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#147590 - 05/05/08 05:32 PM Re: You ladies are great! [Re: chatty lady]
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Coming in to this late and also as a woman who has been married to the love of my life for 28 years. No divorce expereince here, except what I've learned from friends.

It sounds to me like you are greiving what you thought your life was going to be. I think that's a very hard part, but one that can be conquered with counseling because you can begin to paint the latest picture of what your life WILL be. While it will look different, you are the only one with a say in it and I think that's empowering.

It's the perfect time for you to re-invent your life. Change is hard, but once the changes are made, you begin living anew, and then ou'll look back and thank God for your new life which can be one without the tension of living wih someone who blocks you out. That's hurtful and way too tough on your body and soul. Everyone deserves regcognition within their own home.
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#147591 - 05/06/08 12:40 AM Re: You ladies are great!
Cubby Offline


Registered: 05/03/08
Posts: 12
Thank-you all for your thoughtful and inspiring words. They mean alot to me.
When I think about it, I know I am happier living on my own.
There were times when living with my husband, that I would retreat to my room and just lay on my bed depressed. He did the same thing himself. But for whatever reason, he has not moved on and I haven't either.
I miss my house and property which was much more to my liking than the small little shoebox I live in now with not enough electrical plugs and drafty walls in the winter and a high mortgage, where I had no mortgage, and had spaciousness, quality craftmanship, and land in my other property. But I gave it up and made that choice for freedom and did not ask for anything but. So why can't I just be happy with my choice and move forward...........!

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#147592 - 05/06/08 06:31 AM Re: You ladies are great! [Re: Cubby]
Edelweiss Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 4136
Loc: American living in Europe
Cubby, me thinks you miss your house and not your Hubby….

I know with the real-estate crisis in America and all, this may not be good advice; but I’ll say it anyway. Is it possible you made a poor choice in buying your present home? Well, you aren’t married to it. Then put it up for sale, and see if you find something more to your liking. Maybe a house isn’t the answer. Maybe a “newer” apartment with a large balcony is. If you don’t sell the house for the price you want, then so be it. But who knows, everyone gets lucks once in a while.

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#147593 - 05/06/08 05:39 PM Re: You ladies are great! [Re: Edelweiss]
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Edelweiss, excellent observation and great idea.

cubby, how about figuring out exactly what it is you miss in your home, then trying to find it elsewhere?
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www.nabbw.com
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#147594 - 05/06/08 10:24 PM Re: You ladies are great!
Cubby Offline


Registered: 05/03/08
Posts: 12
Thankyou Edelweiss for those thoughts. And Dottie, that is a great idea. Try to find what I miss in my home, elsewhere.
This is timely because I just came from there since I like to walk after work and that is my favorite place to walk. The house is on about 4 acres of land which consists of small hills, open field, and woods. Since it is private property no one bothers me there. My husband works late so is not at home when I get out of work. I have tried to walk on the roads which many people do around here but I dislike the many cars and people seeing me (I am quite private). I have tried walking at local parks but have not found one I care for, plus there are usually people there. So what I miss about my other house is the quietness and solitude of the place - in the country with no neigbors. I went inside the house while I was there and loved the spaciousness and open floor plan and cathedral ceilings, even if the remodeling remains unfinished. So that is another thing I miss - a nice spacious big house. But the problem is a real one. I can't afford a house like that on my own with a single income. I can afford a small ranch which I live in. Maybe it was a mistake buying this house but I knew I could resell it fairly quickly if need be as it is in a desirable suburban neighborhood, so I won't lose money. But even if I sell it, I won't be able to buy what I want. I guess that's one of the realities that come with divorce. One income.

And while I was in the house, I saw something that saddened me and probably shouldn't since it has been a year and a half we have not been together - a notation on his calendar for "dinner with Cheryl on her birthday" for Thursday......
I shouldn't feel sad because I myself have had dinner with Paul and dinner with Drew! But I guess I know that when my husband, who never cheated and was very loyal, makes a date like that, it means something. What do I expect - I left him, abandoned in legal terms....... No matter, it still doesn't feel very good....

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#147595 - 05/06/08 10:44 PM Re: You ladies are great! [Re: Cubby]
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
Cubby in the PM's we have had going back and forth I have gotten the feeling that besides being somewhat lazy in remodeling the house, and being an emotional cripple your husband doesn't sound so bad. You had better give this much thought and remember I said the grass is 'not' generally greener on the other side, we just imagine it to be. If you are thinking of trying again and theres no shame in that, do it before some Cheryl or someone else gets their claws into him...
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#147596 - 05/07/08 07:26 AM Re: You ladies are great! [Re: chatty lady]
Edelweiss Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 4136
Loc: American living in Europe
Cubby, is it jealousy you feel? I remember breaking up with a guy I dated. When I found out that he was dating someone else right after the breakup, I was devestated. And then I thought this is my pride, not a broken heart. I think it's easy to confuse the two. Just a thought.

Oh, and yes your house with the beautiful grounds sounds gorgious. But even a Princess like Lady Di was unhappy in a castle. It's the home you carry in your heart that counts. That is what makes a house to a home, don't you think?

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#147597 - 05/07/08 09:26 AM Re: You ladies are great! [Re: Edelweiss]
Cubby Offline


Registered: 05/03/08
Posts: 12
Edelweiss,
I love your thought "Even Princess Di was unhappy in a castle" So true. Thankyou.

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#147598 - 05/07/08 01:32 PM Re: You ladies are great! [Re: Cubby]
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Cubby, do you miss your home or your hubby, or the notion of being married to the same guy and living happily ever after? Can you put your finger on it? I'm sure it's not that simple yet, but are you yearning for your husband?
_________________________
Founder Emeritus of Boomer Women Speak and the National Association of Baby Boomer Women.
www.nabbw.com
www.boomerwomenspeak.com


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#147599 - 05/07/08 08:15 PM Re: You ladies are great!
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
Poor Princess Di didn't have a chance at happiness with Prince (NOT very Princely) Charles, because he had his whore Carmella always in the background and poor Diana knew it. What women could take that crap for very long? I feel so sorry for her and you know the Monarchy had her whipped out as she was in the way and they couldn't have her marrying some Arab, Fahed and bringing him into their royal households....What a mess!


Edited by chatty lady (05/07/08 08:17 PM)
_________________________
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http://charleen-micheles.blogspot.com/


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