i not quite sure how to fraze this, bear with me eh!

you chosen your boyfrends out of attraction or their nature or something posotive.

They then become husbands (sometimes) why did you chose them as husbands was it the same reasons that you chose them for boyfrends, or is the husband material diffrent from just boyfrend .....

Did their potencial abilities to be fathers or certine types of fathers come into chosing them as husbands?

celtic_flame

opps forgot the "would you marrie the same man again" still going strong but i was just thinking the above question might be a bit silly but i was chatting to a ladie who said she chose her husband couse as a boyfrend she thought he be a really good provider for her future kids.....

Dose the or is the provider bit really important in off itself .... or dose his qualities and how he might be about kids come into the picture....(hannilore made a great point about this)

i might be really just a wee nosey person but i love to know some of the reasons that you chose your boyfrends to be husbands....Over and above loveing them

celtic_flame

By the time he and I met, neither hubby or I were able to have children (he had two grown children from a previous marriage), so "fatherhood" never entered the picture for us. I was 36 when we met, I'd been living on my own for 18 years, dated a few guys along the way, but what made hubby different was that I simply couldn't live without him. I tried, believe me I tried. But it was clear that he was (to sound terribly cliche) my other half, soulmate, the best thing that ever happened and the answer to every prayer I'd ever prayed for a life-partner.

There have been days when I've kicked myself in the butt - you know, the old "watch what you pray for, you might actually get it" thing. But most of the time I'm sure I made the right choice, and that he's my one-and-only - still my other half, but I'm definitely the BETTER HALF (LOL).

Early in our dating, I was really impressed by my future husband's character - how he treated other people besides myself. I saw that he was very responsible and caring for his widowed mother. I saw that he was compassionate. I saw that he didn't argue often or easily, and that he was often a mediator between other people. Those things impressed me a lot, even beyond how he was funny and cute and sexy. So his character and values as a whole were evident and important to me within the first few weeks and months of our relationship. And I was only 18 at the time! But I knew already what mattered.

PS I didn't know at the time if he would be a good provider, but I knew he was the type of person to work hard and be financially responsible. He already was, even while he was still in college (he was 21 when we met).

Interesting question Celtic_Flame. Made me sit back and pounder hmmmm.

Actually my husband chose me. He did the whole wooing gambit; red roses and candle light dinners.

I do think that most woman have an imaginary list that they check off, whether the man is marriage material or not. Being a good provider was at the top of the list for me. I looked for normality, didn't want any ticks, hang ups, alcohol or drug problems. I never liked the silent type, and I love it when men can joke and laugh easily.
We were once at a beach together and sat next to a couple with two small children. They were all laughing and hugging. I remember how I watched him watch them. He then turned to me and said, "That's the kind of father I know I'd be."

For the first time I considered marrying him. It meant leaving my family and America. I was very confused about what I should do. Then I got pregnant, so I thought okay God, you decided for me. We'll be celebrating our 32. wedding anniversary this August.

How long have you been married Dejavu?

I love the question Celtic....I also want to say to Hannelore and Dejavu, sounds like you two hit the husband jackpot...I married #1 husband at age 18, he was 21 and I was in lust/love with him. I never thought any further than what a good kisser he was and fabulous dancer. He would of been a good provider, I believe had he had the chance. He was however all thumbs, not a good thing....

Husband #2, I married because he was older, good looking, settled down, adored my son and me and was loaded. He was also all thumbs, but could afford to hire someone else to do what needed to be done...

I changed my expectations from age 18 to not caring about the serious stuff, provider and father...To when age 26 being very serious about wanting as good provider and father...

I don't count #3, the lying, jackass, user good for nothing....

Both my good husbands having died all I want is someone who is sweet, honest, likes to laugh and relax, is handy or wealthy or both. I'd much rather stay alone then struggle with paying bills with someone....

Hannelore, I've been married 31 years, 32 next month.

I think one of the things that really affected me during the time we dated was watching two close friends going through marriage problems already even though they'd only been married a year or two. It did make me think about things like having the same values. I think that's crucial for a relationship to work. And yes, I did hit the jackpot!

What impressed me was while we were in his car, he'd put the car phone on speaker to check his messages. Nothing to hide like so many before him.

I think I met my hubby when I was 13 or younger. He was a friend of my brother's and hung out at our house all the time. We began dating when I was a junior in high school. I took him to my junior and senior prom. He was older so I was dating a college boy. Woohoo! He came home on some weekends to keep the love alive. Rarely I would visit him for the day at college.

