My friend´s husband left yesterday evening (swedish time). And i miss him...he has left a place of light, kindness, compassion,good cooking and laughter behind him. But that place doesn´t have HIM in it. His kind twinkling eyes and his soft voice (which is actually quite unusual in this day) have faded away. I have them in my heart and before my eyes..inside me. But that´s never the same thing. And don´t try to tell me that it is.!

My friend..his wife..is going to her catholic church where they are going to talk about her husband. Her sons are going with her..for once..as she expressed herself. But she wasn´t aggressive about it..just stating facts as she sees them, i guess.

She´s a wreck, of course. But i called her again just a few minutes ago to remind her to drink a little water and eat, perhaps just a biscuit, so that she can get thru the church thing. I can´t meet her there because i might get angry..but i am thinking of visiting with her later in the evening. It´s about 5:30pm here. I can´t bring myself to think about anything else anyway. She told me that her son brought her a really spicey pizza. And that she ate a tiny bit of one piece..and we could laugh together for a moment. God bless our kids..

I think that she has friends that are caring..which i was actually worried about as she and her husband kept very much to themselves these past years..because they were enough for eachother. But..as in most cases..it seems that people are coming out of the woodwork or something like that..and she is floating along on it all.. between the long bouts of hell..

Should I go to see her later? Or wait until tomorrow? My sambo´s son is coming this evening. He is only 11 yrs old and a bit of a special kind of kid. It might be better if I just take off so he doesn´t have to experience me in my state??? Stupid tiny questions in relation to everything that is happening..but anyway..

Grateful for any thoughts..??

Reading this I feel close to you (Scotland/Sweden) so wish I could just sit a while.
You are right the little one will absorb the feeelings you project.
Will think about your friend and you too and I send blessings.
Mountain ash

I would go to her today. Take deep breaths. You'll be fine. What a wonderful friend you are.
Hannelore

Sending prayers to you and your friend.

Love is love, and when you go to her, words won't be necessary. She will feel it. How kind you are. She needs your kindness. If I were in her place, I would welcome your presence. I will be thinking about all of you.

I took some deep breaths. Decided that I wouldn´t be good to anyone at home..and went to her. And it was very lucky that I did..she was alone!!! She had been to church and had been very touched by all the wonderful things they said about her husband. Which I am not surprised about..he as a very very good person..perhaps the best i have had the honor and pleasure of knowing..Anyway, we drank alot of wine (they make their own) and yes, smoked alot of cigs..and we talked and talked and laughed and cried..She calls herself Sussi 1 and Sussi 2. Sussi 1 is the one that is breaking apart because her dear one is gone. And Sussi 2 is the one that can laugh and talk sort of normally. I know exactly what she means,, I have been there when my daughter died, many years ago. She said that it was a shame that we weren´t lesbians because she needed that kind of affection now. And the evening..her first without her husband went by. I think I got home around 2am.

I am SO GLAD that I listened to my inner voice and almost the impulses of my body and went to her..otherwise she would have been all alone that night..her first night of many nights to come.

It´s so unfair. It´s so brutal..

Yes, love is love...

Thank you for all your replies and support..I mean this VERY SINCERELY...

I thought it might not be OK to write about such heavy things in this forum..but I have read other mails filled with life´s difficulties and joys..so I suppose it´s ok then..

So thankful that you are here...

Humlun, this IS a sanctuary. So many of us have used it as thus, and have found help.

I'm so glad you were there for your friend. Those first days of mourning must be the hardest. Just your presence is a comfort for both Susi1 and Sussi2. That was a touching story.

Hope you can find further time to help her in these first very difficult days.
Sending you hugs, and please tell your friend that many people all over the world are thinking of her.

bless you,
Hannelore.

Hannelore is right Humlun, this is the place you can come to for sharing of the heart. Don't ever think otherwise. We're here and we care. Please do give your friend our sincere condolences, and hugs. Grief steals so much from our hearts unless it is shared. I know she is a tad better today because you were there. I'm not saying her heart has mended, but you gave it a place to rest for a while.

You are both in our thoughts and prayers.

You only get that one chance to be there at the "right time" after a loss.Seems to me you heart and instinct guided you to the side of your friend.
Blessings
Mountain ash

Thank you for your replies.. and support.. I haven´t been to visit with my friend personally..but she has called me several times and I plan to call her this evening..

She has asked me to say something on the day of the burial..I am not too comfortable about talking to alot of people, but we decided that she and I would put something together. That feels right for me.She would like to say so much but, of course, won´t be able to. So I can help her.. to try to describe the incredible relationship that they had/have..the oneness..and the good person her husband and my friend was/is.

Tomorrow is job time again. It feels so crazy to go to work when she really needs someone near her. I hope that she will have things to arrange and people to meet because the work week is beginning again. This week we have a long week-end: holiday on thursday and friday for most of us. I will be able to see her then. I have a meeting tomorrow evening at work and something going on on tuesday after work. But I could see her for awhile after that if she needs it. Just thinking aloud I guess.

Thanks so much for being there!