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#144919 - 03/19/08 03:01 PM My Daughter Sofia
Wisdom&Life Offline
Member

Registered: 12/14/04
Posts: 724
Loc: Chesapeake, VA
Hi ladies,

My daughter Sofia needs your prayers. I have been gone for a month and didn't have internet access. I had to go to Blacksburg, VA to help my daughter out.

In a nutshell, the father of her baby, Zoey, and his mother had Zoey taken away from Sofia. They pulled a scam and coerced Sofia to be taken in a psych hospital. Encouraged Sofia not to tell me about it under the guise of "you wouldn't want your mom to worry". Therefore, isolating Sofia from her family even further. While she was in the hospital, this woman called child protective services and told them Sofia was neglecting her baby. And while she was in the hospital, they retained a lawyer in order to get full custody of Zoey.

We were very worried and felt that something wasn't right. When Zoey's other grandmother turned on Sofia after she was discharged from the hospital, Sofia called the step-grandmother and me. She was very frantic, and the step-grandmother called me and told me what was happening and told me I needed to get there right away and get Sofia a lawyer.

It's been a nightmare and thank God we were able to retain a very, very good lawyer. This other grandmother is not happy at all about this and I don't care. Because we were able to retain a lawyer and find out about the court date, Sofia was able to show up with representation. So now, Zoey's dad has to follow some guidelines as well as Sofia before the final hearing on May 27th. Oh yea, they only gave the court the address of the hospital Sofia was staying at, therefore, she never received a summons. Thank God for the step-grandmother who told us the court date. This woman, the boy's mother, is very devious, and was hoping Sofia wouldn't show up in court, and her son would've had full custody of Zoey and they would be on easy street.

Anyway, Sofia is at home with us because her resources are best here with us. She has to go to counceling for a couple of weeks and then the councelor will determine if Zoey is safe with us. The good news is this, the therapist and Dr know us and Sofia. They have assured us they didn't think Zoey would be in any harm around Sofia and us. In all honesty, I watch Sofia with Zoey during her supervised visits. She is really good with Zoey and I don't say that because I'm her mom. I am really proud of Sofia and those maternal instincts.

Anyway, I am continueing my FMLA for another 2 weeks while I try to help Sofia get her counceling, go to parenting classes, get a job, etc... These are court ordered and hopefully in a couple of weeks we can go and bring Zoey with us here in Chesapeake.

Please pray that our Father will lead, guide and direct us during this time.

I was very suspicious of this woman since August, but I couldn't say anything because I didn't want her to have her guard up. In the meantime, I made notes and now the lawyer has them. I couldn't say anything to Sofia because she wouldn't have believed me and she would've told this woman.

The good news is this, Sofia has come to her own realization that she messed up and wants real help. With that, her dad and I are more than happy to provide the help and guidance.

I have to say, we are fortunate to have found this lawyer. She is a boomer woman, and her passion is helping women who are victims of domestic violence. Mental abuse is a part of this and she knew immediately that Sofia was a victim of mental abuse. In the pre-trial, this lawyer even brought an advocate from the Women's Resource Center to come with Sofia to court for morale support.

I know this is a long read and I talked to Dotsie earlier and explained what was happening.

Thanks ladies and know that I love you all alot!

Love,
Cathi
_________________________
Proud member of National Association Of Baby Boomer Women!
www.nabbw.com

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#144920 - 03/19/08 06:12 PM Re: My Daughter Sofia [Re: Wisdom&Life]
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Cathi, thanks for the update. I think it's important for all of us to hold Sophia and everyone involved in prayer.

I'm glad you were able to run to help her and stay with her until most everything was taken care of. You are wise to get her the help she needs.

I'm so grateul she now sees them as the enemy and not you and your hubby. I believe something good will come from all of this. Sometimes, not always, but sometimes when young gals have babies, they recognize it's growing up time and will turn their lives around for the sake of the baby.

Stay close to Sophia now and let's pray the father doesn't coerce her in to going back. Is the hope that she'll get custody on May 27th?

How's your dad?
_________________________
Founder Emeritus of Boomer Women Speak and the National Association of Baby Boomer Women.
www.nabbw.com
www.boomerwomenspeak.com


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#144921 - 03/20/08 12:29 AM Re: My Daughter Sofia
Wisdom&Life Offline
Member

Registered: 12/14/04
Posts: 724
Loc: Chesapeake, VA
I so appreciate the prayers, thank you very much! It is my Faith that has sustained me through this whole ordeal. I certainly don't have this kind of strength.

