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#144939 - 03/25/08 03:57 PM Re: My Daughter Sofia [Re: jabber]
Wisdom&Life Offline
Member

Registered: 12/14/04
Posts: 724
Loc: Chesapeake, VA
Good idea your Majesty, I like the title. People have to be aware of this for sure and if this could help others, it would be worth the work. Mental Health is a big issue right now with the Virginia Legislation and there has to be something I can do for this issue. It has been an issue for me for a long time because unfortunately, Mental Abuse is a very difficult thing to prove. But at the same time, there has to be justice for those who have been victims of this abuse as well. I worry about the scars this is going to leave Sofia. Sure she brought this on herself, but she doesn’t have to pay for this the rest of her life either. We all make mistakes and you are aware of what she put us through. But like the father of the Prodigal Son in The Bible, I am ready to through a feast with the fatted calf. This happened when the Prodigal Son came to his own realization. Sofia is at that point too! Again, good idea about the book.

Jabber, I think the issue of people being wrongfully placed in Mental Institutions is something that has been going on for centuries. I have to believe our Heavenly Father will turn the tables on the evil doers. It already has because they never expected us to get involved. Things have not gone their way at all. But there is still a battle going on and like David, we have to trust that God is bigger than they are. God is bigger than these giants we face. I hope all will turn in your circumstances as well. Besides, I think there are good recipes out there for burnt potatoes.

Hannelore, it is always good to see you respond. I feel a kindred spirit here and perhaps soon I can post photographs with myself and Zoey having a day with Yiayia (Greek for grandma). She is a good baby, and when we do have visitation with her, we try to focus all our attention to her by soothing her and just singing to her and loving her up. We also play classical and soothing music and of course, no smoke. Thank you friend for coming here and giving me all this morale support.

Songbird, this means so much for me. I know the power of prayer is the best all around. God has stated that “all things are possible for those who love God.” He didn’t say some things were, but all! I know that helping my daughter raise an infant is going to produce many challenges, but these challenges are going to met with pure Joy because Zoey is a Joy and we all have a destinity and I have a feeling hers is going to be a rather special one.

May God Bless all of you! I know He has blessed me for being with a wonderful, intelligence, beautiful and diverse group of women.

A little update here: The therapist and the Dr. Sofia has been seeing are going to write a letter to Sofia’s lawyer and to Zoey’s Guardian ad Litem. First of all, they will state that Sofia is not a danger to herself, to anyone, and most important, Sofia is not a danger to Zoey. However; they want to see her interact with Zoey. This means we would have to bring Zoey back with us. We are hoping the letter is completed by tomorrow because they want Sofia to review it first during her appointment tomorrow. Then they will fax the letter to each lawyer. Hopefully, they will come to some agreement before we have to go to Blacksburg for the weekend. This weekend, is the weekend we have visitation with Zoey, but it can only be in Blacksburg until a therapist and Dr. has deemed Sofia safe with Zoey. Well, we followed through on that stipulation, let’s see if they will follow through on their part. Please pray we are able to bring Zoey back with us after this weekend.

I will let you all know. During the weekend, I will not have access to the internet, but will let you all know as soon as possible.

Another prayer request, please pray that our Father will give Sofia the strength to hang in there while this is going on.

Thanks so much ladies!

I love you all a lot!

Blessings to all of you!

Cathi
_________________________
Proud member of National Association Of Baby Boomer Women!
www.nabbw.com

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#144940 - 03/26/08 12:44 PM Re: My Daughter Sofia [Re: Wisdom&Life]
Songbird Offline
Member

Registered: 06/03/04
Posts: 2830
Loc: Massachusetts, USA
Dear Cathi: You are a blessing to your family and God will bless you abundantly. I pray he gives you the desires of your heart regarding Sofia and Zoey. Regarding Sofia, remember God won't let us withstand more than we can handle, and he promises we can do all things through Him (Phil. 4:13).

Id like to share a Bible verse: Isaiah 49:25-
"But thus says the LORD:
“ Even the captives of the mighty shall be taken away,
And the prey of the terrible be delivered;
For I will contend with him who contends with you,
And I will save your children."
(New King James Version)

Continue trusting in the Lord for deliverance, strength and guidance...


