The kids!

In every divorce situation that I have been close to it seems to me like it is the kids who lose out the most! It is something that they have no control over.

I know there are legitimate reasons for divorce, it is just hard for me to watch teens who are already trying to figure out who they are, have to deal with their parents still trying to figure out the very same thing!

And it is not only the little ones that hurt...it's the adult children too.

Perfect example...my husband's parents divorced when he was just a little guy and it still has an effect on our family today. Holidays, birthdays, get-togethers, two parents you want to spend time with, but have to do it separately, etc.

I divorced when my son was very small and remarried when he was 3. I am so blessed that my husband loved my son, I think, before he loved me and when we married we were a family. The "donor" as I call the biological father has never chosen to be a part of this phenomenal child's life. Fortunately, my son had an amazing grandfather and a wonderful father by marriage. But every now and then he wonders why his "father ditched" him (his words). All the explanations in the world can't really explain that. He knows he is loved and cherished by his family, but he always wonders. You are so right, Dots, divorce just goes on and on.

It's true what you say about adult children having issues too. Although I have known for a very, very long time that my parents marriage should end, hearing them say it just a few months ago really wigged me out. Especially since I am recently married. I see myself doing a lot of the things that my mom and dad in their relationship and fight like crazy to not do it. I have other couples to model myself after, but it has shaken my faith a little in whether or not you can really make it work.

[ January 28, 2003, 09:57 PM: Message edited by: Candice Johnson ]

Of course you can make it work! The key is to communicate and communiate HONESTLY! Please find and CLING to other happily married couples. It helps to have married friends who have the same morals, values, and expectations in a marriage!