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#104655 - 01/25/07 01:27 PM
Update on my Brother
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Member
Registered: 03/22/05
Posts: 4876
Loc: Canada
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I can't get online much these days - spending most of my time either at the hospital or troubleshooting my brother's Internet connection, which only works for a few hours in the morning, which is when we're usually at the hospital...
Anyway, yesterday my brother went in for blood work and his white blood count was so good that they decided to harvest his stem cells. So he was hooked up to this nifty machine for 8 hours and they were able to get all the stem cells they needed in that one session (they had anticipated that it would take 2 or 3 harvest sessions). That was really good news.
Now he gets to rest for a couple of weeks. The earliest they could do another chemo and/or the transplant will be mid-February. We'll know after next week's CAT scan if he needs another chemo or if they'll go straight to the transplant procedure. If so, he'll be hospitalized for 4-6 weeks, which will also give me a much-needed break (I haven't been able to get home for more than a couple of hours at a time in the past month).
So I just thought I'd share this good/promising news. It's wonderful news, actually. This autologous transplant procedure is extremely dangerous (we'll need your prayers when the time comes) but also very promising, and has had amazing results in advanced-stage lymphoma. So we're very hopeful that there's a light at the end of this tunnel...
If I'm not on board here much lately, especially in the evenings, know that I'm sitting here at the computer, night after night, trying everything possible to get that connection working! My brother is switching to a cable bundle tomorrow (Internet, phone and TV) and we're hoping that will resolve this problem. My brother sleeps most of the time, so it's been extremely frustrating sitting here day after day unable to connect and chat with my sisters when I most need to be able to! Hopefully there's a light at the end of THAT tunnel too.
Anyway, just thought I'd post this update while I'm able to be online! I think of all of you ALL THE TIME (and believe me, I have lots of downtime, either in the hospital or here at the computer, to do a lot of thinking and praying!) I'm very warmly cocooned in the Lord's presence these days, and have no doubt that your prayers are responsible for this gentle but powerful spiritual serenity that keeps me going.
Edited by Eagle Heart (01/25/07 01:28 PM)
_________________________
When you don't like a thing, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
(Maya Angelou)
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#104656 - 01/25/07 03:18 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: Eagle Heart]
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Queen of Shoes
Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
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This is such wonderful news. We've missed you terribly. Gods Speed to both of you.
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If it doesn't feel good, don't do it twice. www.eadv.netBoomer Queen of Shoes
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#104657 - 01/25/07 07:11 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: Eagle Heart]
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Registered: 10/14/06
Posts: 180
Loc: Stars Hollow
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Eagle, I am so encouraged to hear your news! Always know that just as you are thinking of us, we are thinking of you and your brother too! When the time comes for the transplant, and you need us to switch our prayers on to "SUPER INTENSE", please know we will!
Please try to be kind to yourself...
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"Were it not for hope, the heart would break"...an old Scottish proverb
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#104658 - 01/25/07 07:13 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: Dianne]
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Member
Registered: 01/16/07
Posts: 3404
Loc: USA
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Quote:
This autologous transplant procedure is extremely dangerous (we'll need your prayers when the time comes)
The time HAS come. I'll be praying that there will be no need of the procedure, while I believe, with you, that whatever does take place will be in the Lord's capable hands.
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#104662 - 01/26/07 02:36 AM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: Dancing Dolphin]
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Member
Registered: 03/22/05
Posts: 4876
Loc: Canada
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Thank you everyone for your lovely, heart-warming words!!! And what a miracle here tonight - it's 9:30pm and my brother's Internet connection is working! It stopped working shortly after noon today, so I figured it was finished for the day. But just before heading to bed, I thought I'd give it one more try - and here I am!! And wouldn't you know it, the one night that it's working, I'm too tired to stay very long.
Just a wee note of concern...I've been having fairly disturbing dizzy spells today (VERY unusual for me, even when I'm sick, which is very rare lately) and some tightness in the back of my left shoulder. I walked across the parking lot to the little mall and checked my blood pressure at the pharmacy - 165/90! That might not sound high, but my bp has rarely if ever gone over 115/60, even after a brisk walk. So I waited a few minutes, 2nd reading was 154/88. I was scared and started crying. The pharmacist (thank God for his caring patience!) sat with me for 10 minutes and we did another reading, 144/86. Still very high for me, but the pharmacist didn't think it was dangerous, but encouraged me to see my doctor to start monitoring it over the next few weeks. That's very hard to do right now, since my brother's in such a critical stage right now and in need of fairly constant help. But I'm going to call tomorrow and make an appointment for next week.
Still a bit dizzy now and then, and that tightness is still there, and I'm very fatigued today, but hopefully it's just stress, though I've been far more stressed out than this and it's never shown in my bp before.
Anyway, let's hope it's nothing more than an off day!
_________________________
When you don't like a thing, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
(Maya Angelou)
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#104663 - 01/26/07 03:35 AM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: Eagle Heart]
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Member
Registered: 03/06/06
Posts: 2529
Loc: Southern California
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Eagle, please see a doctor immediately! You have just described all the symptoms of a heart attack - dizziness, fatigue, tightness in back/chest/etc. Please, please go get checked out, and have them check your blood levels and do a few heart tests, okay?
My accountant, who's 55, had your same sypmtoms except she had tightness in her neck. It never occurred to her that she was having a heart attack, but she was. All is well now, but her doctor said if she hadn't had it checked she could have died.
Please, please go first thing in the morning! Or even tonight if you can. Kathy
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#104664 - 01/26/07 03:43 AM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: Dancing Dolphin]
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member
Registered: 07/06/06
Posts: 1521
Loc: Alabama
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Kathy is right...good news for your brohter...but please take care of you...we all love you
_________________________
Jane Carroll
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#104668 - 01/26/07 01:32 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: Anno]
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Member
Registered: 03/22/05
Posts: 4876
Loc: Canada
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I'm going to call my doctor today, at 9am. I doubt that I'll get in to see her today, but will insist on seeing the duty doctor at the same clinic. My husband's coming over in awhile and will take my blood pressure again, and we'll decide then whether to go to the clinic or to emergency.
I'm feeling a bit better this morning. Only a slight dizziness when I got out of bed. But no tightness in my shoulder or back this morning. But I won't take any chances, and will get me to a doctor today.
_________________________
When you don't like a thing, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
(Maya Angelou)
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#104670 - 01/26/07 11:37 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: Dancing Dolphin]
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Member
Registered: 03/22/05
Posts: 4876
Loc: Canada
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Well, I went to the duty doctor - a rather frustrating exercise in futility. My own doctor knows me so well, she would have understood my fear and concern. This doctor (a very young man) took my blood pressure and listened to my heart and told me everything was perfect and there was no need for concern. The bp reading was still significantly higher than my normal, but he assured me there was no concern...and then told me that I should have gone to emergency instead, since they would have been able to do an ekg and bloodwork.
But one interesting tidbit came out of the visit - he said that one of the things that raises bp in women my age is menopause - the drastic drop in estrogen can trigger higher blood pressure. That made a lot of sense in my case. I still intend to investigate it further with my own doctor, but am not as apprehensive. Hubby left his bp monitor with me; we took it when I had another dizzy spell, and my bp was not as high as it has been, so it's possible something else is at play here.
Anyway, thank you all for your concern. I was frightened last night but felt safe inside your prayers!
PS My brother just switched ISP's, and we're already noticing a good improvement - so hopefully I'll be here later on this evening after my brother goes to bed!
_________________________
When you don't like a thing, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
(Maya Angelou)
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#104672 - 01/27/07 04:04 AM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: Dancing Dolphin]
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Member
Registered: 03/22/05
Posts: 4876
Loc: Canada
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I just discovered something interesting tonight. My brother has a beautiful set of small dessert plates that used to belong to my Mom. We use them every day. Tonight I was reading the bottom of one of them, just to see what the inscription was. Along with the description was the warning to NOT (the word "not" was in big bold letters) use these plates for food consumption. Which makes us think the paintings on the plates may contain lead...I've been using these plates several times a day almost every day for the past six months. Makes me wonder if there might be a connection between the lead-painted plates and these recent health problems. I'm going to get my blood checked next week just to see...my brother's going to ask his hemotologist to do the same the next time he does bloodwork.
