I really have a concern regarding my 85 year old MOM. This is so bizarre I don't even know where to begin. The problem (and maybe it's normal) is that my Mom has a "close" 35 year old male friend! I didn't know what to think when she showed me the Christmas card she received from him where he had written I LOVE YOU!!! My Mom isn't wealthy, if she was I would be very concerned. I feel weird and embarrassed even discussing this with her. I've told a few close friends & relatives and they think I should meet him. This started in the summer and I thought it was a passing thing; that he was just being nice to an elderly person, but now I don't know. I talked with her tonight and I couldn't even bring him up. This is my Mom. What do you think? LL

LuckyLady,

I would keep and eye on him . People are out for just about anything money turn over the estate and signing papers . After my father died I had relatives that got closer to my mother and almost shutting us kids out her life. I hate to sound like this. You just don't know these people . I would talk with your mother about him and how this relationship started . I will write you more later ...... Or send me a private message .

How did she meet him? Does he live nearby. Does he visit? I think you need to ask her some questions for her own safety.

I know of a similar situation. These people met in church and the young guy took an interst in this older woman. He was simply taking an elderly woman under his wing. He didn't mean a dang thing by it other than being kind to an elderly person. She interpretted it as though he was interested in her romantically. What a hoot. I don't mean to make light of your situation. It just reminded me of them.

She met him through a church group that sings at her complex monthly. I don't know why he singled her out from the other ladies. Ater he had taken her out a few times, again his group was performing. He came over and hugged Mom and a couple of others. She then left for her apartment and he came behind her and said "NOW, GIVE ME A REAL HUG"!!!!!! He has bought her gifts and I'm sure she has for him. My Mom is comfortable, but rich by no means. I've told her to sign nothing, but she can be secretive. She used to be a normal Mom. I don't know whats wrong. My friend said there are perverts out there that like elderly women; he doesn't have a girlfriend. I am concerned for her safety. If he is just a caring friend, I don't want to ruin a friendship. LuckyLady.........sure!

" Now give me a real hug" is what concerns me. It just doesn't sound right.

You might want to show up for the next singing group at the complex.
Find out what his intentions are.

I agree with Brenda. Also, if you can afford it, get a Private Eye, or do some work on the computer. I really don't like the sound of this.
Elderly women are so lonely, and any attention given to them by a younger man is something very special to them if they don't have their eyes open, and the brain isn't in tune to what's really going on.
Even if she gets mad at you, and this turns out to be nothing, check on this dude!!!
Lynne

yeah, it's strange to me as well. Talk about May/December!!

I like the private detective idea. Dont' have regrets and wish you HAD done something. Better to regret DOING it than NOT!

Lucky, it is also possible that he could be loving your mom, as he would love a special grandparent. Many feel that way about certain older people because they have the time to listen and ask. Are you saying "possible, but not probable".? Maybe you could bring a couple of great vanilla milkshakes for the two of you to enjoy, and ask .. "so mom, i want to know, what's with this wonderful Raymond and you, i'm getting worried that he's going to steal you away, and run off to Hawaii" Your concern is real, but the question doesn't have to be put in a form that would hurt your mom's feelings, or make her feel patronized. ... no ?

I guess I'm the loyal opposition here. I think you should be open with your concerns, but if your mother is legally sane, she is the one to decide what to do with her life and her assets. Maybe you could just be happy for any joy she may find.

I wrote a novel about a relationship between an older woman and a younger man so I have done some thinking about this. In the novel, the young man starts out to bilk the woman out of her money, but he falls in love. At one point the woman compares the adventure of being with this man to the safaris, cruises, and other adventures she has purchased. She feels no regret for having purchased the moments of joy the young man and grows through the relationship.

If this man takes your mother's money, but gives her even a few moments of happiness in return, maybe the investment is worth it.

Whoever said money can't buy happiness is probably right, but it can buy moments.

smile

On one hand my heart says open yourself to a loving person- we too often suspect people with open and loving hearts BUT- I would definitely go out of my way to meet him

Does anyone remember the comedian Martha Raye and the man she married 30 years her junior. All who knew them said he made her extatically happy until the day she died. He got everything and even has constructed a museum he charges admission for so people can see all the treasures she left behind. Maybe be is/was sincere who knows, but he made her very happy until the end and I think thats the point here. Personally LuckyLady I would sit mom down and have a real heart to heart with her and soon.....Now if she has all her facilties and is alert then what she says should determine your behavior regarding this matter.

Thanks for all of your thoughts. I know she is lonely and appreciates his attention. I like the idea of casually asking "whats up and stealing her away". I do want to attend one of his performances. That's a good way to meet him. I'll have my brother to go with me. I don't want to end an important friendship, if that's what it is. You have really helped me, however, I will definitly be observant. Thanks to all.........LuckyLady

Please let us know how you feel once you meet him.

Lucky Lady, for a small fee, you can complete a background check at either www.intelius.com or www.peoplefinders.com.

Additionally, if you would like to send me a private message with his name and city/state, I can do a District Court search which may reflect bankruptcy or criminal records.

In any event, good luck!

LuckyLady, any news?

Mustang, you are a Jill of all trades. Good for you.