The graduation festivities have barely faded..balloons are still hanging in my little apartment..the Swedish flag is still displayed inside and outdoors..only a week ago I was creaking under all the parties held here all week..hoping the neighbors or I won´t go crazy..and now the computer in the kitchen with the accompanying music has disappeared. The mess is partially gone..

My 18 yr old has his own little place on the otherside of town..thanks to his older brother..and he has a job..also thanks to his brother.

All this is so right..so unexpected..so why am I drinking vodka drinks like there was no tomorrow and crying into my glass? I guess that I am doing what all mothers do..he is my last of 5..my baby..the one I had really connected with these last few years. He towers over us all with his smile..joy to be alive and his interest and love for his friends and people in general. He has taken his laughter, energy and zest for life..his light..and moved it away. And all is well..I KNOW..so it should be!

Guys..this ain´t easy. The emptying of the nest is ranked as one of the top 10 crises in life..and now I am reminded again why. UFFFFFF!!!!!!!

I know that this is actually a happy story..unbelievably so..for both my son and myself. I KNOW. So where is the old crone now?

I am taking the first steps toward finding her again by listening to Metallica..and getting some heavy testerone mixed in with my female hormones (if I have any left at 60). But it´s tough, ladies. As many of you know.

He and I sat quietly on our veranda yesterday before driving him and his stuff to his new place. And we silently said so much to eachother..and it was ok to cry..for both of us. OOOO such memories! When and if he comes back..it will not be the same..he will have moved on..and hopefully..me,too. An era of children..and it has been a mighty era of nearly 40 years has come to an end. Of course..putting it like that..it´s no wonder that I am going crazy with emotion. Right? I mean it´s 2/3´s of my earthly life at this point.

And I am soooo happy for him..and proud of him! And I do have a partner that is looking forward to some private time with me..so what am I whining about?????

No, humlan, it isn't easy. But, we must be thankful that he is in good health, in a good mental state and wise enough to take the next step in adulthood... of course, it's at your expense, in a way. I know you can see the beauty in it, though. Open your arms to you, now.

You've struck a chord and the tears are flowing.

Bless you. For now, embrace your partner.

I'll write more when I can get my act together on this topic.

Oh Humlan
wallow in the feeling then when you surface get ready for what next..My son went to so post grad. at a University and I can still remember his face at that window..we were taken unaware at the enormity of the seperation.
Then
like all good books...what happened next.
PLENTY.
and a greater understanding.
Remember that "All things pass"
Love Mountain ash

Crone

we had a discussion way back about crone.You use that term.
I like it. Senior status..wise one.
Mountain ash

Humlan, I am feeling for you. Not having any children of my own, I can not fully understand, but please know I am empathetic.

And do take care of yourself. Find something to celebrate something that is wonderful for you right now.

You are here in my heart.

You're in my heart too...sending love and hugs to fill some of those empty spaces.

It's bittersweet, Humlan, isn't it?
Best to you.

Dancer

What are you whining about? Rites of passage....of loving and letting go, and...of holding on. All good things and they all have their place and purpose. You speak of your love for him, how proud you are of him, and I can tell it fills you up. As a mother, how that warms my very own heart.

The pain you are feeling is real and the fear of things changing is knocking on your hearts door. How well I know it all. Is it okay to cry? Darn straight! Feel every blessed minute. As someone said, embrace it! Wallow in it if you so choose! Have a drink, play your music. Whatever lifts you.

You say 40 years has come to an end...so have another 40.

No, it isn't easy, and yes, you are emotional, but you will find the way back to your happy heart...I promise. It may be one day at a time, but isn't that all we were promised anyway?

You'll see another side of this new life and new lifeSTYLE if you'll give yourself some time...and don't forget to always live in the moment(s). We're here!

Humlun, I feel your sadness and hope that each day you start feel a little better about it. Luv n hugs from me too.

Glad that you and your son were able to spend a moment together, Humlan. Keep busy. That's my mantra.

Humlan, I know what you are going through, as my youngest daughter Kelsey
just graduated from high school. (my other 3 kids are in their 30's)

It feels so different and strange, yet I know she has so much ahead of
her to embrace; I am actually excited for her.

Big Hugs for you!

OOOO THANK YOU dear dear friends!! I feel a glow in my heart from all the caring here. THANK YOU!!!

