle of a dilema, it's different.
You will do what you need to do when you need to do it. I'm sending my angle hugs your way...

Hang in there...

Personally, I love to come in here and vent. We all need a
release! And here, everybody understands and most likely feels
the same as you're feeling at any given moment! Vent! Go ahead and vent! It's good for the soul!!!!

I don't think i ever heard you whing or whine. quite the opposite in your case maybee a bit more talking would't be a bad thing if you can and not feel too vulrible. I bet it be nice to let some of the women you support through their difficult times get a chance to give you some support now.

the picture you described of him in that state its more than easie to see why you did let him in, as you say the change in his employment statise is something neither of you bargend for and perhapps he'd be gone by now if it haden't changed. Too bad it did and your in this delema now.

if you don't bring this up untill its resolved then i will respect that but i do hope you don't hold back when you need a chat becouse ya think people will think xy or z of you.

anyway preyars still on the agenda and i am whishing ya well coping untill it gets resolved.

Chatty,
You've been so supportive to all of us. Your heart is a big as
the Grand Canyon; we know that. You've been so kind and sweet.
I pray for your happiness and blessings; and may goodness and
mercy follow you forever and ever.

Thanks ladies, your words have been heard by me and are engrained in my heart.

Today he was up early and out pounding the pavement which he promises to do until he lands another job and can vacate the premises. He has been extremely pleasant and giving me my space. He said last night, "that an old dog can learn new tricks and the proper behavior when all he gets is that kind of example from the person he lives with."

I can see he is really grateful that I took him in and cared for him when there was no one else who would. At least he's trying, thats something.

Besides his losing his job unexpectedly, the economy and many other jobs went into the toilet all at the same time. It's going to be hard for him to find something local and so I have to be patient.

I've spoken to God in prayer but can't help but wonder if God doesn't have a purpose for one of us with the situation being the way it is.

Thanks again for your kindness and support.

Oh and Anne, no poison oak but plenty of poison Oleander bushes. Did you see the movie with Michelle Pfiffer, White Oleander?

Chatty, you have such a good heart. Taking in homeless animals and homeless x husbands. This is all in your nature. I saw this cartoon, and thought of you, my dear friend.




I'm sure it helps to hear your x expressing his gratitude and not taking your generosity for granted. And as you say,...who knows what this is good for. Maybe someday he will be there for you too.

What an adorable cartoon and yep thats me alright.

Now BITE YOUR TONGUE Edelweiss, I would rather be in the care of a couple of chimps than this ridiculously stupid man, or dead, either would be better than being in his care - (less.)

Well today the going out everyday to find a job ended. It seems Thursday is not a good day to job hunt. And of course I suppose Friday, Saturday and Sunday are the weekend, so of course there no good either... Are we getting the picture here?

Chatty, I was just taking you up on your cue about God and purpose and such…
But I get the picture; - nuff is nuff… oh brother.

Folks keep tellin' me, "God must have some greater good in mind."
While truckin' through difficult times, it's hard to see what
God is up to. So we hang in there and keep hopin'! Hang in!
Hang on! Chatty, dear.

you must be a bit disaponted with his short work finding week, i know i would be.

I do hope something good transpires in the end for you. I could't think or say what it might be but i know youv a big trust in god.

heers hoping its soon.

chatty, I know I don't have to tell you this, but this is such a tough time to find employment. I know many people looking right now and not much is going on. I heard on the news the other day that when you're job hunting you should get up at the same time you would arise for work, and begin the day with searching. They also shared that most jobs are found online these days and not by hitting the sidewalk or newspapers. Maybe he could get on monster.com or soemthing, but then, I'm guessing he'd have to use your ocmputer. Am I right?

Keep the faith.

Yep, probably would like to use my computer, but that is NOT an option. He is like a bull in a china shop and destroys nearly anything he touches. Mr. Fix It he ain't!!!

I decided to not worry about his finding a job, I will. Something extra online for around a hundred bucks a week should do nicely.

Once my editing picks up again, that and my SS will be plenty and his days will be numbered. I told him that last night and aslo to go down to the market and pick out a shopping cart because that will be his new home soon unless he is employed doing something/anything before his unemployment runs out. Sounds harsh I know, and was hard to say but its the only way I seem to be able to motivate his lazy butt.

Some folks don't like to work; they'd rather hang around the house and live off somebody else. JJ likes the men who've moved
onto the next life. She might have somethin' there!

its tough that your taking on another job when we all know it should be him.

i am a little bit confused as to why you to take onanother job or has he draned you financialie?

I see things haven't changed since this started...don't know what to tell you, girlfriend. It's hard to believe he doesn't have any friends that he can turn to besides you...is there no one?

He has several friends, ones married and the other is single but he isn't offering anything.

I won't be taking on an extra job, just picked up two new edits that will keep me busy for awhile.

I am just ignoring him for now. I go along for a long time Dee, before I have suddenly had enough. Thats when the worm turns and this nice, pleasant, helpful lady turns into the bitch from hell. Thats when he will leave my home forever. I'm not quite there yet but the fires are beginning to smolder within.

Oh and Celtic, he ruined my credit and ran me out of money when we were married, thats one of the reasons I divorced him in 2001. He didn't work for the first three years we were together. I paid the freight for everything. Dumb, yep it was dumb. I mentioned having a total breakdown after my sister died suddenly and I meant it, or that scumbag would have never gotten past my radar.

typicalie its people like that that dose get under our radars when we are vulrible.

my owen credit ratting could have been battered if id let certine things slide with partners over the years but i am stuborn and have fought too hard to keep one up open as i know i need finance from time to time. others don't seem to care especiallie if its them thats not taking the fall for it. Its something i see as a lack of honer on their part lol but not to manie care about their honer, integritie or dignitie. their owen let alone anyone elses.

you smolder away i sure you know when the time is right to set fire.

Hey Chatty...I was just wondering how things are going with you? You're still in my thoughts and prayers despite my being away and busy elsewhere. Take care dear one.

Hi Chatty, me too, what Dee said.