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#11816 - 11/28/04 04:16 AM Mother and Nursing Homes
Sadie Offline
Member

Registered: 10/08/04
Posts: 1274
Loc: MD
I have just come back from Delaware from seeing my mother in the nursing home . Mother is usually up and walking in her chair today she was in bed for some reason. After talking to the charge nurse she told me that mother had been walking all night long and was not sleeping that is why she is in bed today. Mother did wake up to smile at me . I hugged her and kissed her cheeks and told her I loved her and missed her with that she said where is my daughter Nancy . Wow! she did know me today. Mother is on the long goodbye she is (93). I then asked the charge nurse where are her false teeth. The nurse said they were taken out to clean and we can't find then . I then asked how long has this been that mother has lost her teeth with that she told me a week. Ho, Hum . Mother is going on Mediciad soon I heard . He power of attorney and are on a spend down I have checked her closet at the home and mother is in need of clothes that her cousin who has power of attorny has not provided for her .

I will report this to the Long Term Care in DE about her teeth missing don't you think. Mothers relatives whom have power of attorney don't want to put out money of there own on pocket for her . Oh, I am so upset just had to tell you all. Darn those relatives. I better stop I am tired . Just had to share this with you all.

Thanks for letting me sound off.

Nancy of MD

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#11817 - 11/28/04 05:34 AM Re: Mother and Nursing Homes
Louisa Offline
Member

Registered: 07/11/04
Posts: 2132
Loc: MA
Nancy,
speak directly to the Administrator of the home regarding the loss of your mother's teeth. Someone should be looking for them. They may be responsible for replacing them. If you can't get to the administrator, talk to the social worker who is in charge of the residents/patients on your mothers unit. You might also try getting a hold of the Ombudsman who goes to that home. I work in a nursing home. Your mother has rights. You may need to advocate for her. I don't know about the relatives, but having power of attorney doesn't necessarily mean they are responsible for going out and buying her clothes. Is the POA also listed as the next of kin and/or responsible party? Laws vary from state to state, but I don't think residents' right do. She still has them. Good luck. Also, could some of her clothes been in the laundry dept?

Louisa

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#11818 - 11/28/04 03:53 PM Re: Mother and Nursing Homes
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
Nancy, I wish you lived closer to your mom. I bet her teeth wouldn't be missing if you were in there every day. I don't say this to make you feel bad. Only to make the point that the squeeky wheel gets oiled and it's so unfair. EVERYONE should be taken care of in the same manner whether they have tons of visitors or none! [Mad]

Her teeth could be in the trash, under the covers, in the laundry. Who knows where. This is her teeth we're talking about. Can you imagine how humiliating that would be? If they haven't shown up in a week, why haven't they notified a family member?

Louisa, what do you think?

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#11819 - 11/29/04 08:44 AM Re: Mother and Nursing Homes
Sadie Offline
Member

Registered: 10/08/04
Posts: 1274
Loc: MD
Dotsie and Lousie,
I had done nothing but fight for my mother . Will continue to . I love her so much and miss her. I am in touch with the Omubman in DE and will call her on Monday . The gal from the Omubman looks in on Mother every month now. Also, yesterday I talked to so volunteers that will be checking on mother ,but forgot to give her my address and phone. I have had so much trouble with my mothers two relatives who have Power Of Attorney I could write a book about it and in fact I am working on it. I will call the administrator of the home. We checked everywhere yesterday under the bed in the bed . The aid said she think they went onto her food tray and went out. Ho, Hum.

I don't think that her reltives would do anything about it they don't want to put there own money out. They have already taken her S.S check money and had to buy her some clothes to show medicaid that they were doing something for her. That is after all this time. I take mother cream and boby lotions to her she does not have any and they don't visit her at all my brother said. I had to call the Hipaa Office In Phila because the home said I did not have the right to be notiflied if my mother died
. Well , a gal called me from the Hipaa Office and told me I do have rights and I got a copy of the Paragrah where it said that a family memeber has the right and a letter went off to the administrator and she called me and will comply with the law . I hope.

Mother is on Medicaid now and they will have to forward her S.S Check to the home . You see this is a on going battle with them.My mothers friend told me that the POW wanted to take out money from her S.S Check for services that done for my mother . I don't thin that they are suppose to do that , but will consulte a lawyer on that.

Oh, did I mention I am not on speaking turms with these two relatives for various reason. They are abusive .

Thanks again for letting me sound off.