_________________________
When you don't like a thing, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
(Maya Angelou)
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#104676 - 01/27/07 04:57 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: Anno]
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member
Registered: 07/06/06
Posts: 1521
Loc: Alabama
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Eagle, Take care of you...listen to your own body and get with your doctor...glad your brother's news is good
_________________________
Jane Carroll
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#104677 - 01/27/07 06:50 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
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Member
Registered: 01/16/07
Posts: 3404
Loc: USA
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Something I've learned recently (from a sister, who was admitted to the ER with chest pains). There are stress tests and then there is a female stress test. Ask specifically for the one for our gender! According to our hospital's ER physician, there IS a difference. He told my sister to demand it. Don't know if it has a name or not, but any good heart facility should know.
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#104679 - 01/29/07 11:03 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
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Member
Registered: 09/22/05
Posts: 194
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I have been off-site for much too long. I hope your brother is making progress and please know he and you are in my prayers whether I'm showing up here or not. I'm anxious to know what you find out when you see your doctor and please, if you feel those symptoms again please go right to the ER. With heart - related symptoms you don't have to sit and wait; they take you right in.
Dreamer
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Friends are the sparkling brooks that flow through our lives. (Walt Whitman)
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#104684 - 01/31/07 12:52 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: chatty lady]
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Member
Registered: 03/22/05
Posts: 4876
Loc: Canada
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Updates: My brother is doing well...a brief lull between storms. He has another CAT scan tomorrow night, then we'll find out next week whether he goes through another round of DHAP chemo, or straight to the autologous transplant (in which case he'll be hospitalized for 3-4 weeks). He's in what his medical team call a resting period, where his body is recovering from the intense chemo blast he had two weeks ago and building up strength for the next chemo blast. He's eating well the last few nights, and has enough energy to walk around the apartment.
I'm doing well. The dizzy spells seem to have passed, though they seem to worsen when I'm here at my brother's. I didn't have them at all while at home. My BP is perfect. I still have to call and make a doctor's appointment to get my bloodwork done...want to check my estrogen and lead levels. My sister-in-law told me that she used to have terrible dizzy spells while she was going through menopause. That's the likeliest culprit for me, but will get a thorough check-up done as soon as I can get in to see the doctor.
Thanks to everyone for your care...gosh, I just don't know how I would be getting through all this without you! It's so heartwarming and encouraging to have you all to lean against when the going gets scary and tough. Saying a special prayer of gratitude and thanksgiving for you this morning!
_________________________
When you don't like a thing, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
(Maya Angelou)
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#104685 - 01/31/07 07:51 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: Eagle Heart]
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Member
Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 3703
Loc: London UK
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Hi, Eagle: I have not posted much in this thread but rest assured that I continue to have you and your brother in prayer. I am glad that Gary is holding up well to his treatments. Please keep well yourself. God bless.
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<><
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#104686 - 02/01/07 02:16 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: Lola]
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Member
Registered: 11/08/03
Posts: 3512
Loc: outer space
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Eagle, Just wanted to chime in with all the others who are praying for you and your brother.
Love and prayers coming your way.
smile
_________________________
Original plays and musicals for groups and events. [url=http://historytheater.org/index.html]
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#104688 - 02/01/07 07:40 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: Anno]
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member
Registered: 07/06/06
Posts: 1521
Loc: Alabama
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Eagle, So glad both of you are feeling better!
_________________________
Jane Carroll
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#104690 - 02/02/07 04:14 AM
Re: Update on my Brother
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Member
Registered: 03/22/05
Posts: 4876
Loc: Canada
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Dotsie, that brought tears to my eyes and profound gratitude to my heart. Thank you.
Tonight my brother had his CAT scan scheduled for 10:20pm. We had to go early to replace his hospital card, which only took a few minutes to do (we had allowed enough time for any admission line-ups, traffic, etc). So we meandered over to the waiting room for the CAT scan, about 30 minutes early. The CAT technician recognized my brother and greeted him like an old friend, then took him right into the CAT room and gave him the scan right away - we were out of there in less than 10 minutes!
So I've been feeling such gratitude for all the people God is placing in our lives to make this journey easier...all the people He's given to us to lean against when we're not strong, when we need help to carry on, when we just need a kind smile and a sign of recognition that we're on a tough road but we don't walk it alone - others do care and walk with us in whatever capacity they're able to, either through prayer and inspirational notes, or kind smiles, quick CAT scans and funny jokes (thanks Chatty!)...our lives are full of those people and those smiles and signs. You all make this journey an amazing adventure in trust and leaning against the awesome bounty of God's love shining through the caring kindness of others.
Like I've said before, I detest this cancer, but since there's no other way but to plow through it, I'm grateful for being a part of this journey, and for all that I'm being taught along this way.
Edited by Eagle Heart (02/02/07 04:22 AM)
_________________________
When you don't like a thing, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
(Maya Angelou)
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#104691 - 02/03/07 08:03 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: Eagle Heart]
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Member
Registered: 12/30/05
Posts: 3027
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These people who show kindness like the technicial make the world go round. I do so hope all turns round for the best for you all. Mountain ash
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#104694 - 02/08/07 10:57 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
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Member
Registered: 03/22/05
Posts: 4876
Loc: Canada
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Well, I just got home after a 9-hour day at the hospital. My brother had his post-CAT scan appointment at 8am, and he was so weak that they decided to admit him. The scans showed that the lymph nodes have shrunk a little bit, but not enough. They also showed an inordinate amount of fluid in the lungs and stomach, so they want to investigate and fix that. But the main reason for hospitalizing him is to try and bolster his strength so he can withstand another chemo and the stem-cell transplant. The doctors all think he's far too weak to risk it right now, so they're going to do everything they can to boost him up in preparation for the transplant.
I had a lot of input and say in the decision - I guess my exhaustion and concern was evident, because there was no hesitation when I suggested that they admit him for a few days...and I strongly suspect that I was part of the equation. They know it will be a much-needed break for me, as well as a much-needed rest/booster time for my brother.
The system moves very fast when you're finally right into the thick of it...I couldn't believe how fast a bed became available for him - even the team was flabbergasted - when they left to make the arrangements, they gave little hope of getting a bed today - so I said a fervent little prayer - 20 minutes later they came back, amazed, saying they'd have a free bed before 11am!!! Praise God! He might not be healing my brother's cancer as quickly as I'd like, but He's sure filling our lives with angels and proof that He's with us every step of this journey.
Anyway, that's the latest. The news was rather sad today, because for the first time in six months, the doctor admitted that my brother may not survive this. That was brutal, but I think that both Gary and I have already faced that possibility, but will resolutely keep going until there's nowhere else to go.
Thank you for your continued prayers. Please don't stop. This ain't over, yet, nothing is impossible for God. If it's His will that my brother live, there ain't nothing that can stand in His way. And if there's some higher purpose involved in allowing my brother to not make it through this, then we all need courage and faith to make it through as far as we can, as best as we can.
Edited by Eagle Heart (02/08/07 11:00 PM)
_________________________
When you don't like a thing, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
(Maya Angelou)
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#104695 - 02/08/07 11:39 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: Eagle Heart]
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Member
Registered: 11/08/03
Posts: 3512
Loc: outer space
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Eagle, I am sorry to hear your brother is hospitalized. I hope both you and he can use this time to regain your strength and nenew your spirit.
I know this illness must have taken so much of your life's energy, but no matter the outcome, please know what a blessing it is that you are there, not only for your brother, but for all the rest of us who know of your enduring love and faith.
I hope you can find rest in the love and prayers surrounding you and your brother.
smile
_________________________
Original plays and musicals for groups and events. [url=http://historytheater.org/index.html]
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#104696 - 02/09/07 12:29 AM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: smilinize]
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Member
Registered: 09/26/04
Posts: 3910
Loc: Alabama
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Eagle, I'm glad to see you back here in the forums. I continue my prayers for your brother and you. Get some rest and look after yourself.
chick
_________________________
chick ~ Here is the test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished: if you're alive, it isn't ~ ~ Prayer is the most we can do for another human being ~
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#104697 - 02/09/07 12:44 AM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: chickadee]
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Member
Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 1796
Loc: Daytona Beach, Florida
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Eagle, I'm praying for you and your brother. No one could do more for him than you have been doing. You are a heroine! Please keep yourself strong and healthy. Take time to take care of you. I know that's hard now, but you must.
