You know Di, I think as a woman ages we look back on our past with such a longing. I think it's just part of what many of us go through as we age, (that looking back on our past). There's nothing wrong with it except if it starts to define who we are now and we become depressed from looking back too much.

My mom always tells me look forward, not back but then she's always reminiscing and getting sad about the past too.

Let's refresh ourselves by looking forward to the rest of our lives as we do when we look forward to spring time.

The past is the past...we cannopt change it one ioda.
What good is there in looking back?
You lock into what you cannot change again and again, and like Ladybug mentioned can turn into depression.

Start with today, look forward to what you can change.

You have so much love waiting to escape into a child. Why not adopt, if that's not possible... Big Sister, foster family, day care work...the possibilities are endless.

College is not out of the picture...you can do anything you set your mind to do.

Love to you...

It seems to me that in life, we all get a share of loss and a share of joy. Midlife is when we can look back and decide what to keep. With no effort at all, the pain of loss will find us. Or with only a little effort, we can look for the joy and it will fill us.
We live only in the present and if we choose to keep only the pain, it will embitter the present and poison the future.

smile

[ December 30, 2005, 04:01 PM: Message edited by: smilinize ]

I know ya'll are right. I just feel like I have had so much to time to remember stuff. Honestly, I recall things so vividly that my siblings call me in the middle of the night to ask!

My life has not been filled with raising kids. So, therefore, I feel like all I've had to do is remember, ya know?

I really have no pain from my past that I can think of that was life changing, except for losing Mom so young.

But I'm glad Dotsie started the thread about joy in our marriage. I DO need to do that. I'm such a mess!

Di..we can all be a mess from time to time.

My cousin has the gift of remembering everything...just like it happened yesterday.
Me...no way, think brain fog just takes over...I could forget my name on certain days.

I feel the "remembering" is your gift.
Remember, what you love ..fill each and everyday to the brim, with that love. It will lead you onto a path of fulfillment.

Look ahead sweet friend not behind.

thank you, Brenda.

You all have been so patient. And so giving of your advice and thoughts. What wonderful women to be gentle with me, the mess of the century!

I truly, truly appreciate boomer women. You sure are unique and quite understanding.

Maturity DOES have it's advantages!!

People in my family remember things forever. Problem is, they remember a lot of stuff that never really happened or maybe happened entirely differently.

Either way everyone sure has a great memory.

smile

You know what I think it is? Every single one of us has burdens and sadnessess to bear. And lessons to learn. And most of us aren't at the same place at the same time. It's all about growing - the journey. What you do with what you know.....As Vi recently said to me, just hang in.

And we have to recognize where in our lives, that we need to learn. I'm thinking that if it's a problem for us, then that's a flag. Kind of saying "Look Here - this is the place you need to grow !" And sometimes, that's the very hardest thing. But also, the harder it is, the more the growth. So we will struggle on, girls, learning and helping each other - and the New Year will bring us all blessings!!

(I do have a personal thought about depression, tho' - and these vivid memories. My Mother had them, and they plagued her for much of her life. I live in and out of "fog" like Brenda. But I believe, as time goes by, we will find that much of this has to do with neuro - chemicals. Some have more, some have less..But each of us has to learn to get on in life with what we have...Make adjustments, use strategies to get us through...Nichole had so many adjustments to make, but each and every day she lived, she got up out of her bed and did it. I can't begin to imagine how. So we learn. Each from the other....

Did that make one bit of sense? Sometimes, I'm just off on my own tangent........

Search

That made a great deal of sense, Searcher. I know when I get really depressed, I find myself dwelling on the past more than I know is good for me. As you said, each of us has to make our own way every day.

I'm at a pretty good place right now, a place where I can listen and perhaps help others. Many of the coping mechanisms I've learned have been reinforced by wonderful people like you!

yepthatsme2 you are so right, some of us are a mess from time to time.

That's life Di. No one tells us it will always be perfect. Some of us think it is until an event happens that shatters that notion. Sometimes we bring it on ourselves but many times "stuff" just happens. I think we need to give ourselves a break and try to forget our past transgressions and just forget about the past period. The sooner we can get away from thinking about the past the better we will feel emotionally.
Our male friend is a great guy who never got married. I'm not sure why. I personally think he had unrealistic expectations of what his ideal woman should be. When we visit him in the home he grew up in it's very depressing. It's like stepping back into the past. He lives like a pack rat and refuses to throw out anything even if it's a meaningless piece of paper his now-deceased brother owned. His past defines him and who he is now. He does have friends and a niece who has sons and their families. You can see by how he keeps himself and his home (both very unkempt)that he may be dealing with depression and not even knowing it. He keeps his Christmas tree up until February and has recorded some old Christmas radio programs from the 40's and 50's. He's almost 70. This is a person who continually looks back and lives in his past.

I never say anything to him about it because I believe in his mind it keeps his loved ones near even though they are all gone. I don't think it's a healthy way to live emotionally but it's the way he chooses to be.

As you say, let us look ahead to fresh ideas and never say never.