I'm using the term "husbands" because mostly its men who don't listen, but it can be any spouse, partner, etc. Here is a story. MH was watching TV all morning, resting before working tonight. Plus, he was in a bad mood. Anyway, I was researching on Ebay the selling price of a vintage Gucci purse, because I have one just sitting in my closet, and I want to sell it. He knows that. So, I said to MH, "Hey honey, someone sold a Gucci purse on Ebay. The price started at $9.99, and there is another hour to bid, and the price is at $350.00." He said, "uh huh." Then I had trouble putting the pic of my purse on ebay, and tried to discuss downsizing MB with MH. He mumbled, "I don't know." So I aborted the listing of my Gucci until I can figure out MB. A couple of hours later, MH got ready for work. As he was leaving he said, "So, that's a good day. You sold the purse for $350.00." What?????? I swear, my dogs comprehend better.

Lynn, this is hysterical. Sorry, don't mean to make light of it, but Ross and I have both been guilty of this type of listening while doing something else. I don't think it's only a man thing. My daughter is the same way, and I recall one of my younger sisters being like that as a kid.

This topic is a pet peeve of mine. Thanks for posting it Princess. It's good to know I'm not alone on this one.

It’s probably demeaning for my husband, but sometimes I pretend to toot a horn while calling out, “Attention attention.” He then raises his eyebrows in an exasperated way, and after I’ve told him what I want to say, there is still only a 50% chance that he really listened. I think his mind wanders off to what he “thinks” I’m saying.

It has got increasingly worse the past year. So bad, that I’m starting to worry if there is another reason behind this. He had his hearing checked…and it’s 100%...But they didn’t peep in my voice level…which gets increasingly higher, the more I notice that he isn’t LISTENING!!!!!!

Of course your right Dotsie, when he tells me something while I’m on the phone or computer…I have no idea what he said either….But if he is looking at me with no other distractions around, and still doesn’t get it,…well then, I wonder, should I worry?

My guy seldom listens and then says I never told him, what I told him four times, three days ago. He can't hear very well, if it's something I want him to hear. But if it's something I don't want him to hear, he hears fine. I don't miss what he says,
because he never says anything!

We women just love to talk, talk, talk and our menfolk have to listen to us day in day out. Over the years they have probably learned to zone out sometimes, just to get a little quiet. Men don't feel the need to express themselves verbally as much as we do, so rather than get exasperated with them, we need to try and weigh up what needs to be talked about and what doesn't. We don't need to keep bombarding them with jabbering 24/7.

Here's the way I use to solve that little prob, Princess...When I would tell my ex something that I knew he would use SELECTIVE HEARING on, I would say to him, "Now did you hear that?" He would give his standard, "Yes, I hear ya." And start to walk away. I would say something jokingly like, "Hold on a sec that buster, you aren't getting off that easy. I said did you hear that. I didn't say hear this and file it away, I said, did you hear that.

This means at some point in time, I'm gonna ask you about this and you are gonna have that deer in the headlights look and say, "WHATTTTT?" Now....I'm asking you again, did you hear that? Careful before you answer me, cause if you say yes, and IF...you chose to say WHATTTTT? when I ask you about this again, I get to go out and spend 1,000. And another 1,000 every time you say, "Whatttt?" Got it?

He ALWAYS got it.

Bonnie, that is so true. I can tell him 4 tmes and he'll say I never told him. Hannelore, I guess that is part of a communication problem. Country girl, I don't jabber, except on BWS, where I tend to go on and on. When MH talks it is always about sports, which I could care less about. I let him tell me what team is going to what play off, etc, but really, he's jabbering. I wish we would talk about other topics together, like spirituality.

Same problem here...except, like the Princess, I don't jabber except here! In this relationship, it's my husband who's the talker...he can talk me under the table any day! I have to hope that he shuts up eventually at most times. BUT, we still have the same problem...his selective hearing and mine, too, I guess. He'll claim he tells me things when I just don't think he did!

Surely this isnt the 1st time this subject has come up here? My husband has the TV on loud all the time he's home which being retired is most o the time. It drives me insane to mention something "I heard" on his TV, & he has no clue what I'm talking about. GeezZZZ IF he's going to have it ON the least he could do is half as#ed pretend to listen to it & me. We can discuss what's for supper in the AM, decide and by 5:30pm he's asking me what's for supper? I am forever having to repete plans, to-do lists, etc to him. I suppose my worst peeve is him choosing a show I hate and then going to sleep. Today we had a talk about my going to the store, he said I was just going to get away from him. NOPE to escape the TV & sports or his fav WOW {Watching Old Western's} LOL So, I shot my self in my stubborn foot..I'm NOT going, so he took off on his ATV buggy to ride around the ranch. Crud, I got off topic, was I jabbering? LOL
At least I feel better.
QBall

LJ & QB, all I can say, to keep from jabbering, is 'DITTO' me too! Everything you said.