_________________________
What I know for sure is that it's all connected. Saundra Goodman Got Teeth? A Survivor's Guide www.gotteethguide.com for your Free Tips
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#104699 - 02/09/07 04:14 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
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Member
Registered: 01/16/07
Posts: 3404
Loc: USA
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Quote:
Eagle, ...You're an amazing woman of faith. You don't know the seeds you plant just by living and sharing your life with us.
I second what Dotsie said, and
Would it be alright with you if I sent your brother a card? I can send it via any address you provide me.
More prayers coming your way.
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#104700 - 02/09/07 04:52 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: gims]
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Member
Registered: 09/03/04
Posts: 2538
Loc: North Carolina
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Eagle, A stay in the hospital for Gary will provide you both with some much needed additional strength. I know the visiting hours can be grueling, but at least you can sleep peacefully for a few nights. As I know how hard those nights can be. If they put Gary on IV you will be amazed at how fast he will pick up. You certainly have the faith that you need and I'm sure you can muster up the strength for whatever is needed of you whenever you need it. Right now just concentrate on getting some much needed rest! And that's an order! Hugs and prayers being sent your way.
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#104701 - 02/10/07 12:13 AM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: TVC15]
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Member
Registered: 03/22/05
Posts: 4876
Loc: Canada
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I spent the afternoon at the hospital with Gary. They had put a catheter in his stomach this morning and by noon had drained 6 liters of fluids (translates to about 4-6 pounds worth)! And there was still more fluid in there, but the catheter accidentally came out and they couldn't get him back in to see the ultrasound techs this afternoon to replace it. It's the Friday of a long weekend (bizarre, the long weekend is ONLY at the hospital, not a provincial or federal holiday!) Anyway, they're on minimal staffing all weekend, so he won't be able to get the catheter fixed until Tuesday. By supper time, his stomach was already bloated again. So that's a little frustrating to see that little bit of progress come to a screeching halt!
Mid-afternoon, I went to the vending machine to buy myself a bag of munchies. Gary started eating them too, and then said, with great surprise, "I'm hungry" - that's the first time in about five months he's felt hungry and actually enjoyed eating food.
They gave him a walker, and he did three full walks "around the block" this afternoon, then walked me to the door of the ward when I left this evening. That's the most exercise he's done at one time in months too.
So 1 day in hospital and we're already seeing amazing progress!!! Hallelujah!
_________________________
When you don't like a thing, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
(Maya Angelou)
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#104702 - 02/10/07 02:16 AM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: Eagle Heart]
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Registered: 10/14/06
Posts: 180
Loc: Stars Hollow
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Eagle - It was a joy to read your encouraging post. Yaaaaay, Gary! It figures, doesn't it, that it's a long weekend, just when Gary needs that procedure. At any rate, hope his appetite and his energy to exercise continue!
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#104704 - 02/11/07 09:15 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: TVC15]
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member
Registered: 07/06/06
Posts: 1521
Loc: Alabama
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Glad for the 'glimmer' of better...look forward to more!
_________________________
Jane Carroll
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#104705 - 02/12/07 12:43 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: Jane_Carroll]
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Member
Registered: 09/26/04
Posts: 3910
Loc: Alabama
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Eagle, I was so glad to read this post. I wish there was some way they could have put the catheter back in, instead of waiting til Tuesday. Seems like too long to me. Still holding all in prayer.
chick
_________________________
chick ~ Here is the test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished: if you're alive, it isn't ~ ~ Prayer is the most we can do for another human being ~
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#104709 - 02/12/07 10:27 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
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Member
Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 1796
Loc: Daytona Beach, Florida
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Wow, an appetitie and energy! What good news. Eagle, are you sleeping?
_________________________
What I know for sure is that it's all connected. Saundra Goodman Got Teeth? A Survivor's Guide www.gotteethguide.com for your Free Tips
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#104710 - 02/12/07 10:55 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: Saundra]
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Member
Registered: 03/22/05
Posts: 4876
Loc: Canada
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Well, it's one of those "three steps forward, two steps back" things. He WAS feeling so much better the other day, but in the past two days has been wrestling with what appears to be a gastrointestinal bug. Most of us could handle it okay, but he's already so weak, that this is zapping him big-time. The doctor today was very concerned, but it being a holiday (but only a holiday in the hospital - we haven't yet figured that one out!!!), everything's in slow-motion. I'm really looking forward to tomorrow when the regular staff gets back and can investigate this further.
You know, I thought that his being in hospital would be a break for me too, but it's ending up being more tiresome. At least when I was living at his place, I was able to rest a lot more, because he napped a lot, and I could just lie on the couch and watch TV or get online and come here. But now I'm spending 3-4 hours with him every day, meaning hubby has to drive me back and forth - well, he doesn't HAVE to, but he insists on driving me, because it's too cold to wait for the bus! So it's probably harder on hubby than on me...and then that makes it harder on me, because I'd like to give hubby a break now and then.
Anyway, I'm okay. I can't sit here at home all day knowing he's lying there all alone, bored, anxious, feeling so unwell...I'd much rather be with him than here.
But all of us are looking forward to taking him home, though we have no idea when that will be now. Tomorrow they're putting a "piq-line" in. The nurses have been having a terrible time finding a vein to draw blood and give him IV's, so we're ALL looking forward to getting that piq-line in!!!
I'm sleeping well, better than at Gary's place. He lives right across the road from the Wal-Mart parking lot - and it's always very noisy there, especially at night with all the trucks beeping and unloading, not to mention the snow-plows at 2am! It's much quieter here at home, except when hubby snores. LOL. And hubby likes me being home more too. Especially on these long cold nights...
Chick, I wish they could have put the catheter back in too. He's already looking about 5 months pregnant again, and back to feeling very crappy again, though it's not clear if it's the fluid-retention or the suspected bug that's at play, or perhaps both.
Anyway, one day at a time. Hopefully, this too shall pass and we'll get back to the positive side.
_________________________
When you don't like a thing, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
(Maya Angelou)
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#104711 - 02/12/07 11:29 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: Eagle Heart]
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Queen of Shoes
Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
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I'm so sorry to hear this. You must be exhausted but what a wonderful sister you are!
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If it doesn't feel good, don't do it twice. www.eadv.netBoomer Queen of Shoes
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#104712 - 02/14/07 11:01 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: Dianne]
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Member
Registered: 03/22/05
Posts: 4876
Loc: Canada
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I need an infusion of hope. The past couple of days have been so brutal, and my heart is so heavy with anxiety and helplessness. My brother's just encountering one regression after another. He's not able to eat at all now. This morning he fell in the bathroom, and was unconscious for a few moments, coming around just in time to hear the nurses debating about calling a code-blue. He drained over 12 litres of fluids from his stomach in less than 24 hours, and the last half-litre of was red...we don't know if it's a good thing that his catheter fell out just about the same time that they discovered the red.
It's so hard to watch him grapple with all of this. He's still alert, with a good sense of humour, but clearly scared from passing out, the blood and the inability to eat. They've put him on oxygen and a feeding tube, but have had to postpone the chemo for a day or two (the longer it's postponed, the more chance the cancer has to grow back).
Sigh. I know you're all praying, sending warm thoughts and all, and it means the world to me. I just don't know what to do with myself these days, I'm so disheartened and scared. I want to be a beacon of hope and light for my brother, but I myself am suffocating from the helplessness and fear. I can't seem to find my equilibrium. So I thought I'd come here and rest awhile and find some solid ground and hope to carry me through another day of this. I know I'm not alone.
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When you don't like a thing, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
(Maya Angelou)
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#104714 - 02/15/07 12:15 AM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: Princess Lenora]
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Member
Registered: 09/26/04
Posts: 3910
Loc: Alabama
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Eagle, i am going to spend the rest of my evening praying for your brother. Hang in there kid. luv, chick
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chick ~ Here is the test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished: if you're alive, it isn't ~ ~ Prayer is the most we can do for another human being ~
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#104719 - 02/17/07 02:47 AM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: meredithbead]
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Member
Registered: 03/22/05
Posts: 4876
Loc: Canada
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Thanks Meredith. Gary has been declining with each passing day. He's pretty much stopped eating (they put a feeding tube in him today); he hurt his back when he fell the other day so can hardly move now, and he's clearly demoralized and scared by his own increasing weakness.
