My daughter and SIL just can't seem to catch a break. They've had nothing but one bad situation after another for the last 18 months or so.

My daughter was pregnant and ended up with gestational diabetes and had to quit her job, ended up in the hospital and had her baby 5 weeks early.

During that time, my SIL had no job even though he was going to Job Services every day looking for one, he was out of work for almost 3 months. They came to us when they got a notice about their mortgage and we caught them up on that and their bills too.

Just recently, the state had a computer glitch and sent out cancellation notices to a ton of people for their state assistance programs (food stamps, medical care, cash assistance, etc) and my daughter and SIL were one of those who got cut. ARGH!!! Who knows when it'll be fixed!

Now, my SIL is in the hospital with a brain tumor. He had a seizure Friday morning and my daughter found him on the floor. He had another seizure at the hospital.

High note? He's in the best hospital in the state for neurosurgery. Tampa General. They transferred him there Saturday night.

Low note? If he bends over and coughs he will die.

My daughter has been under a doctor's care, taking anti-anxiety meds. She's so stressed out, she doesn't know if she's coming or going. She can't think straight most of the time. When she takes the meds, at least she's calmer and she's more like herself, but still not quite capable of taking care of much of anything.

Which leads me to her 5 month old daughter. My granddaughter. I've had her since Friday. And, probably will continue to take care of her for some time until my daughter gets stronger and can get through this, and at least until after my SIL has his surgery. She doesn't trust anyone else to take care of her, not even my SIL's parents.

Because my daughter is distraught and taking meds, she can't drive, I've been driving up to her house (over 30 miles away) and picking her up and taking her to the hospital (another 50 miles) and back again, then home. Whew! Oh, please, I'm not complaining. Only trying to put some perspective on this.

Thanks for listening. I've been holding that in for a while and needed to get it out. I haven't had anyone to spill my guts to, I keep meaning to call my mom, but haven't had a moment to myself to do so.

If you could send up a quick prayer request for my daughter and SIL that everything turn out okay for them, I'd appreciate it.

And, again. Thanks for listening. I really appreciate it.

Vicki, you have my prayers, for you, your daughter, your SIL and grandchild. I am sincerely sorry that your family is experiencing so many financial and health issues. I am happy that you stepped up and shared. We are all hear to listen.

Vicki, I am praying hard that your sil gets well very soon. It helps to know that he has the best care. It's good that your daughter is also getting the care she needs.
It must be overwelming for you with so much on your plate. Is it possible to stay at your daughter's home so you won't have that drive.
Does the state have emergency services for those who got cut? They should.
Vicki, hang in there. Our prayers will help you find strenght to carry on.
Thanks for sharing with us and Vicki...call your Mom.
Luv and prayer,

Good grief, what a load to carry. I'm including you and your family in my prayers Vicki. Keep us posted. How on earth can you keep this all to yourself?! Hopefully your grandchild will bring some sunshine in your life, and you will be able to protect her from the stress going on.

This is a sad time and I so hope things get better soon.
Take care of yourself so you can take care of the others.
Keep us posted.
Mountain ash

Vicki, my prayers are with you and your family.

Oh my gosh, sweetie...how sad you've held on to this alone for so long...and how strong you are for still sounding optimistic at such a time of stress. I'm sending hug angels, destress angels, singing angels and comfort angels your way...my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Bless your heart.

Oh my, and I was going to vent. So sorry you are going through this.
I will add you to my very long prayer list :-)

Kate

Thank you, ladies, dear boomer sisters. It felt so good to get it all out.

Yes, I did call my mom, and it was so comforting to talk to her.

I truly appreciate the thoughts and prayers. My daughter and SIL need all they can get during this time.

Today is the big day. We hear from the neurology team and the head neurosurgeon about my SIL's prognosis.

In the next couple of days, I'm going to suggest to my daughter that I get a hotel room (my daughter doesn't have any spare room at her house) and I help out during the day with her and my granddaughter. Or she can come to my house and stay. Her choice. But, she'll probably choose her house, as she has pets to take care of at home.

My husband supports this decision and said that said that he would take care of my dog Jack and my bird Bailey while I was away. Which is really something, because my bird doesn't like him at all. :-)

I have to hold onto this quote from Voltaire. "Faith consists in believing when it is beyond the power of reason to believe. It is not enough that a thing be possible for it to be believed."

