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#15735 - 06/15/06 12:05 AM Too young
mrs_madness Offline
Member

Registered: 09/29/05
Posts: 217
Loc: Moscow
Tomorrow I have to go to the funeral of my coworker. He died suddenly at the age of 25 leaving behind a young wife and a 4 month old baby son. It's been devastating.I'm just in shock.

I don't know how to survive this. I only have visions of seeing this young woman and her child knowing that there will never be a father to watch the child take his first steps, no father to hold him high on his strong shoulders on a trip to the zoo, no husband to comfort her in lonliness and kiss away her tears, no hugs,no comforting partner and husband and father.....

How do I look at this woman and know that this emptiness will be her companion? That the father of her child is gone for good and gone forever? That her partner for life has just left her with a small baby and no comfort....?

I'm heartbroken. I don't know how to face this and I've got 12 hours to figure some way to keep myself from falling apart in the middle of things and coming undone. How do I look at this woman and know her coming sadness and permant grief, and yet not come unglued myself? I've never faced this before, I don't know what to do. How shall I remain calm and collected? Somebody tell me what to do......

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#15736 - 06/15/06 01:18 AM Re: Too young
Dancing Dolphin Offline
Member

Registered: 03/06/06
Posts: 2529
Loc: Southern California
It's not a bad thing to show your grief; the feelings are there and if you try to hold them in it will just get worse.

I'm not sure how well you know this woman outside of the co-worker connection; does she have a good support system? Does she need assistance with child care, meals, funeral expenses, transportation?

I always feel better if there's some concrete way I can help. If you wait to be asked, you may not be. Just think of what you would want people to do if you were in their position and then just do it.

Remember that this type of situation happens to thousands of people all over the world every day - people learn to adjust, to grieve, to move on and continue their lives. Offering any support you can will help.

Kathy

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#15737 - 06/16/06 04:28 AM Re: Too young
lionspaaw Offline
Member

Registered: 11/28/02
Posts: 887
Loc: SW Florida
Mrs M --

How did it go today ?

Funerals are for saying goodby's and getting the support of others feeling the same way --

Remember this lady in the months to come -- when everyone has gone on with their lives -- say a kind word -- ask her if she needs to talk -- maybe give her something special she can share with her kids -- its in the months to come that the shock will wear off and she will need someone to lean on now and then -- Kathy's right -- she's not the only one this has happened to -- it will just feel that way to her for awhile

Check into support groups in your area and give her the names/address/phone number -- not just the suggestion to find one -- maybe offer to watch the kids that night so she can go and freely express herself without worrying about the kids seeing her cry

And tell her about this forum -- especially the thread just for widows --

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#15738 - 06/16/06 04:40 AM Re: Too young
Bluebird Offline
Member

Registered: 09/20/05
Posts: 2560
Loc: Pagosa Springs, Colorado
Mrs. M, I am so sorry about this tragedy. (HUGS)
Kathy and lionspaaw said it all so beautifully.
If the woman has a faith that she practices, remind her to draw from that.
She will get through this, especially since she has a child to care for. That will help her, knowing someone else needs her.

[ June 15, 2006, 09:42 PM: Message edited by: Bluebird ]

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#15739 - 06/16/06 04:43 AM Re: Too young
Bluebird Offline
Member

Registered: 09/20/05
Posts: 2560
Loc: Pagosa Springs, Colorado
One more thing - I don't know what your faith is, but the Bible says that God is the Father of the fatherless. I find that comforting, I hope you will, too.

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#15740 - 06/16/06 07:54 AM Re: Too young
smilinize Offline
Member

Registered: 11/08/03
Posts: 3512
Loc: outer space
Mrs. Madness
Here's what I do when an acquaintnce dies.

I immediately get a huge roast out of the freezer of go buy one. Then I put it in the oven with carrots, onions, potatoes and cabbage all in a huge correl roaster. I clean house and talk on the phone while it cooks or sometimes I go buy something new to wear to the funeral.

When it's finished, I make a simple desert, a salad, some biscuits and gravy. I put it all in a big basket with some pretty napkins, etc. and I take it to the family's home.

People almost always have company coming in and they love the comfort food. They eat it hot then for sandwiches if there are any leftovers.

It helps me and it seems to help those mourning also. I learned it from my Mom.

smile

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#15741 - 06/16/06 08:10 AM Re: Too young
jawjaw Offline
Da Queen

Registered: 07/02/03
Posts: 12025
Loc: Alabama
Great advice SMILES...we do the same down here in the South. It usually continues for a few weeks, too. The last thing the family needs to have to concentrate on is cooking.

The other comments are on the mark. I hope they helped you, help this young woman. Putting yourself in her place and thinking to yourself, "what would I need? What would I want to hear?" may help.

JJ

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