I am just realizing that this is exactly the anniversary of the time we scattered my mother's ashes five years ago. And I am returning to that location (several hours away) for an entirely different reason this weekend. So I will visit the old and abandoned cemetery where the scattering was done. It is a beautiful location, just on the edge of the farm where we grew up. The cemetery is very small with trees and some underbrush and is maintained, though not manicured (my mom wouldn't have liked that), by a church congregation some five miles away. The total effect is like a glade. I remember the day of the scattering: it was a crisp and bright day and the family stood in a circle holding hands and talking about Mom. The sun, broken up by the branches and leaves of the trees above us, reached our circle and warmed our thoughts and words.

Though I have only returned one other time to the cemetery, it is a place I can go to in my mind and feel a sense of peace and closeness with my mom.

My thoughts and prayers are with you for your visit this weekend! Sounds like a great place to go and reflect on the one who brought you into this world.

Loss is a very tangible thing to have to deal with on a daily basis. I lost my mother in September 1998 and my husband in April 2000, and both had been ill for quite some time before. I miss them both every day. I am not, however, a cemetary visitor type, so I have only been to my Mom's grave one time. My husband was cremated and is in a beautiful handcarved box (with a Chesapeake Bay retriever on it, naturally) here at the house. I can't bring myself to scatter the ashes anywhere, but I don't want to put them anywhere either. So, he is here with me. When I go, we will be placed in the same box.

Anyway, sometimes I still pick up the phone to call Mom. I can't believe that it's been almost 5 years since I have seen her or talked to her. I dream about she and my hubby all the time, and I believe that is how God lets us know they are still in an existence somewhere. In my dreams, they are happy and healthy and whole in mind, body and spirit. I wake up joyful that I have seen them, and then I remember that they are gone, and a sadness takes me over, but it's more melancholy than upset. I know that we did everything we could for both of them and that their last years on this plane were filled with family and friends. I remember them both with love and pride. What more could I ask of their lives?

I continue to be amazed at Micki's peaceful thoughts about the death of her mom and husband. I have only experienced(not only,but you know what I mean) the death of my mom and still miss her dearly. There are always reminders. Today would have been my parents 54th. wedding anniversary! I am so grateful we celebrated the big 50 with a grand party for them. What a blast we had! Anyway, I too still think to call Mom and fill her in on my kid's lives. I also think to call her when I feel down because she would sense it and make me feel better. There is nothing like the love from my mom. Micki, your strength gives me strength!