Hi all, hope I'm not posting over anyone. Just wanted a last minute call for prayer. Got a call Friday afternoon (as I was loading a truck to take his things to a storage unit--that he has decided not to fight me, I can have whatever I want, he doesn't want anything, he isn't coming to the divorce hearing--all because he has (finally) realized he is going to prison!

So tomorrow is the BIG day I legally take back my life. Tomorrow I reclaim my maiden name. Tomorrow I walk into my future. Tomorrow....oh I guess you get the idea!

Anyway, if you could all pray one more time I would appreciate it. I am not going in asking for everything, just half of retirement and for half of bills incured to date--I am hopeful the judge will see that I am not a 'gold digger' and grant my request.

Love to you all for standing by me during this!!

PS I moved over the weekend--30 people showed up to help me move! PTL! We were done in 4 hours! And since he had said he didn't want anything, we stopped the idea of moving his stuff to storage and I called an auctioneer to haul his stuff away. They have delayed the foreclosure sale for 7 days while they review the paperwork! When God starts to move He can mow down mountains!

I had to move fast becasue of the foreclosure sale so my things have been put in the basement of a house that is being rehabbed--right next door to the one I am going to rent! Once the tenant moves out I just have to walk my things across the driveway to put them away in my new home. In the meantime because of the extension I am 'camping out' in my current house on a air mattress and a folding chair--me and my dog--just waiting for God's timing!

Before anyone thinks I was cold and calloused to have his things hauled off, I went through all the boxes with 2 friends and we retrieved his awards and family things, the little bible he received when he accepted Christ as a youngster, etc. Once he is sentenced and jailed I will load my car and take them to his parents. Don't know how they will react to seeing me, but it has to be done.

Starting over, you have my prayers for a beautiful tomorrow. I think you did a great thing by retrieving some of his treasures. His Momma will be proud of you, even if she doesn't say so.
chick

Starting Over,

That is wonderful news. Isn't it amazing how God answers prayers with blessings even greater than we could have known to request.

I have prayed for you tonight and will pray again tomorrow.

I believe you truly are starting over. I pray that you are entering a whole new world filled with all the blessings and joy that you have been deprived of.

This is wonderful.

smile

[ April 05, 2006, 12:11 AM: Message edited by: smilinize ]

Starting Over.........
You're doing it girl!!!
Keep up the good work, the belief in yourself, and your faith, and that will keep you on the same path I'm making for myself.
I do believe you and I are going to make it!!!
Prayers for you tonite, and all the time.
Lynne

Starting Over, I am offering up prayers for you today! I bet you're going to feel so relieved when this part is over.

I am so proud of how you've handled this entire situation.

I wouldn't worry too much about his parents. You've had strength for everything else. I'm sure you'll have what it takes to make that visit.

I'm anxious to see how your new life unfolds. Now you can put all your energy towards creating a new life!

BRAVO dear startingover....I applaud you.

Startingover, how about an update? Are you feeling relieved that this is behind you?

Good Morning All!

Well its official I have a new name! The court thing went well, he did not show up so it was just me, 2 attorneys, the judge and a girl friend who came for support. I had to get on the stand and answer questions but it went well. actually it turned out that all were sympathetic to my situation and at one point they went off record to discuss the best way to word a section to ensure I would be covered as good as possible.

The settlement wasn't what I had hoped for a year and a half ago, but really what else could we do? He has no $$ he has spent it all on attorneys and legal stuff to stay out of jail, he can't pay alimony because he won't have a job. I did get 1/2 of his retirement.

They added a clause that if by some miracle he doesn't get prison time then he will have to pay 1/2 the bills and alimony and 1/2 retirement.

I got all our possessions so the auction is clear to go on Sat. Pray that the bids are high adn I make lots of $$!

The attorney has promised to help me clean up the mess that I am still dealing with financially. I may still have to file bankruptcy--but that will be down the road a bit as we see how the house sale shakes out.

I told them on the record that I had set aside some things for his mom and would take them to here once I was sure he was behind bars. I got a call (message) from him last night--all sweetie--saying he wanted to make arrangements to come and get those things and he wanted to go through his things and pull out yearbooks etc--still trying to get into the house, still trying to get a face to face, still trying to control.

He doesn't know everything is already gone to auction--I could kick myself though--all that time I spent pulling things he might want--I forgot yearbooks! Now he'll never remember that I pulled all those things for him--he'll just remember that I was callous and threw out his yearbooks! sigh....

But I have the courts backing that I could do whatever with his things so he should count his blessings I took the time at all!

