I am sure the ony reason this organization sent this to me is because it was around this time last year that I stopped being a member, but it really couldn't have happened at worst time. I had joined this organization for the particular type of rare cancer my grandmother had and stopped my membershop once she started dieing because I didn't want to keep getting their newsletters and e-mails. I just didn't need the reminder. It's been a year since I canceled my membership and alomst a year since my grandmother's death, so the organization decided to send me a little "We Miss You" package about joining or atleast sending money. It wasn't exactly the reminder I needed.

I will sned money in memory of her, I just wish they hadn't sent it now.

I've been thinking about your post all night. What you are feeling is so very valid....when is a good time to send mass mailings to people who either are suffering through the illness of a family member, or have lost that person? Seems a tad insensitive to me. You know there are dozens of books written about grief and the process and none of them could ever give you a specific amount of time that it takes until the loss isn't so raw. I know when I lost my dad, it was two years before I finally woke up one morning and didn't feel just horrible. It might be a good idea to write to the organization and mention to them that a personal query about the loved one would be a more appropriate beginning.

Kathryn, great answer!

I also agree about the grieving process. It is such an individual process. My mom died about a year and a half ago and my 3 sisters, brother, and I are all managing, but differently.

My brother still has a tough time going to Mom and Dad's...odd that I still call it that.

Another thing that is often a shame is that unless we are willing to share timing, etc. with friends, they are left out of the loop of what we are feeling. I wish I could get organized enough to mark the death of family and friends on my calendar so on the year anniversary I would make it a point to phone them. Until you go through it, you don't realize the emotions associated with dates.

My mom died on St. Patrick's Day and I was raised Irish/Catholic so some of my frieds remembered and I was so touched.

I agree Kathryn -- great answer

and

I agree Dotsie -- everyone grieves in their own time

We take it personal when we get letters like Candice did -- after all -- it IS personal -- and it would be nice if these organizations could know each and every persons thoughts and when is a "good time" to "solicit" funds --

I have a college here in town that sends Robert letters every new session. I contacted them after the first letter and told them Rob had passed. After the third letter -- I actually stopped by the office and talked to the girl that had helped him get signed up and withdrawn when it got too much for him -- and I still got letters. So now I just chalk it up to ignorance and laziness on their part and I toss them in the trash -- but I know what you mean Candice -- it's still a bit of a "shock" and reminds you of your loss a little bit every time.

I know what you mean about insensitivity on the part of organizations and businesses after a personal loss. After Teresa died, a Rent-all business started sending me bills concerning some furniture she had rented. I told them that the furniture was ashes, that Teresa was gone, and that she had no renter's insurance that I am aware of. They wouldn't believe me. Seemed to think Teresa was just trying to cheat them out of their furniture and rental fees. I finally sent them a copy of the death certificate, along with the newspaper clipping of the fire. The death certificate cost me $10. I thought that would be the end of it. NOT! Now they send the notices to me instead of to my daughter, telling me how much they value my business and offering to rent furniture to me. I have called and written to them to ask them to stop. I wouldn't rent from them if I were desperate. But I received another rental offer just a month or so ago. Stupid people!! I feel harrassed, and it brings back bad memories every time I get one of those impersonal offers. AT least they aren't trying to bill me for her furniture any more.