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#14301 - 03/27/06 07:07 PM Almost lost friend Saturday Night!
NewLeaf Offline
Member

Registered: 12/26/05
Posts: 1066
Loc: Deland, Florida
My husband and I join a young couple for a fine dining night out once a month. We had reservations at a very nice restaurant but had to cancel them because I couldn't make it home from work in time. Instead, we went to Olive Garden with them.

Immediately when I got in the car with them, I sensed something almost tangible, something bad, something dark. We drove to the restaurant and we all ordered our drinks, now this 26 yr. old guy and his 24 yr. old girlfriend love to drink but he only ordered a glass of wine and she ordered a Root beer.

We chatted and my husband, of course, drank one glass after the other and finally ordered a whole huge bottle. I can't explain why, but I looked over at Nick and asked, "Why did you have blood work done, Nick?" He looked at me with dark rings around his eyes and said, "What makes you think I had blood work done?" I told him I just knew. They all think I'm a bit weird anyway so that didn't amaze them all that much.

Then his girlfriend, a recent graduate of Stetson University, said, "Nick almost died last night." She told how he stopped breathing and his eyes rolled back in his head. She couldn't get a pulse but she had taken pain pills also and wasn't much help.

She tried cpr and slapping him in the face but no response. The building maintenance man's girlfriend who is a registered nurse came in, took his pulse and there was none, she called 911 and administered cpr to him until they arrived. He had to be put in the tub of water at the hospital and basically overdosed himself to near death.

They were both shaken and looked lost. I had the opportunity to tell Nick that God had a purpose for his life or he WOULD have died, that the registered nurse didn't just happen to be there. I told him we didn't want to lose him, that we want to go to their wedding someday.

Here's the kicker, my husband has been giving him pain pills he gets from the VA for his "disability". If Nick had died, it would have been in part my husband's fault. My husband scolded Nick for not calling him because, as he put it, "I could have talked you out of it." How the hell do you talk someone out of dying of an overdose??!!

What a loser!!

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#14302 - 03/27/06 07:22 PM Re: Almost lost friend Saturday Night!
Danita Offline
Member

Registered: 01/24/05
Posts: 1550
Loc: Colorado
Oh number5,

What a story - what a miracle!

Danita

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#14303 - 03/28/06 08:26 AM Re: Almost lost friend Saturday Night!
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
number5, did the hospital do anything to get him help for his problems?

Your husband's drinking still scares me. Do you feel in control when you are with him?

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#14304 - 03/28/06 08:48 AM Re: Almost lost friend Saturday Night!
Casey Offline
Member

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 789
Loc: Aptos, California
Bliss (aka #5), wow. Glad your friend is o.k.

I have the same fears as Dotsie. I have to ask who was driving? Your husband seems like a very troubled man. The more you do to disentangle from him in every way, the easier your life will become, I believe.

Thoughts and prayers for you today.

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#14305 - 03/28/06 12:04 AM Re: Almost lost friend Saturday Night!
smilinize Offline
Member

Registered: 11/08/03
Posts: 3512
Loc: outer space
#5
Does your husband realize that he not only endangered his friend's life, he broke the law? He is distributing drugs and that is illegal. He could recieve a prison term.

If he was driving while taking drugs, he is breaking other laws as well as endangering innocent lives. If he is addicted, those issues may be of no meanint to him, but you should be very careful not to get entangled in his web. And your daughter should be especially vigilant.

Prayer coming your way.

smile

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#14306 - 03/28/06 02:18 AM Re: Almost lost friend Saturday Night!
Songbird Offline
Member

Registered: 06/03/04
Posts: 2830
Loc: Massachusetts, USA
Number 5:Glad your friend is ok now. But what a moment! I'd be weary regarding hubby too! Please, take care of yourself!

[ March 27, 2006, 06:19 PM: Message edited by: Songbird ]

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#14307 - 03/28/06 02:39 AM Re: Almost lost friend Saturday Night!
Dianne Offline
Queen of Shoes

Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
I can't believe he felt well enough to go out to dinner! I hope the poor guy gets some help. How scary.

You had that empathic thing going again, right? Amazing.