I realized today that my son is distancing from me..hard to explain..but we don´t have the same "talk" anymore. In these days of internet, etc..we "meet" on MSN chat now and again. But there is a space now

However, after having taken a shower..I have cleaned and reoroganized the apartment this afternoon..with the help of music and a vodka drink..yes, I promise to check in AA when this is over. ..I realized that this distance is very necessary for him. Otheriwse he would be sitting in his place..crying and doing nothihg. But now he has made a discision and he´s following it thru..I would to, in his shoes..and of course, did. I mean..I moved to Sweden!

It´s not easy for him either in some ways..and I do remember this from my personal experience and that of his older brother and sisters. They have had to make a statement almost for themselves and for me too. We have been a tight knit family in many ways..and they have all had to push, pull and tug. I see that now. My 2 middle kids have actually mentioned this..voiced their thoughts and processes. They are slowly coming "back" now..on different premises..but I can sort of see the light there.

Hmmm.. I have written this thought here because I don´t want to loose it again when the tears start to fall..and the emptiness slams in again...

Do you guys feel what I am talkng about?

I am a firm believer in the thoughts of the The Prophet (gilal gibran)..we don´t own our children..they are just on loan to us..and we can´t walk with them into the future..the future belongs to them..and is their territory. I am paraphrasing..but this poem is lovely!

On the cd..a reggae song..Time to have sexa..yeah..now that we can have anytime..now that my teenager is making his life. Time for me to get a life,too..right???

Thank you for your thoughts and support here..thank you!!!!

Humlan, I’m slowly catching up on the posts that I have missed.

You know I have two sons. And although I think we all get along really well, there is sometimes a distance between us, that I’m a little sensitive about; because, I guess, I expected more. I envy you for the love you and your son have for each other. The thought that he cried as well, twinges at my heart strings, for neither of my sons ever did that when they left. Don’t misunderstand me. I don’t doubt for a minute that my sons truly love me, but it isn’t a gushy warm love. It’s a pat on the back, if I’m lucky, kind of love. It’s a sarcastic humour teasing love…that sometimes even gets on my nerves.

What am I trying to say here? I guess, maybe that I think you are a very lucky mother. And if you have this very beautiful strong bond to your son, it will become even stronger through distance. You’ll see.

This time of yearning and sadness, is painful I’m sure, but it is also the testimony of what a wonderful mother and son relationship you have, and always will have.

If we as parents do our job, kids grow up and move on with their own life. It's hard, it's sad but it is also rewarding knowing that we did a good job as parents.

Hang in there it will get better with time.
Yana

Oh Humlan,

I sooooo get it. My daughter graduated on the 13th. I cried off and on all day. I was so filled with emotion. Come August, both of my kids will be leaving for college and I will, for the first time in 21 years not have the daily responsibility of physically taking care of someone and physically knowing that they are home and safe. Even as I write this I am starting to cry. Life is difficult on many fronts right now, so I am feeling the stress of this transition even more.

I have been reading a lot about empty nesting, and it appears that everyone survives it. However, that doesn't make it any less painful.

Well my opinion is that a good, loving, nurturing woman, who takes being a mother seriously never ceases being a mother just because the birds have flown the nest... Its always hard to let go. I still have problems with my sons being gone, I miss them being underfoot.

10 years later, and I still feel the pain... I think it comes from thinking I won't be needed as much, or as often, which hasn't been the case, even though the needs have been somewhat different - how 'bout that for a run-on sentence.

Ah the Empty Nest....doors open, doors close, my empty nest dang near killed me literally. Totally for years a SAHM, my son's were ME/my life, to make matters worse my DH took a job in the same town as the boys college and my nest was for days completely empty. YES, it's painful to our very core to feel the loss of being needed, loss of contact & daily interaction, hugs & kisses. Long talks at midnight....Then one day, you notice they still come around and visit, you find a new quiet time with your grown young people, the conversations shift to more adult topics, like rent, phone bills, & Oh what joy! Recipe swaps and advice...It's then you wake and find a new woman all her 'own' to do with her days a she wishes. {to an extent}, yogurt and toast for supper days. LOL Then the kids have empty nest syndrome, when Mom don't answer the phone...YEIKES!! Where's Mom? She's out to lunch, having a pedicure, shopping for things she didn't dare spend on when baby needed a new pair of shoes. Time heals and you learn to embrace a new relationship with the adults you raised, one day they buy dinner or cook, you can go mess up their house and leave..You survive, they survive, the family thrives on the memories old and new ones yet to be made. Its as natural as the last diaper, first day of school & so on. Cry! Play music - Dance, whatever it takes to get through the heart tugs. No 2 people deal with anything the same, but we all can lend a hand of support to each other..my heart feels for you, yes our youngest is most difficult to see fly away, we have no spares. LOL In essence, every event in life is an ending and a beginning in 'one'.

