flux of hormones brought about changies is self perception for me but i dont know the reasoning either, just thats how it was!


i had a few aha moments that brought about immidiant change in a big way but gradulie faded to a lesser thing....i think my esteem needs worked on dailie for max results and few times a week to make me berable to live with lol. I try to rember and focus on achivments that weer difficult at the time and not minimise them, try to do wee acts of kindness dailie so i get to feel good about myself at the end of the day, A QUOTE FROM DAD "if you want to feel proud then do something to be proud off".

I also try to pick things that are about my nature instead of things i have or have achived.....my nature and my experinces and how i interfaced them, is what makes me solie me, the unikness .

So jane, i do thought, focus memories (at times) but most importantlie action (even if its onlie me that knows about it)...

loved reading all you ladies attitudes to this hope the thread gose on for a bit more

i had a big dip in self esteem....i had wonderfull news via a call while in waiting room for Doctors...then the doc got me few minuets later and everiething hit rock bottom...(no nuthing seriouse wrong with helth just what you all know about allreadie) i been picking myself up from it for the rest of the afternoon and evening...i would cry but i cant get the tears to materilizes, i did something nice for po, the rest of time was doing dinner and usule stuff (that cant stop for all the world lol people need feeding) . I wonderring what i can do nice for me apart from time on heer....i think a bit of praying and hopefullie tommorow it be changed and repaired a bit....thats it at times i think esteem needs rapairing as well as maintaining...
so Anybodie wanna say how they fix or repaire their esteem?

Whenever I get negative thoughts/feelings, I allow myself a set period of time to 'wallow' in whatever it is. Then I have to tell myself that time's up, and focus on the good. Some days it's more of a struggle than others, but having a journal helps. Mine is a list of accomplishments - I'm trying to list everything I've accomplished in my life, and that seems never-ending. I also have a gratitude journal where I catalog things to be thankful for. I've become much better at the gratitude thing and can even be thankful for things like having a pile of dirty laundry or having a problem with the car.

Fixing or maintaining self-esteem takes practice, practice, practice. I have to have my positives lined up before I get in a funk, because when I'm down it's really difficult to find something positive to think about.

Hope this helps.

I think this is a life long learning process...I keep thinking I'm "done" and then the darn thing sneaks up on me again!

Journaling is definitly a life-savor. So is meditation and long walks...and making love. I think it's mainly an inside job. The greatest tool I've found is the questions of Katie Byron that I've mentioned here before. (www.thework.com). As soon as I remember it's my THOUGHTS that are making me miserable and I can change the thoughts, I'm on my way to a smile.

However, I agree with yonuh, sometimes wallowing with a pint of ice cream is just plane delicious in a sick sort of way!

Celtic...I'm with you...it seems like one minute I'm on the top of the world...and then I come tumbling down...what I've learned is...it's not the tumbling down that matters...it's how quickly I can get back up that counts...

yonuh...I agree...sometimes you just gotta wallow...I like your accomplishments and gratitude practice...I believe those really work...

Casey...definitely a life long process!

For me...sometimes it takes the form of...I know how wonderful I am...but I don't think anyone else will ever believe it...like...I know I'm a great writer...but I think other people won't like my work...the interesting thing is...when you get in those moods...even when people compliment you...you don't hear them...or believe them...now...we all know that was just an example...we all know I am a great writer...LOL!...

A life long process.

Sorry you lost a bit of the self esteem, Celtic. Will you be able to join in on the book group? The first chapter has some info on self esteem. Check out the thread, who am I again?

I do think postive self talk helps, but you have got to do it daily - preventative, I guess - and pretty soon it becomes a habit to think positively about yourself.

Some of us are luckier in that (so far) reaching /in menopause has been smoother and less horomonal disruptive reactions.

Unless I'm in considerable pain (which has been very rare so far), I don't allow my partner to suggest if I am feeling off/low in self-esteem, that it's hormonal. Usually I know the real reasons,...much of it rooted in fears of certain major decisions to be made, what may happen in future or how others are behaving towards to me.

Part of what seems to work for me, is not consciously think about self-esteem, but more of how I can do well about something.

Some breaking of barriers for myself to healthy self-esteem, is developing a healthy sense of justice for others and for community. When you know of something deeply wrong happening to other(s) who you know, it gives you powerful incentive to speak out /act.

This goes along with something I experienced last week. One of the guys who works for my husband and is also my close friend, introduced me to his long time girlfriend who is in her late 40's. I could NOT get the woman to talk to me and I can talk to a stop sign. I would get a nod of her head in either yes or no. I finally gave up.

On the drive home, I was angry. There is something that goes beyond being shy or quiet and I think it's someone being so involved with themselves and what others think that it becomes selfish. Like the world revolves on what others think of them. I don't understand how you can reach that age and act that way.

I digress. If we could really see ourselves as others saw us I believe the low self-esteem issues would go away. We can be our own worst enemies. I had a friend who was the perfect wife, hostess and mother. To be invited to her home for dinner was a great experienced. I was talking to her on the phone one day and told her I'd like to be more like her and she started crying. She told me she would give anything to be like me. So, we view ourselves with a negative eye many times.

Is there anyone who hasn't struggled with low self esteem? We could probably write a great book about it.

JJ, I think it is a great talent or gift to be able to deflect those jabs with quick wit and humor. Do you have any tips for the rest of us?

I know that I get so flustered when someone puts me down that I rarely say anything. I'm either shocked or hurt that something was said. If I react at all it is in anger which only fuels their belief that they are somehow superior or above me. Or I can't think of anything, stand there with a pasted-on-polite smile and think of 15 creative things after its too late--then of course I spend the rest of the evening stewing over it and being angry with myself for not saying anything.

I wish I could send good zingers back immediately, I definitely think its a gift. What can you teach us about this?

Anne, she wouldn't talk to my husband either or the other guy who was with us or his wife. Just weird. I told her if she wanted to go shopping this week to give me a call and she just kind of looked at me. Oh well...

Zingers...you have to have some stored up, ready to use. One of my husband's friends and I are always giving each other a bad time. I used a Maxine line on him..."Wipe the corner of your mouth, you still have some BS on your lip." He started to reach for the napkin before he got it. Or you can just tell them they have you confused for someone who cares.