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#14308 - 03/28/06 03:26 AM Re: Almost lost friend Saturday Night!
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
Number5, Once again I have to ask, why are you still with this man, not in his home, not being supported or comforted or loved by him, yet enabling his every mean and hateful move against you and your daughter and Grandbaby by even speaking kindly to him? Its none of my business yet from all your 'negative' posts regarding this man, I must admit I am dumbfounded. [Roll Eyes] I thought I was the biggest pushover on the planet but you my dear are right up there next to me....

[ March 27, 2006, 07:30 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

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#14309 - 03/29/06 06:38 PM Re: Almost lost friend Saturday Night!
NewLeaf Offline
Member

Registered: 12/26/05
Posts: 1066
Loc: Deland, Florida
He just doesn't care. He feels no remorse or responsibility for the young man. We were talking about it yesterday and he said, "Well, I hope he's learned his lesson." Yet, he gives the guy these things and then buys him shots too....!

How can he call himself this guy's friend. I'm diligently working to disentangle myself from his sordid life...

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#14310 - 03/29/06 07:21 PM Re: Almost lost friend Saturday Night!
NewLeaf Offline
Member

Registered: 12/26/05
Posts: 1066
Loc: Deland, Florida
Oh, and Chatty, to answer your question, he holds the purse strings right now. He is the one who pays my auto insurance, my cell phone bill, the rent, and is there as a financial cushion with health insurance. He knows that and says I'm fu***in ungrateful and that he is innocent in this deal. Claims he married me not my whole family. I can see his point in this, but I'm a package deal. He's heading toward retirement in a few months and moving to a retirement community for retired postmen. No kids allowed... He says I'm determined to drive him nuts, so you see, he's not completely wrong. I couldn't help what has happened though and it just is what it is and even if it wasn't, I wouldn't want to live with him for the rest of my life the way he is.

I hate it that I'm financially dependent on him right now. I only make $10 an hour and that's not enough to support myself and Aaliyah especially since I have the added expense of daycare now. I feel so humiliated that I have to tolerate his horrible attitude and temper.

But with God's help, it won't be for long. I'm a softy and I do care for him I'm sorry for that. I don't want anything bad to happen to him. He does have a lot of health issues. It would suck to be him.... [Frown]

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#14311 - 03/29/06 09:09 PM Re: Almost lost friend Saturday Night!
Casey Offline
Member

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 789
Loc: Aptos, California
Hi Bliss (aka #5).
I'm not sure what you mean by "he's not completely wrong." When you marry someone with kids, you marry the whole family. My beloved husband married me when I had two boys living at home. The younger one stole my husband's 3000 CD collection. My husband never blamed me, never called me ungrateful. He was angry at Jesse, for sure. But he didn't walk away. That was four years ago and he has supported me emotionally, shown up in court for Jesse, and just been there without resentment.

Your soon-to-be ex- has chosen to be "driven nuts" by the situation. It's his choice, not your actions. Care for him, but don't pick up his stuff.

It sounds like your next step is to determine what you need to live on without his support. Perhaps check with a lawyer or mediator regarding a separation agreement. He probably has to support you to some extent and you shouldn't have to put up with his abuse to get money.

Put a plan in place to get to the money you need and take the first step.

In love and support

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#14312 - 03/30/06 12:38 AM Re: Almost lost friend Saturday Night!
NewLeaf Offline
Member

Registered: 12/26/05
Posts: 1066
Loc: Deland, Florida
Thanks again for the advice casey. I forgot to mention that my step-daughter came to stay with my daughter, GD and I to drive Katie around while her license had been revoked and help with GD as needed.

Since she has been there she has put nearly 1,000 mi. on my car and only 1/2 of them are from driving Katie around. Her dad says my car is in his name and his daughter can drive it as much as she wants.

Also, just as soon as they took Katie away, his daughter went in Katie's room and started rummaging through her drawers and taking her clothes to wear. She started using and may already have taken her expensive makeup and I checked the ser#'s on my daughter's phone as opposed to my stepdaughter's because Katie had bought a new cell ph. just like my stepdaughter's. All she would have had to do is switch the SIM cards....

