Moving my dad to assisted living

I am absolutely exhausted. My dad is 93 and had been living with my sister for many years. Things all came apart when he had to be hospitalized at the end of March. He was transferred to a rehab facility and my sister asked for help.

Frankly, the relationship between the two of them has been deteriorating -- she has a lot of problems of her own -- and I just got busy. Not surprisingly, it turned out that moving him out here would be much cheaper and there's a very nice place. Between my brother and me, we arranged for transfer, plane, lease, deposit, furniture, etc. etc.

Fortunately, it's all going well. My dad's care has improved tremendously -- he was still climbing stairs as my sister's house -- he's cleaner, safer, better fed, etc., and keeps thanking me for bring him out here.

BUT -- his banking stuff is a mess and my brother and I are still trying to get his direct deposits to a bank here, there are doctor appts to make, equipment to get, and on and on. (My brother chose to throw out some of his clothes because they were just too ratty to bring here.)

This is what happens when two people are living together who both need various kinds of help. My dad is continually amazed that people are checking on him and giving him his meds and helping him bathe -- and that they are so nice. I told him there was the basic package and the nice one and I went for the nice one.

We're finally in a bit of a routine. Without my brother's help I don't know what we would have done. They ought to have a 4-hour course on all the basics you need to hit when you make a change like this: doctors, insurance, funeral arrangements, living places, etc.

Hi Ellemm,

Great to hear from you -- and glad that your father is feeling so much better now.

You are correct that there's a lot of work involved in getting a loved one into assisted living. Lots to figure out with regard to finances, level of care, etc.

I'm glad you've got your dad into a good place now. Even happier to hear that he is happy.

The cost of end of life care is enormous - both in human capitol and actual dollars. And with all of us Boomers aging into that place where we may have to start thinking ahead to assisted living this is a hugely important topic. I read a recent article in the New York Times that indicated end of life care costs can exceed $1 million.

We are doing an NABBW teleseminar with Pam Sams tomorrow on the topic of "Boomers: Time to Get Wise About Long Term Care." Here's the link to call details.

I hope you can be on the call, I'd love to have your personal, heartfelt input.

That's great Ellen, you're father is better ....meaning how is he looked after and appreciates it.