The doctors decided to go ahead with his new chemo regime, starting tomorrow. It's very risky given his level of weakness, but they're afraid he's not going to get any stronger, and without the chemo, he has no chance at all. So we're heading into a very precarious week. 6 gruelling days of intensive chemo. But they'll be monitoring him closely, and I'll be spending every possible moment with him to keep his spirits up as best as I can, so I can only pray with hope and faith that we will make it through to this time next week.
I need us to be held in your hearts, and I'm eternally grateful to know that you all do carry us in your loving care...you cannot begin to imagine how vital your support has been and continues to be. I don't have to be here on-site to feel it - your warm care surrounds me at the hospital, and your prayers lift my heart to a stronger place so I can be fully present to Gary and help lift him to a stronger place too. We are safe thus far because of God's grace radiating through each and every one of your prayers and thoughts...thank you. I carry you in my heart too...many long and quiet hours just sitting in an uncomfortable chair - lots of time to think and pray and send caring thoughts back to all of you. (Pamela, you are always especially close to my heart these days).
I won't be here much this week. Gary is so scared and feels terribly alone at night so I may decide to sleep at the hospital one or two nights. He seems to really need that companioning more than ever right now.
_________________________
When you don't like a thing, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
(Maya Angelou)
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#104722 - 02/17/07 12:33 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
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Registered: 11/24/06
Posts: 2930
Loc: Belfast/Northern Ireland
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its been an up and down ride for you and your brother, I congradulate your stamina and your commitment eagle. I hope the tide turns for you both for the better soon.
rest and keep your own strenth up, rember to eat too...
celtic
_________________________
"Our attitude either gets in the way or creates a way," Sam Glenn
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#104726 - 02/17/07 11:29 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: Dancing Dolphin]
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Member
Registered: 03/22/05
Posts: 4876
Loc: Canada
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Well Cathi, you're right about the bouncing back and forth. Gary was in much better shape this morning than when I left him yesterday! We were both still very scared about the chemo though, because he was still so weak. But the doctor who had ordered the chemo had 'forgotten' to sign the order, so they couldn't go ahead with it until today's doctor okayed it. He had to sign before 2pm or it wouldn't go through. He finally saw my brother at 1:50! After some questioning and prodding, he decided that he would NOT order the chemo, but instead ordered two days worth of a medication that we've called Gary's "magic pill". It's a steroid that has worked wonders in the past. It boosts his appetite, energy and morale every time he takes it. So the doctor decided to put him on that for a few days until he could talk with the entire transplant team. His hope is to bypass this "interim" chemo and go directly to the stem-cell transplant procedure.
I was sitting there stunned at the good news (i.e., magic pill versus deadly chemo)...and then it hit me, this was the best answer to our prayers. It was no accident that yesterday's doctor "forgot" to sign the order! A beautiful warm peace flowed right through me and I knew, I just knew, that this was God's was of yet again assuring me that He was in on this whole journey (I love you, we're going to make it, I know the way).
What a boost of energy, power and peace that was! That's OUR prayers at work here. He's listening. We don't know what the outcome will be, but it's clear we're not walking this alone!
PS. I could use a fun game of cards right now.
Edited by Eagle Heart (02/17/07 11:31 PM)
_________________________
When you don't like a thing, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
(Maya Angelou)
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#104727 - 02/17/07 11:43 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: Eagle Heart]
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Registered: 11/24/06
Posts: 2930
Loc: Belfast/Northern Ireland
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glade you shared the good news eagle, god-incidents (dotsies word) worked out for the best agin...
i would love to play cards or something with you at the minuet just for the fun of it, hopefully a wee support and destraction for you...
i know a lot of people heer are praying for you and your brother isen't it humbling to get some evidence that they are being listend too and answered. Long may it continue
love celtic
_________________________
"Our attitude either gets in the way or creates a way," Sam Glenn
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#104728 - 02/18/07 01:40 AM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: celtic_flame]
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Member
Registered: 01/10/06
Posts: 992
Loc: Honolulu, Hawaii
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Eagle, I will continue to hold you and your brother up in prayer. It is hard with all the ups and downs, for sure.
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#104731 - 02/19/07 12:05 AM
Re: Update on my Brother
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Registered: 07/11/04
Posts: 2132
Loc: MA
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#104732 - 02/24/07 10:11 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: Louisa]
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Queen of Shoes
Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
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Your story made my spine tingle. What an amazing story. I'm so happy for both of you.
_________________________
If it doesn't feel good, don't do it twice. www.eadv.netBoomer Queen of Shoes
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#104733 - 02/28/07 01:35 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: Dianne]
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Member
Registered: 03/22/05
Posts: 4876
Loc: Canada
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Very quick update. After a week of intense chemo every day last week, Gary finally had his stem cells "reinfused" (transplanted) yesterday afternoon. He's very weak. The next ten days are the most critical, since this is when he'll be most vulnerable to infections/complications. His blood counts will probably be down to zero today, and won't be expected to start rising again until 10 days from today. So he's in the most fragile condition of this entire cancer journey thus far.
I'm spending about 8 hours at the hospital with him, so life is hectic. Even when we're not at the hospital, we're running around doing errands for him, sending out email updates to everyone or filling out reams of paperwork for him, so we're 200% immersed into this cancer thing! It's such a brutal disease in every way imaginable.
Anyway, I do manage to get here to read posts almost every evening, but just don't have the energy or brain-power to post any responses. But I do keep everyone in my prayers and thoughts while sitting those long hours in the hospital. At least he's in an isolation room now, which has a lot more space (even his own fridge), a beautiful view and a really comfy chair for me (much easier on the old tailbone!)
My 6-year-old granddaughter went out on Sunday(with my hubby) and hand-picked a beautiful tea cup for me to use at the hospital, so I wouldn't have to use styrofoam cups all the time. So I make sure I steep myself a good hot cup of Earl Grey every morning at the hospital, and think of all my boomer sisters while sipping my tea.
Now if my granddaughter only knew how to play cards...
_________________________
When you don't like a thing, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
(Maya Angelou)
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#104734 - 02/28/07 02:46 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: Eagle Heart]
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Member
Registered: 09/26/04
Posts: 3910
Loc: Alabama
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Eagle, I was trying to PM you this morning and I got the message, "can't search again at this time". I was wondering how Gary was doing as we hadn't heard in awhile.We are keeping you in prayer. Hopefully the next 10 days will go by quickly for both of you, without complications. If I was closer, I'd be glad to beat you at cards. chick
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chick ~ Here is the test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished: if you're alive, it isn't ~ ~ Prayer is the most we can do for another human being ~
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#104738 - 03/03/07 01:51 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
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Member
Registered: 09/03/04
Posts: 2538
Loc: North Carolina
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#104739 - 03/03/07 04:57 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: TVC15]
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Member
Registered: 01/16/07
Posts: 3404
Loc: USA
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Me three, me three! (((HUGS)))
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#104740 - 03/03/07 09:50 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: gims]
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Member
Registered: 09/26/04
Posts: 3910
Loc: Alabama
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Me four!...and counting.
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chick ~ Here is the test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished: if you're alive, it isn't ~ ~ Prayer is the most we can do for another human being ~
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#104741 - 03/03/07 10:00 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: chickadee]
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Member
Registered: 03/06/06
Posts: 2529
Loc: Southern California
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#104744 - 03/04/07 01:20 AM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: Edelweiss]
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Member
Registered: 03/22/05
Posts: 4876
Loc: Canada
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You guys are too funny. Thank you for this bright spot in my day!
Today Gary was about as low as a human body can go. White blood count was lower than 0.1 (normal is 80-100). His mouth, throat and esophagus are in agonizing pain, he can't talk or swallow without great pain. About the only part of his body that doesn't hurt is his pinkie finger.
But there's still that sweet glimmer of his delightful sense of humour. When I asked him if he wanted me to stay overnight to torture him - and then asked him if there was any part of his body that DIDN'T hurt - he poked his little finger out from underneath the blankets and waved it at me. So I gave it a gentle kiss and he howled in fake agony. Even in the depths of such pain he's able to manage such humour.
He was very low when I got there this morning. Very demoralized. We talked off and on (between naps); I mentioned to him that one thing I was in awe of was that his true colours were shining bright. He's a REALLY NICE guy (everyone adores him). But it's easy to be a nice guy when everything's going well. But to be a nice guy in the midst of such agony and brutal reality is another thing. The nurses and doctors and other patients really care about Gary, and all say the same thing. I keep giving him permission to NOT be so nice, but it's no good - it's his truth. And it does indeed shine bright even on the lowest of low days.