This whole situation reminds me of the Prodigal Son in the Bible. She had to come to her own conclusion and want the help herself. This is when her dad and I stepped in. This is different than bailing someone out and then they continue on their destructive path. I agree, this may have been what Sofia needed to have happened in order to grow up. Zoey is the bonus here and a pure joy. I feel so bad for her and what she has gone through as well. When we had her at Sofia's, on her supervised visit, we played classical soothing music and we just took our time with her and soothed her as much as possible. They smoke like chimneys in the house she is living in and it's very dangerous around an infant that young.

I worry about the dad coercing Sofia back as well and I warned her that he may do that. She understands this and this is another reason why I can't go back to work yet. She's too vulnerable to leave by herself. We did go job hunting today and I hope she finds a job soon. She is really focused in getting her daughter back and over here with us. We are helping Sofia for the full custody, however, VA is really strange about custody laws. The judge usually rules in favor of Joint Custody until the child goes to school. We will have to live with it if this is what the judge decides. It will still be better than what we have now, but I believe we should try to fight for full custody. I know the dad's mother wants full custody so Sofia would have to pay child support. When she turned on Sofia, that was the first thing that came out of her mouth, plus the threat of going to jail if she didn't pay. That's emotional abuse in my book. The dad is not ready to raise an infant by himself, and it's his mother behind this whole mess.

My dad is doing Okay and he is anxious to see his great-granddaughter. It's a shame too, here we don't know how much longer he'll be with us. He served this country for 30 years and it's up to a 19 year old thug whether my dad is able to see Zoey or not. I really pray this isn't the case too much longer and I hope what these people did will come back to bite them really hard.

Thanks Dotsie!

Love and Blessings,
Cathi
_________________________
Proud member of National Association Of Baby Boomer Women!
www.nabbw.com

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#144922 - 03/20/08 12:40 AM Re: My Daughter Sofia [Re: Wisdom&Life]
jawjaw Offline
Da Queen

Registered: 07/02/03
Posts: 12025
Loc: Alabama
Cathi,
I won't take away from your post by my own thoughts and feelings, but I will tell you this much---I'll be keeping a close eye on this thread to see how Sofia fares and the outcome of the judges decision. Please know that I am near and if you need to chat, you have my email. You and your hubby are doing all you can for now. The support and love you've showered Sofia during all of this will come back to you in some form...hopefully, in a baby's arms!

I'm praying for all concerned. Love to you and yours, JJ

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#144923 - 03/20/08 01:52 AM Re: My Daughter Sofia [Re: jawjaw]
Anonymous
Unregistered


Cathi, I spoke w/ someone today with a similar situation. Seems those in both cases (including your daughter) that these individuals have ulterior motives in their best interest, not of the child. I'm amazed at how blind our courts can be. My prayers are with you, Sofia, Zoey, and those who can help, too.

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#144924 - 03/20/08 02:27 AM Re: My Daughter Sofia [Re: ]
yonuh Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 2447
Loc: Arizona
Cathi, I will keep all of you in my prayers.
_________________________
Well-behaved women rarely make history. - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
http://ruthrainwater.wordpress.com/
http://newbeginningsgratitudejournal.wordpress.com/
http://sablewings.wordpress.com/

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#144925 - 03/20/08 07:48 AM Re: My Daughter Sofia [Re: yonuh]
Edelweiss Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 4136
Loc: American living in Europe
Goodness, you have been through alot. What a loving Mom and family you are. Sofia is blessed to have you and will surly blossom with the love.
Praying that all goes well.
Hannelore

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#144926 - 03/20/08 12:16 PM Re: My Daughter Sofia [Re: Edelweiss]
Wisdom&Life Offline
Member

Registered: 12/14/04
Posts: 724
Loc: Chesapeake, VA
Quote:

Seems those in both cases (including your daughter) that these individuals have ulterior motives in their best interest, not of the child. I'm amazed at how blind our courts can be.



It is disgusting really! The facade I have to witness, it's a good thing I was on to her since August and I made notes and saved text messages and emails. I showed them all to the lawyer and she recognized the scam before reviewing any of the notes.

