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#133040 - 11/28/07 03:14 PM Re: Lost my Dad today [Re: Countrygirl]
Eagle Heart Offline
Member

Registered: 03/22/05
Posts: 4876
Loc: Canada
My heart aches with you Kate. It's such an excruciating loss. You are in my heart and prayers today and throughout the coming weeks. Be sure to come here and just "be" with us when you need some companionship along the way.

I like to think that your Dad (and my Dad & JJ's Dad and everyone else's Dads) are safe, happy and so much closer to us than we can imagine. He'll find ways to let you know that he's still with you...
_________________________
When you don't like a thing, change it.
If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.

(Maya Angelou)

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#133041 - 11/28/07 07:18 PM Re: Lost my Dad today [Re: Eagle Heart]
meredithbead Offline
The Divine Ms M

Registered: 07/07/03
Posts: 4894
Loc: Orange County, California
Katebecca, I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your beloved father. His spirit and memory will be with you always.
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#133042 - 11/28/07 07:27 PM Re: Lost my Dad today [Re: meredithbead]
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Kate, I add my sympathy and prayers to the list. By the grace of God you were close. It's amixed blessing because you will miss him, but you will probably hear his words with every situation you face. He will still be with you, just in a different way.

I recall how he supported you with your relationship and I know how important that was to you.

If you need help planning his service, just ask. I bet we could all come up with some great ideas.
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#133043 - 11/28/07 07:41 PM Re: Lost my Dad today
Lola Offline
Member

Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 3703
Loc: London UK
Kate, I am so sorry to read of your Dad's demise. My sincerest condolences.
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#133045 - 11/28/07 10:51 PM Re: Lost my Dad today [Re: ]
katebcca Offline
Member

Registered: 07/09/05
Posts: 631
Loc: Victoria BC Canada
Well thank you ladies, I'm typing through the tears. It doesn't take much.
How thankful I am to have you with me today in thought and spirit. Your words are so appreciated. Believe me you have made a difference to my day. Thank you
Kate

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#133046 - 11/28/07 11:44 PM Re: Lost my Dad today [Re: katebcca]
yonuh Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 2447
Loc: Arizona
Hi Kate. I'm so sorry about the loss of your dad. It's especially hard when one's parent was a friend. Celebrate his life and grieve that he is no longer in yours. But know that we are all thinking of you and sending you cyber hugs!
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#133047 - 11/28/07 11:52 PM Re: Lost my Dad today [Re: Countrygirl]
Casey Offline
Member

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 789
Loc: Aptos, California
Kate,
Prayers and hugs for you.
Casey
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#133048 - 11/28/07 11:59 PM Re: Lost my Dad today [Re: Countrygirl]
gims Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/07
Posts: 3404
Loc: USA
I am so sorry, katebcca. Thank you for reminding us to hug the ones we love!

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#133049 - 11/29/07 07:44 AM Re: Lost my Dad today [Re: gims]
katebcca Offline
Member

Registered: 07/09/05
Posts: 631
Loc: Victoria BC Canada
This is a wonderful creative group and I would love to hear your ideas if you have some experience with this.

My Dad told my Mom that he did not want a funeral. I want and need some closure and I think my Mom does, kids, family etc. do too.

I have a wonderful ex-mother in-law who is now my very good friend. She belongs to a wonderful non-denominational church and has made arrangements for me to have a "Celebration of Life" service for my Dad.

I discussed it with my Mom and brother and they will go along with it but neither of them want to do anything. I can't judge them for that. My brother has his beliefs and feels that this type of thing is just prolonging the pain.
My Mom is in shock and I think she will appreciate this service after the fact. Anyway, I have to be the one to put this into place and it's also something that I want to do.

The church is not charging me a thing and all I have to do is pay for the Minister to do the service. The cost is $300.00 which both my brother and Mother think is crazy.
I don't. I totally trust my Mother in-law and when she says he does an incredible service I know that I can count on that. He is not a practicing minister anymore and is not part of her church. His full time work is putting on "Celebration of Life" services that are very touching and memorable.

I am having the minister meet with my Mom, brother and myself. This is part of his service. He meets us for an hour and finds out as much as he can about my father. He says we have many options on how to have it. The nice thing is he will take control of the service, as much as we want him too which is something I can't do. I would just break down too much.

Question: have any of you done this type of thing and if so, was there anything you did that made it extra special"

I'd love to hear of your experiences. To me, this is a send off for my Dad. I don't want it to be a sad, painful experience. I want my Dad to be remembered and honored.
Thanks in advance.
Kate

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#133050 - 11/29/07 12:50 PM Re: Lost my Dad today [Re: katebcca]
Eagle Heart Offline
Member

Registered: 03/22/05
Posts: 4876
Loc: Canada
Having just gone through this three times in less than eight years, I'll share my hard-learned experience. Dad was adament about not having a funeral, so we didn't...Mom couldn't handle it anyway, but we did compromise somewhat by having a wake at the funeral home. That ended up being a beautiful gathering, especially when hundreds of Dad's former students and colleagues as well as old friends from various places we had lived showed up to show their respects. Mom was flabbergasted by the crowd, and we realized afterward that we should have had a funeral.

When Mom died, she had just moved to Ottawa and didn't know anybody here and nobody here knew her. So again, we just had a small wake service at the funeral home, brought in pictures and stories. More people showed up than expected, and it was a lovely gathering.

But about a year later, I went through a phase where I really needed closure and wanted to do a joint memorial service for both of them. My brothers didn't want it, out of respect for both parents' wishes to not have anything formal. So I dropped the idea.

When Gary died, I knew I needed a funeral. I'm so glad we did. Again, hundreds of people came and it was a beautiful ceremony. Lots of Gary-stories had us laughing and crying. It was expensive (funerals usually are), but we were all very glad we did it. We had my church minister (an old friend of the family from way back) perform the ceremony at the funeral home. The going rate for his services was $250, which I thought was reasonable. We just counted it in as part of the cost of the funeral, most of which was covered anyway by my brother's workplace or insurance, I can't remember which....you might need to check into your Dad's finances to see if something in there is available to cover any funeral expenses - here in Canada, many people have insurance or workplace pensions that do cover some of those costs.

I heartily recommend that you go ahead with this funeral/service. We do need closure. It's not unusual that your Mom would be too numb to do anything - that's why people turn to funeral homes, they tend to look after everything.

Our service was very simple. The minister pretty much put it together and then just slotted in whatever we wanted to add - stories, eulogy, music, etc. Do what you feel would best honour your Dad's memory and celebrate his accomplishments and life. Pictures, stories, a favourite hymn or song (though most churches now limit the choice of what can be played during a religious ceremony).

I'm sure others will have ideas and suggestions as well. Good luck, Kate. It sounds like your minister will do a wonderful job - and with him taking control of the service and arrangements, I think his fee is worth it.
_________________________
When you don't like a thing, change it.
If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.

(Maya Angelou)

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