Why did I choose to marry him? He was a true gentleman and always has been. I loved that and still do. He has always been thoughtful and attentive. (He's right next to me now nursing me through this colinoscopy prep. We've had a few big laughs.) We were extremely compatible while dating for years so he finally popped the big question and I answered in a split second.

I was always independent and figured I'd provide for myself, so my main qualification for a man was that he'd worship the ground I walked on. I got that, but just didn't realize how bad some of the problems would be.

i am just identifying with the ladies that married more than once and the priorities changing with the diffrering age. i think i have dun that or it's my life situasion changes so that direct's my priorities...hmmmmmm

I also dune something totally out of caricter and pretty awafull yep sad to say i grow up lol AND got realistick baaa haumbug no longer 16 and it show's on second thoughts I am pretty glade it shows i aint 16 (in my mind the rest a diffrent story, but who cares)

I don't know if i been married if i would of stayed with those long term relashionships. I had a lot of life changes and wonder if it be too much to ask those partners to grow with me and in the same direction or at lest so that we have some common ground.

I ponderring that if your married young (ishy) that one of the things that makes it succesfull in later life is that they grow along the same type of lines as life situasions and circumstances require, I don't know.....

what makes it succesfull over and above them being just great for you......

celtic_flame
oh we having internet problems at my house.
i am at po's but we not heer often and i only got half hour so typing like mad.

i miss you all
celtic_flame

I noticed it was quieter around here. Celtic_Flame's computer is on vacation!
Glad you could steal away and use Po's.

I know for sure, if I had married any of my former boyfriends those marriages would have ended in divorce. I know that now, using my old wise head. Geez! I sound like some sort of bent over wizard with scraggly white hair. At the same time I realize that nothing is perfect. Although I think some ladies here have perfect marriages, I can't say that for myself. There have been those times where I wanted to be free, believe me. But whenever I stick out the hard times and things get better, then I'm glad "we" are still around. We have a pretty emotional marriage…maybe like those old Sophia Loren movies where plates fly and then they end up in bed…ha ha…that's us!

I think waht makes it successful through the years is all the honest communication. In time, you truly know what your spouse appreciates and doesn't appreciate so you try to act accordingly while given the same respect in return.

Hannelore, I know a woman who talks about her stormy relationship and how much she loves the apologies. In their case, making up isn't hard to do.

The man I married who became the father of my three children had a way about him that I thought made him a bit vulnerable. Something that was kind of endearing to a Marine. We lasted not quite 10 years, but we created three beautiful children.

The man I'm married to now, I met in my thirties. He was in his twenties. He was definitely different. Different than any man I ever dated. Very assured. Had a definite opinion. Wasn't afraid to speak up, for himself or for anyone else. He rode a sportsbike motorcycle. Even talked me into getting one of my own. He made me a better person. He drew me out and helped me get over a lot of my insecurities and self esteem issues. He has a very strong personality, but not over powering. He didn't crowd me. I fell in love with him before he fell in love with me, (I think) but when he did fall in love, I knew it. He totally committed to our relationship and to me. He's been through a lot with me. Several scary surgeries where cancer was a possibility. My ex husband. My kids. My health. Through it all, he's loved me and cared for me and been there for me. At the end of the month we'll have been married 9 years. I'm looking forward to the rest of my life with him.

I chose my ex over the rest because he was an exemplary man. A good man. A very, very good man who was deeply spiritual. I knew from the onset that he would be a good father by the way he was with people. And, I was right to have thought that because his paternal instincts were second to none. He was a good husband and a good father and no doubt, would have continued to be so were it not for an alternative vocation which he has chosen to live the rest of his life. His bond with our children could be measured by the affection with which he is continually referred to and held in their hearts. Although initially, they could not understand choices and decisions which were made and excluded us, they do not begrudge nor reproach him for that. My ex was a hands-on father and was the balance to my strict parenting skills.

I don't think that I ever considered whether he would be a good provider. We were both working when we got married so it followed that responsibilities would be shared. We never squabbled over finances and respected each others efforts and contribution.

I dread to think what my married life or shared parenthood would have been if I had chosen another man. I have met the other beaus and their wives and I have always come away thinking that I was glad to have chosen the right man despite ending up a divorcee. And I can honestly say that despite the divorce, my married life was a happy and a good one.

That's right Dotsie...making up is fun. And we love each other so that's all that counts.