Interesting Resource

Just looking through the Oct. issue of Better Homes & Gardens and found a reference to a site for questions regarding everything. "It is staffed by volunteers aged 60 to 103 who share insights gleaned the hard way - from life itself."

elderwisdomcircle.org

As many of us are in some stage of caring for our parents - we cannot have enough information.

Browser, thanks for sharing this. I need to check it out. Timely topic. Last night the NABBW teleseminar was about caring for our aging parents.

Good thought. Families are so spread out. I can't imagine what it will be like when boomers are in our 80s.

I'd love to know where the unpaid cargivers are coming from now. Must be family. Don't you think?

Did anyone see the article in the Wall Street Journal about parents paying their children to care for them? Apparently, it's a wise thing to do, expecially in this day and age where so much money can be spent on care. The thought is that at least it goes to the family and why not pay them if they are beign the caregiver?

Parents paying kids for caregiving - I have to admit that I had never thought of that. My Dad paid dearly for the 24/7 care that they needed for the 10 months (after mother's stroke) - we had a crew of nurses aides that worked for us for extra income (most of them worked full-time at hospital or nursing homes.) They were my angels - believe me.

Dad's attorney (the estate executor) asked if I wanted to take any compensation for my share of the care effort - of course I said no - I could never think of taking a penny doing what was my duty. Evidently, it's not all that uncommon.

Sometimes it makes the difference between a person being ABLE to care for their parent or not. If, for example, you are a single working parent, how can you quit your job to take care of your own parent? But if they can afford to pay you (obviously, not always the case!), then you might be able to swing it, AND it might be cheaper all around than paying for professional nursing care.

There is really no way to put a dollar amount on it. It really consumes your every minute. I worked very closely with our caregivers. I spent a lot of my own money to boot if you want to include airline tickets, rental cars - then once I had moved back - I grocery shopped for them, bought out of pocket a lot of things needed for mothers care. Until Hospice came on the scene, we had to purchase everything - rubber gloves, even the thickening agent we had to add to mother's pureed food. Plus rental fee for the hospital bed, comode, wheelchair - and on and on and on.

Maybe one day I'll try to add up how much I spent of my own money - but probably not. What's the point. They appreciated everything I did - dad was so unhappy in the end he could barely look me in the eye.

dejavu, great point. Wny not pay a family member if you are both in need?

The article I read had soemthing to do with being wealthy and trying to spend down the elder's money so a nursing home wouldn't get it. I guess there are all kinds of schemes out there.

Anne, what a sad state of affairs. And my fear is that it's going to get worse as the boomers age. PLUS, there aren't going to be enough nurses and doctors to care for us. I think we'll have to go back to communal living and care for one another.

What is your current caregiving situation?

Anne, this may sound harsh, but one thing you need to keep in mind is the future - YOUR future. When your mom is gone, will you be able to rejoin the workforce? Will you have any income? This is something you must consider and plan for.

I wish there was an easy answer to everything. Many senior centers have volunteer assistance and is worth a call. When a parent has developed Alzheimers, even if they don't want strangers does it really matter? They won't know the difference between the caregiver and respite care giver. There becomes times when a caregiver needs to recoup. As I said, what a tough challenge. Balancing a parent's emotional needs with a caregivers emotional needs. Money can help with services but when the money just isn't there even special housing is out of the question. We all understand when touched with being a loving child to a loving parent.

My Mom went thru a very combative stage. I can recommend the book 'The 36-Hour Day' by Nancy Mace M.A. and Peter Rabins, M.D.,M.P.H. It is an excellent road map as to the stages to expect.

Mother began hitting complete strangers in the grocery store - which was so NOT my mother. She would lash out at the caregivers and even me, but after she had the stroke, she became very docile again. Thank God for that - I had fears that the caregivers would not put up with the abuse and quit - they were troupers and knew about the disease. They knew it was just another stage.