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#105952 - 02/01/07 05:28 PM
Re: 13 year old son, not so innocent
[Re: Laurel]
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Member
Registered: 07/09/05
Posts: 631
Loc: Victoria BC Canada
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Thanks for that. My son is seeing a counselor and has been since beginning school this year. The school noticed the change and so did I so got on it right away. We had a long talk and msn is cut off, no computer, no sleep overs. I know this won't be easy and I can't cut these things out forever. I did tell him that I can't trust him and when I can trust him he can have his privileges back but he has to earn it. Your right, he needs a better role model than his big brother. He had a big brother from the Big Brothers and Sisters program but they are not in as much contact anymore as the contract was for one year only. The wonderful person that was his big was the same age as my older son and actually saw him on a regular basis for over three years. These days though with full time university and a part time job he isn't available like he used to be. He also told me that he calls my son and tries to connect with him, but my son is not so open to visiting with him as much anymore. Yes, it's tough raising kids in this day and age. So many parents have much more lenient attitudes than I do and it's an up hill battle trying to keep my kids in line. It truly amazes me how much freedom these kids have. I drive my kids everywhere and pick them up. And guess what, I pick up all their friends too and their parents don't even know where they are. I gave a 13 year old girl a ride home the other night from skating. It was 10pm and she was starting to walk home in the dark by herself, a 1/2 hour walk so I drove her home. What are her parents thinking? Drives me crazy. My kids see this, all the freedom their friends have and think I'm way too strict. I'm hanging in there though and will do what it takes to keep him on the straight and narrow. As for the girlfriend, she dumped him and was dating someone else 3 hours later. I hope this was a learning experience for my son in some ways. Whew... it's a new day! Kate
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#105953 - 02/01/07 05:41 PM
Re: 13 year old son, not so innocent
[Re: katebcca]
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Member
Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 4136
Loc: American living in Europe
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Oh no, Kate, You poor thing. Hardly one son is grown and out of the house…and then the next one comes along with those teenage problems. I think what Laurel said is excellent advice about reading his emails and website. That way you are on top of things. Does your son do any sports? My sons played ice hockey, and it was exactly that, that kept them off the streets. Just like with little children, you need to distract him and find interesting alternatives. See to it that he doesn't have much free time, and get him involved with other boys that want more in their lives than just 'hanging out'. So I agree, it's wise to forbid him further over-nights…but don't just ground him, find a substitute hobby/sport in a supervised club. I surfed around a little and found this link. Looks like they may have some good advice for you. teenagers and drugsSounds like you are taking control. Good for you Kate!
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#105955 - 02/01/07 11:20 PM
Re: 13 year old son, not so innocent
[Re: katebcca]
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Queen of Shoes
Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
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He sounds very angry and seems to be acting out on that anger. Maybe you could talk to his counselor about this. I know how tough it is. My oldest son was a tyrant but today, he's married and a good man.
_________________________
If it doesn't feel good, don't do it twice. www.eadv.netBoomer Queen of Shoes
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#105957 - 02/02/07 02:48 PM
Re: 13 year old son, not so innocent
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Member
Registered: 01/16/07
Posts: 3404
Loc: USA
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A mom-son mini-vacation (3-4 days, if not more) is in order - a cabin by a lake, a hotel room by the beach. The first day might be rough as you learn to talk to each other again, but after a few card games - or something else he might enjoy doing with you, while you strike up casual conversation - you can reconnect. Mom needs to get inside boy's head, going from casual conversation to pointed discussions. While it's nice to have male mentors, you are the main caregiver and need to be immediately involved. To do this, you need to know where he is mentally and emotionally. What does he think of his friends? What is he looking for in a friend? How does he make friends? What does he think his future is going to be like? Does he even believe he has a future? Sometimes we parent from a distance, and because we are so busy trying to make ends meet and get responsibilitis covered, we forget why we are parents. We are our children's primary influence - or WE SHOULD BE. Often, peers and electronics stand in for us. Parenting is hard!!!! But when we, as parents do the right things, we win, our children win and the world wins. Best of luck!!!!
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#105959 - 02/02/07 08:11 PM
Re: 13 year old son, not so innocent
[Re: gims]
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Member
Registered: 01/16/07
Posts: 3404
Loc: USA
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NP and YW... Fishing - can't beat that - one of the best things to do while talking!
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#105961 - 02/03/07 05:09 PM
Re: 13 year old son, not so innocent
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Member
Registered: 01/16/07
Posts: 3404
Loc: USA
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TY, dotsie... I remember when our girls were in their teens. My husband and I wanted to go out of town with them, but, of course, they begged to stay home due to their social ties. We insisted. They fought, at first, but once we were in the mountains, in a cabin perched on the bank of Aspen Brook (which was more like a river), and we'd had only the purr of the gas heater and the water rushing below us to sleep by, they were in a different state of mind. None of us wanted to go home. After only a day or two, we were regrounded as a family.
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