Site Links

Top Posters
Dotsie 23647
chatty lady 20267
jawjaw 12025
jabber 10032
Dianne 6123
Latest Photos
Useable gifts!
Winter wonderland/fantasy for real
The Soap lady meets the Senator
baby chicks
Quilted Christmas Stocking
Latest Quilt
Shelter from the storm
A new life
Who's Online
0 Registered (), 37 Guests and 2 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
3238 Members
63 Forums
16331 Topics
210700 Posts

Max Online: 409 @ 01/17/20 03:33 AM
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 >
Topic Options
#150241 - 06/06/08 01:53 PM Hi I'm new and would like to hear back
KitKat Offline

Registered: 06/06/08
Posts: 7
Loc: Florida
I'm not used to posting since I'm kind of a private person. But since we're all baby boomers here I feel more comfortable spilling my guts! LOL! Anyway, I've come to a point in my life where I'm not sure I want to be with the same person anymore (meaning my husband). It's a complicated situation and I'm hoping I can get some feedback. I've been married twice before and with this husband 16 years. He has anger issues, no patience, no ambition, etc. plus he's addicted to computer [Lavender]. All that adds up to "loser". But here's my problem, we live in a nice house with a pool and I've worked so hard with the decorating and gardening that I don't want to give it up. But, I also don't want to live with him anymore. His "crazy" daughter (my step-daughter) 20 yrs old lives with us, she's bipolar and won't take meds or go to counseling, won't lift a finger to help out around the house, a real slob and husband feels guilty and falls all over himself trying to please HER. I'm left on the back burner. I dont' want to move out and if I do, he will have to sell the house because he doesn't make enough money to pay himself. don't know what to do!!!

#150242 - 06/06/08 02:11 PM Re: Hi I'm new and would like to hear back [Re: KitKat]
Edelweiss Offline

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 4136
Loc: American living in Europe
I once told my husband I rather live in a one room apartment and be happy then unhappy in a beautiful home. I think when you can say that to yourself; then you are ready to move on. If you are still hanging on to material things,…then the marriage can’t be all that bad.
But then again, I know material things can make you happy….But what is happiness? Hugging your TV? Or is it deep down inside of you that makes you want to skip when you take a stroll outside?

I’m all for the latter.

Oh, and welcome Kathy…you’ll love it here.

#150243 - 06/06/08 02:12 PM Re: Hi I'm new and would like to hear back [Re: KitKat]
Dotsie Offline

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
KitKat, welcome! I don't know if this will make you feel better, but you are not the first boomer woman to come here with this issue. If you search around, you'll see that others are in the same boat.

Too bad the duaghter won't get help for her illness. Medicine can work miracles for people with bi-polar if they are willing to work at it.

Another thought, if the daughter moves out, would you still not want to be with your hubby?

I guess you have to choose between living miserably in luxury or living a more contented life in a smaller condo. Just remember that you can make your new home a nice place to live too, surrounded by all your favorite things.

Also, can you afford to keep the house if he moves out?

Also, what do you mean by anger issues? Is he abusive?

Don't feel like you have to answer all these questions for us. Just answer them for yourself.

Sending clarity your way.
Founder Emeritus of Boomer Women Speak and the National Association of Baby Boomer Women.

#150244 - 06/06/08 02:18 PM Re: Hi I'm new and would like to hear back
Edelweiss Offline

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 4136
Loc: American living in Europe

I guess you have to choose between living miserably in luxury or living a more contented life in a smaller condo.

Hah! Dotsie, we just about said the same thing. Give me a five!

#150245 - 06/06/08 02:41 PM Re: Hi I'm new and would like to hear back [Re: Edelweiss]
KitKat Offline

Registered: 06/06/08
Posts: 7
Loc: Florida
Thanks you guys! You're all right, I would rather be poor and happy than live in a nice house and not really enjoy it. My husband has a quick hair trigger temper and a very loud voice. He's never been abusive to me, just very scary. I don't make enough to pay the mortgage myself either, we make the small amount of money. Even though I sound materialistic I'm not really just want to keep my good credit rating and have something to show for my age. I would still leave him even if his daughter wasn't there. Thanks again guys!

