Hannelore does this selfish girls mother have nothing to say to her about this situation? Where are her parents in all this? Have you ever spoken seriously to her about this yourself?

My best friends here in town, Sandy and Franks daughter Robin had a baby and they couldn't afford her as she already had several others. Robin and her husband were talking about putting her up for adoption with another couple they knew that were childless. Rather that have her leave the family, Frank and Sandy adopted her, all their own children were grown. The babies name was Ashley and she if 17 now and has always thought of Frank & Sandy as mom and dad. Robin and her husband moved back East. It was difficult at times for them having a newborn around but they did it and she has become the apple of their eye. It worked out fine, especially for Ashley, the innocent in all of this. At least Anaiya isn't an infant and she will grow up soooo fast. Your DIL needs a good swift kick in the a//! I hope your son dumps her and sues for full custody of his daughter, she has been a real pain to him as well.

Hannelore, I can tell your heart is breaking as well. My thoughts are that the mother may love Anaiya, but she was never ready to take on the responsibilities of parenthood. Whether this is due to immaturity or a non-mothering personality, I can't say. What I can say is -- Anaiya needs love and a stable family situation. Her mother cannot/will not provide that. I hope either you or your son gets custody.

Hannelore, this is so sad. I don't know what to tell you. Why do you say Anaiya could end up in FL? I didn't understand that. Is that where the mother might go? I'm thinking along the lines that your son could maybe get custody, since your dil hasn't proven to be much of a mother. Maybe he couldn't get custody, but could if the court knew he was going to live with you and you would be there to help him. I'm wondering if your dil even wants custody. Maybe she doesn't. She hasn't wanted the responsibility of the child so far. It would be a cruel thing to do to the child to take her away from her grandparents and move her somewhere far away at this point.

It is very difficult to take on the raising of a child at this time in your life. One of my best friends is doing it and I can see the strain it puts on her and her husband (and not monetarily) I think if/when it comes down to it and if there is a choice to be made, you won't give her up. Little Anaiya is in all our prayers here, that's for sure. Oh, and you too, of course.

Do you have arbitrators in Germany?
In the states, they are not lawyers, but serve in a law capacity, so to speak. They sit in on families (and other relationships, such as in business, to be the mediator when problems seem unsolvable.
These guys need to sit down and talk this through, with a mediator who knows family law. Also, a child advocate should sit in on the meetings. They could make these two knuckleheads realize what they might be doing to their own flesh and blood.

Hannelore..my gosh..my heart bleeds for you and your son´s family!.. Hannelore..wait..give them time..see what they work out..your son and his wife..give yourself TIME to think things thru..see what is happening and where everything is heading.Every relationship has so many facets about it..noone can totally understand another´s relationship..I am sure you see and feel ALOT..but there is probably much that is going on below the surface that perhaps you can´t perceive or feel..do you know what I mean??? So give them TIME..give yourself..well, whatever it is you need, sweetheart! This is only advice..from one grandma to another..and thoughts..

Hannelore, I was 42 when I had my last child..my 18 yr old son who is living with me. I don´t think that I could face rearing another child at this phase of my life..at 60yrs of age. AND I don´t think it would be fair to the child either. I mean..I would be 80 when the child is 20!!! If I live that long..and IF I am still in control of my brain (such as it is) and IF, IF...It´s tough keeping up with my son and I am only 60!!! I love it..yes I do..and he isn´t complaining of my age or anything. BUT 80/20 ratio..??? Think about it..seriously...gently...Do you have anymore adult children? My kids have made arrangements to leave their kids to their brothers primarily..if anything should happen..not to me or granddad (he is 67!). And so it should be..or so I feel, Hannelore..and I certainly don´t have to be right Annalya will be a teenager, sweetheart..how will you cope with that at 70+..and how will she cope with YOU???

Have alittle faith in your son..and his care for his family..WHICH I KNOW YOU DO..and perhaps some faith in life..maybe things will turn out for the best? Even if perhaps you don´t SEE it as the best at the time?

