Hi I'm new and would like to hear back

Thanks you guys! You're all right, I would rather be poor and happy than live in a nice house and not really enjoy it. My husband has a quick hair trigger temper and a very loud voice. He's never been abusive to me, just very scary. I don't make enough to pay the mortgage myself either, we make the small amount of money. Even though I sound materialistic I'm not really just want to keep my good credit rating and have something to show for my age. I would still leave him even if his daughter wasn't there. Thanks again guys!

KitKat,
Maybe you could keep your home, kick his sorry a// out, his daughter too and then when the dust settles find a couple of nice women to move in and help pay the bills. Or even a nice older man to do the upkeep/repairs. It can be a strictly business arrangement and I see it happening here where I live all the time.
BUT be careful and check out a woulds be tenant to make sure they have NO baggage...NO drama to add to your own.
OR just say adios and get yourself a nice apartment with a pool etc. Let someone else do the work while you just enjoy life... Life is too short to waste on some loud mouth and his weirdo, lazy old daughter...

I'd talk to a good attorney...

Hi Kathy,
I can relate to what you are saying about leaving your house if you read my recent posts. I struggled with the same and did move out of my spacious house/property into a much smaller ranch on a busy street. I am paying lots of money each month to live in my new place while my husband enjoys our property with many less expenses as that mortgage was paid for. This has been my choice and I don't begrudge him. Sometimes I really miss my old house especially on "grouchy" days when I find fault with the new one with not enough space, not enough electrical outlets, not enough privacy, etc. etc. etc. But then I try to remember the freedom and lack of drama that I have here vs. there. I can come and go as I please, leave my stuff around without someone complaining, turn up the music, do the housework naked, whatever I want! That definitely was not the case living with my husband in a turmoiled relationship.
I know how hard it is to leave the place you have put so much into and sometimes I think maybe I just should have sucked it up and stayed. Then I think NOT!
There is a book my therapist has recommended that I just ordered. It is called "Too good to leave, too bad to stay"
It is written by an experienced marriage therapist and is designed to ask questions about what you really feel and want. I can't wait to get it! Maybe it would be something you would like too.

I think you already know what you want to do.

Everything boils down to choices. There are always two. They may not be the ones we desire, but they are there. Peace of mind for being away from the abuse and neglect? Or a nice, comfortable home that has been decorated with love? Stick it out and reap the financial rewards later down the line? Or try it on your own and maybe not have as much?

There are always two choices. At least it seems that way to me. I believe first you need to identify your fears, all of them...and see if they are real. Try to get past them. For instance, who says you can't make it on your own? Why are you putting HIS concerns over your own? Who is living your life? Him? or You? And so forth...and so on.

Every thing I say is out of love for my fellow human being who might be suffering...not for the sake of being heard, and especially not out of being right!

Been there, done that, my friend. And I can tell you this much. Laying my head down at night and feeling good about my day, my self, and my life as a whole, is priceless.

JJ...what you said... two thumbs up!!

Kitkat,
Your husband sounds like my 1st mate, same personality traits. Perhaps, if you "exit stage right", you'll find a better environment than you have now. Who knows? But you sound so unhappy. And I know about stepchildren! They can really destroy a stepmother's life! Think about your own happiness. Do whatever makes U happy!!!
Prayers and blessings....

Kitkat, first I want to welcome you here...and to applaud your courage in coming here and sharing your story...that's something us 'oldbies' here might take for granted, but I imagine it must have taken a lot of courage for you to open up here. I hope that you will not only read the words that everyone has written, but soak in the great care and warm concern that's behind the words. This is a warm, caring group of women, many of whom have "been there, done that" and are gracious enough to be here to share their hard-won wisdom and experience with each other. I hope that whatever your decision is (and it doesn't have to be made today...maybe the decision will be to wait to make the decision - and that's okay!!), you will come and just "be" here with us and find refuge, laughter, vision, hope and companionship-along-the-way.

Thanks again everyone for your feedback. I appreciate the compassion, strength and words of wisdom from you all. I'm pretty much determined to make to move, but every now and again I think maybe it isn't that bad, and then "boom" something else happens... So like jabber said, i should "exit stage right". Does anyone live in florida? I'm not sure what the divorce laws are here. I guess I start by socking away some money, open a checking account and maybe start looking for an apartment.. I'll keep in touch, thanks again my dear friends!! Love to all!!!

Thanks for your most kind words Cubby, it's nice talking to people who have experienced similar problems. I'll definately look up the book you mentioned.

Kitkat...please click on this link and view the STATE resources. You should be able to learn just about anything you need to know BEFORE you take any steps.

http://www.themodernwomansdivorceguide.com/

I understand how you feel - I was in a very similar situation and in November I moved out after 16 years of marriage. It's been hard, but I feel so much better about myself and my future since I moved into a place of my own - no more walking on eggshells to keep other people from blowing up, so much less tension. You might want to talk to Humlan - she was a wonderful help when I was where you are now.

JJ, I was going to post the very same thing. Great minds think alike...or something like that.

We had the founder of that site do a teleseminar for the NABBW and it was most informative.

Also, please check out www.freshstartafterdivorce.com. Joanie is our Divorce Expert at www.NABBW.com.

Hope this helps!

Thank you ladies, you've been a wealth of information. I will definately check out the sites you posted Dotsie and I will talk to Humlan, thanks SueC!

BWS or NABBW are like the Encyclopedias for relationships, finances, marriage/divorce or raising cildren, husbands or even pets. The intelligence here is endless to say the least... Doncha just love it???

I think people would be shocked at how many couples are living as roommates vs. lovers.
Have you tried the separate room approach,yet? Set yourself up in another bedroom, let him have the one you shared. That, in itself, can make a difference. If he explodes have the 'exit stage left' plan in your pocket. (Go to post #156729 and take that advice, too.)

Biggest effort - detaching yourself from things - your house and OTHER! --->BUT! Your soul and its house are more, more, more important. Once you get in the mindset of detaching from things, it becomes a lifestyle... well worth it!

Again, you are the important part of this strung out equation.

I wish you nothing but the best of outcomes!!! As all the BWS ladies do.

Be true to yourself! Are any material items more valuable than you? Who says if you get divorced you will be poor.
Create a vision of the life you want to live!
Hugs,
Joanie

Someone once told me "we are what we think we are." Seems to fit here don't you think?