My parents are in their 80's -- still very healthy and active -- but still in their 80's. My sister lives in Omaha and my brother in Montana --and that leaves me here to see to them when they do feel they need help -- and the day may come very soon that they will need total care.

Is there a time line where you become to old to have new adventures -- new experiences -- a time where you can't choose to start over?

Have I crossed that line where my future now lies in my past? How do you decide between mother and child -- and child and mother.

Bottom line is -- do I follow my child -- or stay with my parents.

I don't mean to be vague -- Just going to be another sleepless night I guess

Well, I have never had kids of my own, but have helped out with TONS of them belonging to family and friends ("helped out"--read they have lived with my hubby and I, etc.). My father is almost 79 and very vital and active, Mom died about 5 years ago and my hubby died almost 4 years ago. Anyway, my mother and husband were both very ill at the same time and dying. It was all I could do to function. If I was with her, I felt I was betraying him and vice versa. Couple that with the fact that I was the ONLY relief that my father had to get away for a few hours from his nursing care for Mom, and I was a major basket case. There is no finite answer to your dilemma, and definitely not one that will make you happy. Whatever you do, you will feel pulled in the opposite direction. And yes, it will make you very unhappy. My biggest fear these days concerns the fact that I am helping out with elderly (in their 80's and 90's) great-aunts and uncles that have never had children and have, virtually, noone. My father is very involved with them also, and they aren't even his blood relatives! Anyway, I keep thinking about what's going to happen IF I live a long life like them. I am not scared, but concerned about the future for an old, lone woman with nobody to call in a crisis. I know that sounds selfish, but it still is niggling away in the back of my mind. Everyone is always telling me that the kids I helped out with will help me if and when I need it, but I see how they are already out on their own and don't call even to say hello, much less to see if I might need anything. It's just another thing to stick in the worry basket and try not to panic about. Life is tough, and don't ever let anybody tell you otherwise. Not a day goes by that I don't yearn for my childhood again, so that I could just not be worried about anything for a while....

I hear what you're saying -- working for a home health agency I see elderly people put in nursing homes because they're alone or family needing our help to give them a "break" from taking care of their elderly family member. I don't ever want to put my son in the position of having to take a "break" from me. Yet, I won't think twice of taking my mom or dad in if it comes to that.

So you're right -- put it in the worry basket and don't dwell on it

I just have to sort out in my mind where my priorities lie. I'm about to "lose" my only grandchild -- before she's even born. If her parents follow their own path -- which they certainly should -- I will have to choose between my parents and her. I can either have a long distance relationship with my parents -- or know my grandchild through Christmas cards. I feel that I will lose that "bond" if I'm not near her when she's very little -- I don't want to be "the grandma that lives in Florida".

Time is running short on this issue -- guess its time to sit down and make my "pro and con" list

Thanks for your thoughts and suggestions -- if it wasn't for this forum -- I would be working this out alone.

As an "old" sales person, you use the "Ben Franklin Weighted-Decision Close". Take a piece of paper and draw a line right down the middle. Make a list of all the pros on one side and the cons on the other; whichever one has the most things on that side is the answer!

(As a sales rep, we helped with the pros and didn't make a peep at the cons!!)

If you are prepared to do a little traveling as crisis occur with your parents, I'd definitely follow the grandchild if your son is agreeable.
Grandparenting is a whole new phase in your life, a wonderful, satisfying one. I truly believe that my father's life was extended a decade by the birth of his grandchildren and his wonderful relationships with them. Or maybe there's a middle ground temporarily that will grant you a little of both. It seems that you are anticipating this birth with more joy than you've felt in a long time. Embrace that bliss!!!!

Lionspaaw, Just curious to know... with your sister and brother living out of state and you in Florida...did your parents move to be with you, or were you raised there? Just thinking that if your parents moved to be near you, they would understand your moving to be with your child. Just a thought!

Kathryn -- the thought of these two young people, that I love so dearly, bringing a beautiful healthy baby into this world HAS brought new bliss into my life -- has just plain brought LIFE back into my life. I just want to be able to smell her "babiness" -- listen to her breathe in her sleep -- touch her tiny little fingers and toes -- and chuckle as her parents stumble over lifes little surprises in raising a child -- just like we all have.

and Dotsie -- my parents moved to Florida when I was just an infant -- this is the only home I've ever really known. My brother moved out west 30 yrs ago -- my sister and her husband (both born and raised here) went wherever the Air Force sent them -- but have been stationed outside Omaha for many many years now -- they bought a house and have raised their daughter there -- so I'm the one that's been here with my parents all along -- raised my children with grandparents being a daily part of their life. I asked my sister yesterday if she thought her daughter had "missed something" -- not being with her grandparents (her hubby's parents live here in town too)-- she didn't seem to think so -- but I think there was a bond between my boys that wasn't just quite there with my sister and brothers children -- but maybe that's just me.

I don't know exactly how my kids think about us following out there -- I can only go by the thought that my son actually TOLD me about it and that they had checked to see if there were WalMarts out there (so my husband could transfer) -- this all kinda happened pretty fast so I will have to sit down with them and have a heart to heart with them and I will abide by their wishes -- afterall -- it's their life and their child -- and I will respect that.

I learned quite early in life -- that what you want isn't always what you get I hope they want me to be a part of their life -- a part of their child's life and I hope that everything just falls into place for that to happen -- but like I said -- it IS their choice.

Soooo -- since they aren't even sure exactly where they are going and so much is still up in the air -- (even though things will be moving very quickly I'm sure) -- I've decided not to worry about it anymore. I'm going to think GOOD THOUGHTS about mommy having an easy quick safe delivery -- and pray for a healthy baby and trust that what will be will be. And be happy for them no matter what they choose.

THANK YOU LADIES -- I've had alot of loss in the last year or so -- my son, my home, my health -- life's kicked me down pretty good -- so when the kids told me they will be leaving shortly -- it kinda rocked my world again -- brought back all those feelings of "loss" -- I don't know what I would have done without you to talk to the last few days -- things always seem to be "smaller" when they aren't building up inside