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#133051 - 11/29/07 12:52 PM Re: Lost my Dad today [Re: katebcca]
ladyjane Offline


Registered: 08/22/07
Posts: 1761
Loc: Southern Maine, USA
Our dear Kate, I was a minister's wife for 25 years and saw loads of funerals, memorials...some were very different and creative. I think the most important thing is to make it personal. What I'm hearing you say is that this is a true celebration of his life and you want it to me very personalized. I've been to some funerals that were so dirgy and depressing....all they were basically was rituals and nothing more. We tried to get to know the family. When we'd do the contact with them we'd "open the floor" to hear their memories...all about the person's personality, their quirks, their humor. Everyone would laugh over funny incidents, etc. The the celebration of life would be sparked with a mixture of tenderness and humor...after all, it IS a celebration!! And what do we do when we celebrate? We honor, love, laugh and are full of thankfulness. One such service we had was just that. After some words and music, the floor was opened for memories to be shared. Most of them were humorous because we were honoring a very humorous person. It lightened things and made us all appreciate knowing that person in our lives. So ask yourself....what was his personality? What were his interests throughout his life? All those things will open the door to what you'd want as a part of his celebration of life. When my Mom died 2 years ago, the service ended with "Somewhere my Love (Lara's theme," as people rose to greet each other. It was her and my Dad's special song. Of course, I shed tears because it meant so much and the words finally made sense for Mom and Dad but it was very special and personal. I also spoke and then read a writing I had done about my Mom....that day I wore her white jacket, pearls and her shoes. There are no rules, Kate. This is a celebration of your Dad's life so honor who he was as a person.
_________________________
If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane ~ Jimmy Buffett

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#133052 - 11/29/07 12:58 PM Re: Lost my Dad today [Re: ladyjane]
ladyjane Offline


Registered: 08/22/07
Posts: 1761
Loc: Southern Maine, USA
Eagle was writing at the same time as I was so I just saw her post. Yes, I want to emphasize that doing a remembrance is so important!! Personally, I don't understand why people make requests for no funeral or service of any kind. It is not really for them in some ways....it's for those we leave behind to remember and have closure. My brother requested had requested no service. But then he died suddenly at 52 and we were all in shock. We granted his wishes although I was angry about that. I saw it as selfish in some ways....sorry, but I did. So we had a graveside service and the outpouring of love from the multitude that gathered on that cold November morning soothed our hearts. I'm glad we at least did that. And also.....the time the family gathers and selects photos of the loved ones life is HUGE! It's healing for them and people just love to gather around picture boards before and after the service and reminisce.
_________________________
If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane ~ Jimmy Buffett

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#133053 - 11/29/07 05:09 PM Re: Lost my Dad today [Re: ladyjane]
celtic_flame Offline


Registered: 11/24/06
Posts: 2930
Loc: Belfast/Northern Ireland
Kate reallie sorrie for you loss, keep strong, keep some faith and i whish you all the best. Hope you find some comphort out off Denmark and making the journey
_________________________
"Our attitude either gets in the way or creates a way," Sam Glenn

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#133055 - 12/03/07 11:31 PM Re: Lost my Dad today [Re: ]
katebcca Offline
Member

Registered: 07/09/05
Posts: 631
Loc: Victoria BC Canada
I had a wonderful service for my Dad. My brother and mother were not to keen at first but were glad I think after.
Quite a few people showed up and the minister who does life event services was great. He read some scripture and read poems. I made a double sided folded page to hand out with photos of my Dad and poems that are meaningful to me.
Many of my friends showed up to support me which meant so much.
Now the hard part. I just have no idea how to move forward. Back doing work today, from home as I just can't go into the office. I just can't seem to deal with the finality of his death. Where is he? And, I want him back. I will have moments when I'm ok, but mostly not.

