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#133159 - 02/28/08 08:12 AM Re:loss of my father has brought up some questions [Re: katebcca]
Edelweiss Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 4136
Loc: American living in Europe
Dear Kate, I never thought it would be like this; but the older I get, the more I question. So you aren’t alone on probing your beliefs. I majored in philosophy. Aristotle and all the rest of those brilliant Greek philosophers always fascinated me.

I think the difference in me now, and say about 30 years ago is that I listen to myself more. We don’t choose where we were born, and what religion influences us in our lives. It’s all by chance that we believe one way or another. What if you were raised with no belief, and had no outside influence touching you mind? What would you think then?

I think we would look at nature, and use that to answer some of our questions. For me a tree is a symbol of life, that lives on through it’s seeds. When it dies, it fertilizes the earth, to nourish other trees, and on and on it goes. I don’t think we really ever die. We change in our functions, but like everything on this planet, we too have a cycle. I have no idea if I’m quoting some known religion. These are truly my own thoughts. I find comfort in nature, and I trust it. Maybe all we should do is live and let live, don’t question too much, for know one has THE answer. I love to believe there is a God, a father for all of us. But maybe this God is in form of nature. I do believe in good, and that good sows more good.

I think you are on something there about committing suicide. If we all knew how great it would be to be dead, then bye-bye world. So this instinctive fear of death must have its reasons. Not because death is horrible; but because it may be so wonderful.

Where your father is? Dear Kate, I’m sure such questions are more pronounced when mourning. He is in your heart, your memories and lives on through you. You can call upon him anytime you want, and you can find peace knowing he is at peace as well. In that I truly believe.

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#133160 - 02/28/08 06:53 PM Re:loss of my father has brought up some questions [Re: Edelweiss]
jabber Offline
Member

Registered: 02/17/05
Posts: 10032
Loc: New York State
Kate,
I've known folks that have dated after being widowed only 2 weeks. That seems to be the trend around here. I don't agree. But that's what they're doing. I've even known some that have gone on dates while their spouse was alive and in a nursing home. So I guess, your mom isn't quite that crude. I know! She's your mom! Most of us look at our folks' from a different perspective than what we view those to which we're not related. I suppose that's human nature! Good luck with your momma's, situation!

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#133161 - 02/28/08 09:02 PM Re:loss of my father has brought up some questions [Re: jabber]
katebcca Offline
Member

Registered: 07/09/05
Posts: 631
Loc: Victoria BC Canada
I understand it and she isn't doing anything about it anyway. She turned down the offer, just not ready. I really think it depends on your situation, if you were close to your spouse etc. Also, if you require companionship. I think any children, adult or not find it difficult to accept that their parent would even think about dating after their spouse passes on.

That said, I would like my Mom to be happy so would accept it eventually. She has talked more about it and said she is not interested. Maybe he is not the right person, or maybe she prefers her woman friends. It's a personal choice.

I don't think she is crude. I have actually let go of most of my anger towards her. I am currently reading a book on losing a parent when you are an adult and it says anger is normal. Sometimes it is anger at the remaining parent, sometimes it is at the doctor, another family member etc. It's all a stage in the process of healing. I did not want to be angry with my Mom and have managed to work through most of it. Thank goodness. I do not want to feel guilty when she goes as it will be too late to do anything about it. I have no regrets when it comes to my Dad, and I don't want to have any when my Mom goes.
Kate

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#133162 - 03/06/08 03:58 PM Re:loss of my father has brought up some questions [Re: katebcca]
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Kate, mind sharing the title of the book?
_________________________
Founder Emeritus of Boomer Women Speak and the National Association of Baby Boomer Women.
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#133163 - 03/14/08 04:55 AM Re:loss of my father has brought up some questions
katebcca Offline
Member

Registered: 07/09/05
Posts: 631
Loc: Victoria BC Canada
Sorry Dotsie, I have been away from the board for a while now. Catching up on work and I've been in a slump, getting better though.

The book is called " How to Survive the Loss of a Parent, A Guide for Adults"
by Lois F. Akner. C.S.W with Catherine Whitney.
It was printed in the US in 1993. I got it from a thrift shop and it was a great find. Very comforting.
Kate

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