Journaling grief is tough work

Well, I was having a sad morning and in the midst of that grabbed my pretty journal I was gifted with by a special co-worker, and I began my grief journal. It came easy at first, one page became 2 and then I started recalling all the sweet little things I miss and I couldn't continue, for now anyway. I must say it is cathartic, not that I need much to get my emotions going.....I believe it can be a useful tool as I travel this new road. I am even starting to research AWD vehicles to ease my stress of the coming winter. Its all so very hard to keep moving forward. Thank you all for your caring support. Boy do I need it! Please keep me in your prayers.

Cynthy,

I'm glad you have such sweet, precious memories. Journaling is a great way to process and preserve them.

An AWD sounds like a great idea. Anything to lessen the stress...sounds like you're taking good care of yourself.

You have our prayers and support.

Cynthy, I'm so glad you are journaling. I'm sure it will help with your healing. One of the beauties of keeping journals is going back at a later date to see how you've grown. You'll recongnize answered prayers too. It's fun. Enjoy it.

Cynthy,
Isn't it a blessing that you can still find joy in your memories. I think those memories are a gift of God. When you need your mate the most, God sends him back to you in memories. I know it's not the same as his arms, but it's still a wonderful gift that can bring another type of joy.

Your post is a reminder to us to make all the great memories we can every day. We never know when we might need them.

Prayers that you find joy in the memories you have and make more great ones every day.
smile

Cynthy
I just went back and read your post about your husband/ partner/soulmate's death. I am so sorry and happy that you are finding joy in the memories. Congratulations on your resolve to keep moving forward. You will make it knowing all the love you have had and will have in different ways and from different places and people now. God bless you.

Cynthy- So sorry for your loss. I know journaling is difficult at times, but it's a great tool! You decide how much or little to write. I pray the Lord comforts your soul. And may the great memories lighten your load as you live each new day! Blessings!

I am going to say something that is in contrast to the thoughts expressed here about the good of journaling during a critical time in our lives. I lost my first husband after only five short years and he suffered terribly before his death. I had a diary at that time and wrote down my feelings nightly. Somehow the diary disappeared in all the turmoil that followed. I believe it was some ten years later it was found at the bottom of an old trunk of baby things. I sat down to read it and my own words were so heart wrenching and sad, they hit me so hard I became physically ill. It was like a flash back of the sounds and smells and the terror we both felt. I burned that diary and never ever want to think of my darling, young and full of life husband that way, not ever again. If it helps, then by all means do it, do whatever helps, but sometimes the bad things are better left buried deep in our minds and hearts.

That's an interesting perspective, Chatty, and one I can fully identify with. It reminds me of a decision I made way back in the late '80's. It was a few years after my suicide attempt. I was still feeling somewhat fragile and terrified of a relapse, so went back into therapy, with a different psychologist than the one who had helped me through my recovery. I went to this new guy for several weeks, then began to notice that I wasn't looking forward to these sessions, in fact, I was dreading them. The reason? Because I always came away feeling worse. I realized that I had actually been doing better on my own. I was suddenly extremely tired of being so introspective, and needed to come out of myself and out of the dark cave that therapy seemed to be keeping me immersed in. So against his dire warning, I stopped going to therapy. Within a week, I was feeling so much stronger and life looked so much brighter that I just knew that I was finally on my way out of that darkness and that I would be okay now.

It does help to write/talk out all of the pain and agony we're going through when it overwhelms us and threatens to drown us in its relentlessness. Journalling or therapy becomes our safety net, like a pressure valve, allowing us to put that overwhelming pain and darkness "out there" for awhile while we try to sort it all out and make sense of who and where we are within the chaotic circumstances of our lives.

But I think that there does come a day when we know it's time to move out of that chaos and find our way back to the light and our "new" life. When we stay too long in that darkness, we risk becoming so mired in the quicksand of our despair that we lose all sense of direction or even the hope of ever breaking free.

It's a different timing for everyone. Grief is such a personal process. So many events, smells, circumstances can trigger so much pain, that it's often a "3 steps forward, 2 steps back" sort of journey for a long time.