This "low" will continue for several more days, then his blood counts should start to go up by this time next week. I look forward to making THAT update!
I'm okay. My Hubby's been amazing through all of this. And so has my God...speaking of Him, Dotsie, those Girzone books are such a huge help, especially "Never Alone". Wow, it's opening some amazing channels of communication and intimacy I've never experienced before - and much peace/serenity as well. Thank you!
_________________________
When you don't like a thing, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
(Maya Angelou)
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#104751 - 03/05/07 02:11 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: Louisa]
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Member
Registered: 03/22/05
Posts: 4876
Loc: Canada
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Thanks all. Yesterday was such a low day for me. The weekend doctor wasn't very hopeful for Gary, and it pulled the rug out from under my feet. It took me HOURS to stop crying, and you won't believe who ended up helping me put that rug back under my feet. It was the woman in the room beside Gary's. Her name is also Sharon, and she's an amazing woman, on the healing side of her own brutal battle with cancer. She's making awesome advances in her recuperation.
Anyway, she caught me out in the hallway trying to compose myself, took my arm (pushing her pole full of dripping blood and other assorted IV's in her other hand) and took me for a long walk around and around the floor. We found a quiet niche with some comfy chairs in a secluded part of the hallway and talked for about an hour. She was so strong and assured me that there's more to the human spirit than the doctors can ever imagine. It ain't over, she said. Gary's got a lot of fight and commitment left in him. So she told me that I had to take that rug and put it back under my own feet and walk with faith that Gary WILL pull through, because it's the only way we can tolerate the daily trudge through this hell - the belief that there IS a light at the end of the tunnel and we're getting there one step, one setback, one blood transfusion, one day at a time.
Put that together with my overwhelming sense of being lifted up here at BWS, and I was able to find my solid ground again.
Dotsie, I finished Never Alone yesterday, and only have a few pages of Joshua left. Will re-start Never Alone later today, it was such a perfect companion over these past weeks.
As far as taking care of myself, there just isn't much time or opportunity right now. Gary's totally incapacitated right now, can't even reach for a spoon or glass of water off his tray. So I'm there 8-10 hours every day now, though I do get up and walk around, chat with other patients' caregivers, do some Tai Chi exercises, pray A LOT (and not just for Gary, for others that God brings to my mind as well; and I often just spend time with Him not even saying anything at all, just resting my spirit in His Presence), chat with the nurses, etc. Hubby takes amazingly good care of me, making sure I eat, and snuggling me well when I get home and finally nestle into him in bed at night. So it's a rough course, but lots of little lights and love along the way. This too shall pass. Short term pain for long term gain. And God knows the way through, so I'm in good hands and great company. And with all of the prayers lifting me/us up, I do feel well-wrapped in love. And that makes all the difference.
_________________________
When you don't like a thing, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
(Maya Angelou)
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#104752 - 03/05/07 02:31 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: Eagle Heart]
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Queen of Shoes
Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
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We miss and love you and I will be adding my prayers as well.
_________________________
If it doesn't feel good, don't do it twice. www.eadv.netBoomer Queen of Shoes
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#104754 - 03/06/07 12:43 AM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: Anno]
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Member
Registered: 03/22/05
Posts: 4876
Loc: Canada
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Chick, You'll enjoy this one. You have to understand that my brother is fairly heavily drugged - morphine, narcotics, etc, to help alleviate the pain so he can rest. So he sleeps most of the time and when he's not asleep, he's very "discombobulated" (his word for it) and can't think straight.
Today the nurse came in to hang yet another bottle of medicine on his pump...she told him it was Albumen (a blood protein). Gary's eyes opened up wide and he said, "My God, am I kissing the cod now?"
My immediate reaction was fear, that it was a euphemism for "am I dying?" So he looked at me, and shrugged his shoulders and said, "Well, albumen IS a fish, isn't it?"
Then I realized he was talking about the Newfie "screeching" tradition - you kiss a cod and then get "screeched" (it's a Newfie drink, supposedly reserved only for those who have actually kissed a codfish).
Well, I howled with delight. So did the nurse. I'm telling you, though he's never even been to Newfoundland, his Newfie blood (humour) is "screeching" out in the most delightful way these days!!!
_________________________
When you don't like a thing, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
(Maya Angelou)
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#104756 - 03/06/07 08:59 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: Eagle Heart]
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Member
Registered: 01/16/07
Posts: 3404
Loc: USA
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Both the lady with the IV poles inspirational conversation with you and the funny moment about Gary, "kissing the cod", have both got to go into your next book, Eagle.
I wish I had your address.
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#104757 - 03/07/07 12:15 AM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: gims]
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Member
Registered: 03/22/05
Posts: 4876
Loc: Canada
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Dotsie, I'm actually not sure I actually have a "devotional" book. I have several of those "thought per day" books, but they're just not providing much inspiration these days.
This morning I started rereading "Hind's Feet on High Places". It's a very old book that I read when I was a teenager. It's not quite as rich as Never Alone was for where I'm at right now, but I'm enjoying anyway. What would you suggest in the way of devotional books, Dotsie?
Mona, I can't even imagine writing another book right now - with 30+ boxes of "Eagle" still sitting in my basement and my children's book manuscript sitting on the publisher's desk (going on 8 months now) waiting for the illustrator to do something (can't go ahead without her), I'm so not interested in getting all caught up in that whole nightmare again. (Though I still love to write, I detest the whole administrative end of it).
Anyway, we'll see what comes out of this whole cancer thing. Once this is all over, I'll have to decide what to do with my time. Having been so busy all these months, I won't be able to go back to doing "nothing" again. So something new is bound to evolve out of all of this in terms of my future endeavors.
_________________________
When you don't like a thing, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
(Maya Angelou)
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#104758 - 03/07/07 12:56 AM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: Eagle Heart]
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Registered: 11/24/06
Posts: 2930
Loc: Belfast/Northern Ireland
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eagle love i not much more to add that the other woman havn't added but i just want to tell you we haven't forgotton you and miss you popping up in the threads...hold you in praye as always
celtic
_________________________
"Our attitude either gets in the way or creates a way," Sam Glenn
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#104759 - 03/07/07 04:29 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: celtic_flame]
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Member
Registered: 09/26/04
Posts: 3910
Loc: Alabama
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Eagle, loved your post on Kissing the Cod. Gary has quite a sense of humor. Tell him we'll screech him in via internet one of these days when he's feeling better. Finding a Cod might be pretty hard these days, but the Screech is still around. chick
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chick ~ Here is the test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished: if you're alive, it isn't ~ ~ Prayer is the most we can do for another human being ~
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#104760 - 03/08/07 12:48 AM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: chickadee]
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Member
Registered: 03/22/05
Posts: 4876
Loc: Canada
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Chick, what really gets me is his Newfie accent - he's never even been to Newfoundland! But every so often, it's very distinct and unmistakable...and hilarious. Sometimes he sounds just like my Mom's brother, who Gary only met once about 10 years ago. This uncle was born and raised in St John's/Brigus Newfoundland, spent summers sailing with his uncle, Capt Bob Bartlett, and was a passionate Newfoundlander to the core of his being his entire life. So to hear Gary speak just like him - accent, wit and all -is baffling and delightful.
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When you don't like a thing, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
(Maya Angelou)
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#104761 - 03/09/07 02:11 AM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: Eagle Heart]
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Registered: 11/24/06
Posts: 2930
Loc: Belfast/Northern Ireland
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its great that theirs humer in the little things...iv no idea about kissing the cod and screaching....over and above what i read in the post. I can imagine how your shock turned to hummer when you cought on to what he ment. I can appriate its funnie and must be a relife to see your brother in good spirits and make the day go quiker at the same time. Sometime hummier and joy so much underated in healing and i am all for it, saved my life and brightend many a day....long may you both laugh lol
celtic
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"Our attitude either gets in the way or creates a way," Sam Glenn
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#104762 - 03/09/07 02:57 AM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: celtic_flame]
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Member
Registered: 03/22/05
Posts: 4876
Loc: Canada
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If anyone's sleepless and needs something to do tonight, could you spend a few minutes sending positive energy and prayers for Gary...he's in a great deal of pain and distress tonight. I really wanted to go and spend the night but am already utterly depleted right now, and can barely function. Hubby and I decided (after tearful prayer) that I'd be better to stay home and have a few hours of sleep, then go in very early tomorrow morning. I know he's in God's TLC, but I know that our positive energy and caring prayers will help too. So if you have time, could we make one of those extra-powerful prayer/care circles that ripples positive healing energy to Gary throughout the night tonight? Even if we do so from our beds (as I must do)...