I've found that the best way to get my husband to listen to me is to find a time when he's not distracted by anything and is looking at me in the eyes. It's normally when I'm blabbing on and on in needless detail that he gets the deer in the headlight look. For men whom size seems to matter, the less said the better they like it....go figure.

Dee, my husband is always looking at something. If it is not the TV, it is the computer. He has to have constant visual simulation, as if I weren't enough. I know he was a kid who was plopped in front of the TV, like the TV was a babysitter. I worked with my husband. If I couldn't find him in the restaurant where we worked, I'd go to the lobby, and there he would be, watching TV. He will stand and watch TV. When I met him, I did not have a TV and he said, "How do you live?" Like I needed a TV to live and breathe!

Wow...that's a lot of TV...Tell him he can watch TV but you control his on and off button...if you get my drift...:)

Dee, I like your website. The pictures are awesome.

Louisa..thank you so much...it was a labor of love and I need to add Christmas photos one day. For some reason my music quit playing and I need to reload it...gotta find time for that, too. I glad you looked at it and I'm glad you enjoyed it.
I, too, looked at your site and was so drawn into your stories and life. You have an incredible writer and we're so lucky to be a part of that.

Do any of your husbands blame you for everything that ever goes wrong around the house? If the computer isn't functioning properly, it's my fault. If the TV malfunctions,
it's my fault. If the dog won't sit, stay when told, it's my fault. He talks little. But gives zingers a lot. Today
I told him he'd better stop blaming me for what's wrong in the world. Because I'm the type of person that will take a lot, but when I'm done, I'm done! I try not to let it bother me, but it irritates the heck out of me. What say you?

He doesn't blame me but calls my name like I'm supposed to know how to fix it!

Sounds like you're not in a happy marriage Bonnierose. I'm so sorry you're going through that. Marriage is about respect and love, not the other way around. I'd put my foot down and let him know he isn't allowed to speak to me like that...and if he does, there's consequences...have you considered marriage counseling?

Next time he sends you a zinger, tell him, “ In a minute honey. I’m working on a remote control to zing you out.”
If he opens his mouth again, zap that remote control at him. You’ll see…his jaw will drop.

Bonnie, it's happened here in my home but I DO believe I've gotten my message across. I used to feel blamed for most everything and rather than react in a good way, I'd just cry. A few weeks ago we finally had it out. We've had snowstorms...one right after another. One night he had to pull our classic car out of the garage and park it temporarily so he could get the plow truck in to fix a malfunction. It was cold, we were already stressed but had had a fun afternoon and evening so far working together. He got in the Hawk and backed in around the corner next to a waiting old relic of a VW (waiting for restoration, that is) and he hit the VW with the rear bumper. Nothing happened to the Hawk, thankfully , but the VW's rear quarter panel got quite a dent. Guess what? It was MY fault because I didn't use common sense and know he couldn't see where he was going...and get behind the car and direct him! Rather than simply asking, because I didn't KNOW, he went into the blame game. Yeah, we were already stressed. I went straight into the house without a word. Next thing I know he came in and put his arm around me making all nice. What a greeted him with was a non-tearful, nice but very firm lecture on how I would not be blamed for another thing here because it hurts, it's disrespectful and it's time he owned up for his own mistakes. Since then, he's even brought it up about how it's unfair that he does that and we've analyzed it a bit but he's trying. It was so bad that every time it happened I'd come into the house and plot my way out of this whole marriage. The rest of it is very improved and most of the time we're happy, have great communication and a lot of fun together. But when he gets stressed (which has been a lot since about September...lots of things going wrong, etc.)he would get very sarcastic and blame shift. If he even comes close again I won't hesitate to remind him. I cannot live like that. It was making me a nervous, jumpy person. Sometimes we have to get very real with men and shake them up a little for them to get a clear message.

Honestly, Anne, I doubt they'd listen then...they're too tunnel-visioned at that point. It is true that my husband cannot discuss or respond to anything else if he's in a project i.e. "I don't know...I'm not thinking about that right now"....weird. But I think some of it has to do with personality rather than gender. But there is a lot of evidence of how different women and men tend to use their brains. It's really interesting, although I wonder why it has to be so!

1. Does my husband listen to me?? Yes, he hears every last word I say, even if I'm 10 miles away, and remembers it ad infinitum and repeats it like a fripping parrot every time he wants to make a point about something, whether it's relevant or not. And usually it's not.

Meredith Solution #1: Do not speak to husband unless it's absolutely positively necessary. The rest of the time, let him rot in his room by himself.

