Fathers

Another post about father's emotions caused me to begin this topic. So often we speak aobut our mothers at BWS so I thought it might be nice to begin a topic about our dads. Want to talk about your dad with us? What's he like? What was he like? Do you take after him in any way? What did you learn from him, etc?

I'll begin by saying I adore my dad. I had dinner with him and one of my sister's last night. He lives within a mile so it's easy to drop in.

He is so easy going and even tempered. The older I get, the more I appreciate his ways. He sets a wonderful example for me. Not much ruffles his feathers. His outlook on life is great. He's very optimistic and takes things in stride. I could go on but I'll let someone else jump in for now.

Aw Dotsie, why did you stop?

My father was an intellectual. When my brother and I were small he didn't really know what to do with us. Later, when we were half-adults, our relationship intensified in a beautiful meaningful way. He taught me chess, read classical books to me, and we discussed politics to no end. We would go to bohemian coffee shops and play chess, drink wine, and listen to off beat music. At that time I often got to hear from my friends how they envied the relationship I had with my father.

Not only was he extremely handsome, (my Mom had to fight like the dickens to keep the women from him), but he had an European debonair charm. He always wore classy suits. His hair was long and black and he combed it back of his forehead like some kind of mafia boss. The only thing missing were spats…hah! He smoked Kent…are those cigarettes still around? When Marijuana was as popular as drinking beer, he asked me if he could try a joint with me. That knocked me through the loop, since his political views were ultra conservative.

He passed away when I was twenty-four. When I'm at a cross road in life, I always ask myself what would my father do,…and that often leads me to the right answer.

My father is an intellectual too, and was not very warm when we were growing up, but I always knew he loved me.

My true relationship with my father began in my mid-twenties. A big crisis in my life had him reaching out to me in ways that I had never seen before. Since then, we are able to actually have a conversation that is full of sharing the space.

My dad is stoic, and never asks for help and seldom asks a personal question unless I open the door first. This past years, with health issues from both him and my mother, he has shared some personal information with me, but only, only when I press a bit harder than usual. He is in his mid-eighties now and I am so happy that he is still alive. If he had died young, like Hannelore's father, I never would have really known him.

A funny story - I did not know his middle name until I was a teenager. He hated it and always went by his initial. Finally, after years of pressing, my grandmother told me his name. I understood why he hated it so, it was so awful. Once, when I was in trouble and he called me by all three of my names, I came back with all three of his names. Let's just say, it wasn't laughter that came back at me!

Anno, now why am I not surprised that your father was an intellect as well. The similarities we have seem to grow.

its cute watching you two ladies bond...

anyway mine tought me chess at nine becouse their was no one else to play him....i don't rember ever beeting him no matter how drunk he gets lol. We play he drinks whiskie, i don't but one night kept topping up his glass...oppppss he could hardlie sit on the chair and still beat me sigh i am resined now lol..

He also tought me about tax and hidden accounts and safe deposite boxes lol......now he din't if ypour reading this po and no i havent lol....you see the bank statments right...should i be starting this...

he's incrediblie physicallie strong always has been....As fit as i used to be i could never beat him at arm wrestling and to my shame he only used two fingers to my whole hand ....why am i going on about all the things i could never win/beat with him lol....He looked like an upside down triangle, massive sholders and hands twice as broad as mine and a taper wast...and looked like a better looking bing crosbie..blue eyes that got him away with anything.

My mum fell in love with him the first she looked into his eyes...she thought he would never lie to her...i don't know if thats true but hes a "your married your life becomes your familie and your never unfaithfull, or lift a hand to a woman you will be loyal to them above all else". he was emotional i thought nuthing of hugs, tears and above all else wittie fast paced hummer, incrediblie proud, hes a big sociable charming lump that has people flocking to him..lol I though all men weer like that...what a shock i got...

The best thing he ever tought me was about honer...if you have no honer you have nuthing lol....todays word for it is integrity...

he's also incrediblie mentalie forcfull and can tie you in knots with his logic...thats a pain sometimes but i learned to be stubborn (also a pain) to be sure of my own mind and not be swayed or run with the pack...i have good points and bad ones having that experinces and those traights myself....but i have reformed and mellowed with age and experinces. i let others think their own thoughts even if they way diffrent from mine

he drives me absolutlie pottie becouse we are so alike in manie ways...but in a lot of ways we learned to give each other space...together we funnie and talk about the price of butter to god and the mysteries of the universe.He was gonna be a prist and changed his driection almost too late, but did anyway....

I love his scoop and range and types of conversasions we capable of having and we debate and argue most of the night with great passion, huff then its ok lol it reallie is. But everyone else has cleared off becouse of it.

best of all i love the pest that he is just as he is...but still driven potie by him....familie eh!

oh i was his favourite shhhuuuu

Yes, Hannelore, we seem to have so much in common. How about, when I visit my sister (who, I hope is moving permanently to London) and Po and Celtic (who will be living in or near London when they are both going to school there) get together with Mountain and Lola and have a huge bonding festival?

This is a dream, but, I believe, a dream that will come true! And, sooner than we all know!