Found out last night the gal that wasn't moved out of her house yet so i could move in over the weekend--the place she was moving to fell through--she won't be out until mid May! At first I was upset, but if the people do get to buy the house they won't close for at least 45 days so that means I can live rent free for at least another month--so Praise God! and the landlord feels so bad that the rental has been delayed that they are letting me store all my things in their basement no charge for as long as I need to. PTL!

Thanks for all the support and prayer ladies! I couldn't have done it without you! And once more for the record---PORN IS A BIG DEAL--it destroys entire families and YOUR HUSBAND COULD END UP IN PRISON!!! Mine did--it could happen to anybody!

Congratulations Starting Over!

Now you can truly start your new life! It sounds like you have a good attorney who cares.

Daisygirl

I'm so glad this is behind you. You've really been through a lot but have remained strong and steadfast. I admire you.

What's he going to do with his yearbooks? Read them in prison?!

Starting Over,
I am happy to see your post. It's a joy to read. With the help of faith and prayer, you have truly triumphed. I am so proud of you, and for you.

This is truly the beginning of the rest of your life. This makes me smile.

smile

Starting Over,
I am so happy and proud of you for coming thru this ordeal with your head held high, and no regrets whatsoever!!
Now all you can do is go upward and onward.....you go girl!!
Lynne

Wha-hoo, bravo, happy dancing around the room on your behalf....You go girl, God is good and he was watching over you. I am sorry that the porn ruined your marriage but glad you are strong and have survived this ordeal. Its always so good to hear that things have ended happily for the innocent party in all this.

I'm so happy for you. Now you can begin to truly move on!

startingover, you sound so relieved. Thank your girlfriend for being there for us!

You have been more than fair so you should have no concerns in that department.

I hope you will begin a post about what you want to begin speaking about. Didn't you mention that in another post?

I think you are the perfect person to begin a movement against pornography on the Web. Or, do you have no interest in that?

Just to keep you all updated....My son got a voice mail from dad on Sat. letting him know he is remarring this Fri. (one week before his sentencing to federal prison)

1. What kind of desperate woman marries someone going to prison?
2. Is he planning to use his honeymoon to escape the country?
3. If I was a man, going to federal prison in a week, I can't imagine that I would be able to think about marrying someone--or having a 'productive' wedding night, if you get my meaning....
4. What kind of man, asks a woman to subject herself to a life with the kind of future that this one holds? How selfish is that?

My son eventually called him back and asked if his new wife to be had children or grandchildren and reminded his dad that he couldn't be around them. Dad's response was that she knew everything and was such a great lady and supported him and loved him anyway....does that mean she has kids????

Then their conversation turned rather ugly. My son declined to come to the wedding, his dad told him he should be careful who he 'backs'. Then proceeded to tell him that when he married me I had been a protitute, that I had had affairs for years and he had files from private investigators to prove it, and that I had abused him as a child. Then he went on to claim that there were 19 lawsuits pending against me, my dad and my sister....

All untrue, my son didn't believe him, but it rattled us both nonetheless. We have decided to change our phone numbers, not respond to him an in any way and go on with our lives as if he doesn't exist.

His things were auctioned on Sat. and I watched with horrible bangs of guilt that I was selling off his life. I wondered if it was worth what his actions have cost him. But now, after the latest--I don't even think he has a bit of remorse, I don't think he has learned any life lessons. How could anyone lie and try to manipulate their own child with such awful lies? How could I have lived with this person for so long and not known the 'real' person?!

I called the sheriff this am and let him know that he is planning to get married. They can decide whether there is any threat of him leaving the country to avoid jail time. My responsibility is done.

Does anyone think I have a moral responsibility to warn this woman? Should I keep my mouth shut?

Wow...What people do to each other will never cease to amaze me in a rather depressing way. Good for you, starting over, that you have such a good relationship with your son that he knew where the truth was.

My thought on your responsibility is that you should keep your mouth shut. The woman probably won't listen to you anyway, but she will pass on your "interference" to your ex-. She sounds like she falls into that group that most of us have been in at one time or another -- the fixers. You know, a man could be a better man with the right woman behind him, who loved him enough and all that rot.

Keep going forward, lady -- it looks like you are doing a great job!

starting over, this new woman if in fact there really is a new woman (he lies remember) is no problem or business of yours. Keep your eyes forward, never look back and just thank the Lord you are rid of this cancer in our midst. Good idea, changing all the phone numbers because this type will still try to reach out from wherever he may be to cause strife in your life. You have done all the right things here and carry no blame what-so-ever so take a deep breath and move on to bigger and better things. Any woman who would marry a man going into prison especially for what he is going in for is as big a loser as the man is and no one you need to get to know, yuk, imagine her in your life now too!!!

