Having 4 kids I was supermom for over 25 years.Now the youngest are in college and my married daughter has a baby. We live in different cities over 800 miles apart so our personal contact is limited but we do chat on the phone often.As I can't physically help her I mostly chat about my experiences with my kids, what works, what doesn't work, my successes, failures, etc.I try to listen to her.But she doesn't really feel comfortable with me as a friend.There is theat dreaded 'Generation Gap', you know.I feel like we are still trying to find ourselves here.

What has worked well for you in your relationship with your grandchildren and grown children and their families? What should I avoid? What works well? (Right now I am agonizing over sending a BIG stuffed bunny for Easter, or do I send a tiny basket for his tiny hands?) Appreciate all ideas on successful grandparenting. Thanks- Jane

Hi Jane,

My only grandbaby is over 600 miles away...so I can definitely relate. Sorry to say, I don't have a handle on it yet. My daughter and I have always had a pretty close relationship so we seem to be doing fine. One fun thing we have going is all the 'firsts' that don't have a place in the baby book...first time the baby peed on her...bit her while nursing...those kinds of things. It's just a funny connection we have. Like you, I try not to give a lot of unsolicited advice. Maybe you could ask your daughter what kind of support she wants/needs from you. She may want you to still be the supermom and grandmom!

I know you'll work it out. Oh, I gave my granddaughter a pig that's dressed up like a bunny and oinks the bunny trail song when you press its foot. It's a hoot and she likes it (she's 8 months old).

Hey, that's pretty cool!

Just wondering how anyone deals with the issue of being the 'second hand grandparents'. My D's inlaws live nearby and have unbridled access to the baby. We do visit and they have visited us but fact is, we are indeed the second hand grandparents.It was not my daughter's choice. When she married and became pregnant her hus. found a new job in his parent's hometown, he's very close to them, and they moved there and they have a lovely home near them. It was just something my daughter had to accept if she wanted her man. Our( Hus. and I) relationship is great with the other parents but I can see how it is and am a little hurt.My Hus. says to just make the best of it.

Yup.I do.It still hurts.

Jane, welcome to the site. Glad you found us.

Sometime soon, if she has a computer send your daughter a webcam and buy yourself one. You can watch your grandkids grow up that way. Mine are miles away also.

Your daughter will get more comfortable with you as she seeks advice about raising your grandchild. May I ask how old your daughter is, and also your grandbaby?

I speak to one daughter and grandson EVERY day and the other when she isn't as busy.

Ah, the big bunny or the little basket? Personally, I'd do the tiny basket because the Easter Bunny will probably be bringing the Big Bunny.

Write a letter to your grandbaby and include it in the basket. It's a more convenient keepsake.

Let us know what you decide.

chick

Welcome, Jane. I have three grandchildren, all of whom live a long way away from me. My two sons chose to live close to their in-laws, so the in-laws see my grandkids daily. I think the web cam is a good idea, wish I'd had one when the grandkids were babies. I talk to them on the phone and they have pictures of me. They all visited here a little over a year ago, so they at least know who I am. As far as the Easter present, do what your heart tells you. My sons and dils always tell me what works and what doesn't, so I make adjustments the next time. Problem is that kids grow so fast. Now I just ask what the kids would like to have. For Christmas, my boys put wish lists for the kids on Amazon.com - that really helped!

Welcome to the site Jane. Glad to see you jumped right in. All three of my kids are in college so I don't have much to share. However, I got a FREE issue of Grand magazine while attending a conference and it looks pretty good. You may wnat to buy an issue and check it out.

Welcome BHG, I have 7 grandkids and two of them live with me. The others I try to talk to on the phone about once a week and see them whenever I can. They were all at my house for Christmas and it was great!!

When the ones in MD were all small, I said I was going to one of those photo places and have a "Grammy doll" made for the little ones, much like the Marine wives and children do..carrying around a photo of dad who is absent.

One very good word of advice...children CAN be bribed or bought...lol They love presents and cards and attention.

I'm in the same situation with my oldest daughter's children, SL's mother is top dog and I'm an also ran. I found that that just makes me special. Its a real treat for the kids and my daughter when I come for a visit...(notice I didn't include my SL).

Something from you for Easter that is very special and meaningful, something used daily would be a daily reminder of your love for the grandchild. I agree to use your heart to decide.