It's happened to 2 different employees where I work...each person is East Indian, 1 only working in Canada for 2 yrs. and other a young woman immigrated and living here for past 8 yrs.

They each suddenly were on vacation...and presto, they each announce they...are married. Now when that happens, the marriage is "arranged", ie. the couple never knew each other really well as 2 people in love.

Each of these individuals are well-educated folks, contemporary in dress and mannerisms...yet...their marriages were arranged.

The woman today said to me, that he and her were bonded together from birth. I suppose this meant, the intention was already set for them to marry in future, when they were children. She insisted to me that she knew everything about the family, since the families grew up together. Her new hubby is a nephew of her uncle's wife, etc., etc. Anyway, she now has to do immigration paperwork, to have him come over to Canada.

And yea, I forgot her family "gifted" for her wedding (dowry?) ...a house. Now real estate here is not cheap...

For reasons, I could not explain, I restrained myself from telling her that my mother was a picture bride..nearly 50 yrs. ago.

It's a very common practice by the Asian community here as well, Orchid (in the UK, Asian refers to those with links to the Indian subcontinent i.e India, Pakistan, Bangladeshi etc.). Many of the brides, second-generation immigrants, have been bethrothed from birth. Many are married off to first cousins and when none exist, marriages are arranged
by parents. The groom could be living here or in Asia. Many brides agree (either with full consent or simply submit to parents' wishes) to an arranged marriage but, many who, having been born and raised here, now object to it. And in some cases, those who have objected or ran away from their families to avoid being married off, become victims of honour killings.


http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/ar...in_page_id=1770


http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/3956399.stm


http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/392619.stm

This cultural difference is a fact .I am sad when the way out is to harm the girl as Lola say it happens.
MA

Things like this sicken me. A young girl killed by her own family...I understand cultures and their differences, but when does things like this stop? It's 2008 for God's sake...not the dark ages. I think it's wrong to be forced into marrying anyone against one's will/

Where I work, this is common practice. And the children that I care for and teach are being primed already to continue the tradition. I have great respect for cultural/religious differences..I understand how deeply their beliefs go..at least I try to understand it..but it´s very difficult to see what is happening to the children that I work with..and hear of what is happening in the community in which I work. I sometimes wonder if I should be there as a teacher. I know that I can´t change what is happening and shouldn´t want to..but I have a hard time condoning it..very very difficult at times. And yet I sincerely love the children..and care very much for most of their parents. UFFFF... tough one. The incidents you speak of happen here because theirs is a patriarchal system..they happen at all levels. When I discuss this with fellow colleagues who live in the community and tell them that in some cases they are actually breaking the laws of Sweden..they say that this is their way..their men know nothing else and so it is. And I can see it..as they explain it to me..but then I awaken and say..but now we are in Sweden and there are therefore new laws that apply...UFFF!!!

Humlan, do you have a big Asian community in Sweden?

I would like to clarify...I have been aware of arranged marriages...for a long time. After all, traditional Chinese..did arrange their marriages --for centuries.

The story that I told was to simply ..describe a workplace situation where in contemporary North American society, how arranged marriages are ....or AREN'T described much by those who are part of such arrangements and who may find it difficult to talk much about it to others who don't understand the practice.

As I said, my parents' marriage was in a way, nearly arranged. such marriages works best ...when there is benevolent partriarchy and the woman submits..in the end to her husband. which is precisely what my mother did..and yes, my father practiced benevolent patriarchy for awhile...then realized it was abit useless, with well-educated, outspoken childen.

My parents have been asked by several relatives who have immigrated here, to initiate a process of photo exchange and mail overseas..to help relative find a husband, etc.

They did it ....most relunctantly.

In traditional Chinese, marriage was arranged. People think that's fate. Now people have too many choices,so they will not accept arranged marriage.

Just to refresh your memory, read my lst post, the one that started the topic.

Well, now the newly bride is pregnant..several months. She must have gotten pregnant during her short intense time in India where she got married and returned back to Canada.

Now she's formally applying to get the immigration papers for hubby.

I find this mind-boggling..the couple hasn't even lived together for even a few months before baby, new country for hubby, etc.

to me, even more mind-boggling than my parents..who met by mail..as I said my mother the picture bride. At least they had some live-in time together before I, firstborn popped out.

humlan, you are there for a reason. Perhaps to plant seeds of change.