Unfortunately, Sofia had this loyalty to this woman and I couldn't say anything to her. Even though her dad and I cautioned her in November and begged her to come back home to us. Just for that reason. But we couldn't let this woman know because she would've kept her guard up and I wouldn't have been able to extract more info and evidence. In other words, I was acting covertly with her. I am not saying much to her now, not yet. I will not do so until the judge pounds on that gravel with the final decision.

You ladies do not know how much your responses have meant to me. As well as the private messages I've been receiving. It means so much to me, I have tears of relief and joy!

I will say this, things are much better than they were 4 weeks ago. The progress is being made with baby steps. I just can't wait for the day I post here and tell you all that Zoey is home with us.

BTW, there is so much more, but I don't want to reveal too many details because this is a public forum. If anyone wants to know more, you are more than welcome to PM me. In fact, if you have any kind of a legal background, experience with this situation or mental health background. Perhaps you could give me more insight that might help.

Thanks so much.

I love you all alot!

Cheers,
Cathi
_________________________
Proud member of National Association Of Baby Boomer Women!
www.nabbw.com

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#144927 - 03/20/08 06:46 PM Re: My Daughter Sofia [Re: Wisdom&Life]
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
You were wise to keep your thoughts to yourself.

I'm grateful Sophia is under your roof and not theirs. How is she doing without being able to see her baby? I'm sure you're a tremendous help. Glad you extended you leave to be with her. The things we do for our children!
_________________________
Founder Emeritus of Boomer Women Speak and the National Association of Baby Boomer Women.
www.nabbw.com
www.boomerwomenspeak.com


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#144928 - 03/20/08 07:19 PM Re: My Daughter Sofia
Wisdom&Life Offline
Member

Registered: 12/14/04
Posts: 724
Loc: Chesapeake, VA
Oh yes, I am glad to do it if this is what it takes to get her on the right path.

She misses Zoey, but she understands what she must do. I have repeated to her enough times that sitting around and playing victim isn't going to get her her daughter back.

Even so, and this is not the same but it helps, we are borrowing our neighbor's pomeranean(SP). Sofia loves animals and this is kind of a pet therapy for her. Plus, it gives her something to do and feel like she is nurturing at the same time. Like I said, it doesn't replace Zoey, but it helps.

As for us helping her, it's not a big deal honestly. We have always believed in doing that as long as the one being helped is making efforts. Plus, I don't think any of us here have gone through this life and hasn't made a mistake at least once. We all do, I certainly have. The real tragedy would be not learning from the mistake no matter how small or large.

I really feel bad for her, and really, if 18 wasn't the legal age, she wouldn't be in this situation. We would've been able to stop it before it even came close to starting. But, I have pointed out to her that she is fortunate to learn this early on in life. Some of us do not learn this type of lesson until our 30's or 40's.

I have thought about this for months now, but I would love to see some laws "amended". It would be nice if the law could be amended to where an 18 year old has to have at least a GED before they are considered an adult. Or until they turn 21. Then it wouldn't penalize the 18 years old who are mature enough to be considered adults. I don't know, but even a psychiatrist has explained to us that the brain doesn't develop to full maturity until you reach 25. 18 is not even close to maturity as far as the development of the brain is concerned. Just my thoughts. I really don't want to see another family go through this at all.

As far as under their roof. Here's the scenario. Sofia went out and got an apartment for her and Zoey through HUD. The dad never came one time to visit, he didn't contribute one iota. She tried to take care of a newborn herself and I really wanted to run there and stay with her. But I couldn't, I was playing tough love and it really broke my heart to do it. She actually did pretty good considering her situation. I have been told by others in that town who have come to know her. They said the allegations were nothing but a crock. Which is why the coercion to go to the hospital had to come into play. If Child Protective Services had been called while she was not in the hospital and at home. They wouldn't have found any evidence of neglect. BTW, our lawyer is investigating this. It bothered me and our lawyer as well, that CPS took this woman's word for the allegations and never saw for themselves. *Anyway the hospital stay can be explained in a PM if anyone needs to see the big picture here. There is more to this than I am willing to tell publicly. But it's being investigated and hopefully the tables will turn where they are suppose to be and justice will be served.

Thanks again ladies!

Love,
Cathi
_________________________
Proud member of National Association Of Baby Boomer Women!
www.nabbw.com

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