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#158243 - 08/31/08 01:51 AM Re: Another Unexpected Grief Trigger [Re: Danita]
Eagle Heart Offline
Member

Registered: 03/22/05
Posts: 4876
Loc: Canada
Danita, I think I've decided that, in my experience, there are two kinds of "normal": there's a pre-loss normal and then there's a post-loss normal, and ne'er the twain shall meet! Once you've lost a loved one, there's no going back to that old normal. You just struggle through the terrible grief (while everyone around you has moved on into whatever their "normal" is) and somehow, despite all your instincts to just pull the covers over you head and never come back out, you emerge on the other side into a new normal. Life will never ever be the same, everything's been changed against our will, our pre-loss futures are stolen, horizons have moved - and yet, somehow, living with the holes - and the unfairness - becomes normal.

My hope comes from believing that they are still part of us, still watching over us, cheering us onward and upward - and will be waiting for us when it's our time.

Danita, I carry you in my heart...
_________________________
When you don't like a thing, change it.
If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.

(Maya Angelou)

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#158254 - 08/31/08 01:13 PM Re: Another Unexpected Grief Trigger [Re: Eagle Heart]
Danita Offline
Member

Registered: 01/24/05
Posts: 1550
Loc: Colorado
Eagle,

Again, I can't believe how eloquantly you communicate these things. Are you writing a book on the subject??????

I thank God for the hope that carries me forward. The belief and hope that life will somehow be normal again - (and as you said - a "new normal").

The one thing I appreciate about experiencing deep loss - is that I can relate so much better with others who grieve. Our grieving doesn't even have to be the same subject or areas - I just "get it" now.

My friend Tina who finally died from cancer - when she was first diagnosed - I was NOT one of the people who gathered around her to support her. In fact, I avoided sick people and funerals like the plague.

During my divorce - when I began the grieving process - I began to connect with her in a precious way. We even talked about it.

This is one thing I don't regret about my experience. Is that it adds a new deapth to who I am.

Thank you EH for sharing yourself so freely, and for using your grief to help others make sense of theirs. This is a gift.

Hope you have a wonderful day!

Danita
_________________________
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#158255 - 08/31/08 01:31 PM Re: Another Unexpected Grief Trigger [Re: Danita]
jawjaw Offline
Da Queen

Registered: 07/02/03
Posts: 12025
Loc: Alabama
Eagle, Danita...I was equally impressed with the responses given, and also by Danita's insight that grief doesn't come in one package. There are many people whose grief comes not from the death of a loved one, but from situations gone bad, a lost job maybe, a lost friendship or love, money worries, sicknesses that may or may not be terminal, children who misbehave, and many, many other things.

Thank you kindly for recognizing "us."

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#158269 - 08/31/08 03:46 PM Re: Another Unexpected Grief Trigger [Re: jawjaw]
jabber Offline
Member

Registered: 02/17/05
Posts: 10032
Loc: New York State
Love the voodoo stuff, jj! [May a thousand mustard seeds invade your garlic powder]. It made me laugh. Like EAGLE, I seldom use actual recipes. I toss in a little of this and a little of that. It usually works. But I only cook what hubby likes. If I wish to eat something he refuses to eat, I'll order it in a restaurant. Not up for cooking two meals at the same time. I like itty, bitty pepperoncini; yummie.

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#158396 - 09/01/08 01:16 PM Re: Another Unexpected Grief Trigger [Re: jabber]
jabber Offline
Member

Registered: 02/17/05
Posts: 10032
Loc: New York State
Get this: I bought a [pint] jar of bread 'n butter pickles at a local supermarket the other day. It cost over $6.00. Now don't that just flip your bippy!

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#158402 - 09/01/08 01:34 PM Re: Another Unexpected Grief Trigger [Re: jabber]
jawjaw Offline
Da Queen

Registered: 07/02/03
Posts: 12025
Loc: Alabama
I bought a jar of pickled green tomatoes on the way back from Florida last week. They are divine! However, they cost me nearly 6 bucks. This was definitely a treat...not something I had to have. I'm with you, the prices nowadays shout, "get back to basics" and are having me rethink the home garden thing. For sure!

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#158436 - 09/01/08 07:41 PM Re: Another Unexpected Grief Trigger [Re: jawjaw]
jabber Offline
Member

Registered: 02/17/05
Posts: 10032
Loc: New York State
jj,
I've heard of green tomatoes but never had any. Someday, I'm
gonna try them!

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#158442 - 09/01/08 08:13 PM Re: Another Unexpected Grief Trigger [Re: jabber]
jawjaw Offline
Da Queen

Registered: 07/02/03
Posts: 12025
Loc: Alabama
Get the pickled ones...or fry them. They are so good it will make you want to slap your grandmaw...

We call them larapin! Yum!

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#158740 - 09/04/08 07:28 PM Re: Another Unexpected Grief Trigger [Re: jawjaw]
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Funny to find this post. Just had my first fried green tomato last week. We went to the city to take our son out to dinner and ate at a sounthern BBQ type place. YUM! My son ordered the tomatoes as an appetizer. He went to college in the south and enjoys some of the southern foods. I liked them, but must admit, it was the fried batter that I liked. Not much taste to the tomato.
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Founder Emeritus of Boomer Women Speak and the National Association of Baby Boomer Women.
www.nabbw.com
www.boomerwomenspeak.com


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