What day? What time? I'll be there!!!!!!!!!
We'll make the streets of London unsafe! Lola said they have Irish pubs there...Do they still have the double decker busses? Always wanted to ride in one of those.
We will have to notify the queen, just incase she wants to pick us up at the airport.....

double deker busses are still on the go....the tube (undergrownd too) ....the queen will send the national gard so i think it better we sneek in quitlie shuuuu.

i would come over ...we missed seeing lola as she was away with familie communions etc when we weer their and i was a bit disapointed in a reallie strange way lol..

i bring sanwhiches for you anno it be a long flight for you...and two or 3 for HL it be long for heer too but only an hour for us..i canttttttttt waiteeeeeeeee

that dream bound to come true anno

I hope when you all get together you take some photos for us here in the states!
My Dad was all about honor and integrity too Celtic. I have taken after him in a lot of ways. It took me years to learn that but I'm glad that I was given the chance to find out before he passed.

I mentioned under another topic ages ago, how several we (some of his) daughters seemed to have chosen men as life partners who exhibit the best characteristics of our father:

http://www.boomerwomenspeak.com/forums/s...ge=0#Post109337

It is probably a very high compliment to my father.

I used to think father was not masculine enough. He has a soft, patient voice, isn't mechanically -inclined. No he's not physically athletic/strong. In fact, more artistically inclined though....he tried to squelch any art interest in me when I was young. Ironic. If he is upset..he will laugh. That's just a cultural tick to cover up angry/upset feelings.

He taught himself most of his English. As a child, I remember large tapes he made for himself to improve his oral reading skills. You see, in a town of 2,000, they tried putting him, a 22 yr. old man in a school of gr. 2 children. He never returned of course. That was immigrant support services in early 1950's. Yes, he is now fluently bilingual Chinese-English.

Is constantly the middleman, translator, family mediator in relation to fiery mother. He is the language bridge between my non-English speaking mother and all 6 of us, their children.

A patient, very hardworking man who has sacrificed enormously for his family.

"A patient, very hardworking man who has sacrificed enormously for his family."

Orchid, and everyone else, I have a curious thought (or perhaps it is a question, about this quote.

I find so many first and second generation parents, fathers in particular, do sacrifice so much for the family. I am wondering if this is cultural, an immigrant issue, or if it is generational?

My grandparents really gave up a lot for their families, my father did, too, but probably not to the extent his own parents did. He was able to live more of his own dream. His children, 3 of us, were really able to live our dreams, and in fact, tend to be quite selfish (I am not critisizing, just stating a fact).

So, what are your thoughts about fathers in this regard?

my g graddad was first generasion who emmigratedgranddad went back to italie then back to scotland and ended up in scotland with the rest of the familie. My dad second gess i am thried...It seems that way you described generallie for my lot that 1st heer did sacrifice so much but also had to.

mine became self-employed becouse couldn't find work...as no one would employthem and also lack of language. Think language would have played part in why they didn't get employed but pre-war and war..and uk-italie being diffrent sides didn't help matters. Mine got treated roughly in war and afterwards in this countrie becouse of the above. Their children did speek language and maybee as a reaction to emigrastion stigma went on in bussiness or into higher educasion...few of them (2) ended up with OBE's from queen for the churches they desined for building.

Now her is this generasion and it totalie diffrent.
looking at other families who are immigrants they all seem to be working their backsides off in a way or doing jobs that manie heer wouldn't do. Thats about the only way i can think that would help the comparision between generasional thing and emmigrasion thing.

oh my grandad would of had a verie diffrent occupasion but he had to have his bussiness to feed familie he certinly didnt get near his dream and i think it helped destroy him and eventulie kill him. He was a verie creative sensitive man and had book published and playes done on the BBC radio....he so much hated the shops and cafe's

my dad always has a saying that 1st (generation) will creat bussiness 2nd will run it ok 3rd will destroy it becouse they hadn't had to work to get it in first place. don't know if it true but he swore by it

Quote:

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Orchid, and everyone else, I have a curious thought (or perhaps it is a question, about this quote.

I find so many first and second generation parents, fathers in particular, do sacrifice so much for the family. I am wondering if this is cultural, an immigrant issue, or if it is generational?

My grandparents really gave up a lot for their families, my father did, too, but probably not to the extent his own parents did. He was able to live more of his own dream. His children, 3 of us, were really able to live our dreams, and in fact, tend to be quite selfish (I am not critisizing, just stating a fact).

So, what are your thoughts about fathers in this regard?

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Think it maybe a strong influence socio-economic background of the immigrant father prior to immigration and the political climate of original country before immigration.

I've personally have seen this repeatedly so many times,particularily if the father came from a lower income background in China, etc. / has left a country where there was dictatorship/war/civil unrest, then North America is truly an opportunity to start anew.

2nd generation fathers, sons of immigrant fathers witness how difficult the adjustment for their parents is in North America and enormous price of assimilation. That their father, particular immigrant fathers from 3rd world countries, may not get jobs what they had before because their certificates, degrees are not recognized or their father had limited education ...so it's janitorial work , you know..

So 2nd generation children of immigrant parents are just more attuned to not taking their freedoms for granted, of not becoming too complacent for the whole of their lives. (Aren't we allowed to be stupid, complacent and decadent..when we're teens, etc.? )

I have seen sons of immigrant fathers, who live a screwy life,...then later they turn their life around.

Fathers if they are consistent in just trying hard, not necessarily perfect, they may be slightly misogynistic, whatever, but they can still be... positive influences for....daughters.