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#169780 - 01/02/09 09:40 PM Re: Marriage differences... [Re: Dee]
Mama Red Offline


Registered: 08/12/08
Posts: 676
Loc: Wauconda, IL
That is what I meant...if I didn't make that clear!
_________________________
Love and light, hugs and blessings

MamaRed (Jerilynne)
www.mamaredspeaks.com
www.onemillionacts.com
Coming Summer 2009 "Kick-Butt Kindness: 52 No Cost Ways to Ripple Kindness 'Round the World"

Let's create Kick-Butt-and-Take-Names Lives!

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#169784 - 01/02/09 09:51 PM Re: Marriage differences... [Re: Mama Red]
Edelweiss3 Offline


Registered: 11/19/08
Posts: 1758
Loc: American living in Germany
On the other hand, whatch ya gonna do? Put the guy on the street?

I can understand Chatty's dilemma. I don't think I could bring myself to do that either. I would need Dee and Mamared to give me a shove as well...but I don't think I would be able to live with myself. I would do everything possible to help him get a new job, and I would help him find a new place. But I couldn't just shove him out the door. So Chatty, - do whatever you feel comfortable with, and help him to help himself.
It's hard to be a softy. I know.
_________________________
As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.
Goethe

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#169795 - 01/02/09 10:43 PM Re: Marriage differences... [Re: Edelweiss3]
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
You ladies, Dee, MamaRed, have said to me here the exact same thing I have said to myself over and over again while banging my head against the wall. I love you ladies and the honesty you always speak with. I could never get mad at any of you for telling me the truth, not ever!

I would be saying the same exact words to any other woman who had put herself in the mess I have put myself in. Nothing would give me greater pleasure than seeing the back of his balding head leaving my home forever. Once this mess has ended, he will never darken my door again, even if he is standing there holding a limb that has been severed in his hands. That sounds cruel and it would be but there comes a time when we must think of ourselves.

I ordered NutriSystem again for diabetics, and that will be the only food I am allowed to eat. I will not be shopping at the store for food, or cooking, so he is going to be on his own as far as eating goes and I told him he can't use my washer/dryer anymore because it needs to be repaired.

My mother, bless her heart, said to me last week, "no one would want to leave your home, delicious meals furnished and laundry service. Think girl, make it so he can't wait to get away from you."

Yep Edelweiss it is hard (and dumb) to be a softy.
_________________________
Take a peek at my BLOG:

http://charleen-micheles.blogspot.com/


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#169806 - 01/02/09 11:19 PM Re: Marriage differences... [Re: chatty lady]
Dee Offline
Member

Registered: 06/27/05
Posts: 2561
Loc: Alabama
Chatty...thanks for not being mad...Edelweiss...I guess I don't have an ex-husband that I'd care enough about to allow back in my house for any reason... smile

I know it's not that easy...throwing the guy out...but, one has to wonder his motives for coming back to you, Chatty...he knows you'll take care of him despite everything?

It's not dumb to be soft...it's what keeps us human...I think I've been hit so hard so many times that I don't have the compassion that you and Edelweiss have...I guess it would depend on the guy and the circumstance.

You'll do what you need to do when you need to do it. That's all that matters.

Hang in there girlfriend.

Hugs hugs hugs
_________________________
Dee
"They will be able to say that she stood in the storm and when the wind did not blow her away....and surely it has not.....she adjusted her sails" - Elizabeth Edwards

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#169811 - 01/02/09 11:29 PM Re: Marriage differences... [Re: Dee]
Mama Red Offline


Registered: 08/12/08
Posts: 676
Loc: Wauconda, IL
Chatty...I know it is ever so easy to be on the outside looking in and saying "do this or do that". It is ALWAYS that way, eh? (Grin).

Regardless of your choice, you are loved, you are loving and you are lovable...and that is what counts.

There is a difference between soft and being walked on or taken advantage of, that's for sure. And no, it isn't "dumb" to be a softy! Far from it.

When I hear how this person has taken advantage of you and brought you to the point where you are with regards to other men, my heart hurts, literally!

