Anno...you're sweet and thank you so much for caring...it means so much to me.
i tried that last year...I sent an email the evening of Father's Day when he had not heard from any of his children. I thought I'd give them a 'gentle' reminder what day it was. G responded immediately...D sent an e-card but did not call him even though she was home. LW fluffed me off completely and now this year comes around and thankfully G came through on his own but D and LW remained silent.
I can't call because I promised Larry I wouldn't ask them to call him. However, I do plan on asking them if their cell phones were broken Father's day. I'm sure we'll hear all kinds of 'excuses'...none, however, which will be legitimate unless they were near death. I'm having trouble understanding this...it's so coldhearted to me towards someone who is such a good, good man.

Dee, lots of good advice above, especially from Gims.
Not sure how old the offending kids are, but sometimes adults in
their 20's or early 30's are so into their own lives that
they are blind to everything else.
It should not be that way, but very sadly it is.

I think I once wrote this before in another thread. But anyway:

I used to sell real-estate to Germans in Spain. And do you know who most of the buyers were? They were Boomers estranged from their adult children. Many were bitter and were obviously not over it. So Dee, count your blessings if your Hubby is taking this quietly. It’s better for his health in any case. I wonder if these egotistical uncaring adult children will someday be treated by their own children in the same way. What goes out, usually comes back.

Oh my dear Dee....I remember this scenario from last year with you. I also shared my story about my husband's two daughters who won't even speak to him, much less send anything or call. So Father's Day was/is always a difficult day for us here. Here's a man that tried everything in his power to understand them and accept them as they are but the reality is that they're two spoiled, self-centered brats with no conscience. And that's the way it is and there is NOTHING under the sun that can change that until THEY decide to change. No amount of nagging, reasoning or anything can change someone's heart. They need to miss something in their life and change it. It will just continue to be a repeat performance on every special day. And it's never with sincerity that they do anything when they've been shamed into it. Yes, it's a major heartache for parents but it is what it is. Carry on with your life together and make the best of it. When the little 20 and 30-something brats decide to change you'll know it....and hopefully it won't be too late. Sorry to sound so bitter but I live with this daily and know it all too well.

I've read this thread, moved away from it on purpose because it angers me so for sweet Larry, then I would come back fully intending to post, but...

Here are my late thoughts...LJ said it all. Move on. I know it hurts you because you love Larry so much and it is a total injustice. What brats they are, and that is not the adjective I wanted to use for them. Totally self-absorbed.

But whatever you do, my dear friend, don't let them ruin any part of your lives together. If you let them, they win. They have put a wedge there that could possibly damage your relationship with Larry. I know that sounds absurb, but it could happen.

Kids do these things because they can. They can. They can do it and so what? They know Larry loves them too much to say anything to them, and that the fear of losing them all together is so great, he won't challenge them. So...they continue on down the path of IT'S ALL ABOUT ME. Let them.

Get on with your life. If you have the BBQ, ignore them. Act as though nothing has happened. Talk to Larry, and invite other guest that you can converse with. Why? Because...they have chosen NOT to make either of you a part of their lives....so choose the same for your own. But genuinely get on with your lives. Let them see that LIFE IS GOOD WITHOUT THEM.

It will make them think, "Hey wait a minute, how could they possibly be this happy when it's all about me?" Maybe they will think/realize that YOUR worlds do not revolve around them...but that you have your own friends, life, fun, etc.

And if the above advice does not work, I could send Bubba and Earl down to make um an offer they can't refuse...capish?

I've learned a long time ago, Dee, that when it comes to my step children, I have to shut my mouth and be silent. I am not the mother.......don't know the dynamics that occurred from way before me etc.

I believe the steps will have regrets later on. I see things, too, in my DH's situation. He just seems to be "second fiddle" to the Mom. But he handles it the way he handles it. HIS way. I have NO INPUT but to be there.

It's so difficult, I know, when we want to defend our spouses and keep them from hurt. But, for me at least, since I am not the parent, I cannot fix it.

My heart goes out to you, Dee. Being a caring stepparent does not always pan out.

I read this yesterday and wanted to help you Dee, but I'm at a loss. I was always taught to take the high road and set an example, but how do you do that in this situation?

I think the best thing for you to do is talk with Larry and let him know how you feel. Then see if he could tell them he was hurt by not hearing from them on Father's Day. Maybe it will be a time for him to communicate with his kids about what lies beneath the surface for everyone.

I get the same way when someone hurts one of my loved ones. The momma bear claws come out.

Dee,
Larry isn't the only parent ignored on special days. Someone very close 2 me, has an only son who never contacts them or sends them a gift on Mothers' Day! Mothers, fathers
it's the same thing. Parents get hurt, year after year. If the kids never mature, what can U do? I know U hurt 4 Larry; he's a sweet guy and U love him. It's normal 4 U 2 hurt. But I'm with gims and DI and some of those that say, "let Larry deal with it; stepmothers are in a very iffy spot!" Should you push the wrong button, you might regret it forever and ever. Just go along as if everything is okay. They've got to live with themselves. And anybody that could mistreat that cute hubby of yours, is wacko!!!

I also think at their ages, they just don't wanna know.

One time I told DH what his daughter said to me about a certain situation. He said, "She does not know it yet but it (the situation) will be good for her later on". It's so true. They cannot see what we see. They are not our ages and maturity.

Eyes wide shut....in that generation.