Hi Vi:
Yours is a great idea . When you trust the Lord nothing happens by coincidence. A book written by mothers for mothers would be a great tool, a heavenly gift for other mothers dealing with loss.

I do pray Flipper and Searcher realize the potential and the tremendous opportunity to bless others with such a work.

Songbird and Vi

I honestly don't think I've ever been so flattered in my life. Thank you and Thank you.

I have always wanted to tell Nichole's story, and now the journey we take through her death. Lately, I have been realizing that some distance is needed, or some perspective. But maylbe now is the time to begin.

I do believe that we meet people through Guidance, that circumstances are there so that we may take advantage of them if we choose. And I believe we all have some opportunity to learn lessons, and to use those lesson not only for ourselves, but to offer a hand to others. This may be the ticket......I will consider this carefully and wait to see what Flipper is thinking..

Wow ..thanx again.

Searcher.

Gotta go get on that darn freeway now! Bye

Searcher and flipper...I love both of you so much for sharing so openly. You are beautiful women who are gifted at expressing yourselves through writing. I am so sorry for your losses. My mind can't wrap around the thought of losing a child, and yet you've both done so and ARE carrying on! What an inspiration.

Vi, what an awesome idea. Searcher and flipper, what do you think about it?

Flipper and Searcher,

I, too, wanted to thank you for the beautiful way you have shared your losses with us.

Although I have never experienced the death of my child, some very close friends lost their beautiful 17 year old daughter in a car accident last year. My son, who used to baby sit for her and was like a member of the family, still can't get his mind around her being gone. He was with the family the night before the accident.

This couple are the most incerdibly giving people I've ever known. The mother stood up at the funeral and implored everyone to stop trying to place blame on the driver, who fell asleep at the wheel. You could feel the healing as she spoke. I just can't imagine myself ever having the strength to do that.

The caring and generosity of these wonderful people still resonates in this small community and beyond. Because they donated their daughters organs, several people are now alive who might not have been. They quietly donated the money to pay for the senior semi-formal at the end of the year, so that all of Laura's friends would be able to go. Somewhere in Ethiopia, a playground has been built and dedicated in her honor. I could go on, but I'm getting teary eyed already.

Like you, they have been an inspiration to me. I feel blessed to call them my friends.

FlipperJo and Searcher,
Reading about each of your losses has left me devastated and shaken. I can't even begin to imagine the depth of your grief much less the amazing amount of strength you both seem to have to go on and continue to live life for yourselves as well as your remaining families.. I am humbled by each of your stories and promise to keep you each in my prayers..what amazing women you are..God Bless each of you.

Searcher, when I decided to write a book about the horrific tragedy in my life, the way I began was to jot down notes about events that had happened. I wasn't ready to give these events the flesh of words, but I wanted to make sure I remembered the progression of significant events as well as the events. So I wrote down one sentence about something, a sentence about something else and so on. It worked. When I was ready to start writing I went to this list.

Just a thought.

Vi

Searcher and Flipper, what beautiful words you have chosen to tell of your losses. The beauty in those words come only from a heart that loves deeply. The telling is a tribute to those you love.

If a book comes from your meeting here, may it be as beautiful as your spirit.
smile

[ November 09, 2005, 10:20 PM: Message edited by: smilinize ]

You know, women,

I really DO think this site was given in response to my unanwered questions. This once again and even YET again is causing me to believe in the spiritual guidance of those Elsewhere. I have surely never thought of MY words being beautiful. I was struck by the literary deftness of Flipperjo, and of course the content was certainly not lost - the foreshadowing of her own child's death (which I , by the way, also had in the most odd ways, even aside from my friend Bonnie's son)and did not dream that I could be even considered in her league - even now I am astonished that you all can speak of our words in the same sentence.

Can I have been missing something?

But truthfully, any book is a major event - self written or with a joint effort - as I know many of you know. But If ANY book is born here, at least from my personal perspecive, it will be from the encouragement of the likes of you. So it would be ALL of our book - each one given credit where credit is due......

Vi, I have been writing down thoughts of mine, over the years, in crazy places, like envelopes - sometimes in a journal, sometimes on paper bags. I have them stuffed EVERYWHERE ! I think all along I have been thinking that this was a story to be told. Not just about Nichole, Sam and me, but about the many who suffer from "low- incidence" health issues. Money for reasearch is not allocated to these who have fewer participants. But in many of these diseases, the result is so catastophic over such a long period of time, that the result is devasating to so many. And costs many dollars as another result. I would love to do a study of the comparison of dollars spent on these individuals in comparison to dollars spent on "high profile" illnesses. I guess my point is that if we don't spend money on research on low-incidence disease, it costs more in the long run. Well, just another of the things that run thru' my mind. Which never stops. Oh, that's not true - I do stop thinking and enjoy stuff - my mountains, my water, my trees, Andrea Bocelli (). (for those of you who don't know Italian, pop/opera singer - pretty cute)

I have often thought, Vi, that to start, I should do just as you have said. But even with that, I'm faltering as to the beginning. Well, certainly I can begin at the beginning, but this is such LOOOOOOONG and involved story. There is crisis at every turn. Daily for more than 20 some years. Maybe my problem is what to leave out.....In fact, that is most certainly my problem. ( and the obvious fact that I am long-winded)Need to shorten stuff up.

So I will.

Search

Smile,

I loved YOUR words.

THANK YOU to all of you, first for caring and conveying your understanding spirits for the losses searcher and i have experienced. second, for your encouragement in the writing dept.

Thank you, searcher, for writing so elequently about Nichole and your family, and that of your friend Bonnie. I cannot imagine how you made it through so many years on your own with all of it on your lone shoulders. You and Bonnie are so blessed to have each other. None of my family or close friends have lost a child (nor would i want them to!) so the longer the time without Missi, the more detatched I feel from them. They can't possibly know how much my loss has changed me or how my grief never goes away.

you learn to make it a part of your life and yes, life goes on bringing new joys and challenges. it just will never ever be the same and that is what others lose sight of or don't understand.

searcher, our writing is very much in the same league because it comes straight from the heart. i am part of a group of bereaved parents called 'the compassionate friends.' we meet once a month and just talk. there are so many aspects of losing a child that you just can't talk about with those who have not experienced the loss. we help and support each other. you and your friend Bonnie might find a room full of kindred spirits if you choose to go to a meeting. there are chapters all over the world so if you want to try going, i could help you find a chapter near you.

aside from going to meetings and helping out where i can, i compile and edit a newsletter for our local chapter which is where my writing usually lands first. i would love to use something from you if you will write from your experience and email it to me at jkrtcf@srt.com. I can also use a picture of your Nichole if you send one.

i have found writing to be a great way to sort through my feelings. i love to write and don't do as much as i would like to because of other things in our lives that have to take priority. someday, i hope to devote a lot more time to it.

my family has been telling me for years to write a book but so far i just haven't taken the time to do the work required. one thing i do want to do is write a book about Missi's life and death that i can give to my granddaughter so she will know who her auntie Missi was and have a fuller understanding of who we all are.

if you have time, searcher, start gathering all those scraps of paper you've written on! i haven't done a lot of journaling but probably should have. i usually write essay style about specific issues and how i relate them to my grief. as for collaboration, i just never say never!

now this is turning into the book i haven't written so will sign off. by the way, i LOVE Andrea, too!

jo