Granted, my past WAS wonderful. Well,most of it. Again, I just think I have so much time to think.....not ever having to help kids grow up, get homework done, go to sports games, recitals, plays, teacher's conferences, showers, weddings, baby showers etc..that I think TOO much about it.

But thankfully, self-actualizing (as a friend calls it) has come upon me with my business. I LOVE to talk AND talking about what I love to do gets me more sales! :wink:

Di,

I can relate. I had the child and lost her. I have way too much time to think of it.....And with her, I didn't have the sports games, recitals and such. No proms, weddings, baby showers........these things were almost too much for me to bear. It hurts today.

But what are we to do? We HAVE to make a decision. And the decision is : shall we mourne over what was not, or what we have? I have something. I have things. I have my son, whom I am SO grateful for, but he is involved in living his own blessed life, and I must continue to live mine as was intended. I cannot imagine living my life without my child, but can you imagine life with losing one? Each has our own burden - sometimes, I wish I could go back, to that sweet, innocent girl that just wanted to make things better for others- but then, I wouldn't have lived the life I've lived. And that's what was intended. At least I believe that. Life is surely hard.......and each, in their own way, must make peace with what has been given.......

I hear you, and I am thinking of your sorrow. But know that you can be strong. And make a difference for others, even in your pain.

Search

Searcher........i'm so sorry. It was a miscarriage I assume?
We have many women on our site who've had them and continue to be devestated. I was never pg so I cannot relate. Losing someone who was alive must be very hard, too.

Di, Searcher's loss was not a miscarriage. I'm sure she'll tell you more. Your heart will break and you will feel so much love for Searcher and her daughter...and son. She's a wise woman. When she speaks...I listen!

Oh,I'm sorry. Did I say the wrong thing? I apologize, Searcher.

Di,

No, no, no. No need for apologies. We can't be responsible for what we don't know. And this did not hurt me one bit. Nichole was 32 when she died this past April. This was due to a seizure, which was the after-effect of a brain tumor.

If you would like to know more, I have posted much on these forums. Recently, on the loss forum. Well, a whole lot on the loss forum and others also. This Boomer site has been my place to grieve and to heal....I cannot thank Dotsie enough, or on too many forums, for this opportunity. And the rest of our Boomer Women for listening so kindly to me....

Dotsie - you have a way of saying the nicest things! Thank you.

Di - so that is why I say that we each have loss. One way or another. It all is painful..and we just have to carry on, holding the pain, and struggle to make it past. But hopefully, pieces of light will emerge, to shine on others just where they need it.

Happy 2006 - a better year ahead!

Searcher

Searcher, you are special because you've been able to take your own pain and instead of being angry or bitter, you have become compassionate towards others. And I think we all appreciate the fact that you feel safe enough here to let us help you carry the pain. We can't take away each others' pain but we can help shoulder it so it doesn't feel as heavy.
Boomer women are the BEST!!

Searcher, you are one of most inspirational women I know. Your compassion is so profound and can't help but help others who are struggling along the same journey. I know you have helped me, more than you know because I often just soak in your wisdom very quietly with great appreciation and learn from your ability to "dance in the darkness".

I've used the term so many times before - "wounded healer" - it's because everytime I meet one, I experience again the unique healing power and light that radiates from wounded healers.

Bluebird,

I thank you and I have felt safe enough here. You all HAVE helped carry that pain. I'm so glad I've found you.

Eagle,

I am struggling for words. You and Bluebird just brought me to tears.....I am surely wounded. Deeply. But I am so humbled to think that I could have helped any one of you in this place of pain. I know that so many of us have been wounded . Great , meaningful , wounds. So I just think we can all help each other. I too, listen to you and others, and gain insight, comfort, and courage.. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Searcher,
You are an example of God's love, the way He can take the most horrible thing and use it as a blessing. Your pain is unfathomable to most of us, but God knows and somehow He is helping you find it in yourself to reach out to others. And because you are reaching out, we are finding strengths we didn't know we had. You are showing us how strong we can be.

God's love shines through you every day.

smile