OMG... my mother in law Sonia has been tentatively diagnosed with some kind of cancer of the lip. Well, she's smoked for most of her life (she's 63), so she blames herself. Of course, for anyone else, I would just brazenly agree... but she and I are close. We share a lot of the same aches and pains, both physical and emotional, and she has been the one and only roommate I have ever gotten along with (Raul and I share a 2-bedroom with her).

I never got to see to my own mother off the planet, so to speak, although it killed me that I couldn't be there for that last duty / privelege... I was disowned! Now that I have been accepted as a daughter by my mother in law, it seems I will be called upon to help her in that way. I was always ready before, for my mother, but then I was not allowed... so I think the sense of needing to be there passed from me. But now I think I will be called upon to help Sonia... and I feel so damned unready!

Well, she still has to see a specialist about this... biopsies and so forth... so the story's not all told yet... but I just found out today... she told me before she even told her own sons... so I have come face-to-face with some kind of destiny here.

Help! I'm not taking this too well....

Love,
Lil

Oh Lil,
I am so sorry. Try to be brave as you have said the whole story hasn't been told. Try to keep your faith intact and pray as I know I will be praying for Sonia myself. Having your strength to help her to remain positive is a blessing in itself. You can do it. You are one of the stronger women in this group.

I have found that looking up things on the internet helps me to understand things better, and also provides hope for cures, treatments, etc. Please know that we are here for you and Sonia and will be thinking and praying for you both.

Lil, take a deep breath, ask for strength, and quietly and peacefully, you will receive it!
Do this often and you will feel so much better.

You will have the strength. It may stink at times, but you will carry on and be a blessing to your mother-in-law who is your dear friend. That is a blessing in itself!

You will be ready if need be. Wait patiently for all results...

Lil, your mom in law is a relatively young woman and can fight this with your love and support, which I sense she has, without reservation. I am more sorry about the loss both before and after death, regarding your mom. I know so well the pain of separation and can sense your still open wounds. I will pray that as you help your mother in law to heal, that God helps to heal you of the heart wounds you suffer. Our love and prayers are with you.

Ladies, thanks so much for your words of wisdom! Sonia's coping pretty well, and has even assured me that she is OK. Her schizophrenia has been acting up a bit, so I know she's under a bit more stress, but so far, she's coping OK. Once we get a referral to the right ENT, who will be better able to tell the extent of the problem, and hopefully differentiate between what's actually cancer and what's just irritation from hot cigarette smoke, then the story will be better told... and we can all put our minds at ease, hopefully. Meanwhile, I think she's eating up the little bit of extra attention!

I'm also hoping that if we need to evacuate because of Hurricane Isabel, she will come willingly with us to the shelter. Heck, I'm not so sure my husband will, either. I dunno, Raul sometimes talks big, and then when something really happens, he becomes a little pussycat. A kitten, really. So hopefully I won't become a flotation device for these two if it floods... nor will I have to be an anchor if the wind knocks out a window!

Love,
Lil