Ohhh..what can I say dear friends??? Thank you SO MUCH for all your caring and all your thoughts and experiences... I cried right along with some of you and smiled along with others..I guess that´s what it is..bittersweet.

He called me the other evening..quite late, because he knows his mom is a nite owl..and said..mom I just got home and thought I sit on the veranda and have a talk with you...before I start at my computer. Well, what can I say??? My heart opened..all valves wide open and the light and love streamed in. As I have mentioned before. my 2 middle kids have been gone for so long due to therapists and everything being our fault..that this is such a GIFT!!!! Such a total miracle, blessing, happening.

Thank you SO MUCH..all of you..for helping me hang in there and not be a STOP for my young son who is also trying this living on his own..and not backing away or giving up. That takes GUTS too..and I want to help him and support him. SO thank you for helping me, help him,too

My baby graduated from high school last week, so this thread is the first one I'm reading as a new member. Lots of tears for a couple of days, even feeling panicky. We have plans for a trip after we drop him at college this fall. Meanwhile, I can cry myself into a hole by remembering all the cute little boy moments, even watching little boys playing soccer in a field this morning. However, I feel better when I remember the sullen teenager of the past few years, and how excited he is to be going away to college. Letting go is a very big challenge for me as well. Blessings to all of us moms who did our best. Where are OUR diplomas? Hee hee!

Welcome Linda!! I have one son in the army, and the other will be a senior next year. It's an ambivalent time - you're sad to see them go and worry how they'll do on their own, and you are happy that you finally get some time to yourself. I'm looking forward to the trips we can make once the kids are all out on their own.

Looking forward to getting to know you!

Kathy

Hello Linda from Scotland
Enjoy this summer and your sons excitment about college..
The friends you make here will share similar feelings.
Little boys grab our hearts..
I have a beautiful boy too now a man.Also a daughter who is my dear heart.Mothers Diploma..now there is an idea.
Mountain ash

welcome linda. You are so wise to plan a trip in the fall. A neighbor friend of mine who had sent three children off to college, gave us the same advice. She said to always have soemthing to look forward to that first year. I think it's great advice. Is he going out of state?

We are heading to Florida soon for our son's college graduation. He's been all the way in Florida. I think if they're happy, we can be happy. At least that's been the way it's worked with our three.

I have two sons as most of you know and it was hard for me when they left for the first twenty minutes. Okay, okay...so it took a little longer. Sue me.

But I will tell you one trick I use all the time and you may be able to do the same. I call and invite them and their spouse/girlfriend to come for a cookout, no special occasion really, just a thank for some little something they may have done for me. When they come, I make sure I have one of their favorite dishes made and make sure I have something "special" for the daughter-in-law or girlfriend as well.

I bask in the "Oh Mom! Brownies just for me? The rest of you back off...Mother made these for ME!" Or "Wow Mother! You made my fav--deviled eggs! But I only see a dozen. What is everybody else gonna do?"

And of course, everybody would tease him/them all day. It has become somewhat of a regular thing now. They know when I call it will be a fun time, special things made they don't usually eat like brownies, deviled eggs, Red Velvet Cake, etc., and then they leave...I have my space again, but I'm practically drunk with love from their visits. We do this as often as our schedules allow.

QJJ,
You have a wonderful tradition going there. It's a fantastic idea & isn't it Great to be HIGH/drunk on LIFE & Love. I didn't have your forsight to start this early as you did. But always tried to make my son's favs when they came in from college. Now as a family we have decided somewhere -our house, one of their homes or just meet i the middle and go out to eat..we do our best to get together every 3-5 weeks at minimum. Not that it was much past that anyhow, but our efforts are more into it now.

Great idea about making his favorite foods when he returns - that would be mac and cheese and hot dogs - hee hee! He is going to Rochester Institute of Technology which is about a 5-hour drive. It's perfect for him, as he is a computer geek.
Thanks for the welcome, I'm going to enjoy this group.

Linda, let me welcome you and say that I have seen 3 leave the nest. It's never easy. That Diploma you asked about? Well, it's tatooed on our hearts.

Lindawis, first of all WELCOME to BWS. You will love it here as we all do and thats the truth.

No matter how old we get or our kids get, they are and always will be our babies and even though we think it would be nice to have some peace, quiet and order in our home when the kids leave, well when they actually do it is always mixed with many emotions. Loneliness, and not feeling needed or part of their lives anymore to name just a few...