I believe my SIL will be fine.

So sorry to hear about all this, keeping you and your family in my prayers.

Maybe you daughter can get a neighbor or someone to take care of her pets, so she and your grandaughter can come stay with you, if that makes things a little easier on you?

Or the hotel room is a good option too.

Hope the neurologist has positive news today.

Lots of prayers headed your way.

Dear heart...keep us posted...maybe the bird will change his mind about your husband...something about don't bite the hand that feeds you...
Hang in there sweetheart ang God bless...

Any news???

Vicki, thanks for unloading. I'm grateful you and your hubby are well and able to care for your family during their time of need.

The surgery is scheduled for Friday afternoon.

And, on top of everything else, my daughter had a miscarriage today. She didn't tell anyone she was pregnant.

Only God knows the big picture here, and only He knows all the plans He has for my daughter and SIL. I can only imagine that He didn't think that this was the right time for them to bring a new baby into the world.

I'm at a loss for words to comfort her, as the troubles continue to pile up. All I can keep saying is to stay positive, have faith, pray and believe that God will do what is best.

I'm so sorry to hear about the miscarriage on top of everything else.........I wish I had some words of comfort. My heart goes out to you and your family.

Vicki, just a thought... I have a little prayer book I keep in my purse at all times. Just in case I get stuck in a rotten situation or have some time to waste while out and about. In fact, I used it this morning when I arrived at the vets 15 mintues before it opened. I opened the hatch, sat in the back facing the sun, had my dog on her leash, and reflected.

Anyway, since you've referenced God several times, it might be nice to give her one of these little prayer books that she can keep in her purse for the occassional reminder that God's in charge. It may give her needed peace. Jut a thought.

Vicki, Vicki, Vicki...my heart is breaking for your family...and the miscarriage on top of everything else. Makes me ashamed for complaining about anything in my life at the moment...dear heart, I will continue to send up prayers and I hope God will hold all of you in His arms today...bless you heart.

Vicki, friend, I am praying today all day, for you and for your daughter and SIL. It sometimes seems "that when it raind it pours." Sooner or later the sun will shine and all will be well.

Dee, everyone problems though different, are just the same, sorrowful. No need to ever apologize for your own...

I just read the following quote for the first time. It makes sense to apply these words to the negative things in life. If you try to see it just as "change", it may help cope with the painful changes as well. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family Vicki.

Charles Darwin: Quotes about Life
It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.

Chatty...I know who I'd go to if I ever needed a hug...you, dear friend.

Great quote, Edelweiss...makes one think.

Oh, Vicki, how all this is! I'm sorry this is happening to your loved ones and to you, by loving them! I hope your SIL gets the best care and recovers from the tumor. I've had two friends, as strange as that is, have tumors removed that did well.
I have had three tumors removed, my younger sister had 5 and my older sister had over 10! They can do much to help and I'm sure they will.
I'm sorry for yor daughters upset. That can scare us so. When our children are not firmly on the ground, it can be frightening and so very hard on us! In your case you must take responsibilty for your grandchild as well as try to support your daughter! Add that to your own worry, stress and life, and you have such a heavy burden.

I'm sorry.]

I will keep your family in my thoughts and read the whole thread here. I just wanted to start by saying how hard it was to read your post because things are so rough.

Please take care of YOU too.

Dancer9

Dancer its good to see you back posting again. I can only hope this means you are well again. Your worda are filled with understanding and care. Welcome back pretty lady!

My oldest daughter and SIL have just arrived from Tucson and are now with my daughter. I picked them up from the airport this morning.

So, I'll be taking my granddaughter back to my daughter's house tonight, as she now has help. So, I'll be able to get some rest now.

The surgery is Friday afternoon.

Vicki!
I am in Tucson, I had no idea your family was here!
If I can ever help...
Im so happy you will have help and emotional support!

Dancer9

Update: SIL came through surgery - not in recovery yet

Thanks for the update, Vicki. How are you holding up?

Vicki, it's nice to hear the family is gathering. That's so helpful.

Is there anything we can do other than prayer? Want to send us a snail mail address so we can send cards?