I've been reading some books that are comforting but only when I read them and then the grieving resumes.
How do you get past this. It feels like I never will.
Kate

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#133056 - 12/04/07 12:01 AM Re: Lost my Dad today [Re: katebcca]
Eagle Heart Offline
Member

Registered: 03/22/05
Posts: 4876
Loc: Canada
Kate,
It DOES feel like it will never get better, but it does. Slowly, moment by moment, one foot in front of the other, you get through. One day at a time - sometimes only one moment at a time. That's probably all you can handle for awhile, so be okay with that, it's okay to move at your own pace.

Wondering where they are is such a haunting question. One day they're here, vibrant, breathing, filling our lives with their presence - the next day they're utterly gone, and the silence is deafening and excruciating. And the part about wanting them back? I don't think that ever goes away, though the yearning becomes easier to co-exist with.

There probably are no words or books or wisdoms that can bring sustaining comfort right now - the hurt is just too big now, and the wound too raw for anyone, including yourself, to touch.

But Kate, I hope it helps to know that you are surrounded by our care and prayers, our love and what little comfort our presence here can provide. Although it feels like it, you're not alone. And your Dad is closer than you can feel right now. Talk with him. Hold one of his shirts close to you and let him hug you through your tears and pain. And lean on God - if you're anything like me, you might be angry with Him - that's okay! But even in the midst of your anger, you can still lean on Him and find compassion and comfort there.

Our hearts are with you. It doesn't feel like it's possible right now, but you will get through this. The hole never goes away, but time and love will help you through.
_________________________
When you don't like a thing, change it.
If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.

(Maya Angelou)

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#133057 - 12/04/07 12:06 AM Re: Lost my Dad today [Re: Eagle Heart]
ladyjane Offline


Registered: 08/22/07
Posts: 1761
Loc: Southern Maine, USA
Eagle, you've said it all. You've been there in loss recently enough to convey those first hours and days. Kate, one day at a time and in your very own way. There is no right or wrong now. One foot in front of the other as Eagle said. Please feel our love surrounding you from this board, your friends. Let time pass. Do what you have to. And yes, talk to him.
_________________________
If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane ~ Jimmy Buffett

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#133058 - 12/04/07 12:08 AM Re: Lost my Dad today [Re: ladyjane]
ladyjane Offline


Registered: 08/22/07
Posts: 1761
Loc: Southern Maine, USA
And Kate? Talk to us here. Feel free to cry and pour your heart out. You know we're here at all hours. That's the beauty of this forum.
_________________________
If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane ~ Jimmy Buffett

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#133059 - 12/04/07 12:19 AM Re: Lost my Dad today [Re: ladyjane]
katebcca Offline
Member

Registered: 07/09/05
Posts: 631
Loc: Victoria BC Canada
Thanks Eagle Heart and Ladyjane,
Eagle Heart, what you said is very helpful.
Kate

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#133060 - 12/04/07 09:12 AM Re: Lost my Dad today [Re: katebcca]
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
I am so sorry Kate that I am just seeing this. You have my deepest sympathy and prayers.
Now theres a guardian angel in heaven to watch after you.


Edited by chatty lady (12/04/07 09:13 AM)
_________________________
Take a peek at my BLOG:

http://charleen-micheles.blogspot.com/


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#133061 - 12/04/07 05:09 PM Re: Lost my Dad today [Re: chatty lady]
katebcca Offline
Member

Registered: 07/09/05
Posts: 631
Loc: Victoria BC Canada
Thanks Chatty, that is what I am thinking. Also that he is just in another place and just because I can't see him, doesn't mean he is not there.

I feel a little better today but I know it will come and go.
Christmas was his favorite time of year and the kid in him came out. Not going to be easy but then Christmas is often difficult for many of us. When I go to the mall nearby to get my morning coffee all they are playing is Christmas music and it makes me cry everytime. I'm trying to stay away from malls for the time being.

I told my kids that we need to do things differently this year and invite some people for Christmas dinner who are lonely or also missing someone. Not sure at this point but I am going to go looking for them and put the word out that my home is open to them.
Kate

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