[ April 10, 2006, 07:47 PM: Message edited by: chatty lady ]

Since he's going to prison, I can't see what harm he could do if she did have children. If she's dumb enough to marry a man who is headed for jail, she wouldn't listen to you anyway.

Women like her need the attention of strangers when she tells them her husband is in prison. It's a breed of it's own.

Keep yourself shiny clean. I mean, don't borrow trouble.

Applause for the comments above. They are so right. Keep your head up, your eyes straight ahead and never look back. Never.

smile

Dear Starting Over,

Congratulations! I was so happy to log in today and read that your new life is starting and that you will soon be able to put the past behind you. I apologize for not being in touch, but I am in the throes of the worst (at least I hope it is) part of my own divorce proceedings and have not had the wherewithall to log on to this wonderful website and participate.

I agree with all the fine gals here who think that it is not worth your time or breath to try to warn your ex's fiancee about what kind of man she is marrying. Your heart is in the right place and I applaud you for remaining such a kind, feeling person in spite of all the ugliness, but clearly this woman either has her own agenda or else she is such a lost lonely soul that she is willing to marry a man who is going into prison on a pornography charge no less. Oh well,it is not your problem now. You cannot save everyone. Please concentrate on moving forward, and try to remember - when you have those sad moments - that this too shall pass; close your eyes and try to envision yourself 10 years from now, in a much happier and joyful place.

Blessings to you and your son. You will remain in my prayers.

Namaste,
Foundhervoice-atlast

Thanks everyone! You have no idea how much it has meant to have the support of so many caring women--and I've never met one of you! God is so good to bring us together in a place we can share and support each other.

I felt much the same as you, I won't try to contact this woman. I have however prayed that God would reveal through on of his bizarre temper tantrums just what she is dealing with and then she will have to decide.

I did however contact the sheriff who began the investigation on my husband and gave him a heads up that he was marrying and the question had been raised about possibly fleeing the country. I told him that I was telling him and he could decide if it was a credible threat. He called the federal authorities and informed them. so my responsibility is done.

I paid off my son's car loan today (my sister is going to be his banker as a gift to help him through college--what a great aunt he has!PTL!) I called today to get the payoff on the property taxes and they are 200 less than I had estimated PTL! I called the bank to get the payoff on my loan against CD and the interest owed is less than I had calculated as well! God is working out the details and making my mountains smooth!

He has been faithful to carry me through all this mess. I still am delaing with the house/sale/foreclosure but trust that God will also work this out for me as well.

Thanks again everyone! Hugs and kisses for everyone!

Starting Over,
Flipper's mother marrying in her eighties and you getting the economic breaks just fills my heart up with happiness today.

Thank you so much for posting. You are being blessed for being such an honorable and loving woman. And you are blessing all of us by sharing your story.

God is surely with you now and He will care for you. You have nothing to fear. He owns it all.

This post makes me smile.

smile

Starting Over,

Congratulations and thanks for reminding me that this too shall past. My pastor spoke on the rainbow after the storm so his message and your posting have definitely renewed my spirits!

We had our initial court session last week and it went well for me and bad for 2bx. Scripture says 'You reap what you sow' and it's harvest time! I received custody and child support. That was the major battle so now all thats left is a little scrimmage and even if I lose that it won't have a devastating impact (difficult but not insurmountable). Unfortunately as the 2bx's facade continues to crumble it means that he gets more desperate and retaliates at home. Similar to FoundHerVoice, the 2bx is manipulating the kids for his own purpose with no thoughts to how it effects their well being. My time is spent doing damage control.

This week has been tough but everyday I'm closer to the end of this storm.

It's good to know that we can prevail while still taking the high road.

Thanks ladies...

You will not only prevail new attitude but come out so far above whats been the trials and trubulations of your existance that it will be hard to even remember them. The two if you have come such a long way already with your heads held high and the best is yet to come...

The strength of you women amazes me. I know it's difficult but you are inspiring. I wish you only the best.

When we all get this behind us we should combine all our stories into a book, focusing on building courage in other women. What do you all think?

wonderful idea -- the world needs more stories of courage!

Um, well...I already wrote mine. I could write about life after the first book!

Really good idea that could help many suffering some of the same situations. Dianne your inclusion into this book would make a great before and after chapter as so many others now ascending from the pits of a bad relationship.

Actually, I am in the process of doing exactly that, and have an interested agent/publisher. Unfortunately I cannot put it all together formally until the divorce is final (unless I want to disclose it to the soon-2-b-x.)But my plan is to dedicate it to him...

I have already been in contact with some of you wonderful women, and if anyone else would be interested in telling me her story, please contact me privately and let me know.

Blessings on us all!

foundhervoice-atlast