2. Does he blame me for everything?? Yes, including things which I could not have known about, or done anything about even if I did know.

Meredith Solution #2: Agree with him whole-heartedly. Then proceed to blame myself for everything that's ever happened in our marriage, things that happened in his life before he met me, and global warming. This takes the sport out of it for him. Plus, by the time I've listed everything he wanted to, he sometimes forgets what the original complaint was. And if he remembers it and says it again, I just repeat the litany until he goes back to his room to sulk.

3. And while we're on the topic of "Annoying Husband Verbal Tricks," I'm married to one of the world's worst nags. Keep in mind -- if I say I'll do something, it's as good as chiseled in stone. So he'll ask me to do something -- and I'll say yes -- and two minutes later he asks again, and again, and again...

Meredith Solution #3: Three strikes, you're out. The third time Mr. Nag-athon opens his mouth, I tell him, "You're nagging me. If you nag me one more time, I will never ever, not in 2000 years, do this thing." He knows I mean it, and I never once backed down -- because once I've said something, it's as good as chiseled in stone.

Meredith All-Purpose Solution #4: when he gets annoying enough, I leave the house. Shortest amount of time: two hours. Longest amount of time: two weeks. When I get back, he's always so much nicer. Whatever.

Good lord...I'm so glad you don't write humor....You crack me up, Ms M.

I stopped crying about it years ago, and learned to laugh at the sheer idiocy.

My husband is aware that there are times he tunes me out, annoying you bet. But, occasionally He/I make it up to me. How?? I do or get something I WANT and when he objects, I look hurt & say,,"If you'd pay attention, we talked about this last week & you said it was fine with you", if he still objects, I get fussy and tell him "You even encouraged IT". It kind of eases the annoyance of being ignored. Bless his heart, by the time I'm done he's saying well it's done now & almost happy. I don't do it often, the last two times was for my dog a new bed & renewing my trial sub to XM radio in my car. OH that & my Donor Awareness license plate.
QBall

I think the comment about husbands who don't listen hit a nerve! Hot topic. We have a temperature/time gadget on the table that is between our recliners. We can both be sitting in our chairs, with the time gadget between us, and he will say, "What time is it?" I don't respond, at all. I grew up in a blame game household, so I understand what it is you are talking about. MH does not do that. But I did the first years of marriage. Whatever went wrong, it had to be somebody's fault. Let's say we ran out of milk. Let's say he sticks his head in the fridge and says, "We have no milk" and I would say, "That's because YOU drank it all." Doesn't matter that I used it on my cereal. One day he said to me: "Why does everything wrong happen to be somebody's fault. Sometimes, it is what it is." Great lesson for me! Meredith, I could not live with a nag. Actually I did in my first so-called marriage, and that nearly did me in! And, it's funny-weird that he remembers everything if it is convenient for him, because I know many men don't remember. However, MH for example can recite every lyric from every song of The Grateful Dead. He can retain and recite sports score infinitly. LJ, if I am in a project I can't turn to something else. Just now, he was entertained how a bottle of beer fit perfectly into a certain glass. He's sharing that brilliant piece of life-affirming information with me as I am trying to write a post. Plus, of course, the TV is on and the dryer is rattling. That's too much for my comprehension simultaneously.

Okay~ well, my husband listens because I am always UP to something! If he doesn't listen, something may HAPPEN! I am SO accident prone and my head is always in an art project that he has to watch me like a child he said once! My poor son agrees! They respect me when I am doing what I do, and they are great fans, but they say they don't know WHERE my ideas come from and that I don't concentrate on daily life well!
I have accidents that way! It's terrible. I've lived a life with someone taking care of the other side of things while I just created! I'm told the pay off is worth it, because I am a generous woman, but I'm a goof ball when it comes to one side of the brain.

Or, I was told many times that I am fun to watch. lol.

dancernine

Lynnie, he used to be a lot worse, until I learned to WALK.

"You want to fight? Fight with the wall, I'm outta here!"
"You're nagging, and I asked you not to. I'll come back in a few days and maybe it'll be out of your system by then. If not, I'm out the door again."

It's the most effective tool I have, although several friends have suggested contract murder.

I have no where to go but the guest room while we are having 5 inches of snow! By the way, does anyone want the aforementioned vintage Gucci purse? Dianne, queen of shoes, I'm sure you have some vintage Gucci footwear to go with. How did the seventies become vintage?