Hannelore..I really feel for you..and these are just some thoughts and perhaps some questions that might help you think??? I hope you all find your way..which you will..I am sure..Annalya has some wonderful grandparents to stand by her!!!

Hannelore...first, let me say how sorry I am to hear your family is going through all this. Sounds like mommie dearest doesn't want to be a mom nor a wife. How is your son at being a full-time father? Can your DIL take her daughter and fly to the states and stay without your son's approval? Is there a possiblity that could happen?
If they do divorce, I hope your son will take his daughter and raise her as best he can with you and your husband's help.
The way your DIL is behaving...she'll regret it one day when she realizes she's thrown away the most precious moments of her life with her child. She can never get that back. I hope your son realizes that the most important thing in his life is his child and will do everything to protect her and make a life for her regardless of how things turn out between him and your DIL. God bless and you all are in my prayers.

Goodmorning my friends. Well, it’s morning here. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for just being there and sharing your thoughts and concerns with me.

Just to answer a few questions: Yes, my son would want custody, and yes the only way he would get it is if Hubby and I take Anaiya during the week. We would probably have to sell out house, and move near our son in Muenich. An ideal situation would be a two family house, but the prices in Muenich are equivalent to NY prices. We would never be able to afford that. Another thing; Anaiya may resent us later in life for taking her away from her mommy. I couldn’t live with that.
Gims, I’ve heard of arbitrators in the US. I love the idea of the child having a representative.
Humlun, those are exactly my thoughts. We are too old for this. And those teenage years cost a lot of strength and stamina. I don’t think we could or should take on such a responsibility. But if worse comes to worse, we feel we should help our son. I can’t imagine him being single for the rest of his life. Someday he would probably remarry and create a patchwork family.
Dee, legally my DIL isn’t allowed to take Anaiya back to Florida, where my DIL’s family lives. But if she wanted to, then she is able to. And the only way a husband can get his child is by hiring a private detective. Oh brother. I don’t really want to paint the walls black…and I’m hanging on to every little sign that they might get together again.

This afternoon we will all visit my other son, DIL and baby. From the outside we all look like a story book family. (sad little chuckle here).
Still, my son and his wife are going through the motions of being an intact family. I can’t help but think if they are capable of doing that, maybe their love will rekindle. Right now, Danny, my son is baking vegetable lasagnes to bring to his SIL for her to put in the freezer. My DIL is dressing Anaiya and wants to take her shopping with her…and Hubby and I will take off to play a round of golf.

At least no fighting or nasty silences are happening. Maybe maybe there is hope. Thank you my dear friends for all your positive thoughts and prayers. I have a feeling they are truly helping.

First, I am sorry that I am only just seeing this, Hannelore.

Second, Please know that my heart is wide open for you and your family.

Third, I am so sorry that you are going through all of this heartache. You have more than your share of struggles lately.

I love you Hannelore and if there is anything I can do, please let me know. I have absolutely no advice to give you, but I do have love and compassion. Peace be with you, my friend.

My prayers and thoughts continue, Hannelore..and I am asking for love from the universal light..love and peace and understanding!!! it will all work out in the end..for the best..in the best way for all involved. I believe this!! For YOU!!!!

Anno, with all that is going on in your life, I’m especially touched by your loving words. There is a German saying; “Under every roof, there is a crack.” How true.

I was just thinking that I hope I don’t come across as the whining one around here. With the divorce rate so high; I’m sure this is a problem many families are confronted with, and how true it is that the entire family suffers under it. The Grandparent’s help is always welcome, but there are boundaries that we may not cross.
We have decided to try and keep out of the whole situation as well as we can and live our own lives. Hubby will soon be 70, and he needs more quiet and peace around him.

I’ll never be able to thank each one of you enough for being such a comfort to me. Just listening and being there is just what I needed right now.