Nancy

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#11820 - 11/28/04 09:19 PM Re: Mother and Nursing Homes
Louisa Offline
Member

Registered: 07/11/04
Posts: 2132
Loc: MA
Nancy,
This makes me so angry. You are the daughter, you are next of kin. Power of attorney doesn't mean you have no say in matters. As for missing dentures, they often end up on the food tray and down in the dietary dept., kitchen or are thrown out. So are glasses. sometimes too, they are wrapped up in the sheets or blankets and end up in the laundry. At any rate, the home is responsible and most often is held accountable. A missing items report should have been filed and they should be doing something about it. Not only the Ombudsman should be involved. Again, I say, talk to the social worker AND/OR the administrator. I don't know about there - here I would call the Department of Publis Health if I was not getting the right answers from the people at the home. The family members that speak up get the most results. Talking to a lawyer is also a very good idea.
Louisa

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#11821 - 11/28/04 09:22 PM Re: Mother and Nursing Homes
Louisa Offline
Member

Registered: 07/11/04
Posts: 2132
Loc: MA
Nancy,
Having volunteers look in on her is a good idea, but you need someone with some authority working on this.
Louisa

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#11822 - 11/29/04 03:29 AM Re: Mother and Nursing Homes
Maggie Offline
Member

Registered: 02/19/03
Posts: 765
Loc: Oregon
Next time you are close if possible set up a care conference with the staff. It really helps to let them know how you feel and what you expect. They in turn will let you know what they can and cannot do.
I agree with Louisa being the next of kin you do have more power. I had poa just to make things legal when I was going through this. We used it mainly for papers that needed signing.
Could you take over the POA? Just another idea.
Maggie

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#11823 - 11/29/04 05:14 AM Re: Mother and Nursing Homes
Sadie Offline
Member

Registered: 10/08/04
Posts: 1274
Loc: MD
I had POA and mother went to the relatives her cousin and niece and told them I was taking her money. Now I did talk to mother and my brother at the time. But these two relatives had been working on mother for a long time calling her and wanting to take over for the love of money "Greed " they had done this before when my grandfather died . They took my mother to court in MD to sell the house and get the money for it. Before my mother got to the farm these same relative came and took everything out of the house and took everything and only left my mother a loving cup that was her mothers. I stood in the house and watched my mother cry . Mother then forgive these same people again. So, what did they do they did it again. They two relative have gotten away with a lot in the past , but not anymore. When we were in the mist of the Guardianship hearing the cousin sold my mothers house and this one cousing who has POA
told my mother and everyone that I did want anything in the house . They took it all the china mother promised me and her silverware and her dish . When I found out I told my brother who got a lot because they told hime I did not want anything also.They lied of course. What else that is all the two knew how to do. They were counting on her money , but that is gone now. They two don't even come to see her anymore.
I went to court for Guardianship in January of 1999 and lost . I cannot afford to go again . It couse me 7,000.00 and then some . The one relative has tried to keep my brother and I from seeing my mother . One day when I went down to see my mother this cousin took mother to her house . At the time I did not know she was there . The home in Seaford called her cousins house and her husband told us that my mother was not there. I should have gone over , but I found out later from the director that her cousin barbara was there. This same cousin has verbal abusedmy mother and did not get away with it. When my mother was moved the second time to the Heritage in DE assitt
living the neice put a note in mothers file
with my name on it and my brothers and dughter saying that we could not take mother out of the home . I called the Omubman , but had to go to the top and Nursing home reform in DC before I got this gal checking on mother now. They was us kids out of the way. It has been one fight after another. My mother called me when she was in seaford and asked me if I wanted to see her anymore . I told her "yes" and that I loved her. I know the cousin said something to her. Of course what else. The relatives I am sorry and ashamed to say that they are in my family. That is why I don't want anything to do with them. They are common criminals.This is a long ongoing

story and I am not tired of fighting this is my mother . I want to do the right thing because I love my mother and miss her. I am not the only one this is happening to with family relative who are Greedy . I just need to shout this all out and need still support . My husband helps a lot . I do all the work it is my mother . They wanted the job and now I make sure they follow thru . These relative has such a fowl mouth the home won't talk to them anymore. Now that is what type of people they are . Just full of dirty tricks.

These nursing home think that POA have more say then we do . Well they don't I had to remind the home that this only is financal only and I had the right to know if my mothe died. That is why I called the Hipaa Office this in for medical privacy act. What a mess. Anymore support will help . Wee....What a ride ...

All of a sudden these relatives are doing a spend down and buying mother things that they have not done in the past . They would not take any of there money for her like I have. Oh, No. I hope someone does the same to them some day. Just wait.

Nancy
-- Will keep you posted when I call the Omubsman
Sure glad you here for support . Thank you
I hope this short story did not tire you all out. I tired for a brief summary.

[ November 28, 2004, 09:21 PM: Message edited by: Nancy50 ]

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