She takes my GD places and tries to tell me how to care for her. I have told her NOT to take my GD anywhere! without my permission.

My stepdaughter sleeps with anyone, anytime and even brought a strange guy into our home and in my daughter's bed. I told her never to bring a stranger into our home again.

As soon as I find out what my new schedule at work is, I'm sending her back home. She is a thief, a liar and a manipulator just like her dad.

I can't wait to be on my own. [Mad]

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#14313 - 03/31/06 08:41 AM Re: Almost lost friend Saturday Night!
Casey Offline
Member

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 789
Loc: Aptos, California
Good grief! Get rid of that one! I'm so glad to hear you talking about self-care and boundaries. When you do send her back, change the locks on your new place.

BWS will be the wind beneath your wings as you soar to new heights!

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#14314 - 03/31/06 06:29 PM Re: Almost lost friend Saturday Night!
NewLeaf Offline
Member

Registered: 12/26/05
Posts: 1066
Loc: Deland, Florida
Thank you casey. I haven't quite figured the SD out yet. I just found this am that she was trying to run off with Katie's new hair straightening iron that she paid a lot of money for.

I can't believe her!! She's like a vulture. Then she turns around and buys A a felt postcard kit so she can send postcards to her mommy.

I think the girl has never had ANY boundaries and has no morals. She just takes whatever she can get and whatever people give her and gives as she feels like it without any regard to personal space.

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#14315 - 03/31/06 07:45 PM Re: Almost lost friend Saturday Night!
Casey Offline
Member

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 789
Loc: Aptos, California
Honey, you don't need to figure her out. You need to set your own bounderies with her. Can you have her leave today? I'm sure there is someone else who can help you. There are many good people around without putting up with that nonsense. And nonsense it is.

Yes, she has problems. But she will never deal with them until people say, "No, this is not acceptable." Consider throwing her out the kindest thing you could do for her, you and GD. If nothing else, think of the lessons your precious GD is learning from her. By showing your SD boundaries, you are letting GD know she will have them too. If you don't, well...

Energy and power and love to you!

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#14316 - 04/01/06 01:58 AM Re: Almost lost friend Saturday Night!
NewLeaf Offline
Member

Registered: 12/26/05
Posts: 1066
Loc: Deland, Florida
Casey, she is leaving Sunday to go back home!!

I cut the use of my car to only when I say it can go somewhere. She had even hung her stuff from the rear view mirror and put all her CD's and things in there like it was her car....

Today, after she met her dad for lunch, she took it upon herself to sit and have a heart to heart with me re her dad. She told me its just not going to work out between the two of us and that her dad told her that having little Aaliyah with us isn't the problem-that the problem is ME...how convenient for him.

His friends all think he is wonderful. They know he yells at me and shoves me and kicks the door down and treats me like s^%$#, but they all just think he is the greatest guy.

Maybe I'm missing something, and after a while you have to wonder if maybe they are right. Maybe the "problem" is me.

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#14317 - 04/01/06 05:22 AM Re: Almost lost friend Saturday Night!
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
The problem is that you are still there allowing this a--wipe of a husband to treat you so badly. Get the heck out of there as far and as fast as possible. Don't even look back, don't talk to or see this man and then and only then will your life change for the better. Why should you give a dam what his 'stupid' friends think? You need to realize once and for all that he is a devil and thats the truth....

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#14318 - 04/01/06 09:46 PM Re: Almost lost friend Saturday Night!
Casey Offline
Member

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 789
Loc: Aptos, California
Chatty Lady is right!

"His friends all think he is wonderful. They know he yells at me and shoves me and kicks the door down and treats me like s^%$#, but they all just think he is the greatest guy."

What does this tell you about his friends? They KNOW he abuses you and that's OK????? It's NOT ok. Don't ever ever let anyone make you think that abuse is ok. No one "deserves" abuse. That's a myth made up by the abuser to justify their actions because they know in their heart of hearts that what they are doing is wrong.

You are missing the beauty of YOU.