That would be wonderful. If you send them to me, I'll make sure Michelle and Chris get them. And if you want to send a monetary gift as well, that would really help them considering they have no income and won't have any for quite some time. Michelle is setting up a fund account soon, but it's not ready yet, so gift cards would work great.

Vicki M. Taylor
9521 Cluster Ave W
Tampa FL 33615

Thanks so much everyone. You are extremely thoughtful and truly amazing.

thats great, Vicki
D9

Vicki, I came to this thread late but send prayers for all.

Update: SIL is in his own room now and out of ICU. Drain tubes have been removed from his head. He still has massive headache. But, all in all, procedure and recovery is going very well.

Vicki, did the person that hit them get hurt? Was it a drunk driver? Just curious... I am just sick for your family and praying for them all.

Chatty, thanks for the prayers.

There wasn't a car accident. My SIL had a seizure last Friday morning and my daughter found him on the floor. He want to the ER and had another seizure there, and they did tests (MRI, CT, EEG, etc) and that's when they found the tumor. When they transferred him to the hospital he's in now, that's when they decided they had to do surgery or else he'd die.

They're still not quite sure what caused the seizures, as they don't think the tumor did it, but thank God he had them, or else we wouldn't have known about the tumor until it was too late.

Rough part is they have no health insurance. No work insurance. Nothing. They're just two kids, with a 5 1/2 month old baby trying to get by on a pizza delivery driver's salary. Which, now they don't even have that.

My daughter is trying to apply for state assistance, but who knows how long that will take to go into affect. At least she's on WIC (Women, Infant & Children) for the baby's needs since she was pregnant and since she had the baby. I don't let that baby go without for anything.

Tomorrow is my daughter's birthday. She just wants her husband to be better.

Vicki, so sorry for all that they had to go through. I will keep all of you in prayer. Hugs!!

Vicki, I just now read this entire thread. Oh my gosh, how worried and stressed I'm sure you've all been. I'm so happy to read that the surgery went well. I will be holding all of them, yourself included, close to my heart and in prayer.

Whenever you can, please give us updates on his progress.

Thank you for the prayers... please continue them. They're not out of the woods yet. My SIL will be out of work for quite some time.

UPDATE: SIL is home from the hospital. My oldest daughter and SIL are leaving today to go back to Tucson, AZ. My ex-husband leaves on Friday.

That will be the test for my daughter. Whether she can handle taking care of my SIL and her baby at the same time. I may get a call from her.

Wow, I can't believe they let him out of the hospital already! He must be doing better? Can you SIL apply for unemployment at least?

I continue to hold everyone in my heart. Please keep in touch as much as you can.

I keep you in my thoughts, Vicki! I am here in Tucson if anyone needs anything, and I mean that!

D9

Thanks, Dancer.. I will remember that.

Oh, and I'll be there in October. Wouldn't it be great if we could get together and meet?

Anno, I can't believe they let him out of the hospital so quickly either. But, they're on state assistance, so I guess the insurance makes the decisions. He's still in a lot of pain, wasn't eating yesterday, and thoroughly nauseated.

Don't know if he can apply for unemployment. He was a delivery driver for a pizza place. Will have to ask my daughter if they can apply. They are currently applying for state assistance. I just faxed a letter from his employer saying he's out of work and will be out of work for quite some time. and also faxed the discharge paperwork from the hospital.

Vicki, please forgive my stupid question, I don't know why I thought it was an auto accident. I hope they get the help they need and he recovers fully. My prayers continue for you all...

How about an update. Is he revoering well at home? How's your daughter hanging in there?

Update: He went to ER last night. Fluid and blood build up beneath incision. He's going to see his surgeon either today or tomorrow to have it drained. He's incoherent and not eating or drinking.

My daughter isn't getting much sleep. But, is hanging in there.

I'm going to pick up my granddaughter later today for a couple of days to give her a chance to get a nap or two in while my SIL sleeps.

I'm thinking of you, Vicki.
I hope that he improves quickly.
You are being very strong.
Don't forget to care for yourself
when you care for another, or two
others.
You are a very good woman.

dancer9

Thanks for keeping us up to date Vicki. Still keeping everyone in prayer. How are you holding up? You just had surgery yourself.

It sounds like they let him out of the hospital too early. Still praying. Please take good care of yourself so you can be there fully for everyone else.

