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#153942 - 07/19/08 11:34 PM A resource a little late...wish I'd known!
Lani Offline


Registered: 07/19/08
Posts: 49
Loc: Northern California, USA
Hi Everyone,

I do wish I'd known about his resource area a year ago.

But maybe and perhaps my experience can be helpful to someone else, even after the fact.

You see, my Dad passed away last week after a year of rapid spiral with dementia. The good news is he was not in pain, enjoyed his days, and was in a lovely Board and Care home, more than my sisters and I could ever have hoped for.

This was almost a year to the date after my mother died. They had been married 63 years, and were hardwired to eachtother deeply - which is why the last year was especially difficult for Dad!

At any rate, I would have loved to have others to compare notes with as we were wading through all the turmoil decisions, living arrangements...it literally takes a village to figure it all out!

Here for others!

Warmly, and new here,
Lani

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#153943 - 07/20/08 03:06 AM Re: A resource a little late...wish I'd known! [Re: Lani]
Dee Offline
Member

Registered: 06/27/05
Posts: 2561
Loc: Alabama
Oh, my gosh Lani...you and your family have had a heavy hearted year. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss...Your experiences and knoweldge is welcomed and encouraged...you'll find the dearest, warmest hearts here with lots of caring and love to share...I'm so glad you're here with us. Sometimes it gets quiet on the weekends, but hang in there...before you know it there will be lots of responses.
Again, sweetheart, I'm so sorry to hear you've carried so many burdens in such a short time. I'm sending angel hugs your way.
_________________________
Dee
"They will be able to say that she stood in the storm and when the wind did not blow her away....and surely it has not.....she adjusted her sails" - Elizabeth Edwards

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#153944 - 07/20/08 04:27 AM Re: A resource a little late...wish I'd known! [Re: Dee]
Lani Offline


Registered: 07/19/08
Posts: 49
Loc: Northern California, USA
Thanks Dee - if I can be of support and assistance to others, I would be honored!

Lani

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#153945 - 07/20/08 07:07 AM Re: A resource a little late...wish I'd known! [Re: Lani]
meredithbead Offline
The Divine Ms M

Registered: 07/07/03
Posts: 4894
Loc: Orange County, California
Lani, I'm sorry to hear of your loss and how rough it's been. But you're here now. Circles have different arcs.
_________________________
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#153946 - 07/20/08 10:30 AM Re: A resource a little late...wish I'd known! [Re: meredithbead]
Edelweiss Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 4136
Loc: American living in Europe
Meredith love your quote; "circles have different arcs."

Losing both parents within a year? You must feel lost yourself. But if your parents were so close, then maybe it's a blessing that they are 'together' again. You probably get to hear that often, Lani.

How kind of you to offer support to others, after what you have been through.

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#153947 - 07/20/08 03:34 PM Re: A resource a little late...wish I'd known! [Re: Edelweiss]
Lani Offline


Registered: 07/19/08
Posts: 49
Loc: Northern California, USA
Thanks my friends.

Edelweiss, absolutely - my Dad was not happy this last year without my Mom. After 63 years, you are just hardwired, you know?

As it was, about a week before Dad died, I was able to spend about 4 full days at his bedside, chatting (he mumbled), reading to him, rubbing his feet and shoulders, holding his had, feeding him - he was in no pain, just sort of fading - and asking about Mom every now and then!

This experience was so sweet - being with him and caring for him those days - and I wouldn't trade them for anything. It has brought me a great deal of peace about his passing, and yes, I am glad for him not to have to be around without Mom anymore.

Warmly,
Lani

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#153948 - 07/20/08 10:37 PM Re: A resource a little late...wish I'd known! [Re: Lani]
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
Lani,
My father and stepdad are both gone but I still have my mom who is a heaslty, happy 88. She lives alone, drives all over, and is a bundle of energy. She just retired at age 87 and is mad now because she misses her work. Says shes bored.
I'm sure there will be many women who need to learn from the experiences you've had with your parents deaths.

Like Dee says, the weekends are quiet usually except for a few of us die hard posters...The keepers of the moat!
_________________________
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#153949 - 07/21/08 05:00 AM Re: A resource a little late...wish I'd known! [Re: Lani]
gims Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/07
Posts: 3404
Loc: USA
Welcome, Lani...
I, too, and sorry you had to suffer such losses in such a short time. It's tough enough when time gives us a break.
Can you explain what a "Board and Care home" is and how it fits into the list of out of home care facilities? I've not hear the term before. My family and I are dealing with the last years of our parents' lives, one is at home and the other in a facility (not of my liking). It's hard to watch them age.

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#153950 - 07/21/08 02:07 PM Re: A resource a little late...wish I'd known! [Re: gims]
Lani Offline


Registered: 07/19/08
Posts: 49
Loc: Northern California, USA
Gims,

Certainly! A Board and Care is a small place. For example, my Dad was in a lovely residential home with sometimes only one, but it grew to a total of 4-5, residents. This was perfect for my Dad because even though he has always been a social guy, he needed lots of assist with adjusting and as he settled in, new residents were added.

I will look up the website for the place my Dad was, it seems to be down right now - and will post later.

Anyway, it was like being in a family. The smallness of it gave Dad incredibly personal care. The caregivers and the owner were more than we could have even hoped for. Every time we "dropped in" everything was clean, cared for, people being tended to. They prepped food from the kitchen right there, because it WAS a family-like home.

I am happy to tell you more as you like - believe me, I wish we had had more resources when we were going through our search, it can all be so mystifying!

You could ask the local Eldercare resource for a list of Board and Care places and take it from there?

Where are your parents located?

Lani

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#153951 - 07/21/08 03:53 PM Re: A resource a little late...wish I'd known! [Re: Lani]
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Lani, Board and Care is a new term. Very interesting. Sounds lovely.

I can't wuite imagine the year you went through. Do you have family and close friends in town for support?
_________________________
Founder Emeritus of Boomer Women Speak and the National Association of Baby Boomer Women.
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