#150246 - 06/06/08 07:27 PM Re: Hi I'm new and would like to hear back [Re: KitKat]
chatty lady Offline

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
Maybe you could keep your home, kick his sorry a// out, his daughter too and then when the dust settles find a couple of nice women to move in and help pay the bills. Or even a nice older man to do the upkeep/repairs. It can be a strictly business arrangement and I see it happening here where I live all the time.
BUT be careful and check out a woulds be tenant to make sure they have NO baggage...NO drama to add to your own.
OR just say adios and get yourself a nice apartment with a pool etc. Let someone else do the work while you just enjoy life... Life is too short to waste on some loud mouth and his weirdo, lazy old daughter...
Take a peek at my BLOG:

#150247 - 06/07/08 02:49 AM Re: Hi I'm new and would like to hear back [Re: chatty lady]
Dee Offline

Registered: 06/27/05
Posts: 2561
Loc: Alabama
I'd talk to a good attorney...
"They will be able to say that she stood in the storm and when the wind did not blow her away....and surely it has not.....she adjusted her sails" - Elizabeth Edwards

#150248 - 06/07/08 11:25 AM Re: Hi I'm new and would like to hear back [Re: Dee]
Cubby Offline

Registered: 05/03/08
Posts: 12
Hi Kathy,
I can relate to what you are saying about leaving your house if you read my recent posts. I struggled with the same and did move out of my spacious house/property into a much smaller ranch on a busy street. I am paying lots of money each month to live in my new place while my husband enjoys our property with many less expenses as that mortgage was paid for. This has been my choice and I don't begrudge him. Sometimes I really miss my old house especially on "grouchy" days when I find fault with the new one with not enough space, not enough electrical outlets, not enough privacy, etc. etc. etc. But then I try to remember the freedom and lack of drama that I have here vs. there. I can come and go as I please, leave my stuff around without someone complaining, turn up the music, do the housework naked, whatever I want! That definitely was not the case living with my husband in a turmoiled relationship.
I know how hard it is to leave the place you have put so much into and sometimes I think maybe I just should have sucked it up and stayed. Then I think NOT!
There is a book my therapist has recommended that I just ordered. It is called "Too good to leave, too bad to stay"
It is written by an experienced marriage therapist and is designed to ask questions about what you really feel and want. I can't wait to get it! Maybe it would be something you would like too.

#150249 - 06/07/08 12:54 PM Re: Hi I'm new and would like to hear back [Re: Cubby]
Anno Offline

Registered: 09/15/05
Posts: 4434
Loc: Minneapolis Minnesota
I think you already know what you want to do.
Follow our story of living, loving and laughing with a debilitating disease:

#150250 - 06/07/08 01:08 PM Re: Hi I'm new and would like to hear back [Re: Anno]
jawjaw Offline
Da Queen

Registered: 07/02/03
Posts: 12025
Loc: Alabama
Everything boils down to choices. There are always two. They may not be the ones we desire, but they are there. Peace of mind for being away from the abuse and neglect? Or a nice, comfortable home that has been decorated with love? Stick it out and reap the financial rewards later down the line? Or try it on your own and maybe not have as much?

There are always two choices. At least it seems that way to me. I believe first you need to identify your fears, all of them...and see if they are real. Try to get past them. For instance, who says you can't make it on your own? Why are you putting HIS concerns over your own? Who is living your life? Him? or You? And so forth...and so on.

Every thing I say is out of love for my fellow human being who might be suffering...not for the sake of being heard, and especially not out of being right!

Been there, done that, my friend. And I can tell you this much. Laying my head down at night and feeling good about my day, my self, and my life as a whole, is priceless.

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 > | Forum Testimonials | Newsletter Sign Up | View Our Newsletter | Advertise With Us
About the Founder | Media Room | Contact BWS
Resources for Women | Boomer Books | Recent Reads | Boomer Links | Our Voices | Home

Boomer Women Speak
9672 W US Highway 20, Galena, IL 61036 • • 1-877-BOOMERZ

Boomer Women Speak cannot be held accountable for any personal relationships or meetings face-to-face that develop because of interaction with the forums. In addition, we cannot be held accountable for any information posted in Boomer Women Speak forums.

Boomer Women Speak does not represent or endorse the reliability of any information or offers in connection with advertisements,
articles or other information displayed on our site. Please do your own due diligence when viewing our information.

Privacy PolicyTerms of UseDisclaimer

Copyright 2002-2019 • Boomer Women SpeakBoomerCo Inc. • All rights reserved