Edited by Songbird (03/26/08 12:47 PM)

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#144941 - 03/26/08 01:22 PM Re: My Daughter Sofia [Re: Songbird]
Wisdom&Life Offline
Member

Registered: 12/14/04
Posts: 724
Loc: Chesapeake, VA
Thank you Songbird, this is what I needed to see this morning. I am down right now, and I just prayed before I went to bed. Lord it's totally in your Hands, and Your Will be done. Help us to withstand whatever the outcome may be. Then I wake up and see your message. Isaiah is my favorite book in the Bible.

God has used you as a vehicle to restore some hope for us.

I have such anxieties right now because our lawyer hasn't returned any of my calls nor have I received an email from her. I have to keep reminding myself that she's busy and has other clients to take care of. But timing is everything, and I am hoping to have some issues resolved by Friday.

I don't know if I said the right thing to Sofia the other day. But I had told her to remember that God will not allow anything to happen to us that we are not able to handle. She said, "Mom, I thought God wouldn't let anything happen to us that we can't handle. I can't handle this." I told her, "Evidently God thinks you can or He wouldn't allow it." I hope my response was correct. I don't want to make any promises to her that cannot be kept. She really needs to trust me, and more importantly, I don't want her to lose her Faith.

Thanks for this post Songbird. I'll keep everyone posted.

Love and Blessings,
Cathi
_________________________
Proud member of National Association Of Baby Boomer Women!
www.nabbw.com

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#144942 - 04/08/08 02:37 PM Re: My Daughter Sofia [Re: Wisdom&Life]
Wisdom&Life Offline
Member

Registered: 12/14/04
Posts: 724
Loc: Chesapeake, VA
Hi Ladies,

I wanted to give an update and I actually saved the last two responses in my email. So I will answer those comments first. I copied and pasted the quotes.

Quote:

Mustang Gal

Cathi, I'm praying for ya'll. Glad doc and therapist are in your favor. Will the guardian ad litem prepare a report and/or recommendation? I wonder (and I apologize if I offend) if the father's mother wants custody in an effort to make up for her inability as a parent? I ask b/c I've seen this occur - a kind of second chance, which most often leads to control issues.




Quote:

Dotsie

Mustang, I also feel like the mother is a control freak, trying to get her way come hell or high water. Sorry, but that's how she comes across. What a shame. It's not about her. It's about what's best for the baby.

As I post, I lift up prayers for all the goigns on in Blacksburg this weekend




Unfortunately, the Guardian ad Litem and their lawyer and our lawyer didn’t come to an agreement on time. So we went to Blacksburg the weekend of Mar 28-30 and had Zoey with us only for that weekend. She had grown so much and Sofia was pretty depressed because she is missing out on so much. We are back in Chesapeake until this Friday Apr 11. We will be able to take Zoey back with us as a result of the letter her Dr. and therapist wrote. They expressed in that letter that Sofia does not have mental problem, but is depressed because of what happened to her. In other words, documenting the fact that those people manipulated her. In that letter they also expressed the need for her to bond with Zoey and they want to evaluate Zoey as well. They are also certified in child psychiatry/psychology, including infants. The guardian will only allow a week and not two weeks.

As for the mother being a control freak. Mustang, you did not offend at all, in fact, I am so glad you all see this. I found out this past week that even the guardian sees this. I had already noticed that since August. All of a sudden, the dad, his mom, and sister turned on Sofia after it was discovered she was pregnant. Just by some of the actions and conversations, I could tell what this woman’s intentions were. But I couldn’t say anything because I didn’t want them to know I was on to them. If they had any clue that I was on to them, they would’ve gone out of their way to hide their actions and I had to act covertly. I couldn’t tell Sofia because she still had the hope this boy would come around and she kept getting angry at me and running to them when she would get angry at us.