Update: Took granddaughter back home. All seems to be going better. SIL is up and about. Headaches are still there, but not as intense or at least he's putting up a good front.

My daughter really needed the break to catch up on some sleep.

As for me, I'm scheduled for surgery (Ultroid) again on Tuesday. This time I know what I'm getting myself into and know what to expect. I am going to take it easy this week so I can be prepared and get a chance to recover.

Thank you all for your prayers and kind words. I've been passing them on to my daughter and SIL.

Please take care of YOU, Vicki! You have a surgery to deal with! Stress is not your friend at this time!

Dancer9

Vicki, my prayers are with you during these trying times and your surgery.

Vicki, what is your SIL's prognosis?

Please take care of yourself after your surgery. I can see you jumping right back in to helping your daughter before you've healed. Isn't that what mothers do?

Dotsie, He should recover completely. There should be no side effects. No faculty losses. It just takes a while to recover.

Thank you everyone for your prayers.

Dancer, I agree.. stress is not good. I woke this morning to a fever, upset stomach, aches, and I'm thinking it's the flu. Hope it's gone by tomorrow so they can do the surgery. I couldn't even walk this morning and that says a lot.

Vicki, I've been there where you can't even walk and that is WAY too much stress for you, hon.
PLEASE take care!

Dancer

If there is one tiny chance you aren't 100% Vicki, do not go through with the surgery until you are better. You'll need all your strength to heal and recover. Wish I were closer to come and help, cook maybe! But all I can do is send prayers and positive thoughts.

Chatty, If I was that sick, I'd pay for your plane ticket just to get you out here to cook for me. Honest to God.

Flu is gone. Now, I'm home, relaxing and recuperating from my Ultroid procedure.

It's not over yet. The doctor said I need another one in 3 months. They can only go in and get a few at a time. I have so many... argh!! And, they can only do one side at a time, left or right. First time they did the right side. This time they did the left side.

Just to keep this topic on topic.

UPDATE: My daughter has calmed down enough that she's not on the anti-anxiety meds all day anymore, taking only 1 at night. My SIL is up and getting around now, without needing assistance. He still can't carry or hold his baby.

His aunt and uncle have offered them the use of their condo near the ocean to help recover for a few days.

Their biggest headaches are still financial issues and state assistance.

The bright star in all this? That beautiful, adorable little granddaughter of mine. She's just the most precious thing in the whole world.

Vicki, thanks for the update. Poor guy can't even hold his baby. Hopefully that won't be for long.

Heck, if I were them, I'd go for recovery at the beach. Just looking at the water will probably do them some good.

Hoping they get the financial pieces together. I have a friend who works for WIC, Women, Infants and Children Care. Maybe they can get help for the baby through this program. Here's a link:

http://www.instant-grantsearch.com/women-infants-and-children-care-program/

Dotsie, Thanks... they have WIC here, and my daughter has had her baby on it ever since she was born, thank goodness.

Update: the stay by the ocean is doing them some good, I believe. They're getting back to normal. SIL goes back on the 6th to get is stitches and staples out of his head.

Oh good. Glad to hear they knew about it.

While I'm sure the beach stay is doing them some good, I hope he's staying out of the sun. Stitches and sun don't mix. I'm picturing him with a hat...I hope.

Bad News: SIL went to Neurosurgeon to get stitches and staples out and get check up. Dr says he can't do ANYTHING for SIX months. SIX months!!!! He can't even pick up and hold his own daughter! That means he can't go back to work for six more months. The kids are devastated.

And, my daughter's back went out on her and she had to go to the ER, and they've said nerve damage (Probably from the epidural). She had an MRI and we're waiting on the test results and the pain management treatment options. So, she's not supposed to be lifting anything. But, she has a baby to take care of. So, I'm taking Kasey as much as possible.

When will they ever catch a break? (sorry, that was me whining at bit)

In the mean time, today they're getting a letter from the doctor stating that SIL is temp disabled for 6 months and can't work or do anything and going to apply for SSDI and going to state assistance to apply for emergency cash assistance. So, they're doing what they can.

Oh, and their A/C went out this weekend. Good thing it's still under warranty (I hope).

I pray for them every day. If you could add them to your prayers as well, I'd appreciate it.

Thank you so much for listening.