Take your SD's stuff out of your car. Boundaries. Boundaries. I'm so glad she's leaving. Tell her that discussing your relationship with your father is not an option. Put your walls up strong and hard. You need them right now.

We will always love you and be here for you.

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#14319 - 04/01/06 11:50 PM Re: Almost lost friend Saturday Night!
smilinize Offline
Member

Registered: 11/08/03
Posts: 3512
Loc: outer space
quote:
Originally posted by Number5:
His friends all think he is wonderful. They know he yells at me and shoves me and kicks the door down and treats me like s^%$#, but they all just think he is the greatest guy....
after a while you have to wonder if maybe they are right. Maybe the "problem" is me.

Of course his friends think he's the "greatest guy." He drinks with them and supplies them with pharmaceuticals. He is useful to them. And they are not the ones being kicked and shoved.

Of course you are the only one in the situation so you are the only one who knows the whole story and you are the only one who can decide what to do. We're just spectators standing outside the ring yelling "defend yourself!"

But we will respect your decision whatever it is.

smile

[ April 01, 2006, 04:17 PM: Message edited by: smilinize ]

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#14320 - 04/02/06 01:04 AM Re: Almost lost friend Saturday Night!
NewLeaf Offline
Member

Registered: 12/26/05
Posts: 1066
Loc: Deland, Florida
I'm getting out Smile, because no matter who is right or wrong, its not working. If I were an outside "spectator" I would see a gregarious man who has many "friends". He has delivered the mail for 21 yrs. He and I are as opposite as day and night. What he wants from life is to get up, go to work, come home, take a nap, go to the bar or the Elks Lodge, drink between 12 and 16 Michelob lights with shots in between, hang out with his friends and chit chat until @11 pm., if he's feeling certain urges, he does his thing with someone, whoever...I don't think he's any more promiscuous than any other man of his ilk.

He wears jeans shorts and a t-shirt and Reeboks all the time. That's it. He lines his shirts up as to whether they are t's or collared. He lines his Reeboks up in perfect order.

He wants a "simple" life and doesn't want anything interfering with his drinking, has never wanted to be around children and doesn't understand why himself. He has a terrible temper and by his own admission is angry all the time. Wants his mate to focus on him and them and only him and them. Smokes excessively. Has oxycodone now and muscle relaxers. Is being tested for HIV and Hepatitis C among other things.

I'm moody, temperamental, creative, colorful, alturistic, ethereal, love change and excitement. I love to read and he hates books, I love to write and he can't hold a pen. I love children and he can't stand to be around them, I love God and he makes fun of and can't tolerate anyone who is even slightly "religious".

So, Smile, that's the truth about him. I'm not making any of it up or embelishing it.

I'm jealous, maternal, loving and caring.

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#14321 - 04/02/06 02:35 AM Re: Almost lost friend Saturday Night!
Casey Offline
Member

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 789
Loc: Aptos, California
the truth shall set you free....:--))))))

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#14322 - 04/02/06 04:57 AM Re: Almost lost friend Saturday Night!
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
And not a minute too soon either...Right now after all you have said about this creep its "shame on him" however if you continie to stay and be his whipping post then its "shame on you." [Confused]

[ April 01, 2006, 08:58 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

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#14323 - 04/05/06 01:39 AM Re: Almost lost friend Saturday Night!
NewLeaf Offline
Member

Registered: 12/26/05
Posts: 1066
Loc: Deland, Florida
I found out today, Chatty, that since we refinanced this house before we were married, I might have a chance to claim some of the profit from the sale of the house. Florida is a no-fault state therefore all the bills and assets are split equally.

There won't be any shame on me. I'm being forced to go forward and its not pleasant. I'm taking it one step at a time. I just know I can't be with him anymore.

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#14324 - 04/05/06 04:05 AM Re: Almost lost friend Saturday Night!
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
I know how it hurts #5 but hang in there and it will get better. I keep hoping he'll come to his senses and act like a man and support you and the granddaughter the way he should. Be the man you thought he was. There are so many men out there and as Searcher says once you've taken the time you need to love yourself then you can and will find someone who you can love and respect and who will love and respect you. Don't be in such a hurry this time thought please....

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