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#101903 - 01/06/07 11:21 PM husband's become fathers
celtic_flame Offline


Registered: 11/24/06
Posts: 2930
Loc: Belfast/Northern Ireland
i not quite sure how to fraze this, bear with me eh!

you chosen your boyfrends out of attraction or their nature or something posotive.

They then become husbands (sometimes) why did you chose them as husbands was it the same reasons that you chose them for boyfrends, or is the husband material diffrent from just boyfrend .....

Did their potencial abilities to be fathers or certine types of fathers come into chosing them as husbands?

celtic_flame
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"Our attitude either gets in the way or creates a way," Sam Glenn

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#101904 - 01/06/07 11:27 PM Re: husband's become fathers [Re: celtic_flame]
celtic_flame Offline


Registered: 11/24/06
Posts: 2930
Loc: Belfast/Northern Ireland
opps forgot the "would you marrie the same man again" still going strong but i was just thinking the above question might be a bit silly but i was chatting to a ladie who said she chose her husband couse as a boyfrend she thought he be a really good provider for her future kids.....

Dose the or is the provider bit really important in off itself .... or dose his qualities and how he might be about kids come into the picture....(hannilore made a great point about this)

i might be really just a wee nosey person but i love to know some of the reasons that you chose your boyfrends to be husbands....Over and above loveing them

celtic_flame
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"Our attitude either gets in the way or creates a way," Sam Glenn

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#101905 - 01/06/07 11:31 PM Re: husband's become fathers [Re: celtic_flame]
Eagle Heart Offline
Member

Registered: 03/22/05
Posts: 4876
Loc: Canada
By the time he and I met, neither hubby or I were able to have children (he had two grown children from a previous marriage), so "fatherhood" never entered the picture for us. I was 36 when we met, I'd been living on my own for 18 years, dated a few guys along the way, but what made hubby different was that I simply couldn't live without him. I tried, believe me I tried. But it was clear that he was (to sound terribly cliche) my other half, soulmate, the best thing that ever happened and the answer to every prayer I'd ever prayed for a life-partner.

There have been days when I've kicked myself in the butt - you know, the old "watch what you pray for, you might actually get it" thing. But most of the time I'm sure I made the right choice, and that he's my one-and-only - still my other half, but I'm definitely the BETTER HALF (LOL).
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When you don't like a thing, change it.
If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.

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#101906 - 01/06/07 11:58 PM Re: husband's become fathers [Re: Eagle Heart]
dejavu Offline
journeyman

Registered: 08/16/06
Posts: 319
Early in our dating, I was really impressed by my future husband's character - how he treated other people besides myself. I saw that he was very responsible and caring for his widowed mother. I saw that he was compassionate. I saw that he didn't argue often or easily, and that he was often a mediator between other people. Those things impressed me a lot, even beyond how he was funny and cute and sexy. So his character and values as a whole were evident and important to me within the first few weeks and months of our relationship. And I was only 18 at the time! But I knew already what mattered.
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#101907 - 01/07/07 12:00 AM Re: husband's become fathers [Re: dejavu]
dejavu Offline
journeyman

Registered: 08/16/06
Posts: 319
PS I didn't know at the time if he would be a good provider, but I knew he was the type of person to work hard and be financially responsible. He already was, even while he was still in college (he was 21 when we met).
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#101908 - 01/07/07 06:43 PM Re: husband's become fathers [Re: dejavu]
Edelweiss Offline
Member

Registered: 06/05/06
Posts: 4136
Loc: American living in Europe
Interesting question Celtic_Flame. Made me sit back and pounder hmmmm.

Actually my husband chose me. He did the whole wooing gambit; red roses and candle light dinners.

I do think that most woman have an imaginary list that they check off, whether the man is marriage material or not. Being a good provider was at the top of the list for me. I looked for normality, didn't want any ticks, hang ups, alcohol or drug problems. I never liked the silent type, and I love it when men can joke and laugh easily.
We were once at a beach together and sat next to a couple with two small children. They were all laughing and hugging. I remember how I watched him watch them. He then turned to me and said, "That's the kind of father I know I'd be."

For the first time I considered marrying him. It meant leaving my family and America. I was very confused about what I should do. Then I got pregnant, so I thought okay God, you decided for me. We'll be celebrating our 32. wedding anniversary this August.

How long have you been married Dejavu?

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#101909 - 01/07/07 08:56 PM Re: husband's become fathers [Re: Edelweiss]
chatty lady Offline
Writer

Registered: 02/24/04
Posts: 20267
Loc: Nevada
I love the question Celtic....I also want to say to Hannelore and Dejavu, sounds like you two hit the husband jackpot...I married #1 husband at age 18, he was 21 and I was in lust/love with him. I never thought any further than what a good kisser he was and fabulous dancer. He would of been a good provider, I believe had he had the chance. He was however all thumbs, not a good thing....

Husband #2, I married because he was older, good looking, settled down, adored my son and me and was loaded. He was also all thumbs, but could afford to hire someone else to do what needed to be done...

I changed my expectations from age 18 to not caring about the serious stuff, provider and father...To when age 26 being very serious about wanting as good provider and father...

I don't count #3, the lying, jackass, user good for nothing....

Both my good husbands having died all I want is someone who is sweet, honest, likes to laugh and relax, is handy or wealthy or both. I'd much rather stay alone then struggle with paying bills with someone....
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#101910 - 01/08/07 01:39 PM Re: husband's become fathers [Re: chatty lady]
dejavu Offline
journeyman

Registered: 08/16/06
Posts: 319
Hannelore, I've been married 31 years, 32 next month.
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My website http://www.carolynagosta.com

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#101911 - 01/08/07 01:41 PM Re: husband's become fathers [Re: dejavu]
dejavu Offline
journeyman

Registered: 08/16/06
Posts: 319
I think one of the things that really affected me during the time we dated was watching two close friends going through marriage problems already even though they'd only been married a year or two. It did make me think about things like having the same values. I think that's crucial for a relationship to work. And yes, I did hit the jackpot!
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My website http://www.carolynagosta.com

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#101912 - 01/08/07 06:50 PM Re: husband's become fathers [Re: dejavu]
Dianne Offline
Queen of Shoes

Registered: 05/24/04
Posts: 6123
Loc: Arizona
What impressed me was while we were in his car, he'd put the car phone on speaker to check his messages. Nothing to hide like so many before him.
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