Support Groups

Two women very close to me are going through a separation/divorce trauma. I feel so inadequate at offering comfort or advice. Yesterday it dawned on me that if I was going through that situation I would definitely be in a support group. I am a firm believer in sharing stories and learning from others. There is also some truth in MISERY LOVES COMPANY. Don't get me wrong, I don't believe in staying stuck in misery...I think just the opposite can happen. Just knowing that someone else is having the same thoughts and going through the same emotions can bring PEACE out of misery!

These groups are wonderful...I (or my family) have ben involved in them for everything you can imagine. I am currently "online" for several Chesapeake Bay retriever ones, and several gastric bypass (and I have lost almost 175 pounds so far now)ones. I attend 2 gastric bypass ones now, and have attended ones in the past for cancer caregivers, Alzheimer's caregivers, Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG), bereavement, you name it and I have attended them.

I don't think it's so much misery loves company as it is that you need to know what is happening to you is "normal", or you need to know what is coming in the future so you can be semi-prepared. I know we went for individual and couples therapy and attended support groups, and were the better for it, no matter what the issue was.

I know a man who went to a support group and was annoyed by it because all everyone did was sit around and complain. He also was afraid to date divorced women because he thought they were so wounded by their divorces.
I knew a few other people going through divorce at the same time I was, but our problems were so different, emotionally and financially, that there didn't seem like we had much in common other than the divorce.
So how does one get unwounded? I didn't use a support group myself, probably because I have some very good and supportive friends and a strong faith.
The divorce was its own problem, but the accompanying problem was dealing with society -- it seemed that some of my married acquaintances didn't want to be around me when I was suddenly single. Did they think I'd try to steal their husband or what? Believe me, that would have been the last thing on my mind! We were friends with couples and now it seemed like they had to choose either him or me. When I got remarried, suddenly I wasn't poison any more.
And another "friend" completely ditched me because her parents had gotten divorced and my situation brought back bad memories. She told me this later.
Maybe support groups wouldn't be necessary if people out there were a bit more "real" and didn't treat divorcees, or anyone with a problem, like a leper.

Hi everyone,
I, too, am going through a separation and am experiencing great loss in my life. I want to let you know that for those of you in the Baltimore area, I have an office in Towson where I do spiritual guidance and loss counseling. I have a master's degree in spirituality and pastoral care. I am open to starting a support group for all of you who are going through a separation/divorce. I would like to see us explore how this is affecting us spiritually as well as all the other ways we and our families are affected by this. If any of you are interested in being a part of this group, please call my office --- SPIRITCARE at 410-828-5061 or toll-free at 1-866-208-5061.

How about we discuss divorce here?

I know I could use help and incite.

I have been twice divorced. My first marriage was because I was young and pregnant... and I divorced by my own choice.

The second was after 20 years of marriage and my husband left me as I was growing and he could no longer control me. He left me for someone younger and easier to control. Now that I look back, no great loss there...

No matter who you are or what you do, or even if you are the one who wants the divorce, it hurts.

It makes you feel like a failure and it also can make you question your sanity. What was I thinking?!? How in the world did I ever fail? I tried so darn hard.

Don't worry... you are sane. Insane things happen to sane people all the time. And you are not a failure... the marriage failed... not you.

I have no instant remidies... I just know that talking to other women, sharing and caring, is really going to help me. I hope it does you too.

Write me if you want to talk about divorce. I know it sure will help me out.

Thanks!
Patty