Site Links










Top Posters
Dotsie 23647
chatty lady 20267
jawjaw 12025
jabber 10032
Dianne 6123
Latest Photos
car
Useable gifts!
Winter wonderland/fantasy for real
The Soap lady meets the Senator
baby chicks
Angel
Quilted Christmas Stocking
Latest Quilt
Shelter from the storm
A new life
Who's Online
0 Registered (), 155 Guests and 0 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
3239 Members
63 Forums
16332 Topics
210704 Posts

Max Online: 409 @ 01/17/20 03:33 AM
Topic Options
#112071 - 03/21/07 05:40 PM Question about friends daughter
katebcca Offline
Member

Registered: 07/09/05
Posts: 631
Loc: Victoria BC Canada
I'm single so I'm posting here, not sure if this is the right place. I was invited to a friends daughters wedding last year in July. I met these friends when I was married. They moved into the house beside us and we got together on a regular basis. Their daughters occasionally babysat for me etc. Later when I left my husband we lost touch for the most part. They did contact me occasionally, gave me a used microwave when they knew I didn't have one, dropped off chocolates on my first Valentines Day alone but then we lost touch for years and did not meet up at all, just saw each other out in the community. I feel that they judged me because of my older son (drug addict) they had mentioned a few things to me about him.

Anyway my question. Last year they came by my house and dropped off an invitation to their daughters shower, plus a wedding invitation. I was kind of surprised as we rarely saw each other. I could not attend the wedding because I was out of town for three weeks in another city (3,000 miles away) I did go to the shower with my kids and bought an extra expensive shower gift as I knew then that I would miss the wedding. The bride wanted everything in black so I was going to buy them black towels but they only had a small selection at the store so I bought them bathroom accessories. Black marble type glass, etc. with a marble tray, silver stand on soap dish, kleenex cover etc. etc. really nice. Anyway at the shower I mentioned to the mother that I wanted to get them black towels and she said, oh,you can get them that for a wedding present.

When you don't go to the wedding do you still send a present. I was away and got busy when I returned home and totally forgot about the wedding. Much later I started to think about it and wondered if I should have sent a gift. I have never heard from them since but they just moved to my street a month ago, the Mom and Dad not the kids and I have seen them a few times but they acted quite cool. Did I do something wrong here, and should I send something almost a year later. I have the couples address. Sorry this is so long but wanted to explain the situation. I guess I figured that we had drifted apart so wasn't looking at it the same way as if it was a close friends daughter.
Any ideas would be greatly appreciated.
Kate

Top
#112072 - 03/21/07 05:54 PM Re: Question about friends daughter [Re: katebcca]
gims Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/07
Posts: 3404
Loc: USA
I don't know what protocol is, but I don't feel you are obligated to get the newlyweds anything else. Sounds more like they were inviting people (everyone on their old and new contact lists) for numbers, which ultimately means gifts. That may sound hateful, but that's what it sounds like to me. The gift giving is between you and the daughter, not you and the parents. If the parents are reacting to what you did or didn't do, they are in the wrong place. Unless you are trying to have a closer relationship, just smile at them in passing and be on your way.

Top
#112073 - 03/21/07 08:50 PM Re: Question about friends daughter [Re: gims]
Melanie46 Offline


Registered: 02/14/07
Posts: 46
Loc: Connecticut USA
I agree with Gimster. It does sound like they were trying to "paper the house" in order to increase the numbers of wedding guests in an effort to "up" the amount of gifts. That's shameful. If I were you, given all of the circumstances involved, I wouldn't give it a second thought. If they want to continue to make an issue of it, it's their problem--not yours.
_________________________
Melanie in Midlife

www.BaileyMcMillanPerfumes.Blogspot.com

Top
#112074 - 03/21/07 08:55 PM Re: Question about friends daughter [Re: Melanie46]
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
However, if you do want to give them a wedding gift, you can do so for up to one year after the wedding date.
_________________________
Founder Emeritus of Boomer Women Speak and the National Association of Baby Boomer Women.
www.nabbw.com
www.boomerwomenspeak.com


Top
#112076 - 03/21/07 10:11 PM Re: Question about friends daughter [Re: ]
katebcca Offline
Member

Registered: 07/09/05
Posts: 631
Loc: Victoria BC Canada
Thanks, I thought I had heard that you had up to one year.
Maybe I will wait until there is a baby on the way and send something then. Really we hadn't seen each other in so many years actually lost touch for at least 2 years.
I don't think they were trying to get more presents because they invited my kids too which would only get them one present. Maybe the daughter suggested us, who knows. After all, maybe I will send something meaningful to them as a house-warming/wedding (very late) gift. The more I write the more I think I should send something.
Kate

Top
#112077 - 03/22/07 03:25 AM Re: Question about friends daughter [Re: katebcca]
orchid Offline


Registered: 01/21/07
Posts: 3675
Loc: British Columbia, Canada
A small house-warming gift would be nice. It doesn't have to be ostensibly a post-wedding gift.

Not worth reading too much in the parents' coolness towards you. YOu did lose touch after many years...and it will take time to know, if each party is willing. There's always coffee time...soon.

A generous shower gift was the most appropriate touch, given the circumstances and how suddenly the women (your "friend") reappeared your life.
_________________________
http://cyclewriteblog.wordpress.com/ (How cycling leads to other types of adventures, thoughts)
http://velourbansism.wordpress.com


Top



NABBW.com | Forum Testimonials | Newsletter Sign Up | View Our Newsletter | Advertise With Us
About the Founder | Media Room | Contact BWS
Resources for Women | Boomer Books | Recent Reads | Boomer Links | Our Voices | Home

Boomer Women Speak
9672 W US Highway 20, Galena, IL 61036 • info@boomerwomenspeak.com • 1-877-BOOMERZ

Boomer Women Speak cannot be held accountable for any personal relationships or meetings face-to-face that develop because of interaction with the forums. In addition, we cannot be held accountable for any information posted in Boomer Women Speak forums.

Boomer Women Speak does not represent or endorse the reliability of any information or offers in connection with advertisements,
articles or other information displayed on our site. Please do your own due diligence when viewing our information.

Privacy PolicyTerms of UseDisclaimer

Copyright 2002-2019 • Boomer Women SpeakBoomerCo Inc. • All rights reserved