Thank you my sisters...
_________________________
When you don't like a thing, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
(Maya Angelou)
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#104763 - 03/09/07 03:04 AM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: Eagle Heart]
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Member
Registered: 09/26/04
Posts: 3910
Loc: Alabama
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Eagle, I will continue prayer until sleep comes to me. You get some rest and be fresh for the morning. Joining you in the circle, my friend.
chick
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chick ~ Here is the test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished: if you're alive, it isn't ~ ~ Prayer is the most we can do for another human being ~
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#104765 - 03/09/07 10:19 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
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Member
Registered: 03/22/05
Posts: 4876
Loc: Canada
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Quick update: Gary was put in ICU early this afternoon because of increasing difficulty with his breathing. Last night was very rough for him, but this morning he seemed in good spirits - his white blood count is rising, which is excellent proof that the stem cell transplant "took" and is working. But the breathing has been steadily becoming very laboured, so finally they took him to ICU and put him on a ventilator.
Very scary. I'll be back here later this evening.
_________________________
When you don't like a thing, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
(Maya Angelou)
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#104767 - 03/09/07 11:15 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: yonuh]
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Member
Registered: 09/26/04
Posts: 3910
Loc: Alabama
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Still here and using this day for Prayer for you both.
chick
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chick ~ Here is the test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished: if you're alive, it isn't ~ ~ Prayer is the most we can do for another human being ~
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#104768 - 03/10/07 11:57 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: chickadee]
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Member
Registered: 03/22/05
Posts: 4876
Loc: Canada
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A "Gratitude Moment" happened today, big-time. I was sitting with my brother in ICU today, talking with him, praying for him. I started out hopeful, positive and strong, but the grief overwhelmed me and I started crying. Just then, the nurse called out to me that somebody had left a book at the front desk for Gary last night. I got up and started toward the door. He held it up for me to see, and then I REALLY started crying - but this time they were tears of GRATITUDE. The book was "The Secret", a book I have REALLY been wanting to get and read, but never had the time to get out to buy it or order it online. The nurse was clearly baffled, so I told him that these were tears of gratitude. I asked him "Do you believe in God?" He said, "I sure do", and I said, "Well, this book might have Gary's name on the cover, but it's definitely a gift to me from God this morning!" For me, the appearance of that book at that precise moment was an awesome unmistakeable declaration of His TLC and Presence in that room and in this situation with Gary.
I started reading it by myself, but ended up reading the entire 1st chapter out loud to Gary too. Awesome stuff, and it fits in with everything my own spiritual path has been teaching me over the past few years. Power. The awesome power of our positive thoughts.
So, as desperate as this situation seems right now, I'm choosing to think and focus on - and ONLY on - a positive outcome. I told Gary that from that moment on we will be envisioning him walking out of that hospital in time for the long weekend in May (if not sooner).
I cannot focus on any other outcome, and am now refusing to cross any other bridges until I absolutely have to. I'm not being unrealistic, just choosing to focus on what I want, and what I want is for Gary to live a long, healthy, abundant life. And I have NO doubt whatsoever that God wants him to live too (remember that verse in the Gospel: "of COURSE I want to heal him")
I don't know if this "secret" stuff works on behalf of another person, if my thoughts can empower another person's outcome, but I'm going to focus on that anyway, and pray that my voice and vision will be proxy for Gary's voice and vision right now...Gary walking out of that hospital in May and walking into his new full, healthy abundant life.
Has anyone else read/seen "The Secret"? Any changes in your life since then?
Edited by Eagle Heart (03/10/07 11:58 PM)
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When you don't like a thing, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
(Maya Angelou)
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#104769 - 03/11/07 02:00 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: Eagle Heart]
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Queen of Shoes
Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
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I have the DVD. If anyone can practice The Secret, it's you, my dear friend. I will be praying for both of you and will also visualize Gary walking out of the hospital.
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If it doesn't feel good, don't do it twice. www.eadv.netBoomer Queen of Shoes
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#104772 - 03/12/07 11:19 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: Anno]
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Member
Registered: 03/22/05
Posts: 4876
Loc: Canada
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I am SO excited...since starting this book, things are HAPPENING! Today, while he looks the same on the outside, in fact things are happening on the inside. His pneumonia is under control, his white blood count is rising, the doctors FINALLY identified the mystery infection and are administering anti-biotics to target that specific infection. He was breathing on his own most of the morning, he's opening his eyes more. They tend to sedate him more in the late afternoon/evening and put him back on the ventilator in order to not exhaust him, but he's doing very well. The doctors were excited - their words "he's not out of the woods yet, BUT..." This is one of the rare times that I love that word "but"!
So many people are shining into my life with vision and faith - it's amazing, and exciting and awesome. We're calling Gary our "miracle man" now, and have just finished putting together our vision board for his ICU cubicle tomorrow, full of pictures of him with the words "This is Gary, this is what we want, we want GARY".
Last night I had a very vivid dream of Jesus standing by Gary's bedside, whispering in his ear "Gary, I want you to live." His voice was so powerful and absolute that I woke up laughing with joy and was so excited I couldn't get back to sleep for an hour, I just had to keep saying "thank you, thank you" and visualizing the love pouring into Gary's being, flooding him with healing power and new life.
I can feel the power, and the hope and the celebration already going on in the depths of my being.
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When you don't like a thing, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
(Maya Angelou)
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#104773 - 03/12/07 11:23 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: Eagle Heart]
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member
Registered: 07/06/06
Posts: 1521
Loc: Alabama
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Eagle, What an awesome dream! I know it's no coincidence that all of these wonderful things are happening for you. Keep the celebration going!
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Jane Carroll
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#104774 - 03/20/07 09:49 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: Jane_Carroll]
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Registered: 11/24/06
Posts: 2930
Loc: Belfast/Northern Ireland
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yea let that life you very high at the minuet eagle... i think at a level holding someone else in a positive energie feild for want of a better word definatlie dose work. You can sence atmopheres entering a room, well their just thoughts and the energie that being given off...
you do it to garie in a lovingly positive way holds and bathes him in that energie...if he's also doing it then its an inside and outside job, a two fold effect...The mind and thoughts are amazine powerfull living things. Use them to your advantige.
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"Our attitude either gets in the way or creates a way," Sam Glenn
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#104775 - 03/20/07 11:59 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: celtic_flame]
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Member
Registered: 03/22/05
Posts: 4876
Loc: Canada
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Thank you Celtic. I'm holding fast to the belief that healing is happening.
Gary is still in ICU, on life support, and had a seizure of some kind last night. As bad as that sounds, the CT scan showed no bleeding, the EEG shows no other seizure activity, and the doctors think it was caused by high sodium levels (which is treatable).
And yet, as terrifying as this ought to be, the belief that something is happening is unshakeable. The hospital chaplain came into Gary's room today, touched his arm and then told me "something's happening here". He felt it. The email address list for my daily updates has grown to over 30 people in just a few days (they call themselves Gary's Miracle Team) and are all full of positive vision for Gary.
I choose to believe that healing is happening. I choose to look up and see a different set of images on the screen, believing in wholeness and perfect health for Gary. I believe that God is doing an incredible healing miracle in Gary. We are loving him into that miracle.
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When you don't like a thing, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
(Maya Angelou)
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#104780 - 03/21/07 11:28 AM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: Jane_Carroll]
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Member
Registered: 12/30/05
Posts: 3027
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Prayers assured from my wee Scottish Kirk. Been following your Brother's journey Mountain ash
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#104781 - 03/21/07 11:55 AM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: Mountain Ash]
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Registered: 11/24/06
Posts: 2930
Loc: Belfast/Northern Ireland
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I choose to believe that healing is happening. I choose to look up and see a different set of images on the screen, believing in wholeness and perfect health for Gary. I believe that God is doing an incredible healing miracle in Gary. We are loving him into that miracle. EAGLES QUOTE..
i have every faith in that posibilitie and i am happie to be part of garies mirical team...