Finally, when Sofia came home for Thanksgiving, her dad and I talked to her. We begged her to come back home and have the baby. We told her of our suspicions, and warned her that this woman is a bully and will do whatever it takes to take the baby away. Sofia only became more upset with us. Then when we went to Blacksburg when Zoey was born, we saw this woman trying to manipulate her. Once again, we begged her to come back with us with the baby. We told her this woman was mentally abusing her and we pointed some things out. It wasn’t that Sofia didn’t believe us, but somehow, she felt this loyalty. Plus, she had an apartment set up for her and Zoey. That’s the feeling I got anyway.

Now, this woman is trying to act all nice to us when we are there. She even told Sofia that she never intended to take Zoey away from her. She only wanted to help Sofia with her mental health. Okay, and I was born yesterday! I didn’t know she studied medicine!?! I just went along, because I don’t want to raise any red flags with this woman. But after we left the first time, I told Sofia not to fall for what she said. I told her if this was true, then this woman wouldn’t have gotten pissed off when Child Protective Services said it was okay for Sofia to have Zoey with her as long as Richard and/or I were with her. This woman was not a happy camper when Richard and I arrived in Blacksburg when all this started. I mean really, they had retained a lawyer, and they had a court date. They furnished the court with the hospital address Sofia was in, therefore; Sofia never received a summons. They were hoping to go to court in the beginning of March, without Sofia knowing it and her son would’ve had custody (really her, but she’s using her son). They thought they were on easy street and Sofia would’ve had to pay child support. What they didn’t count on is this, the boy’s stepmom (as a result, she can only see Zoey when Sofia and I are there because this woman has forbidden her to see Zoey) called us and told us what had happened. They didn’t count on Richard and myself to go there and retain a lawyer for Sofia. So not only did Sofia show up in court, but she had representation as well.

Her son, is the only reason she is able to have Zoey right now. She is the one communicating right now with me about Zoey. Her son doesn’t communicate with Sofia about their daughter. Sofia calls him to find out how Zoey is doing. The guardian had specifically stated for the grandmothers to stay out of it and that the parents need to communicate with each other about the child.

While there is progress being made. There are still some obstacles. We saw her lawyer on Monday before we came back home. She is going to make a case for Sofia on the fact that this woman manipulated her and Sofia should have full custody, in Chesapeake. She will try to make the argument that Sofia’s resources are so much better at home. But she is preparing us for a possible different outcome. The guardian is trying to fight for joint custody and that each parent has 3 days on, 3 days off. Sofia will have to live in Blacksburg. The reasoning is this, she chose to move there and have the baby there. It will not matter how many letters the Dr. or therapist writes explaining how she was vulnerable and immature at the time of her decision.

If Sofia has to stay in Blacksburg, I am going to try to relocate over there. In fact, I am working on that right now. Virginia Tech is there and they have jobs I may be qualified for, so I have to update my resume and apply for work there. I am just going to start sending applications and resumes to many different companies there and the surrounding areas. However, what I would really like to do is join the work at home program from the company I work for now. I am waiting to hear about that this coming week. This would be ideal, and we have until the end of May before the final hearing.

Richard and I talked about this and we are in agreement. We don’t like that arrangement, but we need to do what we have to do. Sofia is trying really hard to make improvements for herself. In hindsight, this may be what it took to get her to shape up. Our Father works in ways we wouldn’t ever think of.

Wow, long story again, and there is more, but I gave you the gist of it.

I love you all a lot!!!

Blessings,
Cathi
_________________________
Proud member of National Association Of Baby Boomer Women!
www.nabbw.com

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#144943 - 04/08/08 03:45 PM Re: My Daughter Sofia [Re: Wisdom&Life]
humlan Offline


Registered: 04/15/07
Posts: 1341
Loc: Sweden
Our Father works in ways that we would never think of..I am sure there is a meaning here..why Zoey has the parents that she does..so don´t despair if things take time..there are many threads to pull and put together here..and perhaps time is your greatest asset..and for Zoey,too.

Sending you all my love..and trying to push along some strength to you all...because it´s a nightmare that involves so many..and above all Zoey..Hugs..Hugs..and then some more hugs..
_________________________
"some sacred place.."

