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#128199 - 09/21/07 01:28 AM Enough is Enough
Katrinka Offline
Member

Registered: 03/25/05
Posts: 208
Loc: Central Pennsylvania
That has been my theme song lately. I finally got the courage to follow through. I'm shaking as I'm writing this. Last Friday, I kicked out my alcoholic, abusive husband. The night before, exploded over a conversation he initiated about driving the kids to school. I told him I didn't have a problem getting the kids to school, that I didn't realize that his driving them was a problem. Okay. End of discussion. Nope. He wouldn't accept my answer. Instead, he began belittling and criticizing me. He jumped from subject to subject, criticizing everything he could possible think of. It escalated from there. Two of my kids were home, and they saw the danger in the situation and got out, went to their friend's house. I started to leave but when I reached the car, husband tried to stop me. I backed away but he continued after me. He stopped. I went straight to the police station, but I sat outside for a while and didn't have the courage to go in. Later, safely at a friend's house, I called the police from there. They escorted me home so I could collect some belongings. Because he hadn't struck me, they couldn't remove him from the house, they told me. Husband was passed out drunk. They did give me information on domestic violence and filing a PFA.

This has been going on for 17 years. Husband was incarcerated in 2000, but I made the mistake of letting him back several months after he got out. What was keeping me from kicking him out all these years is money. I am not making enough money to support me and the kids. But last week I finally said enough is enough. I kicked him out. Told him if he didn't leave, I would file the PFA. I've been worried about how I'm going to pay the rent and the bills. He was a deadbeat, so the rent is two months behind and my gas is off, and the utilities are past due. I'm having faith. I passed him in the car yesterday, and I began shaking. I was panicky all day. I told myself to remember those physiological symptoms every time I get second thoughts. I was one of the lucky ones. I'm still alive and so are my kids. I'm able to breathe easier. He is getting pretty pissed off over my independence, and he is trying to thwart it. I will not let him this time.

And now that I wrote that, I have to stick to it. Thanks for letting me rant.
_________________________
http://BuriedTreasuresWriting.blogspot.com

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#128200 - 09/21/07 01:46 AM Re: Enough is Enough [Re: Katrinka]
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Katrina, I am so grateful you have chosen to make this move. I am also glad you can come here, post and commit to your post. Doesn't it feel good to write things down?

I know there are other women who frequent BWS who have left similar situations not knowing how they would make ends meet, but somehow they did and were able to make the break.

I'm praying other women will come in behind me and share their expereinces to give you hope.

Please know I just jotted down your name and will be adding you and your entire situation to my prayer list in the morning.

Thee cheers for your courage.
_________________________
Founder Emeritus of Boomer Women Speak and the National Association of Baby Boomer Women.
www.nabbw.com
www.boomerwomenspeak.com


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#128201 - 09/21/07 01:48 AM Re: Enough is Enough [Re: Katrinka]
Eagle Heart Offline
Member

Registered: 03/22/05
Posts: 4876
Loc: Canada
Katrinka, I wish I knew what to say or do that could help. My heart aches with/for you in this situation. All I can do for now is carry you in my heart-prayer and let you know that I care.
_________________________
When you don't like a thing, change it.
If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.

(Maya Angelou)

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#128202 - 09/21/07 02:06 AM Re: Enough is Enough [Re: Eagle Heart]
Anonymous
Unregistered


Katrinka, if not already, please contact your local domestic violence shelter. Not only for support and counseling for you and the kids, but b/c they have resources (referrals) that to assist financially. For instance, can refer you to agencies to assist with rent, utilties, groceries, housing, etc. You may have to do the leg work, yet worth it. Also, the shelter may have (or refer) legal assistance/advice. Follow through and do not ever let him in your personal space, home, workplace, etc. If you move, have unlisted phone, number block, do not provide physical address, possible P.O. box if affordable, etc.

Push for child support and if possible, take advantage of the 'dead beat' parent laws (as applicable for your local gov't / state law).

Do not be afraid to accept assistance from others. Here's a link you may find useful:

http://www.womenslaw.org/PA/PA_statutes.htm

Good luck and please keep in touch and ask for any advice/support you may ever need here.

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#128203 - 09/21/07 11:52 AM Re: Enough is Enough [Re: ]
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Thanks Eagle and Mustang.
_________________________
Founder Emeritus of Boomer Women Speak and the National Association of Baby Boomer Women.
www.nabbw.com
www.boomerwomenspeak.com


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#128204 - 09/21/07 12:38 PM Re: Enough is Enough
jawjaw Offline
Da Queen

Registered: 07/02/03
Posts: 12025
Loc: Alabama
Katrina,
While I don't have a similar experience to share, I do have a heart that has plenty of room for you and your family. I will be holding you close there. Please let us know how you are. Remember churches are around too as a resource for shelter, food, etc...and they love helping others! I wish you lived closer to me and I just bet other boomers here are thinking the same thing. We would surround you and help. For now, we will surround you with love.

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#128205 - 09/22/07 07:41 PM Re: Enough is Enough [Re: jawjaw]
Katrinka Offline
Member

Registered: 03/25/05
Posts: 208
Loc: Central Pennsylvania
Thank you all for your posts, for your love, for your prayers and support. It means so much to me. You will help me to stay strong, as I know there are going to be some tough times. Thank you, too for the resources, especially the link to the PA statutes. I've been procrastinating, but I do plan to get some counseling and legal help. I'm wondering, will the DV shelter only provide me with resources to obtain financial assistance if I file a PFA? So far, Ex (it feel so good to say that!) has been complying and does not come into the house. Tomorrow we are getting together "to talk" (his words). I'm still waiting for a portion of September's rent from him. I'm stressing about it already.

Again, thank you so much for all your support. Hugs to all!
_________________________
http://BuriedTreasuresWriting.blogspot.com

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#128206 - 09/22/07 07:53 PM Re: Enough is Enough [Re: Katrinka]
Edelweiss Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 4136
Loc: American living in Europe
Just read this thread Katrinka. You'll make it! Yes you will! Congratulations to your first step of independence and taking control. It takes guts, but we are humans; not dogs that remain with their "masters" even when kicked around.
More power to you!
Hannelore

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#128207 - 09/22/07 08:47 PM Re: Enough is Enough [Re: Edelweiss]
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Katrinka, if you want us to hold you accountabe to doing different tasks along this path, just say the word. We could act as your coaches. You can tell us what your next step is and we can make sure you get it done within a reasonable amount of time.

I've used coaches for business and it really works well. If I didn't ahve them breathing down my neck, I'd procrastinate even more.
_________________________
Founder Emeritus of Boomer Women Speak and the National Association of Baby Boomer Women.
www.nabbw.com
www.boomerwomenspeak.com


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#128208 - 09/25/07 09:35 AM Re: Enough is Enough
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
Make sure you never meet with him alone, only is a public place. Stay strong and I speak from experience that God will provide. He always does in one way or another.
_________________________
Take a peek at my BLOG:

http://charleen-micheles.blogspot.com/


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