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#115906 - 04/21/07 01:09 PM Hilarious!
DJ Offline
Member

Registered: 11/22/02
Posts: 1149
Loc: Ohio
My daughter sent me this. It's so funny and well written.



Potty Talk
A 3-year-old tells all from his mother's restroom stall.
By Shannon Popkin


My little guy, Cade, is quite a talker. He loves to communicate and does it quite well. He talks to people constantly, whether we're in the library, the grocery store or at a drive-thru window.
People often comment on how clearly he speaks for a just-turned-3-year-old. And you never have to ask him to turn up the volume. It's always fully cranked. There've been several embarrassing times that I've wished the meaning of his words would have been masked by a not-so-audible voice, but never have I wished this more than last week at Costco.
Halfway, through our shopping trip, nature called, so I took Cade with me into the restroom. If you'd been one of the ladies in the restroom that evening, this is what you would have heard coming from the second to the last stall:


"Mommy, are you gonna go potty? Oh! Why are you putting toiwet paper on the potty, Mommy? Oh! You gonna sit down on da toiwet paper now? Mommy, what are you doing? Mommy, are you gonna go stinkies on the potty?"
At this point I started mentally counting how many women had been in the bathroom when I walked in. Several stalls were full … 4? 5? Maybe we could wait until they all left before I had to make my debut out of this stall and reveal my identity.
Cade continued, "Mommy, you ARE going stinkies aren't you? Oh, dats a good girl, Mommy! Are you gonna get some candy for going stinkies on the potty? Let me see doze stinkies, Mommy! Oh … Mommy! I'm trying to see in dere. Oh! I see dem. Dat is a very good girl, Mommy. You are gonna get some candy!"

I heard a few faint chuckles coming from the stalls on either side of me. Where is a screaming newborn when you need her? Good grief. This was really getting embarrassing. I was definitely waiting a long time before exiting. Trying to divert him, I said, "Why don't you look in Mommy's purse and see if you can find some candy. We'll both have some!"

"No, I'm trying to see doze more stinkies. Oh! Mommy!" He started to gag at this point. "Uh oh, Mommy. I fink I'm gonna frow up. Mommy, doze stinkies are making me frow up!! Dat is so gross!!" As the gags became louder, so did the chuckles outside my stall. I quickly flushed the toilet in hopes of changing the subject. I began to reason with myself: OK. There are four other toilets. If I count four flushes, I can be reasonably assured that those who overheard this embarrassing monologue will be long gone.
"Mommy! Would you get off the potty, now? I want you to be done going stinkies! Get up! Get up!" He grunted as he tried to pull me off. Now I could hear full-blown laughter. I bent down to count the feet outside my door.

"Oh, are you wooking under dere, Mommy? You wooking under da door? What were you wooking at, Mommy? You wooking at the wady's feet?" More laughter. I stood inside the locked door and tried to assess the situation.
"Mommy, it's time to wash our hands, now. We have to go out now, Mommy." He started pounding on the door. "Mommy, don't you want to wash your hands? I want to go out!!"

I saw that my "wait 'em out" plan was unraveling. As I sheepishly opened the door, and found an open sink, I thought, Where's the fine print on the 'motherhood contract' where I signed away every bit of my privacy?
But as my little herald gave me a big, cheeky grin while he rubbed bubbly soap between his chubby little hands, I thought, I'd sign it all away again, just to be known as Mommy to this little fellow.


Shannon Popkin is a freelance writer and mother of three. She lives with her family in Grand Rapids, Michigan, where she no longer uses public restrooms.
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#115907 - 04/21/07 08:11 PM Re: Hilarious! [Re: DJ]
KC Christensen-Lang Offline
Member

Registered: 03/05/06
Posts: 39
Loc: Beautiful New Hampshire
Ahhhhhhh.....as the mom of a very curious, talkative three year old....I laughed out loud! Thanks for brightening my day and reminding me to leave him with Dad when I dash into the bathroom! Hehehehehe.....

Smiling, KC
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#115908 - 04/22/07 09:43 AM Re: Hilarious! [Re: KC Christensen-Lang]
celtic_flame Offline


Registered: 11/24/06
Posts: 2930
Loc: Belfast/Northern Ireland
yes i have a 3 yr old and thats a bit too true to forum for him too, no secrets, no dignitie and a constant red face, lol gratfullie he aint so clear with his words but i know what he is saying so i blush lol ......love them love him dearlie but sometimes i would change the amount of chatter and his insitances that he barge into the toilet in the house when ever he notices i am gone....he knows i am immobilised lol and can do anything in the bathroom providing he out of arms reeck lol

but that was a good laugh and yea i love when a another youngsters embarrising the life out their mother it makes my times not so bad and when i actulie watch from the other side of the red faced casum its kinda cute... and they light up everieones day.
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#115910 - 04/22/07 11:16 PM Re: Hilarious! [Re: ]
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
speaker, at least she didn't call you a vagina.

DJ, thanks for sharing. What a hoot.
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#115911 - 05/08/07 04:36 PM Re: Hilarious!
backhandgrip Offline


Registered: 03/09/07
Posts: 20
Loc: Northeast U.S.A.
That is the most wonderful story!If we could only bottle it and bring it out when we have a blue day!

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#115912 - 05/08/07 04:53 PM Re: Hilarious! [Re: backhandgrip]
Dianne Offline
Queen of Shoes

Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
What a laugh out loud story!
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#115913 - 05/08/07 11:36 PM Re: Hilarious! [Re: Dianne]
celtic_flame Offline


Registered: 11/24/06
Posts: 2930
Loc: Belfast/Northern Ireland
i just re-read this and its still cute and funnie
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"Our attitude either gets in the way or creates a way," Sam Glenn

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#115914 - 05/08/07 11:43 PM Re: Hilarious! [Re: celtic_flame]
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
That is without a doubt the funniest thing I have ever read....bar none.
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