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#13747 - 10/23/03 06:57 AM Re: I'm new to this...but...is anyone here dealing with a drug user?
DreamrKate Offline
Member

Registered: 10/15/03
Posts: 446
Loc: California
Okay... so 'perfect' is an overstatement.

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#13748 - 10/23/03 04:15 PM Re: I'm new to this...but...is anyone here dealing with a drug user?
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
DK, I tend to overstate things too. In my writing I'm trying to be very honest so there's no room for sarcasm with my style on certain subjects.

However, the Queen can use sarcasm and overstatements and it serves her writing very well.

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#13749 - 10/29/03 03:37 AM Re: I'm new to this...but...is anyone here dealing with a drug user?
DJ Offline
Member

Registered: 11/22/02
Posts: 1149
Loc: Ohio
I worked for 10 years in an outpatient center for emotionally ill adults, including recovering drug addicts and alcoholics, and had many a conversation with them. They quite frankly talked about how self centered they'd been, when involved in their consciousness altering behavior, indulging. The professionals sometimes call it self medication on account of underlying mental illness, like bipolar disorder or schizophrenia. I don't know.
I know we've talked elsewhere on this forum about the tendency in our culture to blame bad behavior on illnesses rather than to take responsibility for the behavior. We're becoming, or have become, a country full of "co-dependents", excusing people for their self centeredness, calling it a disease, and standing by while they devastate the lives of others. I don't think that alcoholism and drug abuse are victimless crimes. If nothing else, as my mom used to say, by buying drugs you're supporting the mafia.
Might drug addiction hinder spiritual growth? Getting high must be one of the most selfish activities that exist. It is done without regard for anyone besides oneself. Is that person's pain any deeper or more important than the pain of his family as they stand by and watch him destroy himself? I know that often times the drug abuser believes this to be the case. I've spoken to many a one.

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#13750 - 10/29/03 05:50 AM Re: I'm new to this...but...is anyone here dealing with a drug user?
DreamrKate Offline
Member

Registered: 10/15/03
Posts: 446
Loc: California
DJ - I appreciate your response, really. And though I might seem like i'm defending my position here... really I'm not. I don't defend it. I can't even stand it. I really thought, I swear to God, that I could make a difference, I could help, I could crawl in there and fill up the void. In the absence of that happening, I thought maybe he'd come out of it, and sometimes it seems, really, honest to God, like he might. But today, and you know we only speak in days, we can't even speak in months or years, today doesn't look good. And you're right, there's been lots of money go down the toiled. Lots. And right now, I'm angry. I'm angry and yet I, for some idiotic reason, am still trying to take the path of least resistance. I just don't have the energy to deal with the hassle. And as terrible as this sounds, I just don't know how I would do it financially. I feel a lot of time like I've lived in limbo. And today, I don't like it. I do go on about my business, like I've said before but if I'm going to live my own life, why not truly live my own life? It's just making that move.

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#13751 - 10/29/03 06:05 AM Re: I'm new to this...but...is anyone here dealing with a drug user?
DreamrKate Offline
Member

Registered: 10/15/03
Posts: 446
Loc: California
"toilet"... that was the word. Toiled? Well THAT's what I'VE been doing for the past 25 years. And it's not to say he's done nothing, but I'd be afraid to measure it. It would come up so short it would be like standing in a "I'm An Idiot" mirror. And yet... in my defense, not that I have to, I look at my children and I look at the family times, and they're great. Our children are wonderful and in part because of him. Had I known all of this, I don't know that I would have done anything different... but I might have stayed 19 for a whole lot longer.

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#13752 - 10/29/03 11:44 AM Re: I'm new to this...but...is anyone here dealing with a drug user?
meredithbead Offline
The Divine Ms M

Registered: 07/07/03
Posts: 4894
Loc: Orange County, California
DJ, I have to agree with you and I have some very strong opinions, often unpopular, on the matter.

Most addictions are not illnesses, they're lifestyle choices.

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#13753 - 10/29/03 11:49 AM Re: I'm new to this...but...is anyone here dealing with a drug user?
meredithbead Offline
The Divine Ms M

Registered: 07/07/03
Posts: 4894
Loc: Orange County, California
Kate, we never know what life will bring. We always want/ hope for the best. But there comes a time when we have to redefine our notions of "best." "Best" 20 years ago is not best today. We have to stop putting so much energy into fixing what's broken, and create anew.

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#13754 - 10/29/03 06:10 PM Re: I'm new to this...but...is anyone here dealing with a drug user?
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
DJ and DK, thanks for sharing such intimacies from your lives. Often I believe we discover important realities simply by writing about them. I'm grateful this forum is a place where we can come (somewhat anonymously) and get feedback from other women that can help us sort things out.

And about this midlife time, I think it's one of the best times in our lives. We can look back with enough sense to discern what is best for us and then try to make choices about what to do next.

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#13755 - 10/29/03 06:14 PM Re: I'm new to this...but...is anyone here dealing with a drug user?
jawjaw Offline
Da Queen

Registered: 07/02/03
Posts: 12025
Loc: Alabama
DJ,
I for one want to thank you for sharing your life with us. You are to be admired, and although I did not have a drug abuser around, I did have a husband who had multiply girlfriends. One addiction is as good as another?

Anyway, I had to raise two small children and I also had no one to help. Every cent went to daycare and groceries. I too finished my associate degree at night with my children sitting in my lap. This school, for some unknown wonderful reason, let me do that. I went on to finish my B.S. and part of my Masters.

And I don't mind telling anybody I learned to fix refrigerators, vacuum cleaners, hamburger 1001 ways, change a tire, and still convince my children that their Daddy loved them more than anything, when he wasn't even coming around or seeing them OR paying support. At all. It was very hard, but I learned so much, especially how to forgive. [Smile]

Thanks for sharing,

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#13756 - 10/29/03 09:30 PM Re: I'm new to this...but...is anyone here dealing with a drug user?
DreamrKate Offline
Member

Registered: 10/15/03
Posts: 446
Loc: California
Thanks, ALL of you. You are all really strong women and I appreciate the sharing and the advice and experiences. I agree that this whole mid-life thing...it's interesting, I've never thought of it as a crisis, but more as an awakening.

And I do think of 'unclaimed youth'that I can't get back. I haven't decided in my list what makes me the angriest. But it is my year. I'm hoping I don't piss it away.

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