This is one of the worst problems in my married relationship. I've tried several ways of fixing it and haven't hit on the magic formula. Just the day before yesterday, I told him my chiro visit was postponed to 2:30. He said, "oh, okay," and went and sat back down (he was driving me). Then I roust about to leave about 2:00 ... he drives so fast, we got there at 2:05 and was a bit peeved when the "CLOSED" sign was in the window. I knew we were going to get there too early, but I let it happen to see what he'd say after I reminded him the appt. was at 2:30. I reminded him of this and he claimed I didn't tell him. Now... that's only one incident in a MILLION... and I'm not a jabber box either... I think that might be part of the problem - I don't DEMAND his attention enough.
Here's the other side of the coin... he'll tell me the same thing two or three times... and it never fails to shock me when I hear a story or comment for the third time.
dum-d-dum

hehehe....don't mean to chuckle but I hear ya! This morning I went out to start his car for him. I came in to ask him a simple question about something in the trunk and he got all flustered. Expressive hands, frustrated look and "I don't know" about 4 times. It was a simple question out of concern! I just went back out and smiled, thinking of this thread. He cannot think and get dressed at the same time. I've never seen a person who cannot do 2 things at once as much as him. He's thoroughly engrossed in whatever he's doing. Kinda funny, actually.

On second thought, he is an impatient Aries....all the way!

You start his car for him? Girl, you are a sweetheart. I hope he appreciates you!

Hey, JJ, I'll toot my own horn anyday. My philosophy in marriage is to treat one another like you would DREAM to be treated!....well, as long as you don't lose yourself or get walked on, that is. I know he genuinely appreciates it because he says so often and thanks me. Here, I'll toot my own horn so forgive me...I brush off the snow and start it up every weekday for him. That's after I put his carefully prepared lunch in the car for him so he doesn't have to carry it out....lol. He came from a marriage where NOTHING was ever done for him and often he was denied....right from birth. So I enjoy it. I enjoy seeing him race out the door to a warm and ready car. One thing we DO have going for us is mutual appreciation. We express it daily...even when he's weird. Of course, I am NEVER weird!

This all warms my heart and good for you, I say! I can tell from you post that it brings you much joy to do this things for him. That is wonderful, Jane...and don't let anyone tell you any different. It brings you joy, him joy...what can be wrong with that? Like you say, its the Golden Rule!

What a nice person you are!

So - what's up with having to sit and listen to every detail of hubby's work day with undivided attention - like it was the most interesting topic in the entire world - and then try to tell him about YOUR day - as he turns his head and watches some TV show and does the nod or the 'uh-huh' thing every once in awhile???

LJ, I might go a bit off topic here relative to you starting his car and brushing off the snow. It is commendable that you want to ease the fact that he'd been denied, as long as you know you can't "fix" that for him. Why do I bring this up? By the time MH and I were married for 10 years, I said he had already made up for 30 years of my earlier traumatic life. Inadvertantly he did this, just by being himself in treating me civil, and listening when it counts. I have tried to start a mutual gratitude journal of what we appreciate in each other, but he does not stick to anything except, well, sports scores! I'm an impatient Aries. One of my lessons is to learn that my time frame ( I want it! and I want it now) is not necessarily someone elses's time frame, or God's.

Princess, I appreciate what you've said. I have not even seriously thought of "can I fix him." I probably should have but by nature I will give and give and I love caring for people's needs. Sometimes I've worn myself out doing it. I did this same thing for my former husband. It came as second nature. No one ever had to suggest it. The other piece to the puzzle is that my former husband was a very conservative and somewhat legalistic Baptist pastor. You know, women should submit, etc. I don't think it played into too much of what I did because I was always like that. For awhile I drove my present hubby off the wall with my taking care of him. So I eased back a bit. He kept letting me know that he was capable and I shouldn't do those things. Over time, he's gotten used to the fact that I want to naturally give. For instance, he spent hours on our roof on Sunday shoveling 2 feet of snow off it. I knew, at his age (lol) he was really worn out afterwards. I gave him a foot massage. The thing is I've had other women tell me I was sick for doing these things. I don't think so. It gives me great pleasure to do for others. But the point of trying to fix someone is very well taken. Thanks, maybe I need to hear this. He had a horrible childhood and a very bad first marriage. I just think he deserves a little TLC.

Meredith, honey, from an Italian: DON'T go for the contract, ok? LOLOLOL
dancer

Yeah, I agree with Dancer. Too many loose ends there. Go with arsenic.

You Bet, Jaw Jaw, because now it's on a public forum, she can't go with the contract, shooooooooooooot.
dancer9

Thanks for your input. My husband is really, really a good man. He's a homebody. And most of the time he's easy to live with. But he has that habit of blaming me for every thing that goes wrong. I'm NOT sure it's premeditated. The guy talks very little. He's a brain, a geologist by trade, but retired now. We take RV trips a couple of times a year. We've been married, going on 27 years. But there's that 1 thing that bugs the heck out of me. And it's not that I'm unhappy, for the most part. He doesn't physically abuse me; or cheat; or hang out at the bars. He's conservative, frugal, gentlemanly. And I probably overreact, some. But you know how it goes; that gender thing can get under a gal's skin sometimes. Thanks for the advice, ladies.