Vickie...good luck with the SSDI. Those bureaucrats can be very difficult. I hope it goes smoothly for them. They may want to prepare for an initial rejection. My ex had two strokes, was partially paralyzed on one side and was diagnosed with congestive heart failure and they rejected his first application. They just need to be tenacious. Once approved, I think the baby may receive something too. My children did until they turned 18. Good Luck!

PS...I saw your video with Sally. I enjoyed it. Did you guys use a webcam for that? I just got one so I could talk to my daughter at college but I am conjuring up ways to use it for business as well.

Vicki, I'm so very sorry to hear this. Good grief. Does he have to have nay treatments? I'm so glad you're available. I'm sure this must really make you feel needed. Try not to burn yourself out.

Hotflashgal, we used webcams. It was so easy. Sally set the whole thing up. We used an application called OoVoo. It allows interviews to be recorded. And they're displayed side by side. Pretty cool, eh?

Yeah. I tried to get SSDI because of my bipolar and I was rejected. Never did try again. I probably should.

I'll have to let the kids know that they'll probably get rejected the first time.

thanks for the reminder. Sigh.

Dotsie, no treatments that I know of. Just can't do anything. He hasn't lost any of his faculties. He does have seizures now.

Yeah, I'm glad I'm available too, to help out.

Did I tell you my daughter was considering sending Kasey away to Arizona to her dad's for a couple of months while her back healed??? I vetoed that idea immediately and said "HELL NO!!" Oops.. .don't know if I can say that word here. But, I was very adamant about my opinion. Don't know how much of a say I have, but I was adamant. I don't want my granddaughter 2000 miles away for 2 months!!!! Not now, not ever!!

Right now, she's waiting on word from the doctor and the MRI results. I'm going to do all I can to keep her mind set on keeping the baby here.

Vicki rather than send her so far away, why not take her to your house so your daughter has the time she feels shes needs? Just a thought!

Chatty, I'm working out that angle too!!!

Vicki, I had a feeling you would be. I know I sure would be...

MY gracious. There's somuch going on for them. My heart aches for all they're going through.

Vicki, do they have any emotional support right now? Any one of these issues is enough to cause issues. I can't imagine your poor daughter having to care for her husband when he has seizures while having a little one to tend to. That's so stressful. Are there any local support groups for things like this?

MRI results today. I'll call my daughter today to find out what they are. As for local groups. I don't know. I can look in to that. They live in a different county than I do, so will have to check in their county.

SIL does take seizure meds so that helps. She just has to make sure he takes his meds. Which is a chore in itself.

And, Dear God, could anything else happen to them??? SIL's parents hold the mortgage on their home and said that since the kids aren't working and SIL can't work for 6 months they might have to sell the house they're living in. ACK!!!! Where are they supposed to go???? SIL's parents suggested that they could come and live with me (ah-HEM!!!!) or go to Arizona and live with my daughter's dad. (ah - HEM!)

BUT... and this is a BIG but.. SIL's parents said that they've taken on extra hours and second jobs to help pay the mortgage and will continue to do so until it can't be done anymore. Then they'll have to consider selling the place. ARGH!!

Hubby and I paid last month's mortgage for the kids and their electric bill.

My stress level has gone through the roof. Good thing I'm going to see my psychiatrist today.

What are they to do? There has to be some relief for them. Anyone have suggestions?

Well, good news, I think, from the MRI results. It's a bulging disk and muscle spasms. So, no lifting over 20 pounds and take muscle relaxers and see a chiropractor. I don't know if their medicaid covers chiros though.

I'm going over their tomorrow to take the baby for the weekend to give them some time to themselves and give them a break.

My ex husband is sending me a money order so I can cash it and give the kids some money. They don't have an account that isn't in arrears where they can cash it. Maybe it'll arrive by Saturday.

And, I'll buy the baby diapers and formula so she doesn't go without.

I'd love to hear some suggestions of things that we may have overlooked.

A lot of it is they just have to wait for state services to kick in and that takes time. They have to call 211 and apply for emergency services that way. And, they have to pray. And, they have to be resourceful on their own.

It's a big world out there, and life isn't always fair. I tell my daughter she has to stay positive and and be grateful for what she has ...and that's a husband who made it through brain surgery with a miracle ...not losing any faculties. And, she has a beautiful daughter after 2 miscarriages. She has so much to be grateful for. She has parents and in-laws who are doing their darndest to help out. She has people she doesn't even know praying for her family. She has a lot to be grateful for.

