It is absolutely doable with 22 yr olds. I think you should expect some rent in return for a roof over his head, also that he pays for food if you are doing the shopping and he is eating at home. I remember you saying in another post Dotsie that you eat out regularly, so if he joins you for a meal at a restaurant he should be paying his way there too. There are no free rides, as they say. I just think it teaches them respect and independence.

My eldest daughter and SIL, recently asked for help (Money) to buy a house . It didn't take long (about 3 seconds) to say NO. She knows I don't have bucket loads of money and that I am doing all I can to be able to support myself after retirement, so I was mightily offended, and I had a good 'chat' to her about it.

My youngest daughter heard about it and was appalled that her sister would do such a thing. She said "Mum you've worked hard for what you've got, she should do the same if she wants a house" (that's what I was thinking too) Guess it depends on their individual personalities.

So I think a lot will depend on your sons personality and attitude towards you, but I would recommend sitting him down and explaining perhaps that you are over the late night thing, and value your peace & quiet and privacy these days.

Maybe let him know that your home is your sanctuary, and after a hard days work you really look forward to relaxing and spending some quality time together. Tell him that you don't want to be coming home to a mess that you have to clean up, nor worry about the comings & goings at all hours.

I think if you are up front and let him know how you feel and that you DO need your space, and that he is now a guest in the house as an adult who is visiting, he will be more likely to understand where you are coming from, and be less likely to treat your home as a free motel. I'm not saying he will, but some do.

I would also set a time limit... 3mths?, 6mths?. That way you know when everything will return to normal again, and it would also give him a time frame to work with so that he can set a budget for his savings.

I know as parents that we always want to do our best for our children, and I know my comments may sound pretty harsh & tough, but I have seen with my own eyes on several occaisions where Mums & Dads have been treated like nothing matters, and I don't think that's acceptable.

I have also found over the years that children look to parents to set boundaries and guidlines. It makes them feel that you care and love them and provides them with a sense of security. I've noticed with my children that it doesn't change much as they get older.... they still need to be reminded of the boundaries

Good luck Dotsie, hope it goes well for you, and you actually get to enjoy your sons visit.

Well, here's something else...my parents later had a 2nd home later which in pay off the huge mortgage...they rented it (low) to each of us who chose to live in it for first few years after finishing university.

Part of the bargain, that we, their children, acted as the absentee landlord, by cutting lawn/shovelling walk, etc. and look after basics from tenants...with phone calls long-distance to parents who lived over 100 kms. away. Of course, one of them, did visit at least every 1-2 months to do other stuff as the true landlord.

This type of arrangement makes it very clear to adult children, they just can't shirk the household work and rent payments.

Thanks for all this excellent feedback. Here are the two biggest things you reminded me of - communicate ahead of time and be respectful.

He has always been responsible and independent so I don't think we'll have any problems. I just wanted to get a heads up from my boomer sisters. Thanks ladies.

You got that right Dotsie!
I'm sure it will work out fine.

Remember this. He's had a taste of being ALONE and on his own. So he's coming home a changed person, somewhat. I think you will find that possibly any old habits that might have annoyed you in the past (dirty room, late nights, etc.) might be modified. Or not. But I DO think you will see/witness a higher level of respect from him as he matures. Is that possible? A higher level, not the maturity, I mean.

I can remember going back to Mother and Daddy's after I had left home. Although it was just for a visit, I couldn't get that "I live here, this is my space" feeling back no matter how hard I tried to realize it. So, I think you'll find that he might feel this as well and may act in a different way. Does that make sense? I'm not saying he was a bad kid before, I'm just saying that the experience of college AND living away from home, has surely changed him.

It all boils down to respect, if you ask me. Tell him what you expect. UP FRONT. Don't mix words and just lay it out there.

In the summer when my boys are home from college we have a problem with lights on all hours of the night, doors left unlocked, sleeping all day when not at work, then rising in mid afternoon and spending the night out with friends, etc. On the bright side they do anything I ask cheerfully, went to visit Gettysburg with me and seemed to enjoy it,keep the cars filled with gas, and have a cheerful crowd of kids coming in all the time.

I would suggest the rules you make concern paying their share if resources are wasted.Like for example, paying some of the air conditioning bill (energy) if it's left on unecessarily, turning off lights, locking doors, keeping the cars in gas (not out of gas!), call before bringing a hoard of young folks in for pizza at 12 midnight, AND NO pornography in the house! I do not think at 22 you can restrict his coming and going. He IS a grown adult. But we will always worry, part of our makeup. Good luck to you!