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"Our attitude either gets in the way or creates a way," Sam Glenn
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#104783 - 03/21/07 11:41 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: ]
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Registered: 11/24/06
Posts: 2930
Loc: Belfast/Northern Ireland
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just poped by to see if their was an update....we still with you two..
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"Our attitude either gets in the way or creates a way," Sam Glenn
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#104784 - 03/21/07 11:49 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: celtic_flame]
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Member
Registered: 03/22/05
Posts: 4876
Loc: Canada
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Not much to update today, except that while he's still unresponsive (except deliberate and focused eye contact whenever I'm speaking with him, which is a really good sign of presence there), his vital signs are excellent, better than they've been for many weeks. His heart rate and blood pressure are perfect, and he was breathing almost entirely on his own today! He's still on the ventilator, but he was breathing so well on his own that the machine was on barest minimal support.
My other brother is here for a few days, and we were speculating that the seizure was almost like a "reboot" in that it completely reset all of Gary's vitals back to where they should be. A rather exciting thought...
Thank you so much for continuing to care. I know this journey has been so long, and I've been keeping this thread alive for a very long time. I really believe that the positive energy and care here is adding to all of the positive vibrations coming from everywhere else and it's all adding up to a marvellous, magnificent glow of healing power and light. You're certainly pillars of strength and hope for me to lean against, and for that I thank you.
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When you don't like a thing, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
(Maya Angelou)
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#104785 - 03/22/07 12:02 AM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: Eagle Heart]
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Member
Registered: 01/16/07
Posts: 3404
Loc: USA
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Borrowing celtic's term, here is a list of BWS members on Gary's MIRACLE TEAM (ones who have posted in this thread - I'm sure there are more who haven't posted):
Dianne klmr13 Hannelore Anno Kathy Jane Carroll meredithbead TVC15 Dotsie Dreamer jawjaw chatty Lola smilinize Mountain Ash Princess Lenora chickadee Saundra (with U) Louisa celtic_flame Optimumsteps diamond50 yonuh Anne327 yourself me
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#104786 - 03/22/07 02:28 AM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: gims]
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member
Registered: 07/06/06
Posts: 1521
Loc: Alabama
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Eagle, I check this post often...don't reply frequently...don't know what to say...you and Gary and your family are in my heart.
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Jane Carroll
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#104790 - 03/22/07 01:06 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: TVC15]
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Registered: 11/24/06
Posts: 2930
Loc: Belfast/Northern Ireland
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thats two fottball or ermm soccer teams garies gott on his side and a few on the bench by gimsters reackining , cool
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"Our attitude either gets in the way or creates a way," Sam Glenn
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#104791 - 03/22/07 11:30 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: celtic_flame]
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Member
Registered: 03/22/05
Posts: 4876
Loc: Canada
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WOW! An amazing day. Let me start by saying that this started out as one of my lowest days in the entire journey. For the first time, I actually felt like it might be time to give up. But I remembered the red shirt that Gary often wore to his chemo sessions: Courage is being afraid, but going anyway. So I gathered up my drooping spirit, my sagging courage and kept repeating all that positive talk to myself and went to the hospital.
Well, in the ICU, we measure progress in baby steps - or in Gary's case, in the blink of an eye. There has been little or no response since Monday night. But today, there was plenty of life in behind those eyes. When the EEG technician asked Gary to close his eyes for 10 seconds, he did it - it was obviously hard work for him, but he did it. (He hasn't been able to close his eyes since Monday night) Then a little while later she asked him to do it again for 5 seconds. It took awhile for him to respond, but he did. The third time she asked him, the response was immediate and deliberate. Not only was he responding on command, he was actively letting us know that he was IN THERE, awake, alert and working hard to find his way out. I cried tears of joy. I danced around the room (I was only allowed to stay in if I could stay unobtrusive, but even the tech laughed and celebrated with me). From then on (that was around noon), Gary's eyes rarely left our faces. We talked, he was obviously listening. We didn't ask him to do much, because it was a very busy day for him and we felt we needed to let him rest in between all these visits and procedures. But he was clearly there. And clearly working on finding his way out of there. So Hallelujah! The doctors cautioned us that this will be a VERY long road back, with still more roller coastering to go, but we continue to rejoice in these small, but significant-to-us steps forward. His birthday is tomorrow. So if you think about it, raise a toast (orange juice, coffee or tea or whatever) and an hallelujah to an amazing miracle that your prayers and care are helping to bring about!
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When you don't like a thing, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
(Maya Angelou)
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#104792 - 03/22/07 11:34 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: Eagle Heart]
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Member
Registered: 03/22/05
Posts: 4876
Loc: Canada
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Dotsie, More than ever before, I felt the power of people praying for me today. I knew it. I could feel peace and power flowing into my despair, melting it into joy - and I KNEW it was because people were "out there" praying for me today.
Thank you.
_________________________
When you don't like a thing, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
(Maya Angelou)
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#104793 - 03/22/07 11:36 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: Eagle Heart]
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Registered: 11/24/06
Posts: 2930
Loc: Belfast/Northern Ireland
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exilent eagle i exited just reading your post.....toasting it will be, birthdays, celibrasion of life, the whole lot.
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"Our attitude either gets in the way or creates a way," Sam Glenn
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#104796 - 03/23/07 12:35 AM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: jawjaw]
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member
Registered: 07/06/06
Posts: 1521
Loc: Alabama
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Happy Birthday Gary! Many Happy Returns!!
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Jane Carroll
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#104797 - 03/23/07 12:58 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: Jane_Carroll]
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Registered: 11/24/06
Posts: 2930
Loc: Belfast/Northern Ireland
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yep today the day....
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"Our attitude either gets in the way or creates a way," Sam Glenn
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#104798 - 03/23/07 04:45 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: Anno]
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Member
Registered: 09/26/04
Posts: 3910
Loc: Alabama
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A toast to Gary on his Birthday. As they say in Newfoundland - "GARY, LONG MAY YOUR BIG JIB DRAW."
_________________________
chick ~ Here is the test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished: if you're alive, it isn't ~ ~ Prayer is the most we can do for another human being ~
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#104799 - 03/24/07 04:27 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: chickadee]
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Member
Registered: 01/16/07
Posts: 3404
Loc: USA
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I'm toasting today, too, the first day of Gary's next year.
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#104803 - 03/25/07 11:01 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: Princess Lenora]
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Registered: 11/24/06
Posts: 2930
Loc: Belfast/Northern Ireland
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its good to see you more active on the boards again lynn.....you got great points to make and i love reading what you got to say...
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"Our attitude either gets in the way or creates a way," Sam Glenn
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#104806 - 03/28/07 12:58 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: TVC15]
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Member
Registered: 03/22/05
Posts: 4876
Loc: Canada
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Very quick update as I'm on my way out the door. Gary has been having continuous seizures, and has been unresponsive for days now. He was able to focus his eyes on us throughout the birthday weekend, but appears to have sunk deeper.
I've been asked to come in today to speak with his two main doctors. Very scary. Having hung around the ICU all these weeks, I know by now that the word "consultation" brings fear and dread into one's heart. I so believe that a miracle is still possible, but by all outward appearances, we're running out of time - and body - to work with! But I fervently believe that nothing is impossible for God, so have a difficult time giving up all hope. I just can't bring myself to believe it could really be over.
Still...I do fear that it may be another brutal scary excruciating day ahead...but I know without a doubt that I don't go there alone. Oh do you know how much it means to me that you all go in there with me today? I can feel your prayers and care, and so I know that the power and strength that I need today WILL come and carry me through.
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When you don't like a thing, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
(Maya Angelou)
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#104807 - 03/28/07 01:11 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: Eagle Heart]
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member
Registered: 07/06/06
Posts: 1521
Loc: Alabama
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Eagle...I'm with you...
_________________________
Jane Carroll
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#104808 - 03/28/07 01:14 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: Jane_Carroll]
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Da Queen
Registered: 07/02/03
Posts: 12025
Loc: Alabama
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#104809 - 03/28/07 01:34 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: jawjaw]
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Member
Registered: 01/16/07
Posts: 3404
Loc: USA
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I'm standing in, too. Remember, "faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things yet seen."
Just a suggestion: Gently whisper to Gary, "Gary, Jesus is with you. You see and feel Him. He's here with you because He loves you. This moment, he is laying His loving and healing hands upon you." Repeat it several times, slowly and with certainty.