As Dee says, you'll do what you need to do when you need to and we are here!
_________________________
Love and light, hugs and blessings

MamaRed (Jerilynne)
www.mamaredspeaks.com
www.onemillionacts.com
Coming Summer 2009 "Kick-Butt Kindness: 52 No Cost Ways to Ripple Kindness 'Round the World"

Let's create Kick-Butt-and-Take-Names Lives!

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#169829 - 01/03/09 01:09 AM Re: Marriage differences... [Re: Mama Red]
Happy Birthday Princess Lenora Offline
Member

Registered: 11/11/04
Posts: 3503
Loc: Colorado
Oh Chatty, what do you think about a do or die ultimatum? Such as, I want you out of my house by 2/14/09. He'll say, but what if I don't have a job? And you say, I want you out of my house by 2/14/09. He'll say, but what if I don't have an apartment? And you say, I want you out of my house by 2/14/09. Of course, you know you have to be prepared to make it so. In the meantime, you will be making your list of what YOU need to do for YOU to get him out of your house. I would not want to assist him in finding a job and a place to live. He is a grown-up, right? Chatty, you have new adventures awaiting you, and I pray that no one can stand in the way of your rightful destiny. Hey, here's an affirmation: "I release (name of loser) to his destiny. I am now able to claim and complete my own." Works wonders, really.

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#169830 - 01/03/09 01:13 AM Re: Marriage differences... [Re: Princess Lenora]
Mama Red Offline


Registered: 08/12/08
Posts: 676
Loc: Wauconda, IL
Go Princess Lenora! One of the things pointed out to me is that when I carry others, they can't learn how to do for themselves and I am cheating them out of the lessons they need to learn (now whether they *want* to learn them is another thing altogether!).
_________________________
Love and light, hugs and blessings

MamaRed (Jerilynne)
www.mamaredspeaks.com
www.onemillionacts.com
Coming Summer 2009 "Kick-Butt Kindness: 52 No Cost Ways to Ripple Kindness 'Round the World"

Let's create Kick-Butt-and-Take-Names Lives!

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#169831 - 01/03/09 01:16 AM Re: Marriage differences... [Re: ]
Happy Birthday Princess Lenora Offline
Member

Registered: 11/11/04
Posts: 3503
Loc: Colorado
Anne, sorry to hear about this boundary issue. You know, it sounds serious... reading between the lines... that this guy is immature and selfish. The last place I would go for meet and greet is a bar. Which I frequented frequently in my lost youth. I guess I learned something while getting intoxicated... that is not the place. You sound like you have a lot of integrity. You should be met by such integrity, and nothing less will do. PL

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#169990 - 01/04/09 03:10 PM Re: Marriage differences... [Re: Princess Lenora]
jabber Offline
Member

Registered: 02/17/05
Posts: 10032
Loc: New York State
Chatty,
I have an ex husband. I can't stand the sight of him. You are too good hearted girl. Think of yourself first. Take care of yourself, first. If you don't watch out for you, nobody else will. You're kind and helpful. And you should be proud of your Christianity. But Dee is right; as I read her posts I heared your words saying the same thing to someone else. Chatty, if ex won't leave via verbal request, legally evict him. Ask yourself if he would've done for you, what did for him???? I doubt it. Guys, I know, generally are narrow minded: They think only of their own comforts. As long as they're happy, nothing and no one else matters.

Anne you can find an occasional, nice man out there. But I don't think they hang out in bars. What about area country clubs or charities or volunteer community organizations, such as the firehall or wherever they feed the homeless? I don't know. My adoptive dad was good man. My 2nd husband is a good man;
neither boozed it up or chased women or abused anybody!

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#170011 - 01/04/09 04:07 PM Re: Marriage differences... [Re: jabber]
Edelweiss3 Offline


Registered: 11/19/08
Posts: 1758
Loc: American living in Germany
help, my post is multiplying itself sick


Edited by Edelweiss3 (01/04/09 04:15 PM)
_________________________
As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.
Goethe

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