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#144944 - 04/08/08 06:08 PM Re: My Daughter Sofia [Re: humlan]
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Your strength is amazing. Also, the fact that you are willing to move for the sake ofyour daughter and granddaughter. How far will you be from your parents if you choose to move.

Is the hopeful outcome of hte next visit that you will bring Zoey home with you for a week?
_________________________
Founder Emeritus of Boomer Women Speak and the National Association of Baby Boomer Women.
www.nabbw.com
www.boomerwomenspeak.com


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#144945 - 04/08/08 06:26 PM Re: My Daughter Sofia
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
While the site was down, I found this little inspirational piece for you.

I recalled you saying your weren't sure if what you said to Sophia about God not giving us more than we can handle was the right thing to say.

"Perhaps today your burden is greater than your capacity. Tell the Lord, for He will either lighten the load or, by His power, increase your capacity to bear the burden.
Nona Kelley
_________________________
Founder Emeritus of Boomer Women Speak and the National Association of Baby Boomer Women.
www.nabbw.com
www.boomerwomenspeak.com


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#144946 - 04/08/08 11:03 PM Re: My Daughter Sofia
meredithbead Offline
The Divine Ms M

Registered: 07/07/03
Posts: 4894
Loc: Orange County, California
Cathi, you are so incredibly supportive of Sophia and Zoey. I send blessings for the best.
_________________________
My handcrafted jewelry:
limited edition designs
more jewelry, plus bead supplies

Poet and essayist

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#144947 - 04/09/08 01:34 PM Re: My Daughter Sofia [Re: meredithbead]
Wisdom&Life Offline
Member

Registered: 12/14/04
Posts: 724
Loc: Chesapeake, VA
Quote:

Is the hopeful outcome of hte next visit that you will bring Zoey home with you for a week?




We are bringing her back this weekend. We are driving to Blacksburg on Friday evening and picking Zoey up at 10am on Saturday morning. Then we are going to go to Northern VA until Monday morning. My parent's, her great-grandparent's, haven't seen her yet and they are anxious to do so. With my dad's condition, they haven't been able to travel to Blacksburg. Blacksburg is about 5 hours away from Chesapeake and 4 hours away from Northern VA. So yes, I will not be much farther than my parent's home if I need to re-locate. Dotsie, I'm sure you remember my brother, he and his family are going to come to my parent's house on Sunday to see Zoey. They haven't seen her yet either. We cannot take Zoey outside the State of VA while we are waiting for the court date. Neither party can. So my brother has to come to VA to see her. Even though he lives an hour away from my parent's.

BTW, Blacksburg is where Virginia Tech is located. In fact, the apartment complex Sofia is living in is HUD housing and it use to be a dorm for Virginia Tech. I cringe when I see all those upcoming specials on the Virginia Tech shootings last year. This is the reason we are in this predicament to begin with. They are so paranoid in that town when it comes to any mental health issues. Sofia is not the only one who has to fight to get her baby back. There are others there as well.

Thanks Humlan, I think you are right. It's a long time to wait, but it is also good to take advantage of the time as well. So much has been accomplished since the beginning of March. In the long run, I have to believe that our Father is weaving together an outcome that will be of benefit to us all, especially Zoey. I will also say, this has forced Sofia to grow up and mature a bit.

Meredith, I am only trying to fulfill a promise I made when I found out I was pregnant 19 years ago. When the Dr told me I was pregnant, all I wanted to do was protect this child and take care of her the best I could. I remember that as if it was yesterday. Thanks for the blessings.

I love you all alot!

Blessings,
Cathi
_________________________
Proud member of National Association Of Baby Boomer Women!
www.nabbw.com

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#144948 - 04/09/08 07:57 PM Re: My Daughter Sofia [Re: Wisdom&Life]
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Oh boy. I bet there will bemore photos to come!

Once you have her for a week and then take her back to her dad, what happens?

How is Sophia doing with what she needed to accomplish? Is she moving right along?
_________________________
Founder Emeritus of Boomer Women Speak and the National Association of Baby Boomer Women.
www.nabbw.com
www.boomerwomenspeak.com


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