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#123405 - 08/02/07 01:46 AM Re: Life after divorce [Re: Danita]
celtic_flame Offline


Registered: 11/24/06
Posts: 2930
Loc: Belfast/Northern Ireland
that was inspirational ladies reading the bits of this thread.

good to hear from ya again danitia it been a while since i read your stuff and i always enjoy seeing your name.

cheers, to your best years may they be filled with light of your owen happiness wearever you derive it from....thats to all your ladies.
_________________________
"Our attitude either gets in the way or creates a way," Sam Glenn

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#123406 - 08/03/07 03:04 AM Re: Life after divorce [Re: celtic_flame]
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
Danita you are a real lady...and there aren't that many out there roaming around. You did everything right in your life and your children know that. They many be away now but I bet you are in their hearts and your guidance and spirit is strong in their constitution. All will work out fine and you're right the best is yet to come.
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#123407 - 08/03/07 11:38 AM Re: Life after divorce [Re: chatty lady]
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Danita, I''m sure those kids think of you more often than you realize. A mother's love runs deep. The day will come when they recognize this. It may very well be sooner rather than later. I have a feeling your empty nest may get feathered when you least expect it. Don't you feel blessed knowing your son is with a family who cares enough to take him in?
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#123408 - 08/08/07 06:10 AM Re: Life after divorce [Re: celtic_flame]
foundhervoice-atlast Offline
Member

Registered: 07/08/05
Posts: 80
Loc: Colorado
Dear celtic_flame,

I wish I could say that your statistical observations are off, but unfortunately I don’t think they are. I don’t know what the legal system is like in Ireland, but I can tell you that here - at least in Colorado - the system is not designed to put children first. I have interviewed women whose experiences with child advocates was an absolute nightmare and backfired on them. My own children complained that the court system effectively sidestepped them by not even asking them what their preferences were with regard to parenting time and they were young adults of 15 and 17 years of age at the time!

Foundhervoice-atlast
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#123409 - 08/08/07 09:41 PM Re: Life after divorce [Re: foundhervoice-atlast]
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
While it's important to hear the children's voice, I think it's best to do that ourside of the court room. I can't stand it when kids have to satnd trial for their parents divorce. I hope I haven't offended anyone. That's not my intent. I think there are better ways of handling the issue without dragging the kids through everything.
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#123410 - 08/10/07 01:45 PM Re: Life after divorce
celtic_flame Offline


Registered: 11/24/06
Posts: 2930
Loc: Belfast/Northern Ireland
i also agree with ya dotsie i whish more of marrital splitt up's were handled without the need for courts, for the adults and the kids sakes.

seldom have i saw that, people get bitter hurt or just don't know what is fair so ask someone else to take that responcibilitie for them. Its sometimes worse if one partner is willing to play ball and the other isen't then theirs no choice but to go the court route.

It aint prettie for any one concered, the process is stressfull, expensive and harrasing. But at lest their is some type of system allbeit flawed that attempts to bring sometype of closure and fairness (even in its unfairness) to families even if they aint under the one roof or call themselfves families.

So no i not offended by your comment, i understand it and back it up to the hilt but still recognise that it aint always possible for a whole host of reasons.

Anyone want to comment on types of people or personalities or even circumstancies that has adults being fair and responcible child centrely behavide in thse circumstancies?
_________________________
"Our attitude either gets in the way or creates a way," Sam Glenn

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#123411 - 08/11/07 10:59 PM Re: Life after divorce [Re: celtic_flame]
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
Its hard to keep your children from taking sides during these troubled times. My own sons wanted to ostracize their father/stepfather when we parted ways and I had a devil of a time not allowing that to happen. Before he passed away he was visiting both boy and they seemed to have made peace. He died suddenly and unexpecdedly and they had a clear conscience knowing they gave him respect no matter what they may have felt, of which I am glad.
_________________________
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http://charleen-micheles.blogspot.com/


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#123412 - 08/12/07 06:42 PM Re: Life after divorce [Re: chatty lady]
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
celtic, I think it works best when the adults can put the children first.

chatty, how old were your boys when their did died? How sad.
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Founder Emeritus of Boomer Women Speak and the National Association of Baby Boomer Women.
www.nabbw.com
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#123413 - 08/15/07 04:06 AM Re: Life after divorce
Dee Offline
Member

Registered: 06/27/05
Posts: 2561
Loc: Alabama
OMGoodness...this forum is so sad...I read the entire thing and feel I need a walk in the sunshine to feel better. My heart goes out to everyone of you who have and is suffering through loss, divorce and unfair happenings in life. My prayers will be solely about you all tonight.
_________________________
Dee
"They will be able to say that she stood in the storm and when the wind did not blow her away....and surely it has not.....she adjusted her sails" - Elizabeth Edwards

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#123414 - 08/16/07 10:07 PM Re: Life after divorce [Re: Dee]
DJ Offline
Member

Registered: 11/22/02
Posts: 1149
Loc: Ohio
Hi founderhervoice

I've been MIA this summer and just found this thread. Too much traveling. But anyway...

I've been divorced about 10 years and had an 11 year old son still at home and experienced second hand some of his heartache.

I learned that the court system sucks big time. They don't care about children's well being but seem to treat kids as parental property. We had to attend "divorce classes" during which I heard all sorts of horror stories -- like when a woman had to allow her ex to have visitation when he was sleeping with different women every night and using drugs. If a spouse complains then sometimes the judge will take away custody just to be punitive.

What I gathered was that in Maryland a 12 year old can say who he wants to live with, and can also not be forced into visitation.

My son got in some trouble and I got him into counseling. At some point the counselor told my ex that he needed to pay more attention to his son. Then my ex wanted to fire the counselor because he felt blameless.
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