Salvation Army
802 W Dr Martin Luther Kin Ste A
Tampa, FL, 33603
(813) 754-4146
Vicki, call them and see what they have to offer.
My prayers are with all of you. I know the stress level is quite high for everyone concerned right now.

Vicki what kinds of things does the baby need? How old is she? Is there anything your daughter and her husband need right now?

The baby needs clothes... size 12 months.. that's for sure. She's going to be 7 months old soon. And, my daughter can't afford to buy her any new clothes.

My daughter and SIL don't need anything. I've handed down all my clothes to my daughter that are too big and don't fit me anymore. (One thing my daughter does need is underwear. She's wearing her nursing bras still because she doesn't fit back into her old bras yet. and they're worn out. I've meant to take her shopping but I just can't ... hubby took away all my credit cards cuz I spent too much on them already.)

My SIL, I don't know. He seems okay in that department. Not in the bra dept, just in clothes in general. He doesn't need anything. Just to not be so depressed. The doctors put him on Xanax.

As for anything else, they're on food stamps, so they have food. They need their bills paid, but my ex has sent them some money so that will take care of this month. That should help them get through until Access kicks in. It'll arrive probably by Monday. He sent it to me, so I'll have to cash the Money Order and give the kids the money.

I'm buying them formula and diapers and drop ins (liners for the baby bottles) because that's what they seem to run out of most of all.

Chickadee.. thanks.. I didn't think of the S.A. I'll call them and see what they can do.

I'm still thinking a support group would be great for them. They're addressing a new baby, a brain surgery, being out of work - all of which they need to share with others going through similar.

And you're right, they so have lots to be thankful for. Maybe a little daily inspirational book or calendar might help.

Vicki can you PM me your address so I can send some stuff to you for the baby...Thanks!

Here's and update on how things are going with the kids.

They've had to move out of their house as they can't pay their mortgage with both of them out of work and SIL not able to do anything for 6 months. That's a long time to not be able to pay your mortgage.

And, the person holding the mortgage is SIL's mother. And, she's the person who told them they had to move out. She's been very mean and selfish and very controlling about the whole situation and the stress on the kids was overwhelming. She told them to either move to my house or move to my daughter's dad's (my ex's). If we had the room, I would have let them move in with me in a heartbeat. But, we didn't.

We didn't have the $$ to pay their mortgage either. Not for 6 months. We found out that SIL's mother had told her side of the family that everything was ok and that kids didn't need anything. We only found this out just now.

The kids had nowhere to go, but to my ex's. Nearly 2000 miles away in Arizona. Tucson, to be exact. They left right before Labor Day. They wanted to be gone before Gustav hit. I've been grieving ever since.

But, they promised me it wouldn't be a permanent move. Just temporary. My ex and his wife are going to help them get back on their feet. Help SIL heal and give him the 6 months he needs to get his brain back from being "mush" in a stress free environment. My daughter is going to get a job, part time at first then they're going to save money (ex and wife are going to let them live there rent and board free) until they have enough to come back. Not back to SIL's mother.

That situation is over. She is going to sell the house. If she can considering the market.

I want to publicly thank Chatty for doing all she did for my granddaughter and daughter. She is a true angel sent from heaven.

If you want to read how I've done through my grieving process I blogged about it at

http://www.vickimtaylor.com/blogs

Thank you all for your support and kindness and prayers through all of this. I miss my daughter and granddaughter so much, my heart breaks to think about it.

Oh Vicki...I keep thinking that God has a plan for all of this, and that things will look up for them. What burdens! I'm so grateful they have you in their corner and your hubby. I cannot imagine living in the heart of the woman who owns the house and not showing them compassion. Karma...it will return to her.

I'm off to read your blog. Yes, Chatty is an angel to all that know her.

Oh my Vicki and JJ, I am snickering at your lovely comments above. There are those that know me that might call me anything but an angel... I am an Italian, a passionate woman and am not afraid to open my mouth to defend the oppressed, animals or human beings...I have been called many things, but Angel, not so much, LOL!!!

Vicki it was as I told you, my pleasure, I truly enjoyed myself...