Divine Ms. M...
I took time to read your remarks. You're 1 funny chick.
I love it! Good idea. Walk out! I do that sometimes. But not for weeks, only hours. Luv ya...

Bonnierose,
I learned a few things in my miles of therapy. One was how men think! You said that your husband has the habit of blaming you for things that go on. I had a husband like that and it drove me nuts so I took it to my shrink!

He told me that men are raised not to take the blame. He explained to me things like sports. Take team sports. If a boy strikes out and looses the game, the first thing his father tells him is that he didn't loose the game for the team. He tells him that if little Johnny, (for example,) had not struck out in the inning before, then his strike out would not have lost the game! He may tell him that the umpire was calling strikes when they were balls. He will be told anything but, "yes your strike out lost the game for your team!" They LEARN that nothing is their fault this way, you see?

In other areas they are then not to blame in their minds. If they get a D on a paper, they say the teacher is hard to understand and their father will most likely not tell them "you are not trying and you need a tutor," he will probably tell him that that may be so but he needs to try to pick up the grade anyway! If a boy beats them up, their parents tell him that he's tough and the boy got the best of him because he didn't see it coming! He NEVER is told "you are a whimp, and you lost the fight because he is a better fighter than you!"
We, as women are told that we are to blame. If we get in a fight with little susie, we are asked, "what did you do to make her mad?" "You should make up with Susie," or "You know that fighting is not for little girls, you go make up with Susie and say you are sorry!" If we are learning to cook, and the cookies burn, we are told we blew it! We are told that we did not check the cookies enough, or that we set the oven too high, or anything that makes it our fault. But we are not told, like a little boy would be told, "the oven does not work very well, it's not your fault!" You see? A boy is trained that he is a "winner," no matter what to give him confidence, they THINK will help him in the competitive world of little grown up boys. WE are schooled that we must MAKE little Johnny feel better because we have to be "kind," "understanding," and to "care," for our baby dolls!

It is society that sets men up to blaming anyone but themselves for their failures or faults! The hold someone else responsible for their feelings but we take the blame for our feelings!

They say, "Well, you made me feel like a loser so I lost it!"

We say, "I feel like a loser!" "Am I a loser?"

It's all backwards and it's all ingrained. All we can do is try to reverse it by behavior. We have to stop taking the blame and put it squarely where it belongs! We have to stop taking responsibility for other people's feelings! We do not MAKE anyone feel any certain way! We are NOT responsible for how they feel at all! We don't have to make them feel better anymore than we do our little "dolls," when we were little girls!

it's a bad time, huh?

I thought I'd share that and tell you what I learned. I hope it helps!

One more thing: Johnny is taught to STEAL second base,...what does THAT really teach Johnny?

dancer9

Wow, Lady Jane!
You are a sweetheart to your husband! How nice you are to him! That's great to hear!
dancer9

dancer, I know you were talking to bonnierose but may I say that you also spoke to me! I, too, had seen a lot of this in ministry also and in study. Sometimes even though we've learned something, we still may live with it (not sure that makes sense to you but it somehow makes sense to me!) In analyzing my husband....and God knows I analyze everything under the sun, he had a military father, absent most of the time. He had a brutal mentally ill German mother. His father would often leave just to get away from her and yet leave his children to be abused. How sad. His dad also had one affair after another. Wow, what role model! Yet when his dad died a few years back it was my husband who sat alone holding his hand in the hospital. He reveres his father. Then he got into a long, cruel marriage with a cold woman. This woman has literally turned both of his daughters against him. He's been in so much pain that I have to admit I do try to soothe him in any way I can. He was raised also to be a man, not take blame, do what you want, don't let ANYONE push you around, etc. He can be fearless and he can also be so childlike. Yes, I'm guilty of doing a little mothering, too but not so much as just trying to reassure him. Sometimes it's exhausting, I'll admit. Anyway, thanks for your words to bonnierose...it was a very timely reminder.

Lady Jane,
On the other side of things, if your husband was horribly abused and he now has you to hang on to, well that's grand! Maybe in your healing of him, you can help him understand that it's okay to wrong sometimes.
dancer

LJ, how can anyone judge you and say it's "sick?" As one person heals in this world, the healing has ripple effects. You are an instrument for healing. And joy.

Dancer, thanks for the advice on contracts!
And Jawjaw, does adding arsenic involve cooking skills? Okay, SCRATCH THAT question, I think I asked the wrong person...