Sending prayers...
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#104812 - 03/28/07 10:55 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
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Member
Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 3703
Loc: London UK
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I have a storm jar, Eagle. One that does not contain candles, matches, batteries or other items of the sort. This particular storm jar has courage, faith, and prayers for you.
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<><
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#104814 - 03/29/07 02:10 AM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: Lola]
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Member
Registered: 03/22/05
Posts: 4876
Loc: Canada
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I wrote an update earlier, but must have forgotten to submit it.
Lola, I love that storm jar. That must have been helping to keep me above the waters today.
The prognosis for Gary is not good. He's not expected to survive the weekend. My heart is heavy, yet there is a strange peace in the depths of my being. And why does that hope still nag at me...Gary's body is damaged beyond repair, and can't hang on much longer...yet I continue to hope for a last-minute miracle. I believe that nothing is impossible for God. But I think that perhaps it's time to cross that bridge and let Gary go Home. I'm sure my Dad is waiting at the Edge with golf clubs in hand, eager to show Gary the greenest greens he's ever laid eyes on.
I just can't speak too much tonight. Will keep you posted.
_________________________
When you don't like a thing, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
(Maya Angelou)
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#104815 - 03/29/07 02:03 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: Eagle Heart]
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Queen of Shoes
Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
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Eagle, I will be with you in spirit also. Know how much we love and appreciate you. Bless you and Gary.
_________________________
If it doesn't feel good, don't do it twice. www.eadv.netBoomer Queen of Shoes
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#104818 - 03/29/07 06:46 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: Eagle Heart]
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member
Registered: 07/06/06
Posts: 1521
Loc: Alabama
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Eagle, I know this is difficult for you...but I love the image of Gary and your Dad playing golf...that must give you comfort...we're here for you...
_________________________
Jane Carroll
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#104825 - 03/30/07 05:44 AM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: Anno]
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Member
Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 3703
Loc: London UK
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My sincere condolences, Eagle. God's intentions are always different from ours and it is in His company we commend Gary's spirit. I would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your brother with us. Your journey together was a journey shared and one drew lessons from the exemplary love, concern, strength, faith and support. Our prayer vigil continues for you. God bless. The storm jar is full.
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<><
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#104826 - 03/30/07 11:42 AM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: Lola]
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Member
Registered: 01/16/07
Posts: 3404
Loc: USA
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While we are sad on earth, may we also celebrate his going home. Can you imagine how pain free, worry free, anxiety free, doubt free, financially free, every other earthly burden free he is now? We really need not be sad, but happy for him. Sure, it's hard to let ones we love go, but as everyone knows, that's the selfish part in us. Eagle I want to echo the words others have said in prior posts (which I have read throughout my membership with BWS), you have so touched our lives with your love, care, concern, faith and steadfastness. God be with you, dear boomer sister. Love and hugs, Mona
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#104827 - 03/30/07 01:05 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: gims]
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Registered: 11/24/06
Posts: 2930
Loc: Belfast/Northern Ireland
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eagle just popping in to whish you well i learnded off the news in the prayer forum god bless you and find you a soft pillow of comphort for thes comming days..., love
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"Our attitude either gets in the way or creates a way," Sam Glenn
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#104828 - 03/30/07 01:31 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: celtic_flame]
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Queen of Shoes
Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
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Oh honey, I'm so terribly sorry. I pray for comfort for you at this time.
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If it doesn't feel good, don't do it twice. www.eadv.netBoomer Queen of Shoes
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#104832 - 04/01/07 06:07 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: meredithbead]
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Member
Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 1796
Loc: Daytona Beach, Florida
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Eagle, I send my sincere condolences for your loss. You could not have been a better or more loving sister. Ms. M's right, you were the miracle. Gary's strength will be missed by all.
_________________________
What I know for sure is that it's all connected. Saundra Goodman Got Teeth? A Survivor's Guide www.gotteethguide.com for your Free Tips
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#104836 - 04/02/07 03:07 AM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: Princess Lenora]
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Member
Registered: 01/10/06
Posts: 992
Loc: Honolulu, Hawaii
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Eagle, my heart goes out to you and your family. Big (((((((((Hugs)))))))))
Cindy
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#104837 - 04/02/07 12:44 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: diamond50]
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Member
Registered: 03/22/05
Posts: 4876
Loc: Canada
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Just popping in here in between funeral arrangements and family gatherings. "Sad and devastated", bereft, a huge, raw, aching hole to deal with...but also peace and serenity in there too, because I seem to be hearing him tell me so often over the past few days "but I really LIKE it where I am now!" I'm sharing a couple of links here with you, where people have been leaving tributes and messages which are very heartwarming and consoling to the family. It's things like this, you women on this site - and that wonderful unexpected heart-lifting phone call from Dotsie and Georgia that sent my heart cartwheeling across my sadness - that make this bearable. I so look forward to coming back here "to stay" next week. One person who's been fluttering through my mind throughout the past few days is Lionspaw (and Robert) - I think she'll understand the connection... The links: Gary's obituary (and online guestbook) http://www.legacy.com/can-ottawa/Obituaries.asp?Page=Lifestory&PersonId=87000977The Caringbridge Site that our friend, Louise (who I've not yet met but who has been an amazing source of inspiration and strength for me over the past few difficult weeks) set up for Gary: http://www.caringbridge.org/cb/viewGuestbook.do?method=executeInit
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When you don't like a thing, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
(Maya Angelou)
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#104840 - 04/02/07 03:52 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
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Member
Registered: 09/20/05
Posts: 2560
Loc: Pagosa Springs, Colorado
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Sharon, I know this is a very sad time for you, but I could not help but smile when I read what you wrote about Gary saying "but I really LIKE where I am now!". I can just see you laughing through the tears, when "hearing" that...I know I would be. (((HUGS)))
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#104842 - 04/02/07 04:30 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: jawjaw]
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Member
Registered: 09/20/05
Posts: 2560
Loc: Pagosa Springs, Colorado
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I tried the caring bridge link and was told that my browser didn't allow cookies (which I thought it did) so you may want to check your cookie situation (not Oreo).
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#104844 - 04/02/07 08:34 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: TVC15]
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Member
Registered: 03/22/05
Posts: 4876
Loc: Canada
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Caringbridge is a tricky site to get into. Try this: http://www.caringbridge.org/cb/visitAPage.do and write garymatthies into the box provided. That should work. Yes, Dotsie, I wrote the obituary...Gary had a delightful sense of humour and it seemed only fitting to inject a gentle reflection of that into his obit. Tomorrow should be an interesting mixture of tears and laughter, tears for missing him, but lots of laughter because some of the Gary-stories that we're going to hear are just downright hilarious. Thank you for your continuing thoughts. I'm looking forward to Wednesday. I hope to be able to come and just be here (not in this thread, though) with my sisters and veg out for awhile.
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When you don't like a thing, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
(Maya Angelou)
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#104845 - 04/03/07 08:16 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: Eagle Heart]
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Member
Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 3703
Loc: London UK
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To share with you, Eagle. For Gary and our Gabriel.
The Broken Chain
We little knew that morning that God was going to call your name In life we loved you dearly. In death we do the same. It broke our hearts to lose you, you did not go alone; for part of us went with you the day God called you home. You left us peaceful memories, your love is still our guide, and though we cannot see you, you are always by our side. Our family chain is broken, and nothing seems the same, but as God calls us one by one, the chain will link again.
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<><
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#104848 - 04/04/07 02:07 PM
Re: Update on my Brother
[Re: chatty lady]
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Member
Registered: 03/22/05
Posts: 4876
Loc: Canada
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There are not enough words to adequately express my profound gratitude for all of you, for your heart-lifting expressions of care and support, for your patience in allowing me to keep this thread open throughout Gary's journey, for your prayers and love. You will never know just how much strength, courage, hope and light you radiated into my life through your faithful companionship-along-the-way. I will never forget your kindness or generosity of spirit and heart.
I think, if it's okay with everyone else, that perhaps we can close this thread now...I'd like to start hanging out in some of the other boards now; I'll be raw and achy for awhile, but I'd like to start paying forward some of this kind presence you have all so faithfully been for me all these months.
Dotsie, what do you think? Can we close this thread?
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When you don't like a thing, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
(Maya Angelou)
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