I don't do blame. I barely have time to update my 4,000 websites.

I'm Ms. Take-No-Prisoners, and I married a martyr who, when he's not blaming me for something, thinks the entire planet and all alternate universes are out to get him. zzzzzzz Talk about a ball-and-chain... Although he's dropped some of the martyr act ever since I made a song about it, which I launch into every time. I think he still thinks he's a martyr, but he's afraid to mention it to me because I'll start singing that dam* song again.

I almost? tossed some oleander leaves into the salad of my first so-called husband. Well, I was new to Arizona, from the evergreens of PA. How was I supposed to know they were poisonous? Talk about a rabid man, I mean beast.

Make that Pathology Pie, as I call it. No baking involved.

My husband just bought a book on poisonous plants growing in the house garden….Just wanted to let you all know, just in case I should mysteriously disappear from the screen.

I got to tell you all a true story.

A few years ago Hubby and I were invited to dinner at my stepbrother’s house. It was one of those chilly atmospheres that slam right into your face as soon as you step over the threshold. Obviously husband and wife just had a heated argument. Neither one was willing to talk,…not even to us.

Hubby just whispered under his breath to me, "We’ll just eat and go."

My stepbrother is a fantastic gourmet cook, and we didn’t want to miss that for the world…silence or no silence. After dinner we all plumped down in the living room to have an after dinner cocktail. I was tired of trying to keep up the conversation, and at that point joined the others in silent cocktail drinking.

Out of the dark silence, suddenly my stepbrother piped up with, “ Do you know how to commit the perfect murder?”

I looked over at his wife, who squirmed uncomfortably in her seat.

“No,” I said. “Do you know how?”

My stepbrother is an internist so I figured he would come up with some medical concoction to mix. But no, it was simpler then that.

He said if you cut cat hairs real short and add them daily to the victim’s meal, preferably soup, they will ball up in the stomach, since they can’t be digested, and the person will die. And the marvellous thing about it, he added, is that even an autopsy can’t discover the cause.

As if on cue, his wife got a horrible coughing fit, and ran out of the living room. Hubby and I both jumped up together and said, “sorry,…but we must really go.”

Meanwhile they are divorced,…and yes, both are alive and kicking.….At the time I would have laid bets that she wouldn’t survive a year. Am I ever glad I was wrong.

Dang...wish I had known this when I was married!

Wow, Hannelore! Talk about appropriate dinner converstation!
dancer

Jaw Jaw,
Congratulations! I am quite sure that "Pathology Pie," is a new classic! Can I use it?
dancer9

I'm reading your book at this time, Princess, those leaves would have been a good idea! Being as I am familar with Arizona, I'm finding great ideas for getting rid of your first husband:
hit him with your car,
shoot him with his own gun,
poisen his food,
find a group of bored drug dealers and drop his name,
Leave him on the top of a mountain and pray for the
best outcome,
Oleander leaves,
a pitful of snakes
a pitful of Gila Monsters,
plant some black widows in his bed,
about 25.
tie him to a Cactus and let the sun do it's thing,
when he is under his vehicle playing with it, kick the
stand our from underneath it.

Oh yes, I've some great ideas for this guy.

Dancer, in the middle of Princesses book

I'm taking notes! LOL

Well then...you GO, Anne 3
dancer9

Dancer, that is the funniest response I have ever had from anyone reading about that beast! I'm going to read your funnies again. This is the first real laugh I've had in a long time. Too funny. Where were you back then when I needed these ideas to get rid of that caveman? I'm glad you're hear now! L, PL

Okay, I have a new one today! This refers to the "little boys in men" thing. My husband has been notorious in the past of getting very mesmerized with toys or fun things. Well, that's great....we all do sometimes. Last night he came home late after standing in Walmart staring at those little helicopters that you fly with remote control. He loves aviation and went to flight school in the military so I understand this....sort of. Anyway, he has always liked these but has never had one. A guy he works with mentioned yesterday how he has one. That's all it took! Hubby got tunnel-visioned again and wants one...NOW. I asked him if he could wait until he gets his bonus at work (coming this month) or until his birthday in April when I will get it for him. You would have thought I asked the impossible! He stared at it flying around on YouTube last night. Because I didn't show an enormous amount of enthusiasm, he went into sulk mode i.e. "you don't want me to have it." (It was really kinda funny how juvenile he became). It was 11:00, I was very tired and I imagined having to play with that thing every night IN THE HOUSE for a month until he tired of it. He wants the one where there are 2 helicopters who can shoot each other down....in our small house with 2 birds and 4 cats. I can't help but laugh about this but I'm disgusted, too, that he feels he can't wait. The stupid things are made out of styrofoam and cost $70 which we don't have right now. This morning he was nice but still kind of sulky. WHYYYYYY??????? AM I the weird one here? I just thought if he could wait, he'd have dry ground outside to play in. Because of his passing fads (just like a kid) he has his Playstation sitting collecting dust (he played this nonstop one winter for about a month), his ukeleles in the corner collecting dust and the list goes on. This is driving me crazy today and it's all so silly. But, oh, how I desperately needed to vent like this today!

Hey Ladyjane - I can totally relate to that! Whenever my DH takes an interest in something - he has to go out and get ALL the stuff for it - which occupies him for a month or 2 - and then it sits and rots forever - because it can't be sold a a garage sale - heaven forbid - that's all "Good Stuff"!

There was gardening - and horseshoes (still have the defunct pits in the backyard) - and bowling and golf ...and... and. If I start thinking about all of them, my blood pressure will boil! LOL

It would not be so bad if we could SELL the remains - but no - we have to find a place to STORE them - so that our lucky kids can throw them in the trash when we are gone!

Linda,
I'm so glad that someone can relate! The phases he goes through and then quickly gets over are too numerous just in the time I've known him. I usually can take things in stride and not make a big deal out of it but this one just comes at a strange time and I don't get it!

Anne3, that call from him ROCKS! Congrats!
dancer

Lady Jane,
I'm going to be a weird one here, but I understand him! You know how you just can't WAIT to try a make up product? Or you fall in LOVE with a piece of clothing? How about how you HAVE to have your hair look ok for that party? It's what makes you a woman and how you feel, well, "girly!"

Well, men have their things that make them feel "boyey!" They need things that tap the little boy in them and make them remember times when they were stronger or in a job that might have been more challanging!

My husband is a retired sniper, who worked for the Navy, the Coast Gaurd, and the DEA. He is used to being on HIGH alert and missing NOTHING. He is a man who sees a crime taking place in our neighborhood and "speaks police," to help them aprehend the suspects! I kid you not, he finds crimes taking place like I spot a fine frock! The people who live around us ask for his help and he can find their stolen car and who stole it!

To do this, he has toys he does not really need. He has HIGH powered flashlights, not one, but one in the living room, the car, the upstairs bedroom, and another room in our home! ALL of them are professional and NEVER will they need to be used but he needs them! They make him feel ready! He hates video games, and deplores men who play them yet he secretly plays ONE, one for law enforcement!
And he HAD to have that game, let me tell you, it would not wait a day when a detective told him about it!
You see? It makes them feel like MEN! LOL.

It's cute and funny and in my case, I can be found no matter where I go, even Honduras! In your case, well, no evil helicopter will EVER attack at YOUR house, right?

LOL, I get it.

dancer

Yeah, me too. I caved in last night....we're going for the double helicopters with the lasers to shoot each other down. He stared at this thing online again...watched a youtube version and gazed at it without blinking just like a little boy. He flew one in Vietnam and after. It's in his blood. I gave him my blessing which was all he was looking for. Sometimes I guess I can be TOO practical. So guess what I'll be doing tonight?

Ahh...Mr.Chick has had a 'copter for over 3 months now. We send our grandson one "cause they are so cool". It sits on the end table and every now and then he starts it up and flys it all around the room. I think it's cute. He had a pilot's license once so I guess this is as close as he can get right now. Boomer men have much in common too it seems.

Yes, Chick, I think you're right....especially if there's any pilot stuff going on in the past or present...they just love anything with an engine. He's also a railroad fanatic. He has this beautiful train set but hasn't been able to put it up anywhere since he moved here 6 years ago. He looks so sad when he speaks of it. I just find it kinda comical to see him so obsessed...or possessed. They actually have all day shows where you go and stand and watch every imaginable engine run. Um, I think I'd draw the line there!

So LJ, how was the helicopter battle?

Ladies, the difference between men and boys is the price of their toys. Have you heard that one?

My hubby is a car fanatic. He has some sporty BMW convertible that he gets such a pleasure driving. Even though he is not the flashy type by any means, he still loves his cars.

The helicopter thing makes me laugh. A friend of his gave him a remote helicopter for Christmas. Hubby and two sons had fun flying it Christmas day until it crashed. Fortunately, the friend who gave it to him got a warranty. Can you imagine selling a warranty with a remote flying toy. We couldn't believe it. It was from Brookstone and the funny thing is, we returned it and they are way back ordered. I guess they are crashed. What would you expect?

Your a love, Lady Jane, Happy Helicoptering!
OH what we will do for those we love!
I didn't know you had to PLAY too!
dancer 9 impressed

Let's see, Ladyjane --- UMMMM - hoping you can shoot your laser more accutately and faster than your husband can?????? Good luck! LOL

Tonight's the night....IF he can find one because apparently they sell out fast. It's his choice to buy the two with the lasers. Lord help me. I sent dancer's comment from last night in his lunch today. Poor guy...but you gotta love 'em!

Lady Jane, dont' be a lady, BLOW his copter DOWN! It's good therapy!
dancer

LOL, Lady Jane!
I hope my comment does not upset him!
dancer

It was post #143470...that's the one I sent with him...no worries....he'll love it because you were standing up for him!

Ok, Ms Lady Jane, You know best! Are you from the south?
dancer

Everyone, thank you for your comments. Dancer, I know what you say is true. I sense that my husband just cannot admit
when he has made a mistake. In his mind, he does nothing wrong, ever! And I know that. I guess that's why I'm giving him some slack and trying to understand. I appreciate the input. I really do! Thank you for caring!!!!

From the SOUTH???? You have to be kidding! I told da Queen that I've always been afraid in the south because they have bumper stickers that say "Make my Day...Shoot a Yankee." Nope, not me. I'm a born and bred Maniac all the way.

Bonnierose,
If what I said made a difference, I'm really happy.. Thank you for the post. I know you tell it like it is.
dancer9

And the nickname "Lady," came from ?
dancer9

I've been Lady Jane since going on the internet in early days...and besides, I have a long line of British ancestors. Not sure this is why....but it sounds good to me!

Now, now LJ...I haven't shot a Yankee in a couple years. No joke. Whatttt? Well heck, anybody that doesn't know a coke is a Coke, Pepsi, Dr. Pepper, whatever, deserves to be shot. But don't be generalizing. Some of us rebels even have indoor plumbing.

YOU DO??? I didn't know anyone down there didn't have a cool outhouse! Of course, way up here our men all wear plaid shirts and head for the woods every morning...lumberjacks....all of 'em. We still haul water. But I'm still afraid when I visit the south....not Florida....the DEEEEP south like Alabama and Mississippi. I try to "talk southern" so they don't know....it never works though......they can smell a Yankee a mile away.

Just got THE call from hubby....he's on his way home late...he has TWO helicopters. Lord have mercy.

JJ, you use the term "Coke" for all colas?????? hmmmm....

Girl, you have me laughing doubled over. Check your map...Florida goes a bit deeper than AL and MS. LOL!

I understand, I've a grandfather that goes back to the queen of England. Blue blood there, but French.
dancer

Oh, DON'T beat him! You simply MUST report the outcome of this adventure! That man has his copters and he's ready to ROCK! Whoa, I'd hate to be in your shoes right now, Lady Jane. Come to think of it, take OFF your shoes and get comfy, it's gonna be a LONG night of being shot down over and over again! You can do this, I think?! Yes! What a good time he's going to have and he owes you, girl!
dancer9

Now, JJ...you and I both know that Florida isn't really representative of "the real south"...it's full of transplants and snowbirds! Up here, the DEEP south is truly where you are! Now, as to the helicopters...hubby actually was pretty good about it. We charged them up and then tried flying....we soon learned that it takes time to get the feel of the controller because we just kept crashing them. Hubby read the whole instructions and actually got pretty good at it. Then he put them away!!!! Wow. Surprised me! Andy the cat was the only one who was totally fascinated with them. I think my husband had had a very long day, was tired and VERY hungry and more interested in what was for dinner. But he's a happy man with his new toys. I'm sure I'll be having more adventures soon!

Lady Jane,
I had SO hoped that you would have a real popcorn battle to tell us about! Did he put his new helicopters away gently as to not hurt them? I hope so! Hopefully you will both get good at flying them and an war can ensue! What a tremendous time for you, right? ( I mean a time to ask for that new frock!)

dancer

Hmmm....last night we went to dinner at our friends home (lucky dogs are RVing to Florida for the next 4 months)...of course, hubby took his new helicopters. They have much higher ceilings than us and the guys had a total blast. They're both Vietnam vets and were helicopter boys there. They were shooting each other down and back in the military for a while there. Hubby's helicopter started spinning uncontrollably finally and he couldn't get it to change. Hubby and the other guy got very sad as they examined it. Now he has to take it back and he's decided to get larger ones.....hehehehe. And the other guy is SO taken he's headed out to buy his own this week....can you imagine flying these in an RV? The other wife looked at me with the same look I had at first....

LOL, Lady Jane:
The helicopter widow! Bigger ones? Did they offer these too!? Oh my goodness, I can't wait to hear. Vietnam vets rarely find something to do with the war to play with so I guess, more power to them! My husband is a vet of the first gulf war so I know